My wife has ask me to stop but how long can I hold off for??

[Stephanie47]

So, this is another case of the genie out of the bottle. She cannot be stuffed back in the bottle and capped no matter how hard you try to screw the cap on. My wife was accepting in the beginning when it encompassed no more than bedroom play. Later, as my cross-dressing progressed, she could not understand. During her blowups I tried to explained all those yada yada yada explanations. It has nothing to do with HER! I do not know why I AM a cross-dresser. I have never bought into that line if I had that secret, which I never had, then what else I am hiding???? Frankly, my wife know everything about me since we have been married for forty years. She knows me well enough and long enough to know there are NO secrets. She developed this intense dislike for cross-dressing. Your wife wants you to look manly and do manly things. I do ALL the manly things with the exception of going hunting and shooting wildlife. I do NOT think my wife would want me to take up weekend golf, fishing, hunting,stock car racing, demolition derby and other manly things and ignore her. I do the womanly things around the house also, like vacuuming, cleaning, cooking, washing, ironing, and tending the garden because she is either working or as physical issues that preclude her doing it.

You need to sit down and discuss with her why you feel the way you do, what brings on the urge to dress, what boundaries she would accept (like being an in home cross=dresser v. out in public). Marriage is a series of compromises or at least it should be!

What always seems perplexing is the mental image of the cross-dressing husband the wife has, when he has never dressed en femme before the wife. Even if you purge all your garments your wife will never forget that you once were a cross-dresser. If she ever does any serious research on the issue, she will realize your urges will NEVER go away. And, what will be the consequences to you and HER, when you submit and suppress your true self??

[retrofitme]

Communication is key - and patience. It might be worth trying to quit for a while, and while doing so, be open about the struggle you are going through. That may help her understand more about this facet of your personality.

You obviously felt secure enough in your marriage to tell her, so give her time to think and hopefully she'll start asking questions.

-Retro

[Kendra Sue]

Quitting cd is the easiest thing I/ve done it hundreds of times.

[Joanne f]

When you have been in the closet for so long it can be difficult to know what is the right thing to do as you know that you are taking a risk by telling after all this time and when things don`t go well you can wish that you had not said anything but you have and at this point no doubt you are wishing that you had not , but for the moment you have had a setback and your wife has had a shock so let things settle down a bit but as Sandra has said this is not something that can now be just left as you are left not knowing what to do and your wife is no doubt upset and very confused .

[SweetIonis]

If you have been doing it that long, that's a tough one. I suppose it depends on how often you were doing it. The more you do it, the more it becomes reinforced in your behavior. All I can say it that I hope it doesn't create some sort of severe psychological conflict.

[Imeni]

All excellent advice, ladies. But I'll voice my new voice and offer my own suggestion.

Don't back down. Don't stop. Don't decide to try to cut out or ignore the part of you that she has issues with, what, my dear lady, are you doing with her? Maybe it happens to be a new age thing because, I've recently told a slue of women I know that I crossdress in the safety of my room away from the prying eyes of my judgemental roommate/best friend and they all love the fact that I do it. Or at least, happen to be tolerant. There is even a girl I'm interested in dating and before I've had a chance to even sit down and hang out with her, I told her I did it. And aside from one girl who has issues, everyone I've told is very supportive. So how is it that your wife of 35 years of marriage doesn't know? Or if you have been together that long, how is she not at least a little understanding that it's a part of who you are, and whom you've always been. And by changing a part of yourself like that, changes who you are as a whole?

I can't understand, and I mean this will all the love in the world, how you could ever expect her to ever become used to it if you just let her call the shots about something that hurts no one, that makes you happy, and ultimately shouldn't even be up to her to decide? I just find it very hard to understand why something like this, you didn't share with her from the beginning. It's a wonderful thing to have the loving support of a S.O., especially in my case where I'm so incredibly shy, I can't even bring myself to go into a ladies store, even with my friends.

My advice is sit down with her. Be firm in your decision that it's part of who you are, that it won't change but if she has a problem with it, be sure to address that issue. Even if you just do it when she isn't around. Best of luck. xox