Accepting Wives

[Georgia Rose]

I started CDing after around 35 years of marriage when my wife had to be away from home for an extended time. No real reason why it happened but I found I just loved it and dressing seem to fill a void which I had been unaware of. Told my wife a week after she came home as I can't keep something like that secret especially when you love someone & have shared so long together.

At first she has what seem to be the normal concerns about being gay, wanting to be a woman etc but I had found some resources on the net which I directed her to. We talked a lot and she accepted this was a new part of me. She is accepting and to some degree supportive. I dress around here and she will often say on the weekend "are you dressing tonight" or "why aren't you dressing tonight".

We have done a bit of shopping together and she has brought me a few things. Our sizing is similar and she lets me have a fairly free go at her closet. If she is cleaning clothes out I get first go at anything I want to keep. She wears some of my stuff.

I believe she supports me because I'm still the same person she has loved all those years. Our relationship has never been based on me doing all the "male" stuff and her doing the "female" stuff. I had all the domestic skills etc before we met and I probably taught her a lot of "female" stuff. My wife is a keen dressmaker and since the CDing I get consulted a lot more on fabric, styles etc as she has come to appreciate that I have an interest in things feminine.

I think CDing has added a dimension to our relationship which was not there before. My wife is very comfortable with who she is and I think that is a factor in acceptance. I can't see us ever going out together with me dressed and I wouldn't want to in any case.

[Joanagreenleaf]

The response about doing the housecleaning and things together struck a chord, as did the decision making process between us as a couple. Last night, I was speaking with a young lady who is soon to be married for the first time. She and her future husband have been seen having some heated discussions in public as the wedding approaches... Most of us, being older, have generally let them "work it out" even though we all knew they were doing each other needless harm... Oh, well... It's how you learn. Fortunately, by way of conversation last night, she noted, "You and your wife get along so well together." I said, "Yes. And, we like it that way, you know? We never fight about anything since everything we do, we do together. Nobody is ever right or wrong when something happens because we "voted" what to do and then went on with things. If it works, fine. If it doesn't fine. Either way, we then deal with the outcome together." This isn't unique to CD couples, of course... But, from some of the responses in this thread, it might be an important thing to think about if you and your wife want to be happy - whether you CD or not.

[april_lynn]

My wife and I have been maried for 8 years and I just came out to her 4-5 months ago. She has generally been supportive, allowing me to buy better forms a wig, and a bunch of clothes and makeup. She has seen me fully dressed and told me that I looked pretty. When I came out though we made some ground rules, like I couldn't go out in public dressed and couldn't shave in the summer. I was ok with that at the time, but now yearn to go out and experience life as a woman. It still weirds her out sometimes that I dress, but she lets me wear panties 24/7, and nightgowns most nights. I am hoping that if I don't push it, she will get more comfortable and we can eventually go out together. For now I am happy to be in the middle ground that I am in, and thankful for having such a wonderful wife.

April

[Tina B.]

I told my wife about this side of me, after 5 years of marriage, I hadn't dressed for years,but when it came back to me, I knew I was not going to spend my life living a lie in my own home, So I told her all. She took me out shopping that evening for clothes, and I've been dressing every since, At first I was not sure how much she supported me, or was just giving into me, But a couple of years latter, while in a resort gift shop filled with people, she walks up with a skirt and matching Tee, one of those tourist types With the name of the place, and a picture of the trees and things, held it up in front of me and says loud enough for any one near by to hear, " I think this will fit you." As she realized what she did, she looked around sheepishly, and there was a little old white haired woman standing there with her mouth hanging open in shocked disbelief at what she had heard. The wife was very apologetic, right up till I busted out laughing. I figured when she was thinking more about how much I would love the outfit, she forgot for a minute, men don't generally hold skirts up to themselves in stores. I figure that is acceptance! Almost forgot, no we don't dress together, Clothes are my thing, not hers, so she accepts me for me, buys me neat girl stuff, as gifts, or just because, but from there we are just girl friends when I dressed, no sex, or games, just regular everyday life. What I do with what I have is all up to me. But I can do it when ever I want, and she never knows what gender I might be presenting in when she comes home from work, maybe him, maybe her, it really doesn't matter because life at home remains the same either way and has for going on forty years.
Tina B.

[kimdl93]

I have been fortunate in terms of acceptance. My first wife accepted my cross dressing more than I accepted myself - long story but I suspect it contributed to the divorce. After a few years of therapy and learning that being "different" wasn't a crime, I learned to accept myself and was able to be forthright with the girl I eventually married. Fortunately, she's about the most understanding and least judgemental person I've evern known. Now 12 years later, I'm able to dress pretty much full time at home, excepting occassions when the kids are around.

