Have you been hit on by guys all of your life? Is it "gaydar"?

[Phoebe P.]

I've always had guys hit on me, but have never identified as gay or truly bi. When I was in HS my manager hit on me and my Mom wanted me to quit working there. I was quite capable of taking care of myself so I didn't worry a/b it.

Later I was hit on many times by gay men. Do you think there is a vibe put out there or just an acceptance of people in general? I've always heard of "gaydar". When I was in college an older man tried to take advantage of me when I was quite drunk.

We were out on a boat drinking beer and he leered at me as I had to relieve myself and later came into my room (at his home) and proceeded to take advantage of me. I stopped it before it went all the way, but my friends definitely questioned what happened. I wasn't totally averse to it, but it was w/o my consent. If he had asked, I don't know what I would have said.

Since then I have been hit on many times though I'm married. I don't have a big problem with it, and it's flattering whenever anyone finds me attractive.

Is it a vibe or just being accepting?

Now that I think a/b it, I had another manager that was gay who hit on me and a designer that told me I was cute and wanted to know if I was available.

Holy Moly! There was another guy that hit on me right in front of my wife in a furniture store that we frequented...

[Cynthia Anne]

Wow Phoebe! There must be something guys are reading about you! Either your great looks or your talk, manners or somthing! Hugs!

[Vickie_CDTV]

If I had your mother, I would have felt the same way (and would have had a talk with your boss while accompanied by a lawyer or police officer, assuming you were underaged.)

If you are sincerely not interested, I'd just let people know it in polite but firm manner. You could also drop cues about your interest in women; eg. "I went out with a date with Jane last week", "An old girlfriend of mine used to do blah blah blah" etc.

[eluuzion]

Now that you mentioned it, yes, I think I have been "hit on" a lot in my life. Not when dressed, but I always wondered if it was normal or I was some kind of "magnet", or sending out some mixed non-verbal signals or something...

It happened frequently when I lived in south Florida. I just figured I fit some kind of profile. Thin, tan, blond hair, etc. That was a long time ago, but it still happens. Like a couple of weeks ago in a Wal-Mart. I shop late at night/early am to avoid the crowds. I was back in the "ammo" aisle looking for pellets for my pellet rifle. I was kneeling down looking at the choices and felt this "presence" of somebody close to me. (I'm pretty good at hide-n-seek drama anyway). I glanced behind me as I stood up an walked away.

There was a guy looking at me with a sheepish unusual stare. I just blew it off and headed for electronics. A couple minutes later...there he was again at the end of the aisle I was in. (there were only a handful of people in the entire store.) Kind of freaky, but amusing. I guess, given the time of night and my natural tendency to acknowledge everyone or just make some weird quick connections to passers-by...I may have sent some hopeful message in his mind...

Other times I can tell clerks or whoever it is are obviously trying to make a connection. I do not give it much thought one way or another. Everybody has to give it it shot if they think there is hope...or we would all be single the rest of our lives, eh...kinda like me......boo-hoo...

[daywalker1966]

I'm actually straight, but when I became Ginnae I got hit on TONS. Some of them were pretty aggressive about wanting what I had. The worst was an old old man that really wanted the hot little goth gal in the hoop skirt. Some were teen boys. It was flattering...............I think

[ReineD]

Do you wear a wedding ring, or is this not a deterrent for people any more?

Do women hit on you too, or is it mostly guys?

Last question ... are you hoping that the guys who do hit on you sense your inner female?

[Fab Karen]

Gaydar is a sixth sense kinda feeling that that guy or girl over there is probably not exactly straight. When I see Ralph Reed on tv, it goes off like a smoke alarm on top of a BBQ grill.

[DonniDarkness]

Do you wear a wedding ring, or is this not a deterrent for people any more?

i have found it really doesnt matter to others anymore. I never take mine off, but that doesnt stop people from flirting or putting the moves on.

Infidelity is rampant everywhere, divorce rate is high....people dont see marriage as a deterrent anymore because there are so many people out there who are truly unhappy in their marriages.

-Donni-

[Claire Cook]

In HS and college I'd be hit on by guys -- long before I had any thoughts of dressing in public. That hasn't happened in years. Interesting that the only times I have had what I thought were possible "hit-ons" when have come from other women.

