Please Please LISTEN to me and PLEASE don't read anything into what I am trying to say/ask?
I am just trying to figure this out and hopefully give you an insight to one GG's thoughts.
There are always going to be the following kind of ~ Hit the GG up the side of the head with a sledge hammer ~ posts:
GG's are jealous of us because we are prettier/sexier and go to far more effort, therefore, we can only be far more attractive.
They get old and fat (roll outta bed into cat vomit) and don't care about their appearance what so ever.
Or there is this ~
Why don't they dress in feminine lingerie anymore?
They don't wear silk stockings, garters, ball gowns, cocktail dresses, girdles, heavy make-up, pantyhose or the retro ideal I was led to be attracted to by so called society and advertising.
I am nostalgic for the retro glamorous look I was taught to idealize in my childhood and am now (understandably) forced to re-create it on my own, because in my minds eye it no longer exists....and I hunger for that feminine ideal...I miss it so much.
But perhaps from a GG's point of view we see (in these "kinds" of threads/responses):
The one thing I really knew, was that I was the woman in our relationship and you LED ME TO BELIEVE you wanted to be the man. (Because of fear, lack of faith in my love for you or courage, it was easier for you to let me think that there was something wrong with me, than for you to tell me the truth).
But not only do you want to compete with me now as a woman and take that away from me....you won't be satisfied unless I "admit" you are a better/prettier/sexier/more feminine woman than me.
Was it your proof and purpose to come to this moment all along?
Please don't blame me or lay all this on me because you cross dress, it's not my fault either.
I didn't grow up in an era of "I would be taken care of (if I were only silly and stupid)".
I didn't grow up in an era of "If I could just set aside my smarts to be pretty".
I grew up in the era of cover your OWN sweet ass, get smart, work HARD and get paid as much as you can...just in case.
I grew up just as damaged as you....more so if you really want to go there.
I didn't grow up in the era of this "forever romantic embrace"....and neither did you.
(Shit Hun, you were the one doing the groping and don't try to re-write history now to suit your fantasy "virginal teenage yet I'm almost 60 years old" beliefs).
Please don't hide behind your perceived "I'm afraid, I'm scared, I am weak like a woman" talking in bumper stickers bullshit and expect me to respect you.....I'm not the bad guy and I'm not going to let you make me into one to pander to your silly whims.
These 37 years we shared were not a whim or fantasy to me.....they never were.
But if you insist on making them something I never thought they were, then I am just stupid for hanging on....
And I am NOT stupid....for very long.
Sorry folks,
....just venting in a very unattractive heart-felt hurt kinda way.
PLEASE, just take a peek into a GG's hurt....nothing more than yours and nothing less.
But it hurts all the same.