Nasty Words from the Ex that Shook My Confidence

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Amanda, Ugly Woman?? I think not, You are very beautiful and have an awesome body.

Orchid

[Jocelyn Quivers]

As others have said your ex is extremely jealous. You look great do not change a thing.

[Sara Jessica]

And you would expect an ex to say nice things??

Maybe the most practical comment here!!!

But as for my thoughts...

First of all, it's not hard to find of cheerleading and enabling in these pages so comments sometimes need to be taken with a grain of salt.

Fortunately, the comments regarding your presentation are all right on the money.

You made a comment in your "real hair" picture thread that kind of struck me, that you see a wig as breaking up a perceived guy trait (shoulders). You said "Good or bad I don't like getting looks from women because I am paranoid they are bad looks."

Well Ms. Ex isn't doing much for your self-esteem and one of the hardest things to do in our world is to get over that hump when it comes to that combination of self-confidence and not giving a hoot as to what anyone else thinks.

Now I am re-questioning my presentation.

Don't.

Either I am not as good as I think or she is just being really vicious. I am thinking it is the latter..

I agree, it's the latter.

...but I am still shaken a bit.

Understandable.

As if I need another voice telling me that I am not pretty,

But you are.

I am manly, I am ugly,

But you're not.

I am not passable...

Hate that passable term, it's a holy grail that one truly never knows if they actually achieve when out among the Muggles.

...people are just being nice

So what if they are.

I pass teenage girls, teen guys, ladies, men, old wise people and barely ever a look unless its a leer or a wanton look by a guy. No problems. Is everyone just being nice or polite? All I know is, everyone is not always nice. There are always going to be idiots or just giggly teens or something. I saw or noticed none of that when out recently. I was looking too. I was aware.

Maybe no one is noticing you. Maybe they do notice and are being nice and polite. My advice is to try not to get too hung up on those things and admittedly, it's easier said than done but when it happens, you will enter a new state of grace with this whole thing.

And like that silly t-shirt that is sold for $3 at most tourist traps out there, "Don't Let The Turkeys Get You Down".

Please tell me if I am not as girlie as I think.

I think you are very pretty as does everyone else here...and that is NOT cheerleading, it's a fact.

[Starr]

i have canceled everything I had on face book, i kept getting emails that someone wanted to hear from me, when I know they didn't. That and the you may know this person had people I had never heard of let alone know. Facebook wants to get into your life and know you better then you know yourself, and then let the world know about you. I will never be back on Facebook as star.. and more then likely as anyone else.

That being said Amanda, your ex is being a bitch I would bet you look better then her and that is her problem.

star

[Shelly67]

Don't take it to heart , easier said than done but it's true . So is this - spite comes from many a different reason and direction . You have nothing to worry about your looks , as others have firmly stated . Sorry , but with such a nasty temprement , I think your better off without a such relationship .

Now Facebook .
A warning - it is a life tracker . It's often used by employers to spy and collect behaviourable information on staff . Here in the UK some individuals have been dismissed for comments ( even in humour ) about they're employers and even for private pastimes . I thought on hearing this , it's a joke , but it made the press . It's REAL.
So please , think on , privacey is tight enough as it is ...................

[Wendy_Marie]

What you just experienced with your ex is a true girl fight...this is how women attack each other...

[Tina B.]

The last place I would look for an opinion, is from my ex wife, it took about ten years before we could even talk civility to each other.
Tina B.

[Stephenie S]

For goodness sake, dear. It's your EX! Whatever did you expect? A compliment?

Move on, girl.

S

[Kaitlyn Michele]

its your ex...move on..

you are obviously very attractive and it's only going to get better for you ...

my kids tell me how ugly i look all the time even though i know that i am drop dead gorgeous..

no more fishing for compliments...!!

[Pythos]

A). She is your Ex. Why do you still let her control you? Put your face book back up, and put her and her cronies on "ignore".

B) She sounds like a very bitter person for some reason, as well as full of hate. Now I do not know what happened between you two, but from what I read she is as I describe.

C) Kill her with kindness, if not, then find yourself a CD loving woman that blows your ex away (or a man if that is how you roll).

You look fine, there is nothing "ugly" about your look, but there is plenty ugly about your ex. With friends like that who needs enemies.

