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Thread: What being a TS is NOT

  1. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post
    I've been thinking about this for awhile and I want to explore this topic further on my blog. I was spurred into action by Andy's "you know you're trans" blurbs.

    Let's start a list of what being TS is NOT; I'd like to see what the sisterhood comes up with.

    Being a TS is NOT about acting like a woman

    Being a TS is NOT about passing as a woman

    Being a TS is NOT about dressing like a woman

    Being a TS is NOT about being pretty

    Being a TS is NOT about having surgeries


    Okay girls, the floor is yours

    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post
    Gosh folks, I wasn't trying to start a grumble fest.

    Freddie posted something a while back about this being a discussion group and we should discuss things and I happened to agree with her 100% so I thought I would initiate a topic for us to discuss. I enjoy exploring our various motivations and objectives and our feelings about why we are the way we are. I'm always interested in how other people arrive at the same place when they took a totally different route. I love the vigorous back and forth with intelligent (but open minded) people whose pointed arguments sometimes stretch the limits of what I know, or what I think I know. This is an internet forum after all. What else are we supposed to do within the texty confines of a discussion board?

    Instead of forthright discussion, everyone just picked a corner and squared off against each other. That's not exactly what I had in mind, even though I do tend to see what I want to see most of the time.

    I will admit that there are certain members that tend to kill discussion threads, but I urge those of you with something to say, to say it and ignore the bullies that would be delighted to get the last word in as if it were law.
    .
    well what did you really expect when you open a discussion with such a statement.

    A discussion is about discussing what is put in front of you, adding your opinion to that topic and then seeing how things develope.

    When Fredrique starts a discussion she uses a measured approach to the topic and does not make blanket statements. Whilst I admit, for me, some of her topics are a little deep, they do offer a chance for a true discussion to take place, I have never seen one of her posts develop into a war.

    If you want to discuss things on this forum, without them going down the pan, offer a choice of "sides", not just one blanket statement, too many people try to "force" a view and then wonder why they get shot to pieces.

    Just my
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  2. #77
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    I'm TS. I know it. I don't need validation or approval from anyone else.

    So when people pontificate on other peoples circumstances and say you are or are not TS. Ignore em. Just because someone says you are or are not matters not one jot.

    If Kate says I'm not TS do I care? No I don't. I know I'm TS and have known virtually all my life, but only in the last few years have I actually done something about it.

    So if, in your heart of hearts you know you are a woman (or man in a FTM), then go with your heart.

  3. #78
    Senior Member dawnmarrie1961's Avatar
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    Being TS is not about what anyone else thinks,feels or percieves. It is about what you think,feel and percieve.
    My weight does not define me.

  4. #79
    Not sure where I am yet Jay Cee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katesback View Post
    ..I am NOT here to make friends...
    That comes as somewhat of a shock to me.


    Reading this thread, I went from annoyance to overwhelming confusion about myself. The final stage was "what the hell do I care about others definitions of transexualism, or how I may fit in on the spectrum?" So I gained some perspective, and I would like to thank you all for that.

  5. #80
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jay Cee View Post
    That comes as somewhat of a shock to me.
    Reading this thread, I went from annoyance to overwhelming confusion about myself. The final stage was "what the hell do I care about others definitions of transexualism, or how I may fit in on the spectrum?" So I gained some perspective, and I would like to thank you all for that.

    Well Jay Cee that's exactly how I like to feel after a discussion on topics I'm not sure I agree with. There's always two sides ya know and as silly as it may seem to you, that other point of view is there for a reason and it's often just as vaild.
    I know there was some dust kicked up but I also know that there were some girls who understood and accepted my original premise which is;

    Being a TS isn't about anything. It's a state of being, and everything we do after we accept ourselves (makeup, surgeries) is simply an expression of who we are.

    I wasn't being exclusive, or divisive, I was trying to open a discussion that would result in all of us realizing that we are the same. Of course I didn't expect the negativity, but que sera.

