For CDs with supportive SO, sex/relationship question

[elizabeth_28]

First, let me say that if this post is not appropriate please delete it as we don't won't to cause any trouble. I have noticed there is not really much in the way of discussions of this subject. The sexual relationship you have with your spouse/SO when being CD.
A little background, I have been provided the great opportunity to dress and experience being in fem with my wife for a few years. I am so lucky to have her as she is not only supportive,but, puts a lot of effort into making my femine experience time ALL that it can be when I have my planned time. Not to mention, I feel fortunate that she is a very beautiful woman, who is a head turner on the street. Yet, she loves me and encourages my fem ego which is something I would not have expected from a woman who could have anyone she wanted figuratively speaking. Both of us have noticed it brings a balance to my personality. I personally find it provides a calming to me. We are both straight and have no desire to be with anyone of the same or equal sex other than each other! We are a couple period. I only CD with her as a matter of my choice. For me, it is not any fun being in fem alone. Further, it is great that she not only allows this part of me to grow;but, she embraces learning and growing with me. It does not hurt that she makes it fun! Now onto the question at hand.
My wife and I are wondering what other CDs with suppoertive SOs do in terms of their sexual relationship IF they have a sexual relationship when in fem? We don't need to know step by step or graphic details;but, more of what are other CDs and their wives/SOs doing if anything in this area? Do you have traditional sex, or something else?
As I mentioned, my wife is all about me being able to experience being a woman in all ways when I am able to CD. This includes our sexual relationship. When in fem the experience is about me experiencing the femine aspect to sexuality in terms of both the sensuality and the physical aspect. Suffice it to say, we almost never have "traditional" sex with me dressed. Oh, that sounds funny Honestly, as I would think many who CD would say, being dressed, let alone in a nice pair panties, matching bra with a shaved body,is a big turn on in terms of taking in the experience of being in fem. Others may not, but, that is fine as CD is by no means about sex. Without going into excess detail, I do things for my wife to allow her to be satisified. However, for me she "seduces" me if you will. In terms of the actual physical sexual aspect, she will put "something" on to enable her to complete the role reversal. Thus, this allows me to feel sex physically as a female as much as I can as possible without female anatomy. The experience is not all about the physical act of sex. We have openly communicated to one another that while the physical aspect is gratifying, it is the build up and experience, such as the mood, dinner, lighting, flirting, all the things our regular relationship has everyday. The only difference is I am exeperienceing it as a female as well.
So, for those out there with a supportive and participating spouse, what do you do in terms of the sexual aspect of your relationship as a CD? We are new to this from the point of communciating with others. However, let me be clear that is not in any way a solicitation or ad to meet someone else. If that is someones intent in responding to us privately or openly in this thread do not do it! As mentioned previously, we are a married couple and have no desire to stray from that commitment. We would just like to learn a little more about the experience and share with others. If you feel that you would rather privately discuss please feel free to message us. Thanks!

[Jenniferathome]

Well, I'll take a crack atw this. When I am dressed as Jennifer, there is no sexual relationship with my wife and that is how both of us want it. She is not a lesbian and wants only her husband in bed (or wherever). From my side, I have no desire to be on the "receiving end" of anything while in bed and only want my wife there. When I am dressed we are girl-friends, that's it and it is quite fun. To each his/her own....

[Noortje]

That is a very carefully worded question.

My girlfriend does not (yet) want to see Noortje, so obviously sex en femme is out of the question. We have had a brief convesation about the topic, and she made it clear she has no interest in involving my crossdressing in our sex life. This is fine with me, since I already consider myself very lucky to have an accepting girlfriend.

[gaylegirlify]

Elizabeth
My wife will make love to me when i am dressed in my lingerie which i usually wear to bed i do feel like a women during these times, she also likes me to be a man in the bedroom some times as a balance as she did marry a man but will accept my femme side as well, intimate subject this one, hope this helps

[Sara Jessica]

Well, I'll take a crack atw this.

Pun intended there???