[dilane]

As an adult I've only been hit on when dressed. Mostly in the "straight" world. Ranging in age from a couple of guys in their early 30's and up to a fit 70. I've also gotten a few hits from women in Lesbian bars.

As a teenager though, I was approached by a boss, but I simply declined, no problems.

[misskristykitty]

My CD boyfriend when he posts his pics up here or on his facebook page he has for her he always has guys and other CD's hitting on him. I find it flattering =)

[ReineD]

MissKK, I made the same mistake in the beginning, believing that when my SO was leaving pic comments, or when she was receiving them, it was about hitting on and getting hit on.

This is actually not the case for most people here. It's more about giving and receiving validation. Not saying there aren't CDs who are into other CDs, just that the rules of engagement are slightly different here, and in most places where people leave pic comments to CDers.

Either that .... or I've had the wool pulled over my eyes big time!

[MsKimiko]

I've gotten hit on by gay guys occasionally and when I am dressed online I have a lot of guys hitting on me. Wouldn't know if it would happen if I was actually out

[Kerrylee61]

Oh my, yes since I was in High School and ever since then, although not so much now that I'm older. Some of my best friends are gay and when I meet new gay fellows, the chemistry is there. I've had a number of gay friends who know me both as my male self and as Kerry who are the very MALE gay type who love to go out with me as Kerry. Then of course I have a couple of Gender Dysphoric gals who have chosen to be in Lesbian relationships but absolutely love to be with me in either presentation. In my younger years, I was very much a Pretty Boy so that would explain the attraction. Of course with male gays, there is very much a tendency to want a young pretty boy. Since I have no problem with gay men or women at all they seemed to be drawn to me. My wife finds it interesting at how I attract gays of both genders. She know that I'm not attracted to them for sexual reasons but only because I treat them all as people. Their orientation is not an issue to me.

[ReineD]

I find this thread fascinating!

OK ... apart from overt sexual advances, how do you know that someone who is being nice to you is hitting on you? People approach me all the time too, men and women, and I never take it that they are hitting on me. I just think they are being nice and I engage in conversations right back at them.

Not talking about creepy aisle stalkers at Walmart like Eluuzion's example, but just people who come up to you and start a conversation or joke around.

I mean, is it me, or isn't it kinda egotistical for people to think that everyone is hitting on them?

[dilane]

OK ... apart from overt sexual advances, how do you know that someone who is being nice to you is hitting on you? People approach me all the time too, men and women, and I never take it that they are hitting on me. I just think they are being nice and I engage in conversations right back at them.

I mean, is it me, or isn't it kinda egotistical for people to think that everyone is hitting on them?

Good point, Reine. A hit is when someone approaches me and asks me out, or asks to sit down at my table and chats and gives me his number. At a bar, I consider a bought drink to be a hit. This often segues into being asked out or being given a phone number. Also, being asked to dance (which often ends up having a drink bought).

When I'm asked out I usually say I'm a TS. Sometimes I say I'm already in a relationship. Depends on the person and the situation.

In one case, when I was asked out and I said I'm a TS, he looked at me for a few seconds with his head slightly tilted and said "You know, I think I'd be ok with that..." :0

Merely turning a head is just a compliment

-- Diane

[the_me]

Made a Plenty of Fish profile, threw a few pics up, and made the mistake of not restricting who could message me. Got a LOT of perverts just looking for anonymous sex. Worst part is how all the pervs type like poorly educated children. (Here's one: "Lookin to have some fun right u free" or: "u are so pretty, how u doing, i am so interested in you")

One guy at a gay bar buy another CD and myself a round of drinks, then precede to pass out drunk on his bar stool and get kicked out, that was pretty funny. Good looking too.

Got some pretty flirty comments and a kiss bar tending for a local Imperial Court event while dressed, that was nice!

All said, I enjoy it a lot. Not too sure if it's just a vibe put off from dressing or whatnot, but like it anyway.