    Nigella, maybe I'm just dumb but I still fail to see how my opening remarks were inflammatory, but I guess if you're always looking for a fight than you're bound to find one.

    I've grown weary of this "discussion".
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post

    Nigella, maybe I'm just dumb but I still fail to see how my opening remarks were inflammatory, but I guess if you're always looking for a fight than you're bound to find one.

    I've grown weary of this "discussion".
    Two things for you,

    Please do explain where the idea of imflammation came from!! I certainly have not stated anywhere that your OP was inflammatory,
    well what did you really expect when you open a discussion with such a statement.
    . It is a blanket statement, without taking into account how others may feel about their own situation, by presenting one point of view and reinforcing it by using capital letters to make a further point. A few have said what being a TS is, its about the individual not the pack.

    Secondly, if you have grown weary, just say the word and I'll quite happily close the thread for you, especially as it would seem you no longer feel that this is a discussion.
    Listen carefully to what is said, quite often you can hear what is not being said

    The joy of correcting a mistake can bring pain to another

  7. #82
    Silver Member Starling's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post
    ...Okay girls, the floor is yours.
    I think Melissa's OP was intended as a gentle reminder that transsexuality is not defined by any action we take, but rather is a state of being, an SOB that pre-exists anything we might do in response. It's clear from her photos that Melissa takes great care with her presentation; she wants to pass as a woman; she dresses like a woman; she's pretty. These facts just don't define her as a transsexual.

    Perhaps to some, Melissa's last line seemed like a challenge. I took it as an invitation.

    Lallie

    PS: And by the way, you'll notice that Andy's observations are not normative or categorical, but are personal and rather sweet.
    Time for a change.

  8. #83
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    melissa makes a great point...it is a deep need for transsexuals to express who they are...and all that "stuff" for transsexuals is an expression of ...transsexuality..
    but its also a deep need of other gender conflicted people of all stripes.

    you can say who cares, i know who i am..but because its such a deep need, i care about what i am and am not...
    and i reserve the right to say that if a person enjoys and embraces having male parts, and actively intends to keep them and enjoying them, or live half their life male just because they want to, than they are different than me...
    and it doesn't feel right to have that person push me to say this is not true... and it's sad when i say this that some people feel like it's a slight .....

    i am pretty sure that if i was in a room with most of you talking about this we could have a much easier conversation btw... forum discussions are not always pretty.

  9. #84
    Psyco Roller Derby Doll. Katesback's Avatar
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    I like your way of putting it. Thing is that if I was sitting next to someone dressed as a woman and said they were transsexual and wanted to keep thier male parts I would be thinking they were something else. That does not mean they are better or worse than me for I do not care. What I care about is a girl who has a penis and wants to keep it sure as hell is not like me and the millions of other women out there.

    Another way to put it is someone who dresses as a woman and wants to keep thier penis were to mention this to any woman on the street they would sure as hell not see them as a woman!!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    melissa makes a great point...it is a deep need for transsexuals to express who they are...and all that "stuff" for transsexuals is an expression of ...transsexuality..
    but its also a deep need of other gender conflicted people of all stripes.

    you can say who cares, i know who i am..but because its such a deep need, i care about what i am and am not...
    and i reserve the right to say that if a person enjoys and embraces having male parts, and actively intends to keep them and enjoying them, or live half their life male just because they want to, than they are different than me...
    and it doesn't feel right to have that person push me to say this is not true... and it's sad when i say this that some people feel like it's a slight .....

    i am pretty sure that if i was in a room with most of you talking about this we could have a much easier conversation btw... forum discussions are not always pretty.

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    I think there's a little misunderstanding with the whole "keeping the penis" thing... So many people are saying if you WANT to keep your penis your not trans...

