Why crossdressing doesn't work...

[Alice Torn]

It has characteristics of addictions. Every high, becomes a new low! Roy Masters addresses this on the radio often. Some wise person also said, Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have." Women have the 'never enough shoes, or clothes " thing. Not all women, though. I only dress once a month or so, even though i now have my own apartment, where, i used to live with other people, and dressed every open hour i could. We, in the U.S, seem afflicted with the more, is never enough syndrome, more than other nations. If i were married, or had a SO, I might be more hot to dress a lot more, but, now alone, i don't seem to want to dress much! If we are entering a Great Depression, we will all need to appreciatte what we have more.

[MaidInCan]

I think that is your male brain working. In business and in life we usually set goals. Once we meet those goals we set new goals. We are usually wired this way. It might be a learned habit or that is the way men are. I'm not sure. I keep telling my 7 year old to enjoy what he has, because when he is doing something he likes or has wanted to do he is always talking about doing something in the future. Slow down and enjoy what you have and life.

How true. We should be thankful for what we have right now or what we have been blessed with over the years. It could all be over in a flash (Japan, Joplin, Miss for example). Achievement is good and having goals can be good but it should not dominate our lives to the exclusion of other things.Keep a balance and you may find that the next thing comes along when you least expect it.

[Tara D. Rose]

I'm the same way, and I have noticed it over the past year. It's the main reason that I purged and totally qiut for 14 years. I learned back in 1997, of this lesoon for which we are speaking. I realised that my corssdressing was getting out of control. I did it on the weekends at our other home 60 miles away. I was the only one that knew this, my wife at that time would have divorced me as a result of it. I needed more and more. And now last April, I told my new wife what I "USED" to do. She was thrilled and intrigued and so here I am. We spent a lot of money to get me here, and now I want more. I did go for a ride last night all dressed up. But ran into a horrilbe thunderstorm and came back home. I felt dissapointed. So this morning I'm back dressed, the more I do, the more I want. I tried to hold it down for a while to please my wife.But now I can't get enough. .......

[docrobbysherry]

Think of it this way Cristi: Life is a journey! The world and ALL OF US, r constantly changing!

The only folks with NO worries, problems, or issues live at Forest Lawn! And, all of us will be there soon enuff.

Value the time u have and make the BEST OF IT!

As for me, I have more outfits, shoes, etc., than I will EVER wear! Yet, I keep buying more! Do I feel guilty? YES!
But, as long as they continue to make me HAPPY, THAT won't stop me!

[Noortje]

Perhaps the issue is that you are a naturally ambitious person, with interests in a field that does not allow eternal growth. Normally, your ambition drives you to become better at what you do, regardless of what it is. A writer will always try to make his next book better than the ones before. A musician will always try a more challenging piece next. A climber will always go for a higher or more difficult mountain.

I too find that when I'm crossdressing, I will have an objective in mind that I'm trying to meet. This time, the mascara will be better. This time, I will go outside. This time, I will find jeans that FIT, dammit! Every time I succeed, I will consider the new state to be the state of the art, and I will identify some new detail that can be tweaked.

It's an issue, and I am afraid I will one day run out of ways to better my crossdressing. Sorry, no solution here. Just sympathy.

[Patricia Jane]

Be happy with what you have achieved! If you feel good about yourself, you have done much. Remember your wife Loves you and accepts you. What more can you want???

[cyd218]

As the great poet Cheryl Crow once wrote ... "It's not getting what you want ... It's wanting what you got." Maybe it's time to sit back and appreciate just how far you've come from those first panties. Maybe in doing that, you'll find some inspiration. I know that's worked for me in the past.

[BillieJoEllen]

That has always been my goal when I CD - to feel normal. As a 60 something TS I would love to feel normal that way also.

[Elsa]

Several comments have touched on it, it is just human nature to go forward. That's what causes progress and evolution. Higher and higher... Our continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before. Live long and prosper Cristi!

[Fab Karen]

If you had put restrictions on yourself years ago, you would have either realized that doesn't work, or lived a miserable life.

[Sue101]

Cristi

This is the problem with a compulsive behavior that delivers a high. Our bodies adjust to the level of enjoyment so there is a need to increase the dosage until you reach the limit. Then what? You are correct if you had limited your usage throughout the years then you could still get high on a lower dosage but then think of all the fun you have had that you would have missed out on.

There is no solution to where you are now except to understand that you need to jump tracks. Instead of using it for enjoyment, use it to feel more complete and satisfied. Understand it is just a regular choice of how you wish to present yourself. If you want to feel excitement then you will have to find another "hobby" to get you going.

[TGMarla]

In the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall, he says when a shark stops swimming forward, it dies. It is natural for us to keep wanting to move forward. I'm always looking for that perfect dress that makes me feel incredible wearing it. But that's an unattainable idea, as each dress is different and offers something unique. But in this pursuit, I've amassed this large wardrobe that should be more than enough. Yet I continue to shop and buy more. That is normal!

Aside from that, I've reached a point where I don't feel the need to push the boundaries a whole lot more. I have a satisfaction level I can live with.

[Cristi]

Than you all. Every reply gave me something to think about and they were all very helpful. I was out of town for a few days and couldn't get online, but have just returned and the first thing I did was check in on this site

Several of you have mentioned a way of thinking about this that WAS on my mind when I made the original post, but I forgot to incorporate it into the post. That is the comparison of crossdressing to any other 'addiction'. They have some parallels, the biggest being the fact that just like any addiction you soon 'get used to' a dose of what you are addicted to. Once you do, there are three ways you can go. 1) Continue taking that same dose, but now just to feel NORMAL, 2) lower the dose and have a negative reaction or 3) take a bigger dose to get the 'high' back... but that new dose will soon become the new normal.