The whole thing reminds me of something I read a few years ago about a trend called "bend over boyfriend" where young women would ...well, you know, help their BF's experience being on the receiving end. Ahhhh, the creativity of youth!!!

[SamaraS]

I do think you have hit on a point that is different depending on your SO. My wife went through a great deal of deliberation before accepting me as Samara. I have had other women in my life simply walk away when they were exposed to my dressing. My wife was willing to accept my dressing on two conditions: she never sees me dressed, and I don't sleep with anyone else. The latter was easy, the former is sometimes difficult.

Her ratioanle is that she would have a difficult time with us sexually if she saw Samara. That picture in her mind would make me her female lover, and she has no bisexual tendencies. I understand ans accept that, but it does make it difficult for me to go out and do some of the many things I like to do as Samara. I have never breached the subject of role reversal, since she does not have any male or dominant traits.

This may not be of much help to answer your question, but I thought I throw out a different perspective.

[docrobbysherry]

I think we need to walk on eggs with this subject in open forum!

While I have been with women that were/r aggressors in the bedroom, I've NEVER felt like a "female" with them! And, I don't think ADDING clothing, like a bra, panties, nighty, etc. to either her or me, would change that!

Neither of us have the correct parts to change roles!

[DonniDarkness]

Well here it goes...Tough to do this and stay within the parameters of the forum rules, but i will try

What you describe is very similar to our intimacy as well. For us, intimacy has always had the option for Crossdressing, to put it in a different perspective. Most would say that they see it as "Putting Crossdressing into your Intimacy", as in the context that it is something that is added to be "Kinky-er" than your normal sexual intimacy. For my Wife and I, Intimacy as a whole isnt really changed by how im dressed...I mean that as this: She recognizes and understands who i am sexually and that both my "Guy" and "Girl" sides are one and that our intimacy should fulfill whatever needs are there for either "Role". We have pretty much grown together sexually as well as understanding and accepting me for being TG at the same time.....weve been married for 11 years this Dec. and we were like in the 18-21 range when we first started dating. So learning who we are sexually was just the nature of things when you are young and experimenting.

Something that i have learned over the course of our relationship is that the mental and emotional rewards for finding balance in both "Roles" sexually, provides for a much better experience. How i mean this is this: The option for said "marital aid" is not exclusive to me being dressed in femme. My wife had stated early on in our relationship that she was comfortable being open with each other about what turned each other on. Now, knowing each others turn-ons so well has made the idea of each others fulfillment is now a turn-on to each other. (Hope im making sense there) As in the idea that you have put your partner into a place where they are emotional and physically orgasmic, but the best part about it is that we dont cosntrain that extacy to just a "Role" or "kink"....though we are pretty kinky There is no "Man or Woman" expectations from each other it is just "You and ME"

Like i said its a tough subject but if youd like to PM me with any other questions im here. As long as your not trying to hit on us tho......hahaha

Supporting Discussion,
-Donni-

[deebra]

You sound like you've really got a wonderful partner and I truly applaude her for her attitude. In advance make plans to go out to dinner, layout each others underwear for the evening, perhaps matching or one of you "pickup" two sets of undies you both will wear that evening. While getting ready shower and shave each other, help each other dress and go out as two women, if you can't pass definately under dress as much as you can get away with. Grant each other a wish that will provide pleasure and perhaps it could be something new or risky but safe. Thank her/you for letting this forum know about her great adult attitude and the emotional and physical intimacy she has brought to your relationship.

[Diana Bain]

I'll take a shot at this one. My wife and I enjoy our intimate times together and we both look forward to it. We both enjoy wearing lingerie. Her touch is gentle and so is mine. Ultimately nature takes over because we are both "wired" that way. I feel I'm giving her the pleasure she enjoys...after all she has certainly given me the pleasure to be Diana.