    I have two reasons why I would want to keep my penis...
    1) because my boyfriend has a vagina and the ability for us to fit together is a nice feeling and connection (even though I still have issues when we do that)
    2) I would be better off financially

    However, I still have NUMEROUS reasons why I wish I didn't have it... even though it has a couple benefits, that doesn't mean I feel like I should have been born with it... it doesn't mean it doesn't depress the hell out of me as well. In my case, I'll hopefully get rid of it... but a transexual can feel like their penis doesn't belong, and after weighing their options, decide the WANT to keep it because with whatever they have to deal with in their life, they would be better off keeping it.

    Those of you who think I'm countering your statements probably already feel this way... it just doesn't come off clear in your posts, especially katesback who is extremely blunt and doesn't give any reasons or clarifications behind her statements. Some of you just come across as "OMG YOUR NOT TRANS IF YOU CAN LOOK AT YOUR PENIS IN THE MIRROR WITHOUT CRYING" ... kinda :P
    Last edited by Bree-asaurus; 07-02-2011 at 11:37 PM.

  11. #86
    Not sure where I am yet Jay Cee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post
    Well Jay Cee that's exactly how I like to feel after a discussion on topics I'm not sure I agree with. There's always two sides ya know and as silly as it may seem to you, that other point of view is there for a reason and it's often just as vaild.
    I know there was some dust kicked up but I also know that there were some girls who understood and accepted my original premise which is;

    Being a TS isn't about anything. It's a state of being, and everything we do after we accept ourselves (makeup, surgeries) is simply an expression of who we are.
    Two sides? I'm betting more like six. Or eight. Maybe more.

    No complaints from me. I may be baffled by another forum member's opinion. I may even be mildly angered at times. However, if I get something out of it that helps me to accept myself, then I've come out ahead.

  12. #87
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    I was ambivalent about my penis... it was just something on the list...i was much more interested in ffs and being accepted as female..

    i recall having a dream about walking down the street and all my clothes fell off, and everyone stared at me with a penis..!!! yikes!!
    and i recall being reminded every day of course that i had a penis...i remember trudging off to srs, not excited, more determined...

    what i learned, and have been sharing, is that getting the surgery was a transcendant thing..it changed everything...it changed everything in a way i had not anticipated..it didn't make me happy after the initial euphoria...
    it just ended my feeling of otherness.... i thought i was doing find with my penis, but what i didn't realize was that i could feel "cisgendered"... i am much more about sharing this thing i learned than excluding people...i learned from this that my internal fear that i was not transsexual, that i was making a huge mistake was eliminated through srs...through gender "confirmation" surgery..

    this is where i get my data... this isn't what's in my head..it's what happened..it's important to me to share my experience... i learned from it...
    saying you are better off keeping is not wanting it and

    i am sorry if someone feels hurt or excluded by something i say...perhaps it is true that some people do not need that confirmation..however to not even desire it in any way does not compute with me..

    To one of your points Bree we are different in an important way...
    i never ever ever felt "connected" with someone with my penis...does that make sense? i could have sex, i could get off, i could please someone, but it never felt like a connection..ever
    after having sex as a woman, i can't say i was in love with anyone, but the sex was connected, and it was me and i didn't feel like a fraud in bed..i felt satisfied and connected

    i think there is a ton of rationalization in many of the people that are transtioning about surgery/passing/ffs/srs... people that don't do these things for whatever reason are forever going to convince people that had these things that they are ts too..
    i think in the end almost every person here that has posted is what we would all call "ts"... i'm sure there are some talkers and fakers...but fear, guilt, shame, money, need for love, shamex2, depression all impact us deeply in our shared experience, and it messes with your mind...



    Quote Originally Posted by Bree_K View Post
    I think there's a little misunderstanding with the whole "keeping the penis" thing... So many people are saying if you WANT to keep your penis your not trans...

    I have two reasons why I would want to keep my penis...
    1) because my boyfriend has a vagina and the ability for us to fit together is a nice feeling and connection (even though I still have issues when we do that)
    2) I would be better off financially

    However, I still have NUMEROUS reasons why I wish I didn't have it... even though it has a couple benefits, that doesn't mean I feel like I should have been born with it... it doesn't mean it doesn't depress the hell out of me as well. In my case, I'll hopefully get rid of it... but a transexual can feel like their penis doesn't belong, and after weighing their options, decide the WANT to keep it because with whatever they have to deal with in their life, they would be better off keeping it.

    Those of you who think I'm countering your statements probably already feel this way... it just doesn't come off clear in your posts, especially katesback who is extremely blunt and doesn't give any reasons or clarifications behind her statements. Some of you just come across as "OMG YOUR NOT TRANS IF YOU CAN LOOK AT YOUR PENIS IN THE MIRROR WITHOUT CRYING" ... kinda :P

  13. #88
    Psyco Roller Derby Doll. Katesback's Avatar
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    I concur with this. As I have said before once you have SRS transition really begins. Anything before is with training wheels. Perhaps thats why I say SRS has to be a desire for someone to actually be transsexual. I submit to you that if Bree were to become single her focal point on SRS would change. The only thing placating her desire at this time is the circumstances she has going on in her life at the moment.

    I realize that many of you get all defensive when someone says something you dont like. The problem is that in the real world you rarely hear people say things you want to hear. On the contrary you are faced with comments that you do not want to hear. That girls is why I am the way I am. I have transpired the real world into the fantasy world of this forum. If you are to be successful you should be able to take comments you dont like and digest them and perhaps come to realize the comment is the truth and realistic.

    So back to the person that appears as a woman but wants to keep thier penis. For this person to say they are transsexual is a slap across the face of someone who is actually transsexual or a woman for that matter. It would be like someone saying that because drag queens fit into the transgender relm they are the same as a transsexual. I have news for you I am not drag queen! I am not like the person that looks like a woman but wants to have a penis! I am a woman and women do not willfully have penises!

    This does not mean that I look down upon other people that are not like me, but when they suggest that they actually are like me I say hell no. I went through the process that few have and I stand here and say if your not willing to follow through with the transition process then you are not like me, you are not transsexual, and you are not a woman because women don't have penises.

    Katie


    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    I was ambivalent about my penis... it was just something on the list...i was much more interested in ffs and being accepted as female..

    i recall having a dream about walking down the street and all my clothes fell off, and everyone stared at me with a penis..!!! yikes!!
    and i recall being reminded every day of course that i had a penis...i remember trudging off to srs, not excited, more determined...

    what i learned, and have been sharing, is that getting the surgery was a transcendant thing..it changed everything...it changed everything in a way i had not anticipated..it didn't make me happy after the initial euphoria...
    it just ended my feeling of otherness.... i thought i was doing find with my penis, but what i didn't realize was that i could feel "cisgendered"... i am much more about sharing this thing i learned than excluding people...i learned from this that my internal fear that i was not transsexual, that i was making a huge mistake was eliminated through srs...through gender "confirmation" surgery..

    this is where i get my data... this isn't what's in my head..it's what happened..it's important to me to share my experience... i learned from it...
    saying you are better off keeping is not wanting it and

    i am sorry if someone feels hurt or excluded by something i say...perhaps it is true that some people do not need that confirmation..however to not even desire it in any way does not compute with me..

    To one of your points Bree we are different in an important way...
    i never ever ever felt "connected" with someone with my penis...does that make sense? i could have sex, i could get off, i could please someone, but it never felt like a connection..ever
    after having sex as a woman, i can't say i was in love with anyone, but the sex was connected, and it was me and i didn't feel like a fraud in bed..i felt satisfied and connected

    i think there is a ton of rationalization in many of the people that are transtioning about surgery/passing/ffs/srs... people that don't do these things for whatever reason are forever going to convince people that had these things that they are ts too..
    i think in the end almost every person here that has posted is what we would all call "ts"... i'm sure there are some talkers and fakers...but fear, guilt, shame, money, need for love, shamex2, depression all impact us deeply in our shared experience, and it messes with your mind...
    Last edited by Katesback; 07-03-2011 at 11:48 AM.

