Hatred from both sides? The conservative and the transsexual!?

[Genivieve]

Lately I've been realizing more that I am most likely transexual rather than a cross dresser. It is something I want to be slow and careful to come to terms with, the steps taken to transition are serious ones and can lead to dire consequences when taken too lightly.

So I've been experiencing negativity from "normal" people going to shops buying casual female clothes and makeup. I have been looking a bit more feminine with plucked brows and less body hair. What shocks me is the reaction from transsexuals.

I was interacting with some on various sites and was pretty much insulted when I described my inching towards identity. Someone even told me to just go out into hostile environments and if I am really female inside I will "pass" or not care.
I understand the underlying message but the hateful tone and attitude from the from those who see us as freaks and those who have transitioned fully really is similar.

[Debglam]

Genevieve,

I've experienced a little of that too and have heard it referred to as a "trannier than thou" attitude. There are some women out there that if you are not transitioning the way THEY did it, or god forbid, you are a middle pather like me, then you just don't rate. Ignore them, there are way to many kind hearted sisters out there to worry about the cranks! I honestly don't get it.

[JulieK1980]

If you really wish to ruffle their feathers, tell them you aren't going to actually transition. That really bugs them.

But, yes. I've sadly witnessed this myself. The world is full of extremely opinionated people. All of whom will happily tell you that only their way is the correct way to do something.

[Genivieve]

Glad to hear it thank you both. I can sigh in relief now. I got a nasty message then a sales lady mocked me for buying girl jeans all within the same hour. Between that, my own self criticism, and all this damn hiding I wasn't sure how to feel.

[Barbra P]

Hi Genivieve

My suggestion would be not to put too much stock in what strangers on some forum have to say. These people may have serious issues themselves and should not be giving advice. I would suggest that you seek out a qualified Licensed Counselor that deals with transgendered issues. If you have Medical Insurance this may be covered; I live in So. California and I’m with a very large HMO and I had one two-hour session and that Counselor has referred me to another Counselor more familiar with the transgendered, and that appointment is next Wednesday.

I also joined a local transgendered support group called the Neutral Corner. At the May dinner meeting I sat next to the group’s President, a transsexual, and had a very enlightening and enjoyable evening. I found a link to this group through the San Diego LGBT community center’s website. There are knowledgeable people and even professionals available to help you if you seek them out.

[t-girlxsophie]

Every section of our community has those that look down on others.Sadly I have lost more than one person I considered as a friend who changed their attitude to me after their Transition.I never judged them or their choices and considered them as just being my Friend,obviously wasn't reciprocated by them

But I have even more friends,who I am still very close to and I'm always there for

Sophie

[Barbara Dugan]

I think you will find that kind of attitude tru life..the most important thing is to not pay much attention on the negative and embrace the people that love you and support you

[joannemarie barker]

don't tar every transsexual girl with the same brush.that's what CDs complain about happening to us all of the time.

[Badtranny]

Hi Geni,
What you are describing is exactly what motivated me to start my blog and why I call myself Bad Tranny. I am a real life transsexual who is transitioning slowly and methodically with the total support of my therapist and my doctor, but there is a vocal contingent who believe that my careful and measured transition just means that I'm not taking it seriously enough. I'm still baffled by the number of Trans women from the generation prior who still believe their way is the only way. Even my first GID doctor was very old fashioned and insisted that I start showing up to her appointments in makeup. She has been treating trans women since the 70's so it must be a generational thing, but times change and I was not comfortable with her methodology.

I knew this would be a two year program for me and I'm on track to be fully transitioned in the summer of 2012. I've been on HRT for almost a year now and I'm 100% out socially, in fact I'm getting mistaken for female more and more often, without makeup and with my hair in a loose ponytail. By next summer, I don't believe passing will be a problem. I've begun to slowly come out professionally and I'm already building a network of people who respect me and know about my transition. By next summer, I will be employed and in the midst of a name change at an organization that hired me knowing I was in transition.

For some reason my program seems to offend those that think that we should do what they did and just jump in with both feet. They also get pretty upset when I tell them that I plan to keep my pickle and just get the orchi. It's really quite entertaining to argue with someone who is hell bent on making me feel inferior if I don't listen to their "wisdom".

