My Closet is My Blessed Sanctuary. Is Yours?

**Anne2345** · 06-10-2011, 01:13 PM

For those of you within the closet, such as myself, what does “the closet” mean to you?

Is it a place of shame, where some of us dress with our heads hung low, that we, society forbid, actually enjoy dressing as the opposite sex?

Is it a place of fear, where abject timidity dictates that we dress in solitude, for worry of reprisal or rejection by certain segments of our community?

Is it a place of embarrassment, where a self-perceived loss of masculine virility leads to discomfiture, that we are somehow failing the expectations of society and ourselves?

Is it a place of denial, where that which occurs within is steadfastly disavowed to the outside world, as if it never happened or happens?

Is it a dark, foreboding hamlet of surrender, where those within succumb to the vagaries of society, and abandon the cause of the crossdresser, whatever that may be, and fend only for ourselves?

Is it a place of sin, where we commit treason against nature and a higher calling, with little hope of absolution in the future?

Is it a blessed sanctuary, a place of self expression and love, that is cherished, honored, and protected?

Or is the closet none of the above, some of the above, or something else entirely different?

Since joining this forum, I have thought a lot about “the closet,” and what it means to me. I am in the closet for probably many of the same reasons other closeted members are - safety, security, and comfort, to name a few.

But why am I really in the closet? Some members of the forum have a desire, a need, to leave the closet and crossdress in public. I respect this. I applaud such members’ courage. And I wish these sisters the best, and a safe voyage in their journey of public self-expression.

Another segment of the membership here, albeit a small segment, appears to frown on the closet, and suggest it is beneath us. Their perception appears to further suggest it is a negative place.

I, however, have no such desire to share my gift with the world. None at all. Perhaps I am being selfish. Perhaps I am afraid. Perhaps I cannot afford the risk. But perhaps it is also something more than this.

Deep down, I harbor no faith in society to ever understand me. I further believe that society will never fully accept me. I am under no illusions. And yet, it is not that I believe that I am failing society, it is that I believe society is failing me.

As such, it is society’s loss that it cannot understand and comprehend the beauty and magic of crossdressing. It is society’s loss that it limits and constricts itself in manners that I find nescient, stifling, and completely unimaginative. Further, it is society’s fault that it makes not a legitimate and good faith attempt to understand and accept me, but instead attempts to sweep me under the carpet with the hope that no one notices.

So why should I share myself with society? In this, I owe society nothing. Consequently, I have chosen to close the door to the world, and remain safely tucked away in my closet.

But make no mistake about it, I absolutely love crossdressing and crossdressers! I need to crossdress. I want to express myself and find an outlet for my feminine side. I vigorously embrace femininity and indulge within this very tangible part of my existence.

And I can do all of this within the sanctuary of my beloved closet. I can do it because I crossdress for myself, and myself only. I need not the approval of those I have not invited into my closet. My closet is magical. It is beautiful. It is my temple of femininity and expression of self, where I am free to be me.

My closet is also misunderstood by the world, and I will not allow it to be defiled and blasphemed by non-believers. Thus, my closet is a private club, closed to those who hate, attack, or do not understand. No membership card, no entry, no exceptions.

In this regard, I remain in the closet because I do not believe society has earned the right to view me, as it cannot possibly view me as I view myself, or see the beauty that I represent as a crossdresser. So why should I denigrate myself in this manner, given the other very real risks I must consider attendant with going public, when I am otherwise content in my closet?

My answer to this question, the answer that applies to me, is simple – I should not, and do not. The opportunities I am presented with within my closet are limited only by my imagination and sense of self-awareness. In other words, the opportunities I perceive are limitless. I am genuinely happy in my closet. I have no compunctions whatsoever about remaining in my closet. Most importantly, I love my closet, and that awesome, inspiring, and powerful magic that occurs within.

To those brave souls that do leave the closet, are open about their crossdressing, and fight the battle for acceptance, know that I love and respect you for your valiant efforts. As a group, if we are ever to succeed, we need you, and I thank you for this.

But to my fellow closet dwelling sisters out there, how do you view your own closet?

