OK, can u married CDs EXPLAIN?

[docrobbysherry]

I've read COUNTLESS posts from MARRIED CDs. In which they state they r only attracted to females. OK, THAT I get!

But, then they go on to say, they r ONLY ATTRACTED to their SO!
THAT, I DON'T GET!

I was married, now divorced. I loved my ex, but NEVER stopped looking at other women. I didn't and wouldn't have, broken my vows with any of them. BUT, I'll readily admit I was ATTRACTED to some of them!


So, u see a stunning young woman and u think, "Wow! I MUST get home to my SO"!? REALLY?

I became LESS attracted to my SO over the years! Not MORE! Was I so UNIQUE? Or, r some of the married CDs here swimming in a river in Egypt?

[Eryn]

I think that explanation is in the definition of the term "attracted."

I'm happily married and, frankly, my attraction is centered on my wife. Yes, I can look at other women, appreciate their attractiveness, and analyze their clothes and makeup, but my *intimate* attraction is reserved for the woman I married.

Perhaps that is why I am happily married!

[Phoebe P.]

I'm attracted to many people, but I'm married and won't step outside of those bounds. It's just not an option.

[Debb]

I think that explanation is in the definition of the term "attracted."

I'm happily married and, frankly, my attraction is centered on my wife. Yes, I can look at other women, appreciate their attractiveness, and analyze their clothes and makeup, but my *intimate* attraction is reserved for the woman I married.

Perhaps that is why I am happily married!

I second that. I find women generally attractive; I find my wife especially attractive, and not just for her appearance. She's the whole package.... other attractive women could be the whole package -- for someone else -- I already have my package, not looking for any others.

[retrofitme]

Attraction is much deeper than outward beauty. I can appreciate my wife's beauty, but what really attracts me to her is more than just the outside, I'm attracted to her.

[ricci]

I think what people mean is that they are just not looking at cheating as an option in any way, shape or form.
BTW I am no less attracted to my wife now than I was 17 tears ago.

[Tara D. Rose]

Yes my dear friend docrobbysherry, there is no contradiction from the quotes you were using from the cd's from which you were referring. I am attracted to females, I am attracted to my wife. I will look at other women and find them so attractive, for I am attracted to females but am faithful to my wife.


one minute later:

Oh correction to myself. I went up and re-read your post as I was typing my response. I do now see the contradiction that you see. You are right, How can a man or a cd say, I'm attracted to females.(which there's millions of) .........Then on another day say I'm ,,,and here's the magic word.."ONLY" attracted to my wife. The word "only" narrows it down to just one woman in the world. I do get what you're saying my dear friend, Sherry. I hope my little analogy here helped to get your message and point across. ..............love & respect.................Tara

[Sedona]

My guess is those of us writing that they're ONLY attracted to their wives, well, have wives who read these forums.

[GingerLeigh]

I second that. I find women generally attractive; I find my wife especially attractive, and not just for her appearance. She's the whole package.... other attractive women could be the whole package -- for someone else -- I already have my package, not looking for any others.

I third that. I look, even admire, but I never think about touching or even fantasizing about any other woman. A promise is a promise, infidelity/attraction to someone else has never been an option and never will be.

[JulieK1980]

I'm married, I'm extremely attracted to my wife, AND I'm extremely attracted to MANY women and men that I see. My wife is married, she is extremely attracted to me, AND is extremely attracted to men that she sees. For us at least, that is normal. However, on a deeper level, we are attracted to each other in ways that a random person on the street can't even begin to compete with. The emotional connection I think, is what people refer to when they say things like, "I'm only attracted to my wife." I believe it's not meant to be literal, but more a declaration of love and devotion. Unless they are taking some odd hormone concoction that affects the way they are attracted to people, I'd say they still adhere to the laws of nature.

[ChanDelle]

If I weren't attracted to other beautiful women I'd be dead (and non-human). But fidelity is a totally different aspect of a relationship. I think we should have some sort of judgement and self control that sets us above politicians.

ChanDelle

[Cynthia Anne]

Well I'm divorced too! But I know the difference between attracted to and in love with! If I didn't I would fall in love many many times everyday!

[VtVicky]

Well, here is an interesting concept. Let's consider attraction vs fidelity.

It is often said that courage is not the lack of fear, but the control of the fear.

Can we then say that fidelity is not the lack of attraction elsewhere, but the control of it?

How faithful are you, then, if you aren't tempted at all?

There is, of course, some value in not looking at the menu if you are on a strict diet. And it does take a bit of self control to do that for very long.

[Kathi Lake]

The only way I can explain it is that there are different types of attraction. I am attracted to women because I am mostly jealous, I guess. I want to be petite and cute and feminine and pretty. I see an attractive woman and I want to be like her, not bed her.

My wife, however, brings many other feelings to mind. Sure, there is attraction as she is beautiful, but I also feel a deep love, a boundless respect, excitement, comfort, contentment, and a bafflement that this wonderful woman actually sticks with this loser!

(and no, she's not a member )

Kathi

[Intertwined]

Here we go again, I am such an odd ball, I am not attracted to Men or Women, I am very attracted to my wife, which would explain why I lost my virginity to her at age 32.

