Realization

[Aprilrain]

So in examining my own personal situation I have come to the conclusion that there are two types of gender dysphoria, at least basically. Anyway I've noticed that even though I'm full time and am out to god and everyone and have been on hormones for 6 months now that I still have a lot of gender dysphoria, if you can call it that. Yesterday I came to the realization that it's probably not really "gender" dysphoria as my gender now matches my brain however my body leaves me with MUCH to be desired! frankly I hate it. Oddly enough my penis is the least of my worries. Yes I want SRS but that is not what everyone else sees nor do I look down there that often either. What I DO see and what causes me a lot of distress is my face and well the rest of what a person sees when they look down at their body. It's just not right none of it! It does not match what I see in my mind, it's closer than it was perhaps but not by much. It's really depressing : (

[Katesback]

I have said it more than once. The best return on investment for most TS girls is FFS. If I had to do the process of transition all over again I would have done my face first.

[Inna]

Dysphoria is a dissatisfaction with body sexual characteristics not matching internal gender variant. So you are dysphoric until such is corrected! You are absolutelly right in saying that the face is The Most important organ of gender in initial recognition. I recently went to Be All Chicago conference and only for a half day for some seminars on FFS visited with my future Dr and also with a new guy. Anyway, I observed every girl there and for most part I could identify them as Crossdressing non transsexual types. But one in particular gave me a vindictive reaffirmation in what I believed for a long time, Face will do wonders to the recognition of ones gender variant.

This girl had her face done not long ago and looked rather beautiful but that is all, her entire body, proportions, the movements, speech, dressing were for the luck of better description, shouting "GUY" in the most of loud tone! But despite my keen eye and knowing of who she was, a transsexual woman, she totally passed as a woman, very tomboy girl, but girl nevertheless.
So FFS is the inevitable evil most of us, non genetically gifted girls have to dream about and hope that such dreams come true.
I so hope you can do what you need to do, but to cheer you up, there is a way to do a single procedure at the time as well so that little by little you can achieve your goal.

[Stephenie S]

I have said it more than once. The best return on investment for most TS girls is FFS. If I had to do the process of transition all over again I would have done my face first.

Kate knows what she is talking about.

Unfortunately, good FFS is expensive. Far more so than SRS. I have a close friend who I thought was quite good looking, but she wanted FFS. I tried hard to discourage her, telling her she was fine just the way she was, but she would have none of it. She went ahead and spent close to $45,000 with Dr S. Well let me tell you, that girl is just as cute as ever she could be. Was it worth 45 grand? I didn't think so before she did it, but now I am a real believer.

FFS can be the most valuable thing you will ever do. It's true no one looks between your legs. Everyone sees your face. If you can afford it, do it. It will give you SUCH a jump start on a successful transition.

S

[Katesback]

Ahh thanks Steph. I was in that catagory like the girl your talking about. Everyone said you dont need FFS. But like so many trans girls I didnt listen. Come to think of it I didnt listen to anyone about getting any surgery or the order of it or anything to do with transition. LOL Yea I have said trans girls dont listen and I was no different. But today I can look back with wisdom.

Perhaps the big reason trans girls dont listen to people is because we build up a wall to defend ourselves emotionally from other people.

Speaking of FFS and SRS I just chuckled a moment. One of my favorite pictures is the one for my avatar where I am standing next to my motorcycle. The irony is that was taken a month before SRS and a year before FFS. LOL. Go figure.

[Aprilrain]

I have known since day one (whenever that was lol) that I would spend the money on my face before SRS or BA. I'm currently trying to sell a truck I don't need and that would give me a nice chunk of change to spend on my face. I have people tell me I don't need it, trans and cis, but they're either being nice or aren't thinking about what it takes to truly make it in this world especially as a female. I'm way beyond caring if people "accept" me at the store or whatever I just want people to not know unless they are very observant or I tell them. Right now I think I'm "acceptable" people accept that I am presenting as female and want to be treated like any other female but that doesn't mean they can't tell I'm a genetic male. But more importantly still I'm my own worse critic and I'm the one who has to look at my self in the mirror everyday. Now what to do about no hips!

