Busted (maybe) - But I Now Know How It Feels :(

[Anne2345]

Since I joined this forum, I have seen many "busted" posts crop up here and there. Sometimes it seems girls are being busted left and right. Although I have felt sympathy for all, some seemed to be courting disaster and discovery through carelessness, or by taking unnecessary risks.

I have been a crossdresser my entire life. To my knowledge, in my adult life, I have not once made a careless mistake that could lead to discovery. I am insanely careful to an obsessive fault, given the circumstances that require I remain safely tucked away in my magic closet.

That being said, while reading the occassional "busted" post, along with feeling sympathy, I have sometimes thought - "I am too smart for that! It will never happen to me!"

Famous last words, huh? This morning, I decided to work from home, with the intent of going into the office later in the day. This is something I rarely do. Even rarer, I decided to put on some lipliner, lipstick, and an overcoat of gloss. Normally, I do not dress unless it is all the way (which I almost did), but time, and the necessity of focusing on work, did not allow for it.

Anyways, I just happened to be in the kitchen, with the water running, in my own happy little world, when out of the corner of my eye I saw another person coming into the kitchen!!! Wearing lipstick notwithstanding, it scared the absolute $%#@ out of me! The person was a GG that my family has had a relationship with for years, and she is trusted like family, but I was neither expecting her, nor did I hear her come in due to the background noise.

I cannot imagine she did not see the lipstick I was wearing. As quickly as I turned my back to her when I saw her, maybe she didn't see it. But she is not blind, and she had to have seen me before I saw her.

Regardless, after she left, it REALLY shook me up bad! I am still upset about it, but at least I am relatively calm now (thanks to a forum friend who happened to be online, and offered me kind words and reassurance - thanks again, girlfriend! )

Of course, if she saw me, she saw me. Too late now. It's not like I have a rewind and erase button I can hit, or a Tardis in the driveway I could use, but I digress . . . .

This experience has taught me several things, of which, for the sake of brevity (it's probably too late for that!), I will only mention a few. The obvious lesson is that no matter how careful one is, the unexpected can still occur. I was arrogant to think I was "too smart" for it to happen to me.

The second lesson, which quite frankly is more valuable to me than the previously mentioned lesson (since deep down, had I really been honest with myself, I already knew that), is that the emotional shock of, and fear attendant with, actually being discovered is an overwhelmingly powerful, profound, and negative emotional experience. I was literally on the verge of being physically sick from it for some time thereafter!

So when I read and respond to "busted" posts in the future, given this experience, and now that I comprehend and understand better the fear and shock involved, I shall take it more seriously, and offer more appropriate support commensurate with the circumstances.

After all, it is all too easy to sit back, read some of these posts from our side of the computer screen, and sometimes not take them as seriously as one should. I am certainly guilty of this myself. And given the raw emotional power of the fear and shock I felt earlier today, it is now quite evident to me that some of my posts and PMs to other girls here have been woefully inadequate, both in terms of understanding and the support offered, regardless of the noble intentions I had at the time.

[Danni Renee]

I hope you are feeling better. I can only imagine the shock you felt - my biggest fear is someone walking in on me in a surprise. I think I could better deal with it if I had a little forwarning but your situation would have scared me beyond belief.

I hope you have recovered somewhat now and are feeling better and I hope that you are not "outed" before you are ready.

Danni

[Tina B.]

Hard way to learn a lesson we should all keep in mind, as long as we are involved in things we don't want to share, there is always risk! And your right, it can be very upsetting when it happens. I hope your wrong, and slide past that, if not I hope your world does not come crashing down on you, A family Friend that close is as bad as being caught by family, as far as the emotional cost. Good Luck!Tina B.

[Stephanie Miller]

Wouldn't you know it... the one time you can't find chapstick when you need it bad. You figured nobody home, nobody to embarass you - and BAM!
That's my story and I'm stickin' with it!

["Mary"]

Sorry to hear this story, but maybe, just maybe, this might turn out really great and this close friend might dig cross dressing and this could be your thing that you two share

Best Wishes,

[Anne2345]

Sorry to hear this story, but maybe, just maybe, this might turn out really great and this close friend might dig cross dressing and this could be your thing that you two share

Best Wishes,

I really appreciate the thought, but due to me providing only a partial picture of the situation, you have the context completely wrong. The fault lies with me.

The GG works for my family, and has done so for well over a decade. She is a fantastic woman, and one that is trusted as family (thankfully, and which is why she has a key to our house in the first place). My relationship with her is not one, however, in which I am seeking acceptance from her. My wife, the wonderful woman that she is, gifts me with acceptance, and this is enough for me.