  14. #89
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    Another great post Kaitlyn,

    I'm also ambivalent, I don't hate it, I don't love it, I just have it and I'm not sure I want to go through all the trouble of getting rid of it. I love your transcendence comment, it make me think that I might be really ambivalent about the vagina and in that sense I don't even know what I'm talking about.

    Time will tell, but right now, I don't mind the pickle and you know what else? I even stand up to pee when it's appropriate. I got in an argument with a pre-op lady once about peeing! She said she sits down every time even at home and I was stunned. If you have it, why not use it? It's so much more convenient. When I'm in a ladies restroom, I obviously sit because that's the protocol, but at home?! She was emphatic that there was something wrong with me if I don't completely disregard my genitalia. I believe the next day is when I fired up my blog and started calling it badtranny. ;-)

    I'm not pretending that I don't have body issues. I've hated my body since I can remember, I used to work out obsessively but I was never comfortable in my skin until I started HRT. I can honestly say I love my body now. I stopped lifting weights a couple of years ago and started dieting and now I've finally got the feminine form that feels like home. I have some remaining work to do, some additional lipo shaping, breast implants, and some facial feminization but I feel happy and confident for the first time in my life, and my future finally looks exciting instead of the "same old drag".

    Maybe some day down the road I will consider the final cut, but for the foreseeable future my lifestyle is far more important than whatever is under my skirt.
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
    At least there is social acceptance in being a drunk in our world. Hell I was good at it too.
    Melissa Hobbes
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    1.My theory of TS/MTF Cohesion has been proven.
    2.All MTF's include CD's that have gone the whole way to TS .
    3.The TS are now experts and cannot acknowledge the CD's, MTF's, non-op TS ideas..
    4.The non-TS know nothing until they become TS. So why reply?
    5. The lack of cohesion prevents the "T" of LGBT from ever being considered as a group like gays..
    6. As much womanly gossip as I hear from y'all leads me to believe that you you all made it womanhood.

  16. #91
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    i can still stand up to pee if i really want...hehe

    patricia... i think its too strong to say I am an expert and cannot "acknowledge" ideas...i can only share what i experienced though, and my experience includes extensive work and knowledge of cd's and ts's, lots of group therapy interactions, and lots of non-op ts people...in 5 minutes i'm taking my best friend out dressed...she is a cd and love her to death... she loves going out with me dressed..we talk about this stuff all time...i think cd's have an inferiority complex sometimes...

    the reason T is not a group is because we are very small in numbers, ts people are generally poor because of the expense and the dislike of us in the workplace, lots of ts blend rather than stay out, and more cd's than not are closeted, and we challenge people more because lots of folks have decided that what's in the bedroom is not their business(dont ask dont tell)...only passable girls and guys have this option, otherwise we are right there in front of them...there are lots of different types of LGB people, but they are much more out, and there are lots and lots more of them..
    Last edited by Kaitlyn Michele; 07-03-2011 at 12:12 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    To one of your points Bree we are different in an important way...
    i never ever ever felt "connected" with someone with my penis...does that make sense? i could have sex, i could get off, i could please someone, but it never felt like a connection..ever
    after having sex as a woman, i can't say i was in love with anyone, but the sex was connected, and it was me and i didn't feel like a fraud in bed..i felt satisfied and connected
    I can't get off when having sex the "traditional" way. I feel connected with my boyfriend because I love him... not simply because I'm using my penis. I still enjoy sex FAR more when he's focusing more on other parts of me and when I don't have my flawed body in the back of my mind.

    There is no way in hell I would just be able to have sex with some non-trans guy I don't love... with or without my penis. And if my boyfriend wasn't an FTM, I would most definitely have even more issues with having sex and I don't even know if I would want my penis to come into the equation since he wouldn't really understand how I feel about it.

    In our relationship, we are both transexual and we both have parts that we don't want... we both know what the other is dealing with.