[GaleWarning]

What makes a woman "accepting"? A strong sense of self-worth and no fear of being "inadequate" in some way. A whole lot of love for her CDer. That's a good start, I think.
Then the CDing husband needs to be loving, unselfish and thankful in return.

[Sue101]

My wife knew from the beginning so it was part of the package. It is who I am whether I am dressed or not. She has many gay friends so alternative lifestyles is not new to her. Two other things help as well.
1- I don't dress that often and when I do it is normal feminine clothes. Nothing kinky.
2. I don't become another person when I dress, no squeaky voice or limp wrists. I don't use a female name, I am still just her honey.

It does not dominate my thinking nor do I surf the internet for porn or spend time in chat rooms. I am still plugged in to real life and acting as her husband.

[kimdl93]

Honestly, I don't think one can reshape a person to become "accepting". Each of us is a mix of beliefs, experiences and innate personality characteristics. Some women will simply not be able to deal with a CDing SO, others will take it in stride. Its unfair to expect acceptance and simply wrong to try to manipulate another person towards acceptance. The best you can do is be open and honest - as soon as possible.

[Debutante]

My wife fully accepts and encourages my crossdressing... to embrace all of this gift and find out who I am...
she is deeply spiritaul and knows it is my spiritual journey, and has accepted this... I do a little at a time,
and wantg to do more...

[busker]

For those that have accepting partners, you haven't identified what you think makes them accepting. In some cases, you say that she loves the person she married lock stock and barrel.

Clearly, is there a UNIVERSAL TYPE of accepting partner?. This thread has gotten quite far down the line but rather than start another similar thread I'll ask these things"

I understand that people with higher education tend to be mmore liberal in their thinking? Does this apply to any of you?

Many here are "older"--do you think women's lib has anything to do with acceptance? freer spirit, less worry about society?

Are accepting partners involved in religion or not? Seems the church has a negaive attitude that could be a negaive influence?

Are your partners similar in age?
Are accepting partners more easy going?

There seems to be no lack in desire by many here to "have an accepting partner" but crossdresswing seems to be as universally unaccepted around the world as we could imagine. So what kind of background do these women share worldwide to make them accepting, when they are? Is the spouse in Ireland somehow similar to the spouse in Queensland Australia?

[pj]

Clearly, is there a UNIVERSAL TYPE of accepting partner?

I think not, just as there is not a universal type of cross dresser or a universal type of any type of person I can think of...

[Katie_in_AK]

My wife is very accepting. She helped me shop for my first dress and skirt today! Sometimes we make love in role reversal. She loves me as boy or girl. Helps me buy make up and bras too. I LOVE my wife!

[Raychel]

I told my wife about this isde of me, 6 years ago now. It was really rough at first. but she accepts it pretty welll now. She stilll has no desire to see me dressed, and that is fine I quess, I will respect her wishes.

She does make it a ppoint at times to be sure that I have time to dress. And she has borrowed things form me at times. So she has accepted it just fine I think.

[Meg East]

My wife is accepting to the point where she realizes it is a part of me. She knows I am happier now that the CD'ing is out of the open.

[Detroit Molly]

My wife was kind of weirded out at first, and had no interest in seeing me dressed and wanted to stay ignorant of the whole thing. She's warmed up to it now, buys me little girly things like makeup cases, and is currently at the second-hand store with a list of clothes that I want. She warmed up through trust and communication. It also helps that she was raised in Ann Arbor, MI, which is pretty socially progressive, and we're both of the same mind about GLBT issues.

She's still not a hundred percent down with it though. For example, she's uncomfortable going out on the town with me dressed, but she has no problems with me doing it by myself. All in good time, though. Once upon a time she also said she'd never get around my motorcycles, now she owns her own

[Danielle Gee]

Like many of you girls out there I constantly struggle to gain my wife’s acceptance. It seems you either have a wife that embraces this lifestyle or not. My question is to girls with accepting wives, why do you think your wife is so accepting? I’d also like to hear what levels of acceptance are out there. How often do you dress? Do you dress together? Are you full time? Any funny anecdotes or stories related to you CDing.

Hi Paula:

I’m a lifelong CD’r and have been married to my beautiful wife since the age of 19. I’m almost 61 now, so I guess I’ve been “out” to her for 36 years. She took the news very well (as I recall) and told me that she suspected I had an “Over-active” feminine side!!