**suzy1** · 06-10-2011, 01:24 PM

Your description of your feelings on staying in the closet match my own feelings exactly Anna.
There is nothing I could add here. Every word I agree with. You are talking about me!

One thing I will add is the smell of last nights perfume on my clothes when I open the door. You missed that one out girl.

A big hug from, SUZY

**AllieSF** · 06-10-2011, 02:01 PM

I am also in the closet of not revealing this side of me to family and friends, neighbors and the like. However, I am very definitely out of the closet about going out and interfacing with the real world in all its beauty and diversity. I actually live for that part when dressed. I love your post and totally respect what you are saying. It has put in words what I never thought much about. Thanks.

**sissystephanie** · 06-10-2011, 02:25 PM

Anne, you wrote a very beautiful piece about your closet. But you also made some rather large mistakes, in my opinion!!

You stated that you do not believe is is your failure, but that of society!! I may get flamed for saying this, but you are dead wrong. It is your failure to not accept the fact that you are a crossdresser, and let the public know and accept you that way. I have been a CD for almost 70 years and have been out in public for at least 50 of those years. And I mean really out in public, in many different cities. The point is, in that 50 years how many times have I had negative remarks made to me or about me?? Maybe 50 or 100?? The correct answer is that in 50 years I have had Two (2) negative remarks made!! The last one was about 15 years ago!! For the last 6 years, since my dear wife died, I have gone out dressed enfemme but wearing no makeup and no wig!! In other words, I go out as a guy in a skirt and top!! I do get compliments on my outfits from both men and women, but nothing negative. What most crossdressers don't realize, or maybe they don't accept it, is that most people don't really pay attention to what you are wearing. Of course, if you dress to attract attention than they will look. But if you dress like a normal woman, without enormous beasts, most people won't care. I think many of those who are in the closet have a problem going out like that. They think people are going to make fun of them1 You will be made fun of if you dress like a drag queen!!But if you dress like a lady should, hardly anybody will even look at you!!

BTW, just for the record, I have one closet for male clothes and six for my female things!!

**Alice Torn** · 06-10-2011, 02:35 PM

Very well said. I agree 99% Once or twice a year, though, I put fears aside, and very carefully pick a place to go out in public. It must be the daring, and the thrill, taking a chance. But, it is so much safer in the closet, unless neighbors are peeking in the window blinds!

**RebeccaLynne** · 06-10-2011, 03:58 PM

Anne, your post is beautifully written. As I began to read it, however, I was troubled by all the negative aspects initially outlined therein; fearful of discovery, fear of acceptance. Fortunately, reading on, I was heartened to see that you were not ashamed of your gender-identity duality, and recognized your CD'ing was something you did to enhance your enjoyment of life.

I'm the same. I don't care what society thinks, and I don't feel any need to obtain their approval. I CD 'cause I like it, inside my residence. So, I'm not "in the closet", I'm "in-house". I gain every bit of enjoyment I need inside my home.

As far as anyone knowing about it, I couldn't care less. Former wife knows, as does my GF, as does one of her best girlfriends;also, my next door neighbor. Possibly my daughters: they're smart girls, seen me en femme on Halloween... we've never discussed it, 'cause there's really no need to.

I'm not afraid of discovery; if I were, I wouldn't post here. Just ask Anthony Weiner if you have any right to privacy. Not today; not anymore.

**Joanagreenleaf** · 06-10-2011, 06:13 PM

Not buying it.

Sounds like a poem you have to repeat to convince yourself to keep doing what you're doing - the way you're doing it.

I'm not your closet dwelling sister; I live in a bigger world.

A closet is a place to put things until I get back to it and move things around.

That's all it is... It's no place to live a decent life.

**Cynthia Anne** · 06-10-2011, 06:58 PM

Anne you wrote a masterpiece here! Allthough I am out ot the closet, I remember it's security and love! I agree with you 100% even though I enjoy being out! I can fully understand why some choose to stay in there! My self I wanted something more! Thank you for this beautiful masterpiece! Hugs!

**Anne2345** · 06-10-2011, 07:03 PM