    So you're saying that because I can enjoy being with my boyfriend with or without my penis, even though I still can't get off when I use it, that I still sometimes get depressed after using it, that I am not a transexual? You're saying that because my boyfriend can feel a connection with me when he uses his vagina, that he is not a transexual? I might be making an assumption that you are saying that this is an "important difference" between us because I'm not transexual like you... but I may just be getting defensive, so I apologize if this is not what you're saying.

    Both of us would gladly swap our parts if we could... but it's not feasible for him and there is a chance it may not be feasible for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Katesback View Post
    I went through the process that few have and I stand here and say if your not willing to follow through with the transition process then you are not like me, you are not transsexual, and you are not a woman because women don't have penises.
    So by that you are also saying men don't have vaginas... but there are tons of FTMs and supporters who would spit in your face if you said that to them in person.

    I gave you more credit than you deserve Kate. You are just as bad as the preachers and the religious fundamentalists. The genitalia does not determine the gender... SRS does not make you transexual. I am very happy to not be like you... I would never want to be like you. But I am a transexual, and you can take that as a slap in the face if you want.
    Last edited by Bree-asaurus; 07-03-2011 at 12:38 PM.

  18. #93
    Psyco Roller Derby Doll. Katesback's Avatar
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    Bree my points also apply to transmen. If they willfullingly want to have or keep thier vagina they are not transsexual. The fact that they have not had SRS is the clear state of the surgery at this time. I cannot fault a transguy for not getting SRS because it sucks at this time.




    Quote Originally Posted by Bree_K View Post
    I can't get off when having sex the "traditional" way. I feel connected with my boyfriend because I love him... not simply because I'm using my penis. I still enjoy sex FAR more when he's focusing more on other parts of me and when I don't have my flawed body in the back of my mind.

    There is no way in hell I would just be able to have sex with some non-trans guy I don't love... with or without my penis. And if my boyfriend wasn't an FTM, I would most definitely have even more issues with having sex and I don't even know if I would want my penis to come into the equation since he wouldn't really understand how I feel about it.

    In our relationship, we are both transexual and we both have parts that we don't want... we both know what the other is dealing with.

    So you're saying that because I can enjoy being with my boyfriend with or without my penis, even though I still can't get off when I use it, that I still sometimes get depressed after using it, that I am not a transexual? You're saying that because my boyfriend can feel a connection with me when he uses his vagina, that he is not a transexual?

    Both of us would gladly swap our parts if we could... but it's not feasible for him and there is a chance it may not be feasible for me.



    So by that you are also saying men don't have vaginas... but there are tons of FTMs and supporters who would spit in your face if you said that to them in person.

    I gave you more credit than you deserve Kate. You are just as bad as the preachers and the religious fundamentalists. The genitalia does not determine the gender... SRS does not make you transexual. I am very happy to not be like you... I would never want to be like you. But I am a transexual, and you can take that as a slap in the face if you want.

  19. #94
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katesback View Post
    I realize that many of you get all defensive when someone says something you dont like. The problem is that in the real world you rarely hear people say things you want to hear. On the contrary you are faced with comments that you do not want to hear. That girls is why I am the way I am. I have transpired the real world into the fantasy world of this forum. If you are to be successful you should be able to take comments you dont like and digest them and perhaps come to realize the comment is the truth and realistic.
    Excuse me? That's just an outrageous statement considering the source. It's also a little bizarre that you continue to talk about this real world like you're the only one who lives in it. That's particularly offensive to me because I am currently in the delicate process of trying to transition without dismantling a great career. It may seem unimportant to those post transition gals, but to me, maintaining my comfortable income is a very high priority. In this real life you speak of, I had two meetings with colleagues just this last Friday and told them both about my plans to complete the transition next year and I will be needing them on my team as I look for a new place to hang my hardhat. Both meetings went remarkably well but I need to balance coming out with keeping my current bosses in the dark so they don't get a sense that I would be leaving anytime soon. The real world requires patience and personal sacrifice in order to achieve a worthwhile goal. I certainly don't suscribe to any internet fantasies, in fact my real life is documented on my blog. I submit that none of the respondents in this particular thread are living any kind of fantasy life either.