[KrystalA]

I'm a people-watcher, and I see lots of attractive women who's beauty I appreciate, but does that mean I'm attracted to them? No, not really. My SO doesn't mind the fact that I look at other women, because she knows I would never be unfaithful to her. In fact, she often points out other women, saying how pretty they are, or how cute their clothes are.

[Gerrijerry]

The reason to marry a person is because you love them. You are complete with the other person. It is not only about sex or the fact that one is male and the other is female. The only reason to marry a person is because you LOVE then and that alone is what I believe you are missing. Admirring others in how they look what they wear has nothing to do with being married. The couple who loves each other does not stop realizing that there are other people who look good dress well. However they know that there partner is part of themselves and no one else can be that for them. They do not need others to fill that need because they have it filled already.

[BRANDYJ]

I am always looking at attractive women. In fact I have a female roommate that is very feminine, attractive and sexy. My SO lives in Michigan due to family obligations. I am committed to her and will not cheat on her. But that does not stop me from admiring other women. I'd have to be dead to do that. Like my SO says, I can look all I want to charge my batteries as long as i come home to discharge them. My attraction to my SO is a lot deeper then her outward beauty. The real attraction is in her soul and who she is as a person, a woman. I don'
t see a contradiction here at all.

[marny]

I'm well known for thinking outside of the box ..but not in this department! I love my wife and from my view,she gets better looking every year.

[Claire Cook]

I think that explanation is in the definition of the term "attracted."

I'm happily married and, frankly, my attraction is centered on my wife. Yes, I can look at other women, appreciate their attractiveness, and analyze their clothes and makeup, but my *intimate* attraction is reserved for the woman I married.

Perhaps that is why I am happily married!

Erin's reply works for me. One wrinkle: I love to go out with girl friends -- as one of their girl friends. Maybe when I see an attractive woman I fantasize about having a girls' lunch and talking about clothes!

[TGMarla]

I am very attracted to women. However, I've been married 17 years, and I wouldn't think of cheating on her. In fact, in any relationship I've ever been in, I've never cheated on any of them at any time. I believe in fidelity. It's a matter of personal integrity. As with Kathi, sometimes my attraction is a mixture of physical attraction and a bit of harmless envy. I'll likely never stop looking at beautiful women. But I'll also never be unfaithful to my wife.

[Sophie86]

I find other women attractive, but they don't attract me.

Honestly, though, I think this is shorthand for "leave me alone, I'm very married."

A day without a bra is like a day without sunshine

Anita Bryant would be very proud of you. Only a hussy would run around without her bra.

[eluuzion]

"Since the day I first noticed by wife floating across the floor at choir practice, I can honestly say that I have never had even the slightest case of "roving eyes". I know I will never see another woman that could make me feel the way she makes me feel..."

Hey, wait a minute...I'm not married!
K, jus' disregard all that... I thought for a minute there we were all just practicing our lyings, er, ah... I mean ...lines. My bad...hehehe

Sure I notice attractive women whether I am married or not. Some activities can make you go "blind", but marriage is not one of them. However I do believe there are ways to notice and even interact with attractive outsiders when you are already committed that send a consistent and unquestionable message that you are not "available" or a "fisherman".

I feel there is always a distinction between being an attractive woman and being "attractive to me." The "interested in" part of the attraction model is firmly connected to personality and character for me. For example dancers at strip clubs have never done anything for me. Nor have the types of women (married or single) that seem compelled to see how many guys in any given crowd would be interested in her, if she gave them a "chance". That is an immediate interest killer for me.

Observing any person intentionally sending out "availability" signals while they are in a committed relationship is like watching them pull up the bottom of their dress or suit and begin blowing their nose on it.

[docrobbysherry]

This thread is NOT about:

Love
Marriage
Being unfaithful
Having sex

It's simply about men finding women ATTRACTIVE, and WHY/HOW married CDs can be ONLY ATTRACTED TO THEIR SO!

My goodness, even Jimmy Carter, (u may NOT have liked his politics, but few questioned his character), admitted he, "Lusted after other women". He would never act upon his thots! Like most married men, I expect!

Let me repeat my example:
You're out and u see a gorgeous woman and u don't even have the private thot that she's; pretty, sexy, or ATTRACTIVE?

The reason to marry a person is because you love them. You are complete with the other person. It is not only about sex or the fact that one is male and the other is female. The only reason to marry a person is because you LOVE then and that alone is what I believe you are missing. Admirring others in how they look what they wear has nothing to do with being married. The couple who loves each other does not stop realizing that there are other people who look good dress well. However they know that there partner is part of themselves and no one else can be that for them. They do not need others to fill that need because they have it filled already.

This thread wasn't intended to have ANYTHING to do with your feelings for your SO!
It's about HOW or WHY u no longer find other women ATTRACTIVE!
I'm a bit dubious of those claims!

Unless, somehow your feelings for your SO can make u BLIND to other women? Is THAT what u mean, Gerri?

[RADER]

I love my Wife very much; and I would never betray her trust in me to be faithfully.
Now when I see a pretty girl, yes I look. I would not be a Human Man if I did not find a
member of the opposite sex attractive. My wife is OK with that, she says that I would be dead
if I did not notice an other girl walking down the street. Remember, you can look, but do not
touch.
Rader