Do you not regret coming out of the closet?

[Nigella]

Pythos, care to enlighten us to why you have no regrets?

[LynnInDenver]

I'm out to everyone except extended family (aunts and uncles), and my workplace, and thus far, no real regrets. I don't have to lie to people about who I'm spending time with, or how I'm spending it, nor do I have to scrounge and plan to have even a little "comfort mode" time, since most of my friends have seen me both ways. I haven't lost any friendships over it, in fact, everyone except my parents have been very much in the mode of, "understanding is not required, acceptance is".

[Rianna Humble]

I am well and truly out of the closet, but even before my transition became national news, I was out and glad of it.

Why no regrets?

1 It was becoming far too hard living a double life before I came out - since coming out there is no need for the double life

2 I was feeling physically sick every time I had to dress as a man - even when I was waiting to be able to transition, knowing that the people at work knew about me made it less sickening

3 I was fed up pretending to be a man - I no longer have to keep up that pretence

[arbon]

My life was a life of being afraid of being found out.

The few times I was outed, told someone, or was afraid someone new about me, I usually regretted because I was so scared and had so much shame about it. But in late 2008 I accidentally outed myself via an email to a vendor. I had attached a personal file which basically said that when I was a child I wished I was a girl. It is the only time I had ever written down anything like that. I had written it because recently I had been very torn up inside after going to a little Halloween party in where me and my wife switched roles (only the 2nd time I had ever gone out) and that night had triggered some serious GID. I tried to write about it. I thought the email incident was the worst thing that could have happened in my life. I felt worse then I had ever felt in my life.

I had to tell my wife what happened. She knew about my crossing but it had always been kept very private and I had promised her that it would never affect the marriage. More importantly, maybe, I had promised her that I never wanted to be a woman.

But I did not kill myself and the experience pushed me to take a more honest look at who I am. As hard as it was, I had to face the truth about me and I had to start being honest with others. It turned into the best thing that happened in my life. I don't have to live in that fear of being found out and the shame of having a secret life anymore. I don't regret that now. There has been a price to pay, of course, because there are consequences that can be painful.

But in the end I feel more right with myself in this world.

[Jilmac]

After my wife passed away I had the opportunity to come out of the closet and tell the world who I really am, and I haven't regretted it for a second. The reason is because I can finally be myself without fear of rejection by those who are less tolerant, plus the fact that I no longer have to hide to dress.

[Butterfly Bill]

I can wear what I want when I want to and I don't have be afraid of having a secret found out. The last few weeks it has been over 100 degrees (38C) every day and I have been able to wear breezy tent dresses. I occasionally have strangers on the street giving me compliments. I can go to church every Sunday in soft rayons and nylons. I haven't found anything to regret, except maybe being frustrated at not being able to find size 12 shoes.

[Cari]

In my case the positive or negatives happen on a case by case basis depending who I told.
I guess there are a few that I regret telling
But on the whole it has been positive.

[Pythos]

I have no regrets because most of the time I am out in the stuff I like to wear, I get compliments. When I am out in what I like looking how I like, with my friends, I feel like myself, opposed to what society wants.

Getting compliments about my style, is just nice to get. I NEVER get such when in drab. One of the neater one I have gotten was "Not only do you have a unique style, you also are pretty good at getting computers to behave" THAT is what I want. The connection of an abnormal style with GOOD stuff!!

I hope one day to not only be a good if not great instructor, I hope my style becomes synomous with success. Fat chance I know, but yea.

But I do not know complete freedom yet.

[LolaDD]

Came out recently to my wife. She is very supportive. No regrets but still have a lot to learn. Lola

[Loretta]

I've told 5 people that I talk to almost every day.
They've all been really accepting.

My mom, my dad, my little brother, my Aunt, and one of my friends.
The last one I just told last night. She told me that she always had her suspicions. She told me she was jealous that my boobs were 2-3 cups sizes bigger than hers. She did bring up the fact that she thought I had many TS tendencies in high school and college, though, but it was mostly just related to fashion and mannerisms.

But no, I regret nothing. Not once in my life have I had any regrets. If something I do causes backlash, I own up to it and learn for the next time something similar occurs.

[Nicole Erin]

I don't regret it. More you do it, easier it gets. I no longer have to explain that I am TG to anyone. They see who I am.
Well of course now I live full time as Erin and that is just how people know me. Sure they can probably tell I am "really a dude" but I don't care, family doesn't care, my job doesn't care...
So an Erin regrets not.

If I did have any, it is that it is tough to uphold an image of being a lady.

[LitaKelley]

Regret it? HELL NO!! Finding my self and becoming ME, finally... after all these years... it's changed my life in so many ways.... I am FREE and being ME the way I want to be... I am more confident.. more open with people... made so many new friends and made stronger bonds with existing friends and family... Sooooo many doors and opportunities and OMG I wish I come out much much sooner..... to finally UNDERSTAND who I am.... to KNOW THINE OWN SELF.... and BE without any fears, hindrance or self imposed obstacles, etc... just feels so GOOD.... Never have I felt so ALIVE.... so FREE... SO HