To the members that make negative comments about living in the closet.

[suzy1]

Not all of us girls in the closet are “hiding” but just living our lives the way we choose. There is an issue here that’s not being addressed I think. It’s about the freedom to live our life the way we choose without being criticised for it.
Time and time again I read members [usually the same ones over and over again] criticising other members for not coming out to the world.
If I started to criticise all the members that went out dressed, saying they were not helping our case by going out in a women’s dress I would get attacked from all sides! [I don’t think like that by the way]
This is a support group. How about supporting me and all the others that do not go out, not because we are scared but because we choose not to. Or like me have no need to.

I will support you, all of you.
How about supporting me!

SUZY

[CharlotteCD]

I fully agree. For some of us, life is better this way - accept it and move on

[Stephanie47]

I also agree. When I make comments I usually identify my cross-dressing preference as an "in-home" cross-dresser. From the postings I see in the photo area of this site, there are some extremely beautiful passable cross-dressers on this site. I am not one of them, and, I would stick out like a sore thumb. I am fully satisfied feeling the comfort of my cross-dressing in my home and the backyard.

[minalost]

Basically I agree with you. I would add that it depends on WHY you're not going out in public. If you simply choose not to, for your own reasons, then more power to you! If you want to go out but don't do to fear, then maybe it's okay to get a nudge out the door from one of our sisters so long as it's done respectfully.

[Stephanie Miller]

If there is to be a distinction between "in the closet" and "hiding it from one's spouse", then yes I agree with you whole heartedly. I can only hope that those sisters have a big enough closet to really enjoy all that life has to offer them.
But if somehow the hiding from spouse comes in to play, then I think the CD is unfairly infringing on a very important part of honesty with-in a marriage. And I personally just can't agree with that.
Just the way I feel about it.

[Eryn]

Everybody should do that which is within their own comfort zone. We have an unfortunate occasional tendency to turn things into a competition and that is wrong. If you're comfortable and happy dressing at home that's great. If your desire is to go out dressed I will give encouragement even though I haven't yet done so. We should be supportive of happiness, not specific feats.

[Cynthia Anne]

Well said Suzy! I am not in the closit, but many of my best friends here are! I do love them just as they are! I commend you for pointing out the truth! Hugs for you as always Suzy!

[retrofitme]

I think a lot of the decision to be closeted is about trust. I trust my wife, so she knows. Beyond that, it's just best for everyone that my fem side remain anonymous.

[Karren H]

Personally I think that just like you have the freedom to live your life the way you want.... everyone has the freedom to express their opinions whether we agree with them or not. Personal opinions are just that. And should be taken as such. I'm not going to subscribe to a philosophy where your only allowed to post what's politically correct at the time? If I don't like what people say I can rebut.... And have the right to do so.... Kind of nice to hear someone else's opinion. Even though I may disagree. I'll support you in your right to do what you want but not to limit freedom of speech.

Unless your wearing women's jeans when your posting then I think you should be set by the curb for the trash man! Lol.

And personally I like to be "attacked". Makes counter attacking so much more enjoyable!!

[suzy1]

Karen, I am being “attacked” and I am counter attacking.
And I am not limiting freedom of speech, I am exercising it!
Feel like reading my post again?

SUZY

[Karren H]

Karen, I am being “attacked” and I am counter attacking.
And I am not limiting freedom of speech, I am exorcising it!
Feel like reading my post again?

SUZY

You were wearing jeans when you wrote that weren't you? Lol. I wasn't attacking I was opinionating! Counter opinionating!

[Dawn cd]

I think the vast majority of members agree with you, Suzy.

To Mina, I would agree that fear isn't the noblest reason to stay in the closet. But what outsider can really judge the basis for another's fear, or the fallout that can come from disclosure? So if you give a "gentle nudge," make sure it's very gentle.