That pretty much describes the path I am on. Right now I can do a lot of dressing, several hours per day every day, all night sleeping in nightgowns, underdressed at work... but now this is my 'normal dose'. It doesn't really make me any happier than I used to be on a normal non-dressed day. But if I were to stop, I would feel a negative reaction. I'd be less than normally happy. So to get that 'dressing makes me happy' high again, I have to do more and I'm running out of new things to do without going fulltime or transitioning!

Once again, thank you all for your wonderful thoughtful replies to my original post. It made me happy just to know that you were reading my words and that I'm not alone in some of my issues.

[ReineD]

I've achieved most of these goals and it always ends the same. What is new and exciting quickly becomes 'normal', so off I go looking for the next step.

I know I should be perfectly happy with what I have... and believe me I DO appreciate the things I have, but I guess after 50 years of always moving toward the 'next thing' I feel like I'm kind of stalled now that there IS no next thing.

And in the end, I am left wondering if I would have been better off having more control, trying to keep myself at a level where even the little things (a pair of panties, or a skirt for a stolen few minutes once a week) would have been better.

So, tell me. What's wrong with "normal"? Why must there be a quest for excitement?

It is an honest question from my standpoint as a supportive GG who, although I think I understand a CDer's desire to express an innate femininity, I don't understand why there has to be (forgive me if I'm using the wrong word), a high, or a thrill, or whatever is the feeling that takes the experience beyond "normal". This is not a criticism, but rather an attempt to help.

The comparison to an addiction in your last post is an interesting one. I don't by any means think that CDing is an addiction, but if seeking excitement is the drive for dressing, then it might very well be a compulsion more than an innate need to be yourself, and it might be worth your while to look into the different ways that people have of dealing with compulsions.

My understanding of an addiction or compulsion is when a person wants a specific brain receptor to be stimulated over and over, in an attempt to seek a state of euphoria, all while developing a tolerance for the drug or activity of choice.

Dopamine is the central neurochemical that activates the reward/pleasure circuitry in the brain, and this is what drives nearly all of our behaviors. Dopamine, the "gimme more" neurotransmitter, creates desire. It is a necessary chemical that helps the brain learn new information, but if it is stimulated to excess it is the one factor that all addictive substances ans behaviors have in common. Overuse of the Dopamine reward system actually causes addictions/compulsions. The brain's ability to produce normal levels of Dopamine is damaged when Dopamine levels are continually raised to extremes, and normal highs no longer feel like anything.

Often with compulsions, there will be cross-compulsive behaviors such as excessive shopping, eating, sex, or alcohol use, and in the opposite direction, even compulsive exercising, or workaholism, or excessive computer use. In other words, if you've noticed that during the times when you could not CD, you engaged in excessive behaviors elsewhere that also increase the dopamine levels in your brain, it is an indication you might want to look seriously about ways to change how you look at the CDing.

I'm not saying you should stop. There are people who are compulsive over-eaters for example who do manage to get it under control, and they cannot obviously stop eating entirely. But, they do need to stop "using" the food a certain way.

[LilSissyStevie]

My motto is - Anything worth doing is worth doing to excess!

[Loretta]

Cristi,
What you are describing is ego, it is never satisfied and always wants more, more, more. Take a step aside from that part of your mind and observe it's behavior. Where you go from here is to better understand yourself and your motivations. Once you truly understand, the craving will stop and you can enjoy peace of mind again. Look up an author called "Eckhart Tolle" on Amazon and buy any of his books. He is a bit off the wall at first, but by reading, you will truly understand yourself better and the drive for more, more, more will cease...and it has to cease, because as you pointed out, where do you go from here?

Purge? It's really the only thing I can think of.
After purging, wait around 6 months to start collecting again. It's costly, but it allows you the opportunity to find a new wardrobe, new styles, etc. Or you could just not dress as often.

[josee]

Perhaps the next step would be to go to a wider audience. Offer yourself to speak at colleges or corporate diversity training programs. You could gain a higher level of acceptance for us all by showing that we're not all a bunch of creeps. You could present a normal everyday image of a happy well adjusted guy who happens to enjoy or feel comfortable wearing typicaly feminine clothing. Perhaps this is your higher calling?

[t-girlxsophie]

whats wrong with Normal.I'm in a very happy place with my Crossdressing,and that means every day I dress is a special,but normal day

Sophie

[Nicole Erin]

Yeah transsexuals are the same way. A new "new" becomes the norm. right now I am at a place where I would like to have larger breasts and a trimmer midsection. But even if I got that, what would I need next?

See the thing about human nature is - we have wants and needs. Once we acquire a want or need, it is no longer something to look forward to. Once "there" becomes "here", we just seek a new "there".

I tell ya this - CD's might envy TS who live full time. I know like for me I could dress however I want, whenever. PAss or not it doesn't matter as far as "going out en femme" matters. While it is nice to feel pretty once in a while (or looking over my shoulder, depending on my confidence that day) but either way it is no rush. Unless I am wearing a new outfit

Best thing you can really do in life is enjoy the journey instead of overly obsessing over what you don't have or maybe cannot do. If you let "I am not "there" yet" hold you back, you will never have a chance to live.