[elizabeth_28]

Thank you to those who have replied. One thing I should clarify,while my wife is very accepting of me in fem, however, do not confuse what I have posted to mean that she does not like me to be her man or that I don't want to be her man. This would be a mistake, as she most certainly wants me as her man and I do enjoy that very much as well without a doubt!!!!!! As mentioned earlier, we are both straight with no desire to be with the anyone of the same or opposite sex other than each other. Our intimaticy and closeness never changes between either persona. In fem is simply an extension into the femine aspect of my personality which we are both comfortable with and enjoy. She affords me the opportunity to experience this in all aspects as reasonably possible. In fact, we tend to view it as an intimacy that is rather unique and brings us closer together as neither of us as had this experience before in our lives. Once again we appreciate the responses.

[Sally24]

While my wife and I are not vanilla in the bedroom she has no lesbian or bi tendencies. Even seeing Sally near bedtime is enough that she has trouble keeping the male me in her head. Suffice to say that there is no involvement of my dressing with our sex life except in a negative way.

[LilSissyStevie]

Suffice it to say, we almost never have "traditional" sex with me dressed.

That sounds a lot like our relationship. The difference with us is that it doesn't matter whether I'm dressed or not but I do like those times when we start out we me dressed. We almost never have "traditional" sex, period. If I dress for sex it is her choice. It's more about D/s with us. I'm always the sub and she is always the aggressor. She has at least twice the sex drive I have so it just works better for her to have control of that aspect of the marriage. I don't get much satisfaction out of "normal" coitus and neither does she. It has always felt awkward and unnatural for me and "his" participation isn't necessary for my satisfaction.

[5150 Girl]

Somtimes, I think my Polar Bear prefers Wynonna. When I'm in ugly mode intimate relations while still quite nice, seem a bit ordinary. She behaves as my polar princess. But when Wynonna comes to bed, (especaily if I'm a blonde) the bear really comes out. Like just the ohter day, I came out in a new pair of white stilettoes, nude stockings, and a short satain and lace nightie, a splash makeup, and my blonde hair,,,, She knocked me down and jumped on me like an animal. Afterwards, when she caught her breath, she said "Thank God for cortizone".

[DonnaT]

My wife and I have had sex while I've been dressed as well as other times (mostly other times ). In fact, both our kids were conceived when I was wearing a nightie. But we've never had sex with me in a wig and/or makeup.

[cordgrass]

Not sure if I should be posting in this thread, although I do have an opinion about what might be a bit more common in the CD population than the general male populace when it comes to sexual preferences. I am the opposite of most women on this board, in that instead of being introduced to crossdressing through a boyfriend or husband, I realized that I actively and specifically prefer to be with a crossdresser. I know that calling someone a tranny chaser is pejorative, but if the shoe fits...

On the other hand, I do have good intentions to be open to falling in love and having a real SO, as opposed to something less serious. Just hasn't happened.

At any rate, this is my experience with flitting from flower to flower, although I'm sure I'm attracting crossdressers who specifically enjoy the type of dominant woman I am, so probably does not hold for crossdressers in general or even those who would consider themselves only interested in women. The crossdressers I have been with have varied whether liking pain or liking me to take them in, erm, a male way, but they ALL have enjoyed being tied up and completely passive. Again, that may be because I enjoy the tying so I'm attracting a particular type. On the other hand, just from the sheer volume of CD's interested in me, I believe that enjoying bondage might be a pretty common thing.

I have found that with me being a dominant and in charge type of woman that there has been no problem with my partners enjoying what technically are traditional vanilla activities, except they happen with my partner all tied up, blindfolded and basically motionless and always with both of us wearing various types of female lingerie, including stockings. I hope that is euphemistic enough!

[satin n lace]

Well ever since i told her about my CD our sex life has been better. Most of the time i am dress in en femm with or without make up even breast forms, lingerie,dresses and anything else.We really enjoy it this way now.

Like Lovers Lane would say "couples who play together stay together"

[Marie-Elise]

Well ever since i told her about my CD our sex life has been better. Most of the time i am dress in en femm with or without make up even breast forms, lingerie,dresses and anything else.We really enjoy it this way now.

