Relasped... first time in years...

[Myojine]

Im.... a cutter...
Its what i do when i get really depressed...
Well
Used to do...
See When I joined the army, I stopped because well.... I needed to stop that shit or i'd get discharged, now that im not in the army anymore.... I dont have to worry now...

So a couple nights ago... I relapsed... just a little... but, I did. I was sitting on the floor and wasnt quit sure what was going on but i ended up hugging leaning on and... sorta hugging my computer while was just... crying... I mean i dont cry anymore just like watery eyes... whatever... then i remembered i had a brand new blade in my work knife... So i picked it pushed out the blade and well i was sorta scared because I had enver cut with a razor before, I ahd always used a pair of sissors or a serated blade.
It was the only thing i relaly knew that helped....
So now i ahve 4 3/4inch skin deep slices in my left forearm.
My roomate threatened to commit me to a psych ward... I probably need it but they wont help me with my gender disorder...

[jennCD]

Sounds like you have more pressing issues than your gender disorder. I would serious consider getting help from whatever medical source you can find.

Good luck,

jenn

[thechic]

Sorry to here that you are having problems,No need to do anything stupid thought, you have always got to remember, there is always some one worse off than you and thay often cope well.Please just go and seek professional help,it helps,Im speaking from experience.
Cuts leave horrible scares that you will regret latter.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Im.... a cutter...

See When I joined the army, I stopped because well.... I needed to stop that shit or i'd get discharged,

if you don't stop that shit, you are gonna get discharged from real life

the answer is in you sweetie despite all the crap you put yourself through..having a brutal life does not mean you need to keep punishing yourself...

it's possible to feel again without all the horrors you've been through..but you have to take charge...

leave the GID out of it, and get yourself some help...if you really want to transition, that's your first step...

[Myojine]

if you don't stop that shit, you are gonna get discharged from real life

the answer is in you sweetie despite all the crap you put yourself through..having a brutal life does not mean you need to keep punishing yourself...

it's possible to feel again without all the horrors you've been through..but you have to take charge...

leave the GID out of it, and get yourself some help...if you really want to transition, that's your first step...

Cutters dont want to kill themselves. Cutters just have a very primative way of dealing with emotions, As drescribed by Dr Drew Penski and my own experance.
I never cut because i wanted to die

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i never said that...discharged from real life means what your roommate said, and that's sent somewhere you don't want to be..like a psyche ward

[Andrea85]

FWIW, I'm a cutter too. Have been most of my life. You may not want to die, but cutting is no different than any addictive drug. I nearly bled out a few times. Should have died every time. A few friends are cutters too. They've all seen the same lows. It will happen to you eventually, and to do it even one more time is moronic. If you have any intelligence, go check yourself into a psych ward. I did and it worked wonders. I still have the urges, but I know how to control them now. I'm a better person for doing it and don't regret it one bit.

[Myojine]

FWIW, I'm a cutter too. Have been most of my life. You may not want to die, but cutting is no different than any addictive drug. I nearly bled out a few times. Should have died every time. A few friends are cutters too. They've all seen the same lows. It will happen to you eventually, and to do it even one more time is moronic. If you have any intelligence, go check yourself into a psych ward. I did and it worked wonders. I still have the urges, but I know how to control them now. I'm a better person for doing it and don't regret it one bit.

Im already addicted, and a waste of spacetime.
You know, If i ever do die before the intended dates...
The only regret I'd really have is that my brilliant mind went to waste...well as if my brain is doing anything good anyways...
Maybe i should move back to utah, but how would i get my computer there...
If i go back to utah i'd move back to the city i lived in...
Life seemed so much easier back then...
I cut because my emotions are corrupt, and bleeding makes me feel alive.
I find comfort in the darkness, the questionable, not knowing what migh crawl out from the dark corners of this room...
I wish i could find a haunted place, and talk with the paranormal entities there...
(im just in a really dark place right now)