[SIZE="2"]OK – I was lurking last night, as I often do, and I noticed another round (or two) of closeted vs. un-closeted crossdresser “discussions” (let’s call them arguments). By my count, this is the fifth or sixth one we’ve had in the past few months, and I’m getting REALLY sick of this. It’s a complete waste of time, it’s divisive in the extreme, and it makes me want to blow up my own closet, remove this site from my list of "favorites," and find something more productive to do. Both sides of this discussion drive me to tears, and the fact that I have tears to shed is a clue to where I stand, namely outside of the so-called “community,” as well as both sides of this ongoing diatribe...
I really wanted to pack it in last night and slip away unnoticed, but, against my better judgment, I thought I would write something about this nonsense before I move on. Call it a catharsis, one of many. It’s really disheartening to witness the rifts within the MtF section, time and time again, expressed within the thoughtful and thoughtless prose that passes for communication around here. This latest argument reminds me of all other forms of male one-upmanship, where the contest can be visualized as two (or more) un-tucked males waving their genitalia at each other across a gulf. Hey boys, how about prying those chips off of your shoulders to get in touch with something the clothes might represent? Leave the so-called “MOMENT” and look within – seek compassion for others who are unlike you, and try to understand that one size, or one circumstance, does not fit all. In short, drop the MALE, will you please?
Leave the closet, get out and “educate” people about crossdressing? Great idea! I’ll explode my precious closet, turn myself inside out, and head out the door in my feminine finery. Let’s see – I need to explain myself to ten people, and they will in turn be so amazed by my eloquence that they will tell ten people about the wonders of crossdressing, and so on. Well, it’s hot out there, so I’m already ruining my fetishistic garments by being “out,” but let’s press on to please the other crossdressers who insist I must show myself. First of all, my sister will be very worried about me, since I will be placing myself in harm’s way. No matter – I’m on a “mission” for the community. Shall I skip over to my neighbor’s house, where the kids are playing in the yard? “That’s Mr. So-and-So, kids – he likes to dress up!” Yeah, that’ll happen. I don’t think I can look forward to any more fresh tomatoes from my neighbor’s garden, but sacrifices must be made...
OK, I’m walking down the street, past an elementary school – I can’t go in there, though, since I represent an alternative form of behavior associated with sexual deviancy, akin to homosexuality, bisexuality, bestiality, and other forms of perversion, according to the purveyors of family values (i.e. parents). Next, I walk past a church, actually two churches on either side of a street – kind of like those two males I told you about earlier in this post, but I digress. I can’t go into either one of the churches and twirl about, trying to impress the congregation (if there is one – they may be at home, after all, staying cool), because I will once again bump into the moral scaffolding and family values I encountered back at the school – why bother banging my head against an impenetrable barrier? The conversation, if one took place, would go something like this: “I’m a male and I like to wear women’s clothing – see?” followed by, in response, “I will pray for you.”
The next stop is the “Wellness Center.” What do you suppose will happen there, if I float into the “space” of the receptionist and declare my intention of educating all within earshot about my crossdressing? They may call the police, or they may attempt to “cure” me. Keep in mind where I live, please. I could walk into the local watering hole, no doubt populated by farmers, bikers, and overheated tourists, and tell everyone the virtues of being a sissy, with clothes to match, but what do you think would happen? Most of these people are the very individuals who beat me up in school, or they are the athletic descendents of those bullies, no doubt taught by their fathers to detect and eliminate queers, which is what I happen to be. I don’t foresee a captive audience in such a locale, in fact I would make a mental note of the exits at all times for a quick get-away. I can hear laughter, even from the few women present, with nary a drop of compassion for my chosen lifestyle. People do NOT wish to be educated about crossdressing – do you see a trend developing?
Why don’t I just saunter into City Hall and present myself as God’s gift to gender agony? The last time I saw a gender-unspecific person pay his/her utility bill in this place, the clerk behind the counter made an expression that could best be translated as “IT’S A QUEER!” The clerk actually looked at me, trying to point out her revulsion to a “normal” looking person – too bad I wasn’t dressed up, or she could’ve reached a new level of bigoted disgust! Am I supposed to provide this service, as some form of education? Tell you what – why don’t I just walk into the police station and introduce myself? There’s not much going on in this town, and I’m sure the “boys” could use a good laugh – I guarantee that’s what will happen, while I’m being identified for future reference, that is. Maybe I should visit the local V.F.W. Hall, and show the assembled veterans what kind of freedom they’ve been fighting for – that’s bound to go over BIG, wouldn’t you say?
If I manage to make it home in one piece, humiliated, dirty, sweaty, torn, and exposed as a threat to normalcy, I might just go underground completely and wait until everything blows over. The moral to this tale is that I am NOT perceived as a moral individual by the supposedly moral population. It's not fair, but I don't have the energy to fight the system, in fact fighting is abhorrent to me. I have been marginalized, but also created, by society, and I keep to myself to preserve all I hold dear. I’m amazed that more individuals on this site don’t feel that way, but sometimes the silence around here can be deafening. To me, “passing” is infinitely more important than trying to educate a reluctant public about something they wish didn’t exist, and inserting yourself into other people’s spaces in an effort to stroke your own crossdressing ego is not something I want to do – not now, not ever. I am meek, to be sure, but I do not wish to inherit the Earth – I just wish to practice my crossdressing in peace and NOT bother anyone…
I came here to “discuss” crossdressing with other crossdressers, not bend individuals to my will like a male would do. I wish to tuck everything away and seek a separate peace for myself, but the presence of male attitudes in this section scares me. I “speak” for the MtF crossdressers who neither stay in the closet, nor go out very much – we express ourselves according to who we are, when we can, and we recognize that we don’t fit in very well, for better or worse. Same as it ever was, but I cannot endorse male behavior, no matter how you dress it up…
I wish to highlight this post by the inimitable docrobbysherry, which says it all:[/SIZE]
[SIZE="2"]Amen! To some of us, crossdressing is a special “event,” and I aim to keep it that way...Originally Posted by docrobbysherry
[/SIZE]
It sounds like you need a girl friend more than anything. Do you have any?
)
[/SIZE]
[/SIZE]