I received a phone call from the GG earlier this evening. She called to apologize for "scaring" me earlier, and entering unannounced and unexpected. Her motives were completely innocent, and she meant well. However, although she did not admit to me that she saw me, knowing her the way I do, for as long as I have, reading between the lines, it was quite obvious to me that she saw I was wearing lipstick.

So, what do I do? Both my wife and I have jobs that require such information remain steadfastly in the closet. I trust the GG implicitly, and I know she would not betray me, but she did not mention the incident to me during the phone call (and who could blame her for not?). So do I discuss it with her, risking the 1% chance or so that she didn't notice it, thereby unwittingly blowing my cover unnecessarily? Or do I just trust her through silence and the unspoken word, and believe in her good judgment and loyalty, to remain silent? I am leaning towards the latter, but truth be told, neither option appeals to me. Of course, I have no one to blame but myself for this predicament . . . .

On a lighter note, I mentioned to a forum girlfriend earlier this evening that I have legally been an adult for 24 years. In the OP, I stated that I am compulsively and obsessively careful about my crossdressing. Given the great lengths and caution I take to ensure my privacy and protection from being chastised and skewered by society for merely indugling in the misunderstood innocence, magic, and wonder of crossdressing, I now find it almost impossible to believe that I am now among "The Busted." But in a way, given that 24 years equates to 8,760 days, I suppose that one mistake within an 8,760 day time frame isn't too bad, huh? At least, that's what I'm telling myself . . . .

[Nicole Erin]

At least you were not dancing around in fishnets, pom-poms, and a miniskirt to some CD song. Oh boy that would have been hilarious if she had walked in on THAT scene.

[VioletJourney]

You can't hide forever - no one can. That's why I'm preparing to come out on my own terms sometime soon.

[Presh GG]

Hi,
Sometimes over the years if I've noticed Tea had a bit too much "left over " lip stick on , I made sure everyone saw me place a big kiss lip to lip so [ hopefully ] they would assume it was "transfer " color.
Any chance that will work for you ? Just kissed the wife good bye ? Make sure she sees you too kissing with too much lipstick on you wife ...

just an idea , trying to help

Best wishes
Presh GG

[hema]

too smart might turn too spurious...... i wish the very best of luck for u get stuck at tat moment once more in the near future... :P

[Momarie]

I think the fact that she called you to apologize was her way of trying to reassure you without embarrassing you...her way of conveying everything was ok and not to worry.
That was very thoughtful of her, and it seems she went out of her way to try and make things right.

Let sleeping dogs lay on this one.

[deebra]

Say nothing, put it in the back of your mind, and it will just disappear.

[Joanagreenleaf]

Most people have less interest or concern about you and what you do than you might think. You were in your own home; it's your business what you do at home; discretion is part of what homeworkers, close friends, and kind family members grant others. So, the end of part one is, "Don't worry about what's done."

Part two is, "Think - not worry - about what might have happened and do something about THAT." Firing someone or de-friending them for something you did or do wouldn't be right. Finding ways to either be "safer" at what you do, or, being more open about it from now on, would be more or less "good" responses.

It's hard to think about changing what you do at home, beyond perhaps enabling an alarm that beeps when someone comes in... And, it's hard to give up something you enjoy doing... But, thinking out some forewarning system - even like, "Call first" would smart and kind, as would presenting yourself as more "like this or that" than might have been the case in the past.

In other words, move beyond defense and make a positive change of life for yourself and others... Start offering opinions and politics that will support you, or, anyone doing what you do so that WHEN this comes up in the future, it won't be much of surprise to anyone.

"Well, considering who it is, that makes sense! Good for them!"

[Barbra P]

Hi Anne

You write “My wife, …, gifts me with acceptance” so this woman isn’t going to “out” you to your wife and unless she is a vindictive woman with an ax to grind she isn’t going to call your boss or show up at your place of employment and announce that you cross-dress. Even if for some reason she doesn’t much like you, and her actions (she called to apologize) don’t indicate that, she isn’t going to do something that would embarrass your wife or jeopardize her relationship with the family.

I think you are making way too much out of this chance encounter, and as Joana wrote “Such things happen.... They're called opportunities.” I’ve learned over the years, more years than I care to think about, that truth really is the best policy most of the time. My recommendation would be to conquer your fear and have an open heart-to-heart conversation with this woman. I think you are correct in your assessment that she saw you wearing lipstick and rather than try and ignore that fact or find some excuse that she will probably see right through and resent your lying to her and think the lesser of you, be truthful. It’s pretty difficult to find fault with someone who is be open and truthful and baring their soul to you. You just might find that you another person in your corner, maybe even someone you can talk to the future. If nothing else, you won’t have to dive into the closet if she shows up unexpectedly again; wouldn’t you feel much better being able to ask “What do you think of this outfit” rather than spending days worrying.