Like Lovers Lane would say "couples who play together stay together"

I hope our marriage can get to that point.

[Intertwined]

Sigh... O.K., my SO knows and is tollerant of my CD, tollerant ie; does not want to see it, but, does not have a problem with me wearing nightgowns at night.

Rule # 1, was to never bring the CDing to bed, nightgowns were acceptable.

One night about 3 years ago, I wore a bra under my nightgown, my SO had already gone to sleep, thought it would be safe because I am up early before her to goto work (don't know what I was thinking really), any way, she had woke that night, reached over and felt the bra, she was furious.

Long story short, we have not been intimate since, in any type of attire. I knew the rule, I knew how she felt about not wanting to feel like a lesbian, I screwed up our relationship.

[elizabeth_28]

Well ever since i told her about my CD our sex life has been better. Most of the time i am dress in en femm with or without make up even breast forms, lingerie,dresses and anything else.We really enjoy it this way now.

Like Lovers Lane would say "couples who play together stay together"

Great qoute!!!!!! We would completely agree. It is a great thing to have a spouse who is well beyond just tolerant;but, is an active participant. It seems to "us" that our acceptance and in particular the case of my wife, comes from both of use being very secure in each other. Thus, it is really not a big deal for either of us to be together in fem or in normal mode. Either way we have a great relationship which is the back bone of anything we do! For that I am so truly blessed and appreciative.

[elizabeth_28]

That sounds a lot like our relationship. The difference with us is that it doesn't matter whether I'm dressed or not but I do like those times when we start out we me dressed. We almost never have "traditional" sex, period. If I dress for sex it is her choice. It's more about D/s with us. I'm always the sub and she is always the aggressor. She has at least twice the sex drive I have so it just works better for her to have control of that aspect of the marriage. I don't get much satisfaction out of "normal" coitus and neither does she. It has always felt awkward and unnatural for me and "his" participation isn't necessary for my satisfaction.

My wife normally likes to be the "giver" when I am in fem vs me. Every now and then she gets so aroused that she will. However, when it is my opportunity to be in fem she desires for me to get to be a woman as well..

Let me make the point, that we have PLENTY of traditional sex when I am not dressed and in my normal "manly" state which is roughly 90% of the time. Just to make sure I did not mislead you.

[Samantha43]

Well, I'll take a crack atw this. When I am dressed as Jennifer, there is no sexual relationship with my wife and that is how both of us want it. She is not a lesbian and wants only her husband in bed (or wherever). From my side, I have no desire to be on the "receiving end" of anything while in bed and only want my wife there. When I am dressed we are girl-friends, that's it and it is quite fun. To each his/her own....

What Jennifer said pretty much describes my relationship with my wife. We have been intimate with me as "Samantha" but it wasn't the great sex I had hoped for. Both of us were too distracted to really enjoy it.

[suchacutie]

Tina is my wife's girlfriend and is not involved with our intimacy in any way.

[SusanQ]

First, I never do anything publicly that would cause my wife to be embarrassed.

She has incorporated some of my female garments into our love making sessions. She also always asks me if I need anything when she's purchasing from online sites like OneHanesPlace and JustMySize.

[Marie-Elise]

Sigh... O.K., my SO knows and is tollerant of my CD, tollerant ie; does not want to see it, but, does not have a problem with me wearing nightgowns at night.

Rule # 1, was to never bring the CDing to bed, nightgowns were acceptable.

One night about 3 years ago, I wore a bra under my nightgown, my SO had already gone to sleep, thought it would be safe because I am up early before her to goto work (don't know what I was thinking really), any way, she had woke that night, reached over and felt the bra, she was furious.

Long story short, we have not been intimate since, in any type of attire. I knew the rule, I knew how she felt about not wanting to feel like a lesbian, I screwed up our relationship.

Three years is a pretty long stretch with no intimacy. From my point of view, that is a little extreme. But I guess she has strong feelings about lesbians... I hope you guys can get back on track with the intimacy.