[Gerrijerry]

everything we girls do is for us not other people. if you want to have FFS and SRS or what ever you feel you need to be complete that is what you need to do.

[Inna]

I was surprised and dumbfound on my last trip to see my sister in Chicago. All the lovely girlfriends who by now are my girlfriends as well agree to one thing. They all would love to have narrow hips and broad shoulders, WHAT! I thought I am gonna fall face forward when I heard that statement and didn't believe my ears. Some of the girls are just deliciously curvy with perfect bodies and weight, but NO they want to have narrow hips. Well there you go, you got one thing, but you want another, I honestly think that if you take care of FFS and become a girl next door hips are not going to be as much a desire as they are now. I tend to see by my own account that desires to change everything is only so intense because we sort of lack all of it at once, but after we secure some of those aspects the rest will be easier to live with.

[Andrea85]

Nothing wrong with feeling like that. I do on ocassion, like when I'm doing my makeup or whatnot. Just takes time and patience to make it through it all. My transition has taught me a lot about patience.

[Alexiz]

Just takes time and patience to make it through it all. My transition has taught me a lot about patience.

I feel a strong relation to this. No matter how I see it, the biggest words that always go through my head in relation to being transgender is "Patience".

I never really thought too deeply about the things mentioned in this thread, but it all makes sense. It would seem much more ideal to get FFS as the first thing, but.. it really does seem like a big hurdle. Everyone seems to have things planned out so well; I still feel clueless where to start, but I'll get there eventually.

I really hope things work out for you, April!

[AKAMichelle]

FFS makes a big difference with how the world sees you. SRS makes a big difference on how you see yourself. but nothing replaces a little confidence from people telling you how pretty you are.

[Starling]

I hate everything about my male face and body, but when I am able to be myself, I look so much better to me! I could benefit a lot from FFS, but that's something I'll worry about when I get rich.

It's true about body types (and the worst is always one's own, eh?), because there is a huge overlap between the sexes. If you know you are a woman, and take the trouble to groom yourself properly and dress the way a cis-woman of your physical type would dress--and relax--you will most likely be treated as a woman.

The very first people who met me as myself soon forgot my birth sex after the conversation moved away from it. The women talked with me and physicalized with me as as a woman. And these were people who knew me as a man.

You know how people in a documantary forget the camera is there? Well, I was the camera. It went remarkably well, even with my regular voice. Lots of overlap in real life there, too.

Lallie

[Aprilrain]

I feel a strong relation to this. No matter how I see it, the biggest words that always go through my head in relation to being transgender is "Patience".

I never really thought too deeply about the things mentioned in this thread, but it all makes sense. It would seem much more ideal to get FFS as the first thing, but.. it really does seem like a big hurdle. Everyone seems to have things planned out so well; I still feel clueless where to start, but I'll get there eventually.

I really hope things work out for you, April!

start with a therapist then hormones then when your waiting for SRS if that is what you want do electrolysis as much as you can! and of course FFS if you can afford it thats my plan.

For me transition is about getting on with my life and im not a patient woman to begin with so yes im getting many lessons in patients. most of my image problems are personal, a lot of the stuff i worry about no one else notices but I notice it and there in lies the problem. Anyone need a truck?

[Kelsy]

I'll die if I can't have FFS! Really When I look at my face I want to cry! SRS will wait until i have my face done!
Money is key!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Kate knows what she is talking about.

Unfortunately, good FFS is expensive. Far more so than SRS. I have a close friend who I thought was quite good looking, but she wanted FFS. I tried hard to discourage her, telling her she was fine just the way she was, but she would have none of it. She went ahead and spent close to $45,000 with Dr S. Well let me tell you, that girl is just as cute as ever she could be. Was it worth 45 grand? I didn't think so before she did it, but now I am a real believer.

