SO... well...
Honest to god i think im... psychotic or whatever
like legitly ****ing crazy.
I just... dont think like a normal person anymore...
I flip out/freak out at little things and vocalize in... these shrill... scary screams.
I know for a fact im autisic(aspergers syndrome)
Im DEEPLY addicted to online computer games and cant leave them alone...
I've often slipped into deep depression slopes and... I have really twisted and deepseated violent imaginations.
some are rooted in the fact that im born in the wrong body...
One of them was about me killing my cousin and taking her baby for my own...
Im DEEPLY and utterly obsessed with "diclonius." which are a species of homonid in an anime called "Elfen Lied" bascially all you ahve to know is they are born psychotic murders and have these psychic arms that can slice people appart, block bullets, and cause massive trauma...
So far the laundry list of problems i ahve...
Aspergers Syndrome
Gender Identity Disorder
Dyslexia features of dygraphia and apraxia
Bipolar disorder with features of rage(violent outbursts)
Anti social behavoirs
Extreme sensitivity to cold temperatures
History of suicidal tendancies and self harm.
Compulsive video game addict
Seriously, how the **** did someone like me get into the US Military?
I think some of it has to be rooted in my long history of abuse...
The worst part about all this is that im 100% completely concious of what's happening and im completely aware of all these problems...
And theres nothing i can do about it.
Im poor, I have nothing of value aside from my computers...
I Seriously need some sort of help or treatment.
I don't think i'll ever hurt anyone... I havent yet.
But i really do need help, or... I dont know
Maybe treatment in a neuropsychiatic unit... I honestly think im.... crazy.
god i need help and theres no one here to care for me or help me...no one ever has been...
All i wanted in life was to be a wife and a mom...
what i got instead was a body I hate, a brain thats so screwed up its probably deterorating, more than a decade of abuse, socialital norms leading to alienation and isolation...