So I'm a bad tranny, but I'll be doing it my way and after I've completed my transition, and I still have a career, I will be damn glad I was patient and stuck to my guns.

You gotta do what's right for YOU!

[AnnaCalliope]

Glad to hear it thank you both. I can sigh in relief now. I got a nasty message then a sales lady mocked me for buying girl jeans all within the same hour. Between that, my own self criticism, and all this damn hiding I wasn't sure how to feel.

Where the heck are you shopping? I've been buying all my own clothes at the store and sometimes en femme for over 3 years now, and I've never, NEVER gotten a nasty comment from any SA. That's not to say I haven't gotten an odd or confused look, but none have ever had the gall to openly express their disgust for my so called "deviancy".

[Rianna Humble]

Unfortunately, there are people in all walks of life who are intolerant of anyone who does not follow their dictats onhow to behave. By definition, we will have one or two of those on this site. In general they will always claim that they are "just telling it the way it is" all the while demonstrating that they have no idea how it is for others.

This is a support site and whilst support does not mean encouraging someone to go in the wrong direction, I have found that I can tell the good nay-sayers from the bad by the degree of empathy that they show for the person's dilemma.

There is only ONE person who has any right tosay whether you are going too slowly and that person is you yourself.

I must agree, however, with JoanneMarie's point that you should not tar all of us with the same brush. There are TS folk who are intolerant and then there are the rest of us.

I wonder whether the person you cite might not have been trying in a very clumsy way suggest to you that there will come a point when you are confident in yourself as a woman and some degree of hostility will no longer be as hurtful?

[noeleena]

Hi,

This comes down to being accepted , for who you are . not what you do or how you dress or dont. i have many friends who dress , cool .

I have a few who dress as woman all the time they are cool as well. yet im not a dresser or trans , yet get on better with my dresser friends some trans are not confident in them selfs cant see beyound them selfs & dont get on with others. strange to my way of thinking yet think they are so right in every thing ,

i'v been ambushed by them in front of others & put down because i was trying to tell them about some details going on with a person i know , in this group of 20 people of different backgrounds ,

so i was humilliated & wished id never bothered trying or being there, it was with our Human rights com, people , they were good just these other 3 trans , so you can quess how i felt. never did get to finnsh . because i had problems with my trying to explain in front of others at the time i found it extreamly hard, . public speaking was not some thing i could do.. ...then....

Now of cause i'v spoken in front of 1000's with out one bit of detail. no nerves just loved it , because iv self confidence & am able to get up in front of people , dont be put down . as a woman iv become strong so can now handle these people in a way i could not before,

So once you trust your self be confident & have that selfconfidence in who you are youll be able to get where you need to go,

...noeleena...

[Fab Karen]

Not all TS's are bullies. Plenty of them are sweet, lovely people who have no need to spit on others who are different.

"a sales lady mocked me for buying girl jeans"
I would very loudly say,"My mistake, I thought you wanted to make a SALE!" and walk out. BTW, in all my years of shopping ( much of it in boy-mode ) I've never been mocked/put down by a salesperson/cashier. That's a good way for business to fail.

[Tina B.]

Those out in the for front of any movement will always be more militant, that's why they are out in front. They see slow and easy as a wimpy way to get to what they so boldly did. It's easy to forget how hard it can be for some to come to terms with it. They may not be the easiest of our group to get along with, but they are so important to a movement that is wanting acceptance so bad. Forgive there sin, of lack of compassion, for those that don't seem to be able to keep up, but be glad they are out there breaking new ground and making it easier for the next one that follow down that path.
Tina B.

[morgan51]

Just be the best you possible. We all are not created the same and all of us haven't learned to treat others like we would like to be treated. I'm with Fab Karen I'd shop elswhere there are many other store that would like my business, be sure to advise the owners/managment as well you are taking your business somewhere else and why. I learned to develop a thicker skin as I go thru life and transition as well there isn't a set path for everyone, you will find yours if you search honestly for the one thats right for you. A councilor was a big help for me I can't do this alone. Hugs Morgan

[Rianna Humble]

Those out in the for front of any movement will always be more militant, that's why they are out in front. They see slow and easy as a wimpy way to get to what they so boldly did. It's easy to forget how hard it can be for some to come to terms with it.

To quote JoannaMarie again, please do not tar us all with the same brush.