FFS can be the most valuable thing you will ever do. It's true no one looks between your legs. Everyone sees your face. If you can afford it, do it. It will give you SUCH a jump start on a successful transition.

S

This is how i did it...

i got my adams apple done , and some very minor eye surgery (which was much more effective than i hoped) from dr speigel
a year later i got ffs from dr meltzer
about a year later i got srs

i was blessed to have the $ to not have a decision other than timing..of course, i was not blessed to wait until i was 46 years old..

I didn't want to be percieved as transsexual.. i just didn't. some of my friends were critical of this, but i felt it was important to me.. one person that reamed me out was a very well know name in the ts world...she hiked with me at a conference and she just really made me feel terrible for getting ffs (sends the wrong message..just be yourself...blah blah)...a very funny thing happened while hiking...i had just had 20 hrs of electrolysis, and my face was like an apple..i am sure i looked pretty weird..she was fully transitioned, srs and all, and was wearing a kansas U tshirt... a guy coming the other way high fived her and said rock chock jayhawk to her...i guess she didn't pass very well..
anyway..she got ffs last year... hehe

If you get ffs from a good doctor, you will likely be amazed...
I feel like i could not have transitioned at all without ffs...and I feel like srs completed my physical transition, but my ffs allowed me to actually start living the life i had always dreamed about..

[Pythos]

I need to step in here. Your face. I have seen many women out there that have faces that can fall into the "masculine" category, and yet, they are still attractive, not just to me, but to many people out there.
What needs to be asked is according to what basis are you saying your face is masculine, and in need of expensive surgery? I look at your profile pic and I see a rather beautiful looking individual. I do not see a male in any sense of the word. I also do not see the usual depiction of feminine. What I see is a human. End of subject. A human with traits all their own.

I have seen a TS on you tube that ran vids about their progress. They had a nice looking face, and they looked quite feminine, even according to their girlfriend. Then they had Facial surgery, and I am sorry, the results were to me awful. They rounded EVERYTHING. The person had gone from a face that was of their own to a face that looked like it belonged on a cambles kid!!! Sorry to be so harsh, but this is what I saw. It was sad. This face looked nothing less than fake, and entirely based on a non existent social norm of a female face.

Your face as I said looks fine, at least in that avatar. I my humble opinion, you have no need for that surgery.

[arbon]

Lots of issues with my body to.

First on my list is shave the adams apple. My worst feature by far and trying to wear scarfs all the time sucks.

And I know I am going to get crap for this on here but unless I come come into money orchiectomy after the adams apple shave so I will at least be able to get my marker changed on my id. At least that is my plan for now.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

pictures lie pythos!

Noses look smaller in pics...eyes lose their bags... you will very rarely see a crossdresser proudly post a profile picture because that is usually the most male angle... it's very real math and science behind ffs...it's brutally simple, and brutally effective...your bones are "adjusted" to measure up within average female norms...it's so simple...

your face is read as male or female by others almost instantly...and we don't meet people in photos.. this is a meaning of life issue for a transsexual..it is a fundamentally different lifestyle to be known as transsexual vs known as a woman.

[Aprilrain]

What Kaitlyn said. Thank you for the compliment Pythos. I know im pretty for a transwoman probably a lot prettier than a lot of GGs too but im not as concerned with being pretty as i am with NOT being a transsexual for the rest of my life. I don't want my face to look completely different I just want it to look female especially in profile. I've already got a lot of masculine attributes that i can do nothing about like my height or my narrow little ass, little boobs (for now) so I feel that it is important. all my pictures are from a good angle with flattering light and with "going out" make up on. I want to be able to get up pull my hair back in a pony tail throw on some clothes and take the kids to school or whatever and just look female at least in the face.