I recently realized that the woman across street (Connie) had to have seen me, and for a period of about two weeks I avoided the issue. When we spoke I kept wondering what was going on in the back of her mind, what unspoken thoughts was she thinking, Finally I walked across the street and told her that I knew that she had seen me dressed, and was that a problem? She told me not at all, if dressing makes you happy by all means do it. Yesterday I was over at her house and we were talking and my Wife glanced over and Connie said “I think your Wife is looking for you.” I told her she was probably checking on me to see if I was trying to bum a cigarette, and Connie said she had lived across the street for years and didn’t know I smoked. I said that most of the time I didn’t but on rare occasions I did; she said any time you feel like a cigarette come on over and I’ll give you one of mine.

I once saw a sign in a hospital that said “Worry is about as productive as sticking a pin in your navel to relieve gas”, worry actually is a lot worse and is bad for both our physical and mental health – avoid worry when ever humanly possible and I think this particular bout of worry is avoidable. I worked for a company whose motto was “Where others see nothing but problems, we see opportunities.”

Take care Anne, avoid the worry; learn to roll with the punches and find opportunities where others see only strife and problems – your life will be all the richer for it.

[SheriM]

Anne, I understand your concern, however you are making too much out of this. Having a little lipsick on in your own homme does not make you a crossdresser or a weirdo. It could very well be a substitute for lip balm. Or it could be your wifes lip balm that you used not knowing it would color your lips. I think that you are OK.
Now if next week she sees you in a skirt with a bra and forms, you are busted.

[RachelOKC]

Anne, I understand your concern, however you are making too much out of this. Having a little lipsick on in your own homme does not make you a crossdresser or a weirdo. It could very well be a substitute for lip balm. Or it could be your wifes lip balm that you used not knowing it would color your lips. I think that you are OK.
Now if next week she sees you in a skirt with a bra and forms, you are busted.

There's fantasy and there's reality. Pretending that lipstick is lip balm is fantasy. Seriously, what you see in movies doesn't always work in real life - don't even try.

I'll agree on the first point though about making too much of this. In other words, don't worry about it, Anne. Our fears are seldom realized and where is worrying really going to get you? Nowhere, since there's precious little you can do or say about it that won't make your situation worse. Be prepared to deal with questions by answering with the truth. Lying certainly won't help; ask Rep. Wiener about that.

Relax, consider this as education of sorts (Whatever you think the lesson is) and move on.

[Sophie86]

Having a little lipsick on in your own homme does not make you a crossdresser

Actually, I think it probably does. How many non-CD males are putting on lipstick when they're home alone? It at least indicates that you have a leaning in that direction, and I'm sure it's enough to raise the question in someone's mind if they see you wearing it. At this point, she's not asking herself: "Is he a crossdresser?" She's wondering to what extent he does it. Does he just fool around with his wife's makeup when she's not home, or does he dress up all the way? Does his wife know? What's the story?

[eluuzion]

Just buy her a new car, leave it her driveway and act normal, as if nothing happened.

Well, in section 8.7, page 843, paragraph 6a of the Field Manual for Covert CD ops...
it states that operatives are to maintain a position of confidence and emotional ambiguity until it can be determined through factual evidence that your cover has unquestionably been compromised to the point of requiring evasive maneuvers. This minimizes the potential for collateral damage during any premature remediation cleaning operations that may not be immediately required under the present circumstances.

Just fill out a standard field report, file it with your weekly reports, and carry on as usual.

[Shelly Preston]

I dont think she is likely to out you to anyone. As you say she is a person you trust.
Her apology for scaring you would seem to indicate she did see you
Has your wife any idea what happened, if so she may have an opinion on what you should do next

Dont rush any decision take your time and think it through

[VioletJourney]

To be fair, she didn't see you dressed, she saw you with lipstick. It's still quite a jump from likes lipstick > dresses like a woman.

[Debra Russell]

Probably your reaction to her coming in was worse than her seeing you with lipstick on -- a simple "hello" an just "thought I'd see how it looked" and it would have been over --- way tooo much stress!

[Anne2345]

Probably your reaction to her coming in was worse than her seeing you with lipstick on -- a simple "hello" an just "thought I'd see how it looked" and it would have been over --- way tooo much stress!

