Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged (Opinion Piece)

[Gaby2]

This is an issue I have with the "if you don't have something nice to say..." line.
...
I do think what we need to be is honest. If we see that someone looks like a wreck, I think it is increadibly disingenuous to say " Oh girl you look great" or something affirming like that.

Everything is relative, Pythos.
When someone says "oh girl you look great" as you descibe, perhaps they see or imagine something which you can neither see nor imagine.
It depends where they're coming from.

I think you have a certain right to this judgemental opinion of the commentator and the picture poster - even if your opinion qualifies as downright condemnation. (Thanks for the distinction Nicole).
Indeed, your unique manner almost demands this approach.
I'll read everything in the context of my own experience.
I'll also take into account your unquestionable honesty and openess to other opinions.

This doesn't neccessarily apply to everyone though.
That's what's so important about this thread.
In a simple way cdindy has provoked some wonderful soul-searching and self-questioning.

Opinions vary as personalities vary.
The nice thing here is that one is almost guaranteed a mix of opinions.
Gaby

[kendra_gurl]

I try not to think of my having an open discussion or debate on an issue and judging someone else. Sometimes it may seem that way when I ask them to explain why they say something or post a photo asking for an opinion but that is more to help me understand them better. I admit I am starting to refrain and avoid some threads here as I have learned how quickly something very simple can turn into a very ugly off topic war of opinions.

I have posted several pics here and there are usually three digit number of views and at most two digit number of comments. Does that mean a greater number of observers found my pics to be awful?
.

Thats easy Pythos, every time we come back to read each new contribution it counts as another view.

[Lorileah]

I think that as a rule this site gives plenty of support, but that can come with some disagreement. If you see that a train wreck is going to occur, should you try and stop it?

The use of this site for discourse is a main feature. Everyday there is a post of "how do I look?" or similar and while most will prop the subject up, some will offer a reality check. Discussing when to tell a SO and similar are going to get arguments. But usually they are constructive and educational.

So here's a new thought. A member posts a picture. Asks "how do I look." and gets three responses, all nice. With the number of people here who would not say anything "bad" that person could assume that the majority is silent because they don't want to tell the truth. (and it explains why I usually get 5 responses )

[kendra_gurl]

I want to be the first one to place $10 into the hat to purchase Karren a pair of stylish girl jeans

Lorileah your avatar and profile photos are beautiful just for the record.

[NicoleScott]

Pythos, I wouldn't make anything of the numbers (reads vs. posts). I read far more than I comment on (believe it or not!). Some subjects I don't feel qualified to comment on, like gender dysphoria, transitioning, tucking, dating, and others, so I don't. I may know a little about those things, but not from first-hand experience, so I try to leave it to others more qualified.
As for honest but negative comments about a person's look, it depends on the request. "How do I look" doesn't tell me much about what the person is looking for. It might be just fishing for compliments. Some say "give me the good and the bad. I want to improve my look, and I really need honest opinions". That invites constructive criticism, as wanted. Saying "you look like crap, but you asked for it" would never be appropriate, because it's not constructive.
Also, when asking for comments, for example, on makeup or clothes, it would help to state your objective. Are you going to church, out to eat, movie, dancing, ball game, etc.? Do you want to focus on passing for casual daytime outings, or look your sexiest dor a date? Use good questions to get good answers.

[SweetIonis]

There's a difference between a site such as this being an environment where cheerleading rules the day, where everyone walks on eggshells lest someone be offended in any way, and a place where meaningful discourse can occur. I'm for the latter and where opinions sometimes differ, so be it. Then there's the question of how one deals with inanity. Do you call it out or simply ignore it? More often I ignore but on occasion people must be called out on such things. Failure to do so reverts these pages to such an uninteresting place.

I think that a good combination of intelligence, maturity and self control will dictate how we respond to things that we may feel are sub-standard or negative to one degree or another. Our mood is the key. The mood should be that I am trying to help someone be better, as opposed to using someone else's faults as a stepping stone to make myself feel bigger. As I have said before, we should bear in mind that we have faults also and as such we should not put conceptualize ourselves to be in a superior position to someone else just because we can see the legitimate faults in that other person.

I think the main thing to consider is can I respond in such a way that the situation and the person becomes better on a whole. If we will make the situation worse or the person worse we should refrain. However there may be some RARE situations where we may have to hurt someone in order to keep a greater damage from being done. For example killing a KNOWN serial killer or at least putting the person in a situation where they can do no more harm might be somewhat painful for the killer, however for the greater good, it's something that has to be done. I know that's a crude example, but I wanted to illustrate the principle. Unless it's something that rises to a level similar (doesn't have to be that extreme), if we are going to hurt someone without making them better, it's best to hold our peace.