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Thread: Where to begin

  1. #1
    New Member
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    Where to begin

    Hello,

    My name is Chris and I have been a LONG time lurker on this forum. I have come to the realization that I have a desire to crossdress. Not just pretend to be a crossdresser, but to actually try to do so in semi-public controlled situations.

    My experiences have been very limited to crossdressing on Halloween as a 'joke', I think we all know what that means for some of us? Also I have worn female undergarments under my work clothes from time to time including pantyhose.

    Pantyhose is what got me into all this.

    Here we go. I do not know what the next step is for me, or what should it be? I am desiring to dress in a safe environment in front of anyone else besides myself. I am 6'2" overweight, could not pass, have a goatee and am unwilling to shave the goatee. I am not sure where that leaves me. I am sure because of not wanting to shave I am not a true crossdresser or some such thing, I just don't know.

    Any ideas of where to go with this, what should be the next step, how do you get a safe place to dress, etc. would be great.

    I live in the Boston area.

    I am excited, confused, nervous, and I am sure a ton of other emotions.

    Thanks,
    Chris

  2. #2
    Truth, Love, Freedom Angiemead12's Avatar
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    Hi Chris,

    You would be the best person to know which way you want to go with your life. But initially if you want to validate any ideas you have to go out there and try it out. I would recommend you look for a gay friendly bar/area first to see how you feel about everything. And as you gain confidence from doing this you can slowly venture out into the real world.

    There are folks who are called gender queer who dress in the oposite clothes but retain goatees. You can wiki search it

    Anyway welcome to the boards!

  3. #3
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Chris, there was a time in my life when I had facial hair and still partially crossdressed. In private,though. What is it about guys being so resistant to change? Females change their hair/clothing/makeup styles at the drop of a hat, but guys resist change. I knew being clean-shaven would really change my crossdressing life (and I was right about that), but still I resisted. One day I just did it - shaved it clean. Now I could really transform from a guy in a dress into what I saw in the mirror as female (no illusions about that - I'm a guy who likes to dress and make up to LOOK like a woman). Then I asked myself "what took you so long to shave?".
    I can't advise you about keeping your goatee and going out semi-public (but I think others can). But you can do whatever pleases you in private. I have gone out en femme, but stayed in far more that I went out. When you dress "home alone", there are no rules. It kind of sounds like you would like to find others like you for dressup sessions, if that's what you mean by semi-public. Not sure. I hope you find what you're looking for.

  4. #4
    To be, or not to be... ? Gaby2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cmiller1031 View Post
    I am excited, confused, nervous, and I am sure a ton of other emotions.
    Hi Chris! That sounds like a "true crossdresser" to me...
    All the best, Gaby
    [SIZE="1"]When Irish Eyes Are Smiling... In the lilt of Irish laughter... When Irish hearts are happy... And When Irish Eyes Are Smiling... [/SIZE]

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member Suzy Parker's Avatar
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    Maybe try to find a support group in your area. I have read that with some you can go drab and then dress there for the group meeting. There may also be transformation salons near you and they often have gatherings of like minded people.

  6. #6
    Breathes under water prettytoes's Avatar
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    I have a mustache that has been with me all my adult life, and I also will not shave it. I shave my armpits and legs in the winter, and my wife does my back for me. I also will not shave my chest (my wife likes my chest hair). I still enjoy my denim mini skirts, painting my toenails, satin panties, satin nighties, bras, bikinis, and so on, and so on. I know that I will never pass. That's not what it is about for me, trying to pass. I just enjoy the way feminine clothing looks on me, and how it makes me feel when I wear it. I feel at ease, relaxed, like all is as it should be. Since my wife discovered my dressing and I have been able to express my feminine side more, I have been happier, sleeping better at night, and life has pretty much been good.
    Just go with what makes you feel good. That's what life is all about! Enjoy!
    Life's too short to not be enjoyed! Live each day to the fullest!

  7. #7
    Member AnnaCalliope's Avatar
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    If you shave it, will it not grow back in a week or two? Facial hair doesn't just stop growing. If it does, then try standing a few feet farther from the microwave.

    If you really don't want to shave it off, then don't. I've known a few guys who liked to wear skirts and stockings with just a t-shirt and male hairstyle, no make-up. etc., out to parties and clubs. It was just their thing.

    Whether crossdressing in public, transitioning to female or doing drag, its all about finding your comfort level. Since you're still in the early stages, it may take some time (months, years) before you're comfortable sitting in a bar area in women's clothes, or going grocery shopping en femme -- dress, heels, make-up, purse.