LOL! Debra, your point is well taken, but I would have reacted in the same manner even without the lipstick on. I was alone in my house, with the doors locked, in the kitchen and in my own little world, and BAM - out of nowhere, and completely unexpected, another person walks into the kitchen! It caught me COMPLETELY by surprise! Of course, the lipstick added an "oh %^$#!!!" component to it, that wouldn't have otherwise been there. But the shock would have been there, regardless.

As to whether it was just a "little lipstick," I agree with Sophie - a non-crossdresser typically does not wear lipstick. Especially in the manner I do - I use lipliner definition to give the appearance of much fuller and feminine lips, etc. It would have looked like it does in my avatar picture, except, obviously, in color. And it would have looked very much practiced, as if I had done it before. At least I HOPE it would look that way, given the years and years of experience and practice I have using lipstick!!! But that's just my pride and humor poking out a little bit . . . .

I do believe I can trust her not to say anything to anyone. But now that someone knows (other than my wife), I have lost a certain amount of precious control over the situation that I will not be able to regain. Without the previously aforementioned Tardis, that is . . . . Anyone have one lying around by any chance?

But that is what I worry about most - my control and ability to keep this part of my life a secret from my community, where there WOULD be a price to pay if such knowledge got out there. So it all comes down to trusting this person. I trust many people with many things in my life, but not with this. And perhaps I am making way too much out of it in relation to this one person, a person that I admittedly trust greatly, to the point that she has a key to my house. So I am hopeful it will work out, regardless.

I actually saw her again this morning before I went into work. She again profusely apologized. Although she did not admit to seeing me, if I had any remaining doubt after the telephone call last night, that doubt was pretty much decimated after talking to her this morning. She saw it.

As Shelly said, I really need to think this out, and come up with a game plan. You girls have provided me with a lot to think about, and again, I really appreciate all of you!

Just buy her a new car, leave it her driveway and act normal, as if nothing happened.

Fantastic answer! I have no doubt it would work, too! Hopefully I can find a less expensive solution, but I really appreciate the good laugh!

[suchacutie]

There are times when we all might be a little too close to ourselves. Back away for a moment and consider the situation from the "intruder's" perspective.

"I just came in unannounced and scared him, and omg he has lipstick on."

Do you really think CDing is the first thing that came to her mind? If you were single, maybe, but you are not. Husbands and wives have been known to play some very inventive games, if only for a giggle. My first guess is that she thinks she caught you in a little "game" with your wife and she's embarassed! The call might have been made so that you were not completely upset with her!

Now, if you had been in drag...that might be a different story, but you weren't!

My take on this is that she is delighted you aren't upset with her and it will all go away very fast!

tina

[Jeannie]

Before I come out to my wife I would always make a round through the house just to be absolutely sure that I was truly alone. As for non family members wondering through my house I am always on my toes about that and they need to call and let me know when they are coming over, if no other reason out of just plan courtesy I don't care how trustworthy they are. Unless of course they don't mind seeing me walk around in my drab underwear or sometimes naked. I do not like anyone even family members in my house when I am not there. I had to go through that last year due to a daughter and a grandson living with us and it was very unsettling to me having to change my habits to suit others. That is not the way it is suppose to be. I am very sorry that you had to endure that it is very upsetting. I ruined a blouse that my second wife had because I had worn it and then tried wash but the washer ate it. I tried to come up with some brilliant excuse as to why I was washing an already clean blouse and I really don't think she bought one second of. I was a basket case for at least a month after that episode and quit dressing for three years. It was horrible.

[Joanagreenleaf]

Good god, so what?

Many women are painfully aware that painting themselves daily is one of the most dishonest actions of their daily lives. They do it because they have to, they do it because they're afraid not to... They don't necessarily like it.

Many other women love "playing" at painting themselves. They get a good "pay off" of compliments; they might get a raise; they might even get laid. And, that may be "fair" or "unfair." I dunno. It just exists.

My point is that ANYONE putting on lipstick is performing an unnatural act. Get over it. We're all guilty of either doing it, or, going along with it when "they" do it. We may even like it when "they" do it. But, it is a weird thing to do; grinding up a paste and smearing it on our faces....

Crossdressing and/or wearing lipstick is, at best, an "indicator." Is this CD one of the clueless ones who tires to pee without touching anything? Or, is this CD living in the same world as everyone else and sees lipstick as lipstick and they work at, at least, putting it on right?

Cripes.

If she saw you, had you done a good job with it?

You didn't scoop up a butcher knife and do her in...

So, just by that you're not such a bad lipstick wearing person...

Get it over with... Bring it up and find out she wouldn't much care anyway.

She probably dabbles in lipstick... And, she's not that weird, is she?

Get over there and yuck it up.