    Quote Originally Posted by Katesback View Post

    This does not mean that I look down upon other people that are not like me, but when they suggest that they actually are like me I say hell no.
    Katie
    Well I can say with certainty that I've never suggested that I was anything like you. Since I'm not TS by your definition, then you and I have absolutely nothing in common.
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
    At least there is social acceptance in being a drunk in our world. Hell I was good at it too.
    Melissa Hobbes
    www.badtranny.com

  20. #95
    Psyco Roller Derby Doll. Katesback's Avatar
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    So you are weighting the career over transition. It appears you place that at the highest importance and thats fine. The problem is then you sacrifice transition which is something that takes 100% effort. Also do you think that living as a woman but willingfully keeping your penis is going to help you succeed? I mean really? In most places you cannot change records such as social security. To your employer your social security will indicate your MALE.

    I cannot see that helping you with your valuable career. Finally another point. Telling someone about your goals is a lot different than showing them. It would be wise of you to make a decision and follow through with it and avoid at all costs talking about it! That means do it and keep your mouth shut. But then you already said the career and money are important and how I read it more important than actually transitioning. If you need advice from a couple guys I know that had SRS and live life as a men durring the day and girl at night I can try to connect you with them. I mean hey they have succeeded at getting SRS and still being a part time girl. Very special indeed.




    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post
    Excuse me? That's just an outrageous statement considering the source. It's also a little bizarre that you continue to talk about this real world like you're the only one who lives in it. That's particularly offensive to me because I am currently in the delicate process of trying to transition without dismantling a great career. It may seem unimportant to those post transition gals, but to me, maintaining my comfortable income is a very high priority. In this real life you speak of, I had two meetings with colleagues just this last Friday and told them both about my plans to complete the transition next year and I will be needing them on my team as I look for a new place to hang my hardhat. Both meetings went remarkably well but I need to balance coming out with keeping my current bosses in the dark so they don't get a sense that I would be leaving anytime soon. The real world requires patience and personal sacrifice in order to achieve a worthwhile goal. I certainly don't suscribe to any internet fantasies, in fact my real life is documented on my blog. I submit that none of the respondents in this particular thread are living any kind of fantasy life either.



    Well I can say with certainty that I've never suggested that I was anything like you. Since I'm not TS by your definition, then you and I have absolutely nothing in common.
    Last edited by Katesback; 07-03-2011 at 12:53 PM.

  21. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post
    Excuse me? That's just an outrageous statement considering the source. It's also a little bizarre that you continue to talk about this real world like you're the only one who lives in it.
    I believe Katesback lives in her own fantasy world where people who don't follow her path are not transexual. She seems to know so much about everyone else without actually knowing anyone she is criticizing. I think she assumes that because people post on here, they are living out their fantasies on the internet... and until you post on here proclaiming you got SRS, you aren't a REAL SERIOUS transexual. I use this forum as a place to meet other people going through what I'm going through, to vent, and to share my experiences. I live my own life, and have my own struggles and am going through my own transition in the "real world." She doesn't see this though so she's still the supreme transexual with the power to diagnose all others.

    Quote Originally Posted by Katesback View Post
    So you are weighting the career over transition. It appears you place that at the highest importance and thats fine. The problem is then you sacrifice transition which is something that takes 100% effort. Also do you think that living as a woman but willingfully keeping your penis is going to help you succeed? I mean really? In most places you cannot change records such as social security. To your employer your social security will indicate your MALE.
    How is getting SRS going to help her succeed? SRS is something she would do for herself... not her job. You kinda need to have a career to afford SRS...

    A background check will still show that you had your name and gender changed. Some states, you can't even change your birth certificate. Being born the wrong gender will ALWAYS follow you, wherever you go. Personally, if I stay self employed, I'll be fine. But if I ever get another job in my field, it's highly likely that I will need to get a background check. Guess what shows up then? Even after my license is changed, and after my California birth certificate states I'm female, that change is still recorded and will still be found. It's something you have to live with.