    Personally, I was okay going out en femme to a gay friendly club or restaurant by the time I was 19. Granted I was usually accompanied by no less than 3 very close friends. I refused to go anywhere alone or even drive dressed unless absolutely necessary. It wasn't until I was 24 when I tried wearing women's jeans and tops out while still in drab. Took me another 3 years to become comfortable with that. By 28, the dam broke and I decided to go full-time and completely purged my male wardrobe.

    If you are serious about going out dressed, I suggest finding women's apparel -- jeans, slacks, top, shoes -- that are very gender neutral. There's plenty that you could wear out and only the most observant would realize that you might be crossdressing. Jeans are the easiest to get away with these days, since between the rocker and hipster movements, both flared and skinny styles are as popular on men as they are women. Also, get a pair of women's sneakers, in black. Usually they are almost identical to the male counterpart, but you'll know it in your mind, "Hey, I'm wearing women's shoes."

  8. #8
    Breakin' social taboos TGMarla's Avatar
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    Don't sweat it Chris. If you want to have a goatee, keep it. It's likely the local support groups would frown upon it, but you shouldn't be concerned about that. If you just want to wear some pretty clothes, then by all means, do so. I mean, if you want to crossdress, nothing is stopping you from crossdressing. I had a moustache for years and still crossdressed. I amusingly referred to myself as the "bearded lady" when I looked in the mirror.

    But if your desire is to actually present a believable feminine appearance, then of course, the goat has to go. But you already said that you want to keep it, and that you're a big guy. Look, there are no rules to crossdressing. Your desire to remain the man you already are is not a deal-breaker for being a crossdresser. Your statement about being a "true crossdresser" is a bit confusing....I don't thing there's actually a definition, or some line you cross to qualify as a "true crossdresser".

    If you really desire to crossdress with others, you'll need to find others in your area who are willing to do this with you. If your home environment will not allow for such activities, all the more reason to find someone else who lives around you that may be able to facilitate you.

    Good luck! And stop sweating the small stuff. Keep the goat, and stop worrying so much.

    Any money found in the laundry is MINE!


    "This is no social crisis....this is me having fun!"

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  9. #9
    Senior Age Member sissystephanie's Avatar
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    You are a crossdresser, without question!! Having a goatee doesn't change anything, except for the fact that you certainly wouldn't pass. I did use to pass, when my dear late wife was around to do my makeup and fix my wig. Now that she is gone (6 years now), I still go out in public dressed enfemme! But with no wig and no makeup!! Yes, I look like a man because I am one, but most of my clothing is that of a female!! I prefer female clothing so that is what I wear! I dress to please myself. not the rest of the world!!

    Dress the way you want and don't worry what others think!! If they have negative thoughts about you, that is their problem!!
    Stephanie

    Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

  10. #10
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Chris, these days u can accomplish pretty much whatever u want as a CD. Only u can decide where to go with it!

    I'm wearing a stach and beard in virtually ALL my posting pics! What do u think?

    For the upcoming CD/TG/TS conference in Atlanta, I'll be shaving. It grows back completely in a couple weeks.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  11. #11
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome to the conversation! I just wanted to point out that a little foundation will minimize the stark difference the goatee presents. You might not want to head out in public without shaving, but the foundation will give you a better idea of your femme look!

    Have fun with it!

    tina

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member Jenny Gurl's Avatar
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    If you have the desire to dress, you are a crossdresser, and there is nothing wrong with that. Took me many years to come to that conclusion. God made me this way, it is what it is, and I'm not going to deny it any more. I had a mustache for a long time. I loved to crossdress, wear makeup, etc. I finally shaved my mustache off and was much happier for it. It was cleaner and cooler in the summer. I also found that it was much easier for me to put on my makeup. There are many who crossdress for various reasons and to different degree's. If dressing up and not shaving meets your needs, then it will be what works for you. Later you may change your mind and that is ok too. Welcome to the site, it is a great place to learn about this topic. I may have learned more about myself here than about dressing and makeup tips, but I am thankful for both.

  13. #13
    Member Eve II's Avatar
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    Chris - Welcome
    There are no rules - it's not like you have to be " all in". Take it slow, underdress
    first ( lace bra, panties, stockings). As time passes, you will start adding to your
    collection and feel more comfortable with your feelings and clothes.

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