Level of acceptance? She’s 100% in favor within limits, What’s the limits?.....Well, for one she’s only allowed me to go out in public fully dressed one time. She does insist that I keep my body as “Femme” as possible, and has allowed me to go out with her many times with a sexually ambiguous appearance. At home I’m dressed in the 50% range. I’m in charge of all the “woman” things (cooking, cleaning & Laundry) she handles almost all the rest.

Do you dress together? Sometimes we both dress up in formal dresses and have a fancy dinner, but most of the time I dress like a woman and so does she (sounds crazy huh?)

Are you full time? Well since I hold down a full time job, I’d say no; but when I retire in 4 years I hope to be in the 90-95% range.

Any funny stories or anecdotes? Believe me there have been too many to re-count!!! I have documented several in my various posts and if you’re interested.


Danielle

[Lea]

I told my wife before we were married. I did not want her to accidentally find out and be hurt that I kept such a secret from her. I thought she may always wonder what else I had hidden from her.
I had support material that I had printed off of the internet for her and we had many long talks. It was hard for her to understand and at times still has a small amount of trouble understanding it but not accepting it.
She is very supportive of me. In the fall she helps me with the first layer of hair removal with the hair clippers. When shopping if she see's something she thinks may look nice on me she will ask if I want it.
At times she will even tell me to dress. We have only gone out on Halloween together but when I retire we have talked about a convention.

[Nikki_Girl]

My wife was kind of shocked when I told her. She was somewhat apprehensive. I wear panties everyday, but she hats it when I wear a bra or any other article of female clothing. Wait until my new heels come from eBay. She says she is repulsed by my feminine outfits.

[Nikki_Girl]

My wife was kind of weirded out at first, and had no interest in seeing me dressed and wanted to stay ignorant of the whole thing. She's warmed up to it now, buys me little girly things like makeup cases, and is currently at the second-hand store with a list of clothes that I want. She warmed up through trust and communication. It also helps that she was raised in Ann Arbor, MI, which is pretty socially progressive, and we're both of the same mind about GLBT issues.

She's still not a hundred percent down with it though. For example, she's uncomfortable going out on the town with me dressed, but she has no problems with me doing it by myself. All in good time, though. Once upon a time she also said she'd never get around my motorcycles, now she owns her own

It sounds like she is coming around with time.

[Jenniferpl]

Having an accepting spouse has taking lot a pressure off. No secrets, no hiding, and most important no more lying. She has purchased some underwear and shapewear for me along with some make up. Years ago we would both wear sexy outfits for funtime but as the kids have grown older, we have had to curetell that. A large part of her acceptence is I respect her wishes and boundries. There are certain items she would perfer I not wear to bed and I don't.

[donnalee]

My wife couldn't be more accepting. Better descriptors are "encouraging" and "participatory." When I came out to her last August, I almost had a heart attack from the fear of her reaction and losing her or damaging our relationship forever. But to my amazement, she said "I'm not surprised." And then she said, "is that all?" She gave me a big hug and kiss and I started crying. I was wisely counseled by Rachel Morley on this forum to let my wife determine the pace of progression of CDing in our relationship. I did, and since New Years of this year, we've gone out for girl's nights out together and had so much fun. She says all the time she doesn't understand why wives don't celebrate the moment a husband admits he's a CDer. She gets an intimate girlfriend in addition to the husband she fell in love with. What could be better?

Soon after that initial coming out conversation, she asked if I knew she'd be totally OK with it. I said, no, I didn't. She responded that I should have known because she loves me. It is really that simple. She loves me whatever "me" entails. What a woman she is.... She's everything to me!

And that's how simple it should be. When you love someone, you get the whole package, flaws and all. They may not be apparent at first, there may not be complete disclosure out of fear or lack of self knowledge, but they will appear eventually. What you do then is love them all the more; how could you not?

[CDPheobe]

Acceptance is something my wife gave me early on after we started dating. But this is when I broke it to her because she asked what fetishes I have. I laid it on her what those were.
She accepts me crossdressing. I know she does not want me having sex with her while I'm dressed up and especially with a wig on because she is not Bi either. If she is really spun then sure she wont give a hoot what I'm wearing. I try and dress as often as I can. I always wear pantyhose, tights, or lingerie to bed. She does accept that. I'm the one who dresses up in bed. But only lingerie, pantyhose, or tights. She does sometimes. But I'm the one who dresses up most often and I would venture to say i have on an article of female clothing 95% of the time. So my wife does accept the fact that I crossdress. Now participating in going out to clubs or just plain driving around, I don't think she will say no to me.