The thing concerning face book. It is a social networking place, and being that there are many job coaches that encourage people to have accounts on such places. I fragging hate the fact that a place that was meant for a fun place to meet people and express oneself has infact become yet another job related thing that constraints must be applied to.

[Julogden]

It's clear that her words were intended to hurt you, nothing else. She's spewing hate at you, that's all. Her words are lies.

You're pretty and feminine in your photos, good enough to pass from what I can see. Of course, that's not all that's involved in passing, but from what I've read of your experiences in public, it sounds to me like you're very passable. I've seen your video on your Flickr page, and you have a nice, feminine voice too. The only improvement I could suggest would be to grow your own hair. All in all, I'd be thrilled if I could pass as well as you.

All that said, in my experience, almost no one passes 100% of the time. If you're going to succeed at living as you want, it sounds to me like you're going to need to develop a thicker skin. You will probably be read as being male on occasion, but you can't let that bother you. I've known a few TS's personally, some of them amazingly passable, and they all got read as being male once in a while (even post-op), but they didn't let it bother them.

So hang in there and ignore your ex's venomous words. She was only trying to hurt you, nothing else.

Carol

[Leslie Langford]

Amanda, from the language she uses and the way she expresses herself in her note to you, your ex sounds like a class act (NOT!) and a real piece of work. Whatever did you see in her in the first place???

Sorry to say, but you really do seem to have self-esteem issues if you not only allowed someone as controlling as that to enter into your life, but also to have such an impact on it - both while you were married and afterwards. I say "good riddance!", and that it is high time to close that chapter of your book once and for all. Let her stew in her bitterness - it couldn't happen to a more deserving person, from what I can see.

B.T.W. - you look gorgeous - many GG's should look half as good. Clearly, the ex is insanely jealous and just couldn't handle the competition, among all of her other issues...

[GirlieAmanda]

I woke up here to these really great answers. I am enjoying every last one so much. You are all so precious to me. I mean that. With each comment you are returning my confidence which, I may add, was only shaken not stirred. LOL. I love how people are seeing my ex EXACTLY as she is. She was so mean and nasty for probably 18 out of 20 years and almost all of my 15 year marriage. The last 10 after she found out were the worst culminating with this last one. She does have serious issues. She is fairly attractive. Pretty face which I liked. About 113 lbs due to starving herself and massive exercise. BUT, she has gone from regular girl to having her tongue, belly, and down "there" pierced. She has gotten tattoos on her lower back, neck, and leg and she has gotten dermals as they call them. There are two implants near her collarbone that she can hang a chain from. I think this is really hardcore and very hard to look at. Then she complains that no one will love her. She is with a married man and is hoping he will leave his wife. Still though, we were together for a long time. She can still hurt me if I let her. I know better now.

[ReineD]

Someone above said that she's just jealous and honestly I don't think that's it. I think she does have insecurity issues, but rather she is afraid that others will think less of her for having been married to a transwoman. The homo/transphobia doesn't just affect men. Women can also feel judged for being with a male partner that violates current social norms. If the two of you were still in love she might try to get past this for the sake of her marriage, but I imagine it's even worse now that you're divorced, since divorces don't bring out the best in people under most circumstances.

She did say things that she never should have said, but the way she sees you is colored by her own fears and the way she has known you in the past, and not how you look now. You don't look like a dude, so please banish the thought!

[Badtranny]

Mando,

Yer the bomb girl and your ex is a rancid bitch.

Please don't let her control you anymore. Hold your head high and push through this.

They may never accept us, but by God they will respect us.

[SherriePall]

Amanda -- First, let me say this about Facebook: I have my privacy set to friends only. Yet, I every time I go on, I get lots of "people you know you may want to befriend."
Now, I know a lot of people, but 99 per cent of these hundreds of people I don't know either personally or otherwise. I think what they do is pick people out of the same geographic area. In my case it seems to be a rather large area, but that's the way I think it works.
As for your ex, she sounds like a winner. She may still have an emotional attachment to you. Otherwise, she could care less what you do now. Just be careful.
And, now, Amanda, you look great. I especially love the way your lips and eyebrows look. I am jealous. Your ex may be, too.
Take care

[larry]

Facebook has NO privacy. We all know that. Here is my input for you.
1 You have heard from me about how HOT you are. That being said maybe I could read you if we met in the mall. I would still say HOT !!
2 I think I can see how an ex may be so embarrased to see your public persona on FB. All her friends and lots more will see it. Damage is done. You need to be prepared for fallout.
Not sure if getting rid of that account will help. Maybe you should contact FB and see if they can help you get rid of it ?
3 You are beautiful !!