[Pythos]

Okay, perhaps you can explain the "male" features of which you speak.

I for one know my face is a bit angular, my nose a bit big, and my chin upturned. I have seen GGs with these very same features. I am not trying to pursuade you away from the decision, but I never like to hear of someone doing something based off of what others think. I have to do this daily when it comes to my dress style and it makes me miserable, but it is easily reversed. Full on surgery is not reversible. Lady Gaga, has some rather angular lines for example. Cher before all her surgeries had a sizable and rather nice looking nose, there was no reason other than peer pressure for her to change it. The woman that plays Ziva, in NCIS has a chin that is slightly up turned, when I first saw her I thought she was indeed a male androgynous character (I have to look at her a bit more though :P). I really think many of the ideas we have of what is a feminine look is based off an ideal that in all reality does not exist. At my goth club there are several GGs that have many "male" features, mostly just the angular lines.

I do kinda wish the "trans person" look actually became a look that becomes attractive. There really is no reason it shouldn't be. It is unique and if society would stop being so fixed in its attraction criteria, they may find a beauty in our look

[Teri Jean]

April I thought the same about having FFS but in talking with a couple surgeons I found I did not need any as my features were quite neutral. After my GRS I continued my recovery and within a months time my friends who had been with me in CA seen me for the first time and they were struck with the overall facial changes. I am glad I waited.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

pythos you have always on this and cd forum had this thing about wanting people to accept your dress and appearance as "normal"...this is totally cool with me and acceptable..but it's not going to happen

i also think you need to accept that especially for transsexuals the need is different..

a ts that is percieved as male because of a strong jaw, a downturned nose, flat cheeks, etcetc...we have razor stubble and crappy hairlines, we have big hands, we are shaped differently unless we are very lucky and the biggie??? we usually have prominent brows (this is by far the biggie, and it's the breakthrough that makes ffs so effective) is instantly hit with a different quality of life than a transsexual..
what you are wanting in the world is not going to happen in any conceivable time frame..

my ffs gave me a big nose, a less square jaw and in all honesty lovely eyes that people instantly read me as a woman..i'm 6'2 as well... i would be "forced" to live as transsexual if i didn't have ffs... this is not acceptable to me, and it would harm my quality of life...my kids would not be as comfortable going out with me...i would not be approached by women or men that relate to me as a woman...this is a huge part of transsexuality..allowing the expression of your true gender IN INTERACTIONS with other people..

there are ts women that disagree with me..they are trans and out as trans..frankly i think they are missing out on something wonderful...

so yes it would be nice if the world was as you wish, and yes lots of women have masculine features (btw i left out voice...if your face is undeniably female, you get a huge latitude on your voice), but gg women are almost always read as women because the overwhelming amount of features that signal their femaleness..

teri jean, i have always liked your avatar as so natural ...there are a number of us blessed with the softness and features of gg's...just like lots of women have very masculine features..

and btw.. the right doctor and the right attitude of the ffs patient almost always results in a very natural look...you just have be careful and diligent..i turned down procedures offered to me because i felt they wouldn't help me..

[Rianna Humble]

i would not be approached by women or men that relate to me as a woman...this is a huge part of transsexuality..allowing the expression of your true gender IN INTERACTIONS with other people..

there are ts women that disagree with me..they are trans and out as trans..frankly i think they are missing out on something wonderful...

I am one of those who would have to disagree with you. I cannot afford FFS although I would almost certainly benefit from it if I could. Despite this, I already have people I have never met before coming up to me and interacting with me as a woman.

I am out as trans - it is difficult not to be after you have been outed in national "news"papers - but if you are suggesting that I am missing out on people considering me a woman because of this, then I can only say that my experience does not support your hypothesis.

[Pythos]

but it's not going to happen

Only if people keep thinking that way.

[Rianna Humble]

That's the attitude, Pythos. Only another 6,897,395,481 people to convince and you will have changed the way society considers this.