Likewise to Stephanie. I agree that honesty between spouses should be able to include crossdressing. I've shared with my wife. But how can we, from our perspective, stand in judgement of another's marriage? Absolute honesty is a principle we support--but it's not a mandate.

[Sandra]

I'm going to stick my neck out here......I agree you should do what you want and if that means you want to stay in the closet then ok, but please don't moan and groan about how society won't accept when you wont try to do anything about it, by getting out there and trying to educate people.

Ok go on have a go at me now

As for being in the closet regarding an SO that is a different matter, that I don't agree with but that's probably for a different thread.

[2B Natasha]

Go out, don't go out. Drink so much caffeine you don't sleep for week. It's your thing. Not mine. I dont care if you live in the closet, under the house, in the kitchen or down a man hole cover in the middle of the street getting woken up every morning by having a spike beat into your head and eating gravel. More power to you.

But on support. I will support you just like I support anything. Girl scouts, youth groups etc etc etc. When you deserve it or need it. NOT when you beg for it.

[Kate Simmons]

In the closet, out of the closet or otherwise, yourself and others here are always my friends Suzy and you can take that straight to the bank.

[suzy1]

I’m not moaning or groaning Sandra. I don’t mind if society does not accept me. And I never will.
I am just asking others not to criticise me for being me that’s all.
And I am not going to have a go at anyone!
I am in a good mood. [At the moment but don’t push it]

SUZY

[Anne2345]

Personally I think that just like you have the freedom to live your life the way you want.... everyone has the freedom to express their opinions whether we agree with them or not. Personal opinions are just that. And should be taken as such.

If I don't like what people say I can rebut.... And have the right to do so.... Kind of nice to hear someone else's opinion. Even though I may disagree. I'll support you in your right to do what you want but not to limit freedom of speech.

Karren, I could not agree more with this general premise. Discussion is to be valued, and freedom to debate protected. Without the freedom to engage in discourse we are lost.

As some of you know, I am deeply in the closet. However, it is my life and my decision. And beyond that, for a variety of reasons I have posted in the past, I love my closet! It is my sanctuary! Some members have disagreed with my decision to remain in the closet, and the reasons for why I value my closet. Some of those in disagreement put forth coherent, well-thought out, and non-insulting arguments as to why a crossdresser should leave the closet. Others chose to insult and ridicule both my decision and my closet, with no productive argument presented whatsoever. In fact, I posted a follow-up thread to my post (similar to this OP) requesting members to be respectful and civil in regard to my decision. Ironically enough, the thread was ultimately closed because certain members could neither be civil nor respectful, and chose instead to insult and ridicule further. I believe such responses as this, responses that have very little or no instrinsic value whatsoever, is what the OP is referring to. Legitimate constructive criticism and the discussion of opposing viewpoints or ideas, on the other hand, is fundamentally valuable and should be protected at all costs.

And it is because of such discussion of different ideas, perspectives, and experiences that I just this week went shopping for female clothes for the first time. This is something that I never would have done before joining this forum. But many of you have related ideas and thoughts in your posts that I read, considered, and took action on. Would I have done this if I had been insulted and ridiculed that I was a loser for buying clothes and makeup over the internet, instead of stores? I doubt that I would have. Instead, I recognized through the experienced, wise, and supportive words of members here that I could go shopping myself and buy feminine things. Such presentation and consideration of ideas and differing perspectives led to a very positive outcome in this situation, and one for which I am grateful.

So although I agree that we are all free to present our ideas, thoughts, and arguments to the forum and its members, I also agree with the OP that there is a proper, civil, and respectful way to do this. If we cannot be kind to ourselves, within this protected forum sanctuary, those in the outside world will have no reason to be kind to us, either.

Very well stated, Suzy! And a very good point, Karren! How's that for riding both sides of the fence!

[Cynthia Anne]

I love this thread! I do beleive I better get another bucket of water ready! Just in case!!!!!!