[Lorileah]

Well I see absolutely no question why she is your "ex". Does she honestly think you started the account to make feel bad?

I have been in similar positions but they centered around my MIL who is so spiteful and angry that she spreads evil where ever she goes. The exact "ugly" comment. Being the jerk I am I had the answer for her "Have YOU looked in YOUR mirror lately?"

You look mahvelous dahlink. Don't let petty insecure angry (wait while I look up more adjectives) people bring you down. One day she will awaken and find that her life is exactly what she made it.

[Barbra P]

Hi Amanda
Your Avatar looks fantastic and seeing it I would never guess that the person in that picture was anything but a lovely young woman. I’m frequently accused of being brutally honest and I have to admit that with the first picture I would be a bit suspicious; I think it is the makeup – maybe a little over the top. But in saying that I need to clarify one thing, I’m not passing you in a mall, I’m scrutinizing the picture, close up on my monitor and I can take as much time as I want to examine it. In the second picture you look better and the eye makeup is a little less extreme. At night in a club or night-spot the first you would probably look fine.

There is a way to set up a fb account and keep it private. You must have a new Email account and you must access both your Email and fb with a browser that you use only for that Email account and fb – never access anything that you access with your regular browser. For example, if you normally use Internet Explorer, download Firefox or Chrome and use one of those to setup your new Email and fb accounts. Never use your new browser to access any of your other accounts such as this site, any other Email accounts you may have or fb – if you do fb will link your accounts. It’s a bit of a pita but it will keep your Amanda Email and fb account private and you won’t be popping up as a possible Friend on current Friend’s pages or the pages of those Friends.

We really never know just how passable we are – well I know, because I’m not at all passable. I am a firm believer that the majority of people that do read you will never say anything, but the vast majority of people you pass while out and about are just to wrap up in their own lives to even notice those around them unless there is something that is so totally out of place as to attract undue attention. Getting back to your first picture, there is nothing in that picture that would attract undue attention and most people passing you at the mall are either not going to notice you at all. Or they are going to think "Oh wow, what a hot chick.”

Some breakups are amiable and some are not and those that are not tend to really ugly. Your ex-SO’s true nature just came out, and maybe it is better that it surfaced now rather than later. The best thing you can do now is to remain pleasant to your ex, take the abuse, and move on. Remaining nice will probably infuriate your ex, that tends to happen when one person losses it and the other remains calm and continues to act as if nothing is bothering them. It is time to move on, and find a new SO.

It may be difficult for you if you had strong feelings for your ex, but try and project an air of indifference over the breakup. Especially around anyone that knows your ex – it will get back to your ex that you don’t seem particularly bothered by the breakup and that will have a greater effect than retaliating in kind with name calling.

Good luck, forget your ex as best you can and get on with your life.

[SamanthaS]

I think she was just trying to hurt you based on these photos you look great hon

[Emily Ann Brown]

Shake it off!

My Ex says worse stuff about me...but she takes the $500 a week. Like I thought she won't...HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Em

[Alice B]

I agree 100% with everything Sara said. You look beautiful in your shots and all female. Your ex is just that your EX! Nothing she says counts and without doubt she is jealous.

[Adriennegrl]

I'll give you a short and sweet reply, you look amazing!

I can understand how that would rock the boat but keep paddling girl!

[Violetgray]

I think I should point out that people you know are more likely to read you. I don't believe in giving people a false sense of confidence, but when she says "I knew it was a guy, and I knew it was you" .. she had already seen your face every day for years.

Also, being a t-girl is not easy, it can be a difficult personal journey, and she's all like "How can you do this to ME?" ....Seriously??

[Shananigans]

She's your ex! You broke up for a reason! She knows exactly what to say to hurt you. Stop allowing her to have power over you! You look absolutely fine. Recognize a hateful b*tch when you see one and don't let her get to you.