    Transition takes a lot of work, but not everyone is willing to make the rest of their lives miserable just to cut off a growth. Not everyone is in your position Kate, so everyone is going to take their own personal road to transition. I'm certainly not going to lose everything and add an insane amount of additional stress to an already stressful life to "give it 100%" like you say. I'm going to play it smart, take my time and have a happy life AND successfully transition... not trade one misery for another.

    Transitioning is expensive, and it is extremely helpful to have the rest of your life on track to be able to do it. I don't need my house. I can have an apartment. I don't need all my cars, I just need one. I am willing to severely reduce my lifestyle, but I'm not willing to lose my job. If I lose my job, I lose the ability to pay for electrolysis, HRT, SRS, etc.



    Kate, why don't you write a book on the perfect way to transition since you have it all figured out for everyone else?
    Last edited by Bree-asaurus; 07-03-2011 at 01:21 PM.

  22. #97
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    Kate Could you please be more condescending? I haven't read Mein Kampf yet nor the Communist Manifesto but I believe we all have the right to live our own lives in "the real world". I don't have time to ride motorcycles, party or just hang out. I too value my job -the 451st job I applied for after the big layoff. I think I'm doing pretty well, going paycheck to paycheck. I didnt have the $ to complete my transition and probably never will, but I am content with having the feminine body I have even tho I wear man clothes to work-because I have to have a job. I wasn't blest like you obviously were with having a big money account. Having a job and benefits is very important during these tough economic times. No one sees my boobs or puts two and two together as I leave my feminine self at home. As Melissa said "The real world requires patience and personal sacrifice in order to achieve a worthwhile goal." AND that really is the best I can do right now. Patricia


    It may seem unimportant to those post transition gals, but to me, maintaining my comfortable income is a very high priority. In this real life you speak of, I had two meetings with colleagues just this last Friday and told them both about my plans to complete the transition next year and I will be needing them on my team as I look for a new place to hang my hardhat. Both meetings went remarkably well but I need to balance coming out with keeping my current bosses in the dark so they don't get a sense that I would be leaving anytime soon. The real world requires patience and personal sacrifice in order to achieve a worthwhile goal. I certainly don't suscribe to any internet fantasies, in fact my real life is documented on my blog. I submit that none of the respondents in this particular thread are living any kind of fantasy life either.

  23. #98
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    In my province and in most of my country, SRS is paid for by the government. I have a question for all the forumites who say they do not want SRS or rationalize keeping their penis or vagina. Would you have the surgery if the surgery was free? Or is your penis or vagina such an intrinsic part of your being that you still would not have it?
    It's Frances with an E, like Frances Farmer. Francis is a man's name.

  24. #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frances View Post
    In my province and in most of my country, SRS is paid for by the government. I have a question for all the forumites who say they do not want SRS or rationalize keeping their penis or vagina. Would you have the surgery if the surgery was free? Or is your penis or vagina such an intrinsic part of your being that you still would not have it?
    I never said I hope to keep it... if SRS was free, I'd be on the phone in 2 minutes trying to schedule an appointment. I'm saying if I can't afford it without destroying the rest of my life, I have found one benefit in keeping it... in the extremely deep pool of discomfort it brings me... and I will continue trying to make the best of it and keep trying to learn to live with it until I can get SRS.

    I'm very afraid of surgery... I've never been to the hospital... but I will get over that for SRS... oh my god I will get over that.

  25. #100
    . Aprilrain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frances View Post
    In my province and in most of my country, SRS is paid for by the government. I have a question for all the forumites who say they do not want SRS or rationalize keeping their penis or vagina. Would you have the surgery if the surgery was free? Or is your penis or vagina such an intrinsic part of your being that you still would not have it?
    NOTHING is free!!!!!!!!!! someone is paying for all those "free" medical procedures.

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