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Thread: trans-gender life reality more real in workplace than in friends/family community?

  1. #1
    New Member Lilli's Avatar
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    Apr 2010
    northwest of Germany

    Question trans-gender life reality more real in workplace than in friends/family community?

    I go - as many here seem to do - through varying phases of crossdressing and fantasies. I sometimes fantasize about living my life as a woman.
    As this is something that comes and goes I tend to look at myself in a more abstract fashion when I think about it. Here is what recently struck me as a possibly significant clue (on the never ending road to understanding what the nature of my urges is):

    I never fantasize about living as a woman in the circle of my friends or my family. I picture myself as a woman at the workplace. "Being treated" as a woman and other such tropes - in my mind they always take place in the world of work and buying/shopping situations (and not to forget my sexual fantasies, but they have no real context at all).

    So what I am beginning to wonder is - is this an urge that lives in the business world that has so successfully sucked up my life since I left my parents 25 years ago? Is it a fantasy that - to but it bluntly - is based on the self-misunderstanding as a being that is defined in all respects - as Marx said in the communist manifesto - by means of economical relationships?

    I do hope my writing is not too weird here: What I mean is: Is being a transwoman a dream that someone has when he is among his friends? Well, I for one have not. I have it when I am absorbed in actions and relations that are all defined by their economic nature. So I fantasize to be a woman. I would be a woman at the post office, at the hair dresser, and while shopping. On airplanes in buses, in the cinema. But I do not fantasize to be a woman when I am having a coffee with my oldest buddy or when I am playing catch with cousin's son.

    Does someone get what I mean? I mean: Is it a result of the fact that my life has been emptied and exchanged for a complete set of duties, actions and transactions none of which mirror my character in any way but all of which reduce me to an economical factor.

    Buh. Sorry for that neo-marxist rant. It probably reads like a madman's rambling.


  2. #2
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Apr 2006
    The Poconos PA
    I believe we tend to over think it all sometimes. If we just follow through being who we are as a person, we seem to be more successful in whatever scenerio we find ourselves in, no?
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  3. #3
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    Oct 2009
    At home in my own skin
    Hi Lilli, the only part of your post that I can answer from experience is:

    Quote Originally Posted by Lilli View Post
    Is being a transwoman a dream that someone has when he is among his friends?
    Being transsexual is definitely not a dream. It's much closer to your worst nightmare multiplied by about 500. It's knowing that you were born in the wrong body and being unable to relate to the gender that corresponds to your anatomy. Eventually, for many of us being TS comes down to a choice between transition and death. That said, once we start the transition, our lives become better by orders of magnitude - even for those of us who lose everything (I was lucky not to have to go through that particular hurdle).
    Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.

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  4. #4
    FTM ~ Andro ~ Boi Areyan's Avatar
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    Feb 2009
    Blue Fog Land
    i'm not writing this to be mean either, but i hate to break it to you. what you're describing sounds like pure fantasy. keep on doing what you're doing with the cross dressing and if you do start feeling VERY bad about yourself, seek a gender therapist for further info if you're still worried. i'm not a huge fan of self-diagnosis leading to medical transition unless you are in the position Rianna speaks of above me. if you're still as ambivalent about it as you are and looking at it through a very "hollywood bs" lens then yes you're going to be one of those poor souls who ends up in the ground decades before their time.

    this is not a rehearsal. transsexualism is not some romanticized eco-social, movie-version of your current life. you are still going to be you whether you have pants or a skirt on. if you're into men sexually this doesn't make you auto-trans either. a very qualified, or at least experienced sexual health and gender therapist would help you sort through things if you were considering transition. imho, don't seek medical transition yet.
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  5. #5
    Biker Babe Phoebe Reece's Avatar
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    Jul 2005
    Atlanta, GA
    Lili, being a part-time crossdresser means you can enjoy both sides. I enjoy getting out as a woman doing the many ordinary things you mentioned. I go to the bank, post office, shopping, ride mass transit, movies, and many other things. I am retired now, but when I was working I certainly had some fantasies about showing up for work some day dressed as Phoebe. I have friends and family that know me both as a woman and a man. But I also have many friends and family members that only know me as a man and I have no urge to change that situation. I really enjoy the ability to present myself either way as my mood and circumstances allow. Don't over analyze things and you will be much happier.

  6. #6
    Gen thechic's Avatar
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    Aug 2009
    New Zealand
    Being transsexual is Certainly no romantic dream, it a nightmare from hell and not a urge that comes and goes,pretending to be male inside was so hard,this nearly drove me to breaking point.coming out has made me happier person, as i can be my true self, with the help of professionals of course.But coming out has caused meany other problems too like my job, friends, family etc.Being transsexual to me is not about the pretty cloths,its wanting to be a woman so badly at any cost and being excepted as a woman.

  7. #7
    New Member Lilli's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    northwest of Germany
    I feel that I was a bit unclear about what interested me in this:

    a) let me make clear, that I accept my being cd and I have no problem with it other than the usual practicalities of life.
    b) I am still interested in understanding what triggers it. Because it comes and goes and it definitely is tied to external factors. Maybe not the "if" but the "how much of" this need to cd is tied to my external world.

    Having said this: I feel that it is tied to my life being usurped by workplace like interactions with other people.
    By this I mean that I oftenfeel that I can't be who I am. I feel that others won't react affirmatively to my softer sides or understand only parts of me. Those parts taht they can work with. So it is in the everyday life which is mainly a life of workplace interactions (if its not my workplace it is someone else's) that I feel not affirmed for who I am. I tend to think that this means, that I am more feminine than a male frame can be attributed with. But this can also be, because it is just the kind of environment where people reduce you to a function for their workprocess.
    My assumption is, that most of life's interactions are pretty alienated stuff.
    So this is what I meant: Is it when there is no place among my fellow people where I can be something other than just a cog in their worklife that I feel the need to break out?
    Cding is something where I can attend to my softer sides and it, the dressing up, creates an environment around my self in which I can be that.

    I hope this clears it up a little.

    And let me ask again: Don't you think there is something to it? That it is like life bubble in an alienated environment?


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