Nasty Words from the Ex that Shook My Confidence

[GirlieAmanda]

I created a new Facebook account just recently. Well it unintentionally created a stir with my ex. Somehow even though I never friended her or anyone she knew, I came up on her people she may know. I deleted the account. I just don't think I am ready for that exposure. I thought I was but I thought it would be more private with only me seeking friends. Anyway my ex sent me this message after she saw my profile I guess:

"Well sorry...I don't tolerate it. You r disgusting putting this out there. U r one UGLY woman. I could tell immediately that it was u and that u r a dude. Thanks for making me feel shitty....at least I finally know that we can't be friends and we'll have no more contact. U have no respect for me putting this out for everyone to see. It just ****ing came up on my page as someone I may know. Didn't u think that might happen. U ****ing suck."

This really hurt me. It was like a punch to the gut and my confidence. Now I am re-questioning my presentation. Either I am not as good as I think or she is just being really vicious. I am thinking it is the latter but I am still shaken a bit. As if I need another voice telling me that I am not pretty, I am manly, I am ugly, I am not passable, people are just being nice. I thought I had exorcised these demons but now they are creeping back thanks to my ex. I have had virtually no problems while out and even had a lady interact with me and just start talking about clothes spontaneously yesterday. I pass teenage girls, teen guys, ladies, men, old wise people and barely ever a look unless its a leer or a wanton look by a guy. No problems. Is everyone just being nice or polite? All I know is, everyone is not always nice. There are always going to be idiots or just giggly teens or something. I saw or noticed none of that when out recently. I was looking too. I was aware. Please tell me if I am not as girlie as I think.

This is the pic she saw and maybe this other one standing too

[ChristinaXOXO]

Honey... she's just jealous! You're avatar looks 100% girlie too me =)

[suzy1]

Amanda, I have looked at your picture and your avatar.
So you want my honest opinion? You look super girly!
And yes, you are dealing with a vicious woman here. What do you expect?
Do yourself a favour, put on the make up, look in the mirror and be impressed. I am.

Hugs, SUZY

[jarts55]

Amanda,
You are not the ugly one, she is. I can certainly see why you are no longer married to her. I think you are hot and I wish I could look as good as you do.

Julie Ann

[MaidJamie]

Amanda

You have absolutely nothing to worry about. To me, you rate as one of very few 100% passable tgirls I've seen here... and I'm not just saying that to make you feel better.

Forget what she said
Jamie

[Karren H]

And you would expect an ex to say nice things??

[prettytoes]

She's probably just jealous because you are more woman than she will ever be (and probably better looking, too!)

[Kathy4ever]

looks very womanly to me too. I guess she is an ex for a reason. Go out on the time and enjoy. She says she can't be friends with you and I have to say who needs that kinda friend anyway

[Patriciadtv]

she not right you are beautiful

[Bootsiegalore]

She's probably just jealous because you are more woman than she will ever be (and probably better looking, too!)

I AGREE! You look GREAT!

It should never come up as somone she may know unless you used and email address she has.... but if you made a new email address and kept your personal information out of it (like your real name) I do not beleive it should have shown up. I think she went looking for you under your girlie name (if she knows it) or by your email address if she knows it.

[Sara Jessica]

And you would expect an ex to say nice things??

Maybe the most practical comment here!!!

But as for my thoughts...

First of all, it's not hard to find of cheerleading and enabling in these pages so comments sometimes need to be taken with a grain of salt.

Fortunately, the comments regarding your presentation are all right on the money.

You made a comment in your "real hair" picture thread that kind of struck me, that you see a wig as breaking up a perceived guy trait (shoulders). You said "Good or bad I don't like getting looks from women because I am paranoid they are bad looks."

Well Ms. Ex isn't doing much for your self-esteem and one of the hardest things to do in our world is to get over that hump when it comes to that combination of self-confidence and not giving a hoot as to what anyone else thinks.

Now I am re-questioning my presentation.

Don't.

Either I am not as good as I think or she is just being really vicious. I am thinking it is the latter..

I agree, it's the latter.

...but I am still shaken a bit.

Understandable.

As if I need another voice telling me that I am not pretty,

But you are.

I am manly, I am ugly,

But you're not.

I am not passable...

Hate that passable term, it's a holy grail that one truly never knows if they actually achieve when out among the Muggles.

...people are just being nice

So what if they are.

I pass teenage girls, teen guys, ladies, men, old wise people and barely ever a look unless its a leer or a wanton look by a guy. No problems. Is everyone just being nice or polite? All I know is, everyone is not always nice. There are always going to be idiots or just giggly teens or something. I saw or noticed none of that when out recently. I was looking too. I was aware.

Maybe no one is noticing you. Maybe they do notice and are being nice and polite. My advice is to try not to get too hung up on those things and admittedly, it's easier said than done but when it happens, you will enter a new state of grace with this whole thing.

And like that silly t-shirt that is sold for $3 at most tourist traps out there, "Don't Let The Turkeys Get You Down".

Please tell me if I am not as girlie as I think.

I think you are very pretty as does everyone else here...and that is NOT cheerleading, it's a fact.

[Shelly67]

Don't take it to heart , easier said than done but it's true . So is this - spite comes from many a different reason and direction . You have nothing to worry about your looks , as others have firmly stated . Sorry , but with such a nasty temprement , I think your better off without a such relationship .

Now Facebook .
A warning - it is a life tracker . It's often used by employers to spy and collect behaviourable information on staff . Here in the UK some individuals have been dismissed for comments ( even in humour ) about they're employers and even for private pastimes . I thought on hearing this , it's a joke , but it made the press . It's REAL.
So please , think on , privacey is tight enough as it is ...................