[Lorileah]

Hiding in the closet and not going outside the house are two different things. Stay in, dress as you like but don't moan about how the world treats you, don't complain about how your wife won't accept you and don't rail about how women get "more" than you do. What you do and what you wear in your house is totally up to you, but if you aren't willing to do something about how you are treated then will be fair game for sniping if you post any of the above. I don't think many here deny you the right to stay home. That usually isn't the issue. You want equality and rights? Then be willing to be out and do something about it

[Violetgray]

Not all of us girls in the closet are “hiding” but just living our lives the way we choose. There is an issue here that’s not being addressed I think. It’s about the freedom to live our life the way we choose without being criticised for it.
Time and time again I read members [usually the same ones over and over again] criticising other members for not coming out to the world.
If I started to criticise all the members that went out dressed, saying they were not helping our case by going out in a women’s dress I would get attacked from all sides! [I don’t think like that by the way]
This is a support group. How about supporting me and all the others that do not go out, not because we are scared but because we choose not to. Or like me have no need to.

I will support you, all of you.
How about supporting me!

SUZY

Ok, first let me see that I think it's in bad taste to lay a guilt trip on someone who remains in the closet. We hit different points in our lives at different times, and whether someone stays in the closet doesn't effect you in any way. I do understand if you're just trying to be helpful, and think the person would enjoy themselves more.

However, personally, I don't buy the "We remain in the closet because it's our preference" statement. It's your preference because of all the potential risks. If I were in a cage surrounded by hungry wolverines raised on a strict diet of tranny meat, It would be perfectly reasonable that my preference is to stay in the cage. But I see no reason to pretend that the cage is just so awesome that I'd rather stay in it whether the wolverines were there or not. That's possible, but it just isn't likely.

But every person must move at their own pace with things like this. In fact, one of the reasons I'm glad to be a part of this board is so that closeted cd's can at least have someone to share their femme existences with.

[Eryn]

I’m not moaning or groaning Sandra. I don’t mind if society does not accept me. And I never will.
I am just asking others not to criticise me for being me that’s all.

So, the point is that we in this forum should be more tolerant than the general public? That doesn't seem to be too extreme!

[suzy1]

You don’t buy the “we remain in the closet because it’s our preference” statement Violet!
That’s exactly what I am saying here. So what are you accusing me of Violet?
Thank you for posting that. It makes my point better than my original thread could ever do.

SUZY

[Violetgray]

You don’t buy the “we remain in the closet because it’s our preference” statement Violet!
That’s exactly what I am saying here. So what are you accusing me of Violet?
Thank you for posting that. It makes my point better than my original thread could ever do.

SUZY

I think you misunderstand. Me saying that I'm skeptical to the reason given is just my personal opinion, and it is in no way suggestive as to what you should do with your time, where.

But since you asked, by "I don't buy that" I mean that it is my personal opinion that saying "I prefer it this way" is a sort of coping mechanism for a very restrictive situation.

[Karren H]

Yeah!! The more you "closet lovers" keep talking..... the more I'm thinking that going back in one sounds pretty safe and comphy!! Lol.

Move over.... I have a lot of accessories!!



My blood chocolate level has dropped dangerously low...

Actually I'd say 95.3% of everyone here is in a closet of somesort.... Some small and some bigger....

[Natalie D]

I'm new here and happy in my closet and so far I've not come across any negativity.

I believe life is all about opinions and everyone is entitled to their opinion. I may not agree with someones opinion but they are entitled to them. Open forums are for people to express their views. If some think we should all come out into the open then fair enough.

I have no intention of popping out to do the weekly shop dressed en femme. I don't have the body, mannerisms or voice to do so. I would just like look like a freak. A man in a dress. Why would I want to do that? As a man I have pride in my appearance but I don't think I could ever feel that way dressed in my feminine clothes outside the comfort of my home.

If some on here want to criticise me for that then fair enough. We all CD for our own reasons not to make other people happy.