[StarrOfDelite]

I've been hit on by men since I was 14-15 years old. I was a very good high school athlete, on some very good athletic teams, and was also a spelling bee champion and got some other academic honors, so my pictures appeared in the local paper with some frequency. And, if I wasn't dressed in short pants for the track or basketball team, the paper used a photo which in the 1960's style featured full, pouty lips and big doe eyes, and I used to get come-ons from anonymous callers, letters also anonymous, and of course the gratuitous grope from some old Fag in the movie house or whatever. lt was very upsetting when I was a teen-ager, because I really thought that it was 'Gay-dar' working (that term was unknown then) and these guys could see that I was homosexual.

My dad and my uncle actually set-up a stalker who had called me on the phone and beat the crap out of him, and I remember being quite happy about that.

When I was in my 20's and 30's the techniques changed, but I would still be approached in the restaurant lavatory, the professional convention, and even at a cocktail party my first wife and I were hosting in our home! I was quite homophobic at the time, and really unhappy about those occasions. My second wife has great Gaydar, and she used to nudge me and remark upon it when she thought men were looking at me with too much intensity.

Looking back on it, I can rationalize that I was, by a quirk of fate, the quintessential twink: Tall, slender but muscular, blonde hair, blue eyes, cheeks with rosy spots, and understand that it wasn't my fault, but merely a projection of somebody else's lust. Although, considering the way my life has developed since I started acting on my attractions to the world of cross-dressing and trans-sexualism over the past 15 + years, I do admit that I wonder occasionally about what if, maybe, and is it possible that there is some projection?

[Barbara Dugan]

I really dont get hit on very much by gay guys even when they read me. My Gay radar seldom fail me, I can read a gay guy even if he is straight acting

[Rachel Mari]

Interesting thread.

I don't think I've ever been hit on by any guys and very few women (very few and far inbetween, even women I've been told hit on everyone don't hit on me). I don't talk very long with guys if I don't know them and women tend to treat me as a friend more than anything else, or just don't talk to me.
I don't think I'm bad looking but I wonder what kind of vibe I give off too.

[gerri ray]

yes, I have beein hit on by men many times. O didn't identify as bisexual back then but I was flattered nonetheless lol

[KellyCD]

Do you wear a wedding ring, or is this not a deterrent for people any more?

It's not a deterrent. From my experiences its a sign that you're easier. Now this only really applies to military towns, where more often then not the wives are looking. You see a ring, she's married. Which means she's either unhappy or bored. I've mentioned before about experiences with a close friend of mine and various "wives". I will say this, married women are SO MUCH EASIER than single women. Heck the front page of the current issue of "Army Times" is a headline about a Sargent's wife cheating with his battalion commander. I had the almost exact thing happen to me(but it was a company commander).


But back on topic I've had a strangely large amount of men hit on me as well.... When I had a MySpace my inbox was full everyday with pictures of men's.....umm well junk. If they would actually read they would have figured out that I wasn't interested.

[Phoebe P.]

I find this thread fascinating!

OK ... apart from overt sexual advances, how do you know that someone who is being nice to you is hitting on you? People approach me all the time too, men and women, and I never take it that they are hitting on me. I just think they are being nice and I engage in conversations right back at them.

Not talking about creepy aisle stalkers at Walmart like Eluuzion's example, but just people who come up to you and start a conversation or joke around.

I mean, is it me, or isn't it kinda egotistical for people to think that everyone is hitting on them?

Trust me. You can tell. It's not just a simple compliment. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather have people find me attractive. It's definitely something that makes you go hmmmmm...

I do wear my wedding ring and it hasn't really mattered.

[SamaraS]

Actually, I find that there are as many, if not more "curious" straight guys that hit on me than gay men. I do go out to both straight and gay bars, and it is just about equal in terms of the times I get hit on. I rarely encourage any man, especially straight ones when they obviously don't know I am TG. I am certainly not interested in creating a scene.
Over time, I have come to realize that it is as much about how you present yourself that draws others to you as opposed to simply labeling anyone as completely gay or straight. To put it more directly, I have has men who approached me, were obviously interested and then got totally revulsed when they found I was genetically male. Other men have had gotten more excited because I was a TG. it is not clear cut.

[docrobbysherry]

U mean live and in person? Hit? Yes! Hit on? Never!

Sherry gets LOTS of online action! But, in person, guy's jaws just DROP!

And ME, dressed? Get hit on? Ha ha ha ha ha ha! ROFL!