[Billie Jean]

And you would expect an ex to say nice things??

Mine did, she said I'm leaving and want a divorce. LOL Billie Jean

[karen88st]

Amanda, you looked absolutely gorgeous no matter how I looked. You don't need to feel upset for what she said to you, because she just want to hurt you. I am quite sure you looked much better than her :-)

As for Facebook, I suggest giving minimum details when registering your account, so it won't have much cross references to your ex.

[joannemarie barker]

I don't know how it came up on her fb but i wish it hadn't,now after all the work you've put in and all the steps yoube taken you are back to being nervous and worrying about your passability.thing is if anyone in the world would recognise you it would be her.I still believe you are beautiful and totally passable.I think your ex has some serious issues and I think believe it or not some caring feelings for you too,she wouldn't get so irate otherwise.don't shy away after this hunny thats all I can say

[Maria in heels]

Amanda ......! Did we not have a long conversation last week?? You are a beautiful person that shines when you smile...nothing less than that. Your ex is a horrible and mean person, and does not seem to be able to just let things go, and is keeping the relationship doing thru attacks and insults, and is only worried about herself, as she clearly shows. All that she is worried about is how " the neighbors will take it " which is why she is so insulting and bitter with her words. Guess what? If she acts like this, don't pay her any mind, redo your Facebook and block her, and just BE YOURSELF! Didn't you notice that I accepted your friend request, and I really don't use Facebook at all...? Remember what I told you ... You have a wonderful chance to BE YOURSELF and just smile . Some of us in this world love you...remember that !

[Sometimes Steffi]

She's probably just jealous because you are more woman than she will ever be (and probably better looking, too!)

To answer whether or not she was just being a b-i-t-c-h, or jealous, we really need to see what she looks like. Or failing that, tell us - is she attractive (scale of 1-10), is she overweight, previous self esteem issues?

I totally agree. From your pictures, you are totally a 10 to me. If she's not a 10 also, maybe she is a little jealous of you.

From the outside looking in, it looks to me like an angry knee-jerk reaction, because honestly, from the pics you post of yourself, you could walk past me in the street and it wouldn't even enter my head that youre a CD.
You have very feminine facial features - narrow jaw, high/promenant cheekbones. Hell, I'm jealous!!!

I agree. narrow jaw, high/promenant cheekbones, thin eye brows, pouty lips, great hair and makeup, weight in proportion to height, and a wonderful illuminating smile. I think it's the smile that says it all. It's such a happy smile.

I think you ex might be suffering from what I call the Hillery sindrome. How could she [Hillery] have stayed with that man [Bill]. So she's concerned about what her friends will think about her being married to you.

[Gaby2]

...I thought it would be more private with only me seeking friends...
Anyway my ex sent me this message... "..."
This really hurt me...
All I know is, everyone is not always nice...
Please tell me if I am not as girlie as I think...

I'm sorry that your facebook outing caused you so much hurt Amanda.
You don't deserve it - and you do get the acknowledgement and credit you deserve for putting so much effort into your truely girlie appearance.
Take heart from that!
I know myself how hard it is to cope with spiteful comments from the Ex.
Ignoring her bitterness is everso difficult - but being like this is her choice.
Gaby

[Patricia Jane]

You look Lovely! Must be envivious.

[Danni Renee]

Amanda, I think your ex is horrible for saying what she said. You are totally beautiful and I do not think anyone who saw your picture would ever think you are anything but an attractive woman. Keep the Facebook page and make certain she sees that you did. The problem is hers, not yours and you should not be restricted due to her issues.

Danielle

[Noortje]

Facebook is notorious for offering no control or privacy, so it was maybe not so clever of you to make that page, if you did not want to be outed. That being said, your ex is being a total bitch, and her comments are obviously fueled by surprise and bigotry (one of those is kind of on you). You look incredible and you are one of the girls on the forum I am most jealous of. You should not doubt your presentation. The information management needs a little work, though.

[Dawna Ellen Bays]

You're positively beautiful, Amanda! There's nothing more that I can add that hasn't already been said, but I'm willing to bet that she's jealous of how you look and can present yourself. But at least now I know that I won't be creating my own Facebook profile anytime soon...

[Gerrijerry]

[QUOTE=GirlieAmanda;2550113]I created a new Facebook account just recently. Well it unintentionally created a stir with my ex. Somehow even though I never friended her or anyone she knew, I came up on her people she may know. I deleted the account. I just don't think I am ready for that exposure. I thought I was but I thought it would be more private with only me seeking friends.

of course she is your ex and wants to hurt you anyway she can. AS for the unintenional friending of her. She could have just never gone there. Yes I would think that what she said would hurt you. That was her intent. What you need to do is to realize that she should not have that much effect on you any more.
I suggest you go back and do what you intended to do with that facebook account. Make new friends. Yes it is very hard to be out there and there will always be someone that says something. It happens to all of us. Just remember those kind of people are out there to hurt others because they are to afraid to admit that everyone has a right to be and dress the way they want. We all just have to stand up and go on with our lives the way we need to be. If your ex is so worried about someone seeing you and saying that the two of you were together it is only her problem not yours.
Last point you look fine and very passable. Now just sit down at the computer and start again.

[fun4metoo2004]

To hell with her. I think you look great. Both of the photos here show me that you present well, and are very sexy. It is a shame that some people cannot be happy for you.

Don't question your presentation. You go Girl!

[Marie-Elise]

That just sounds like one more good reason to be happy she is your ex. What does being friends with her bring you? Doesn't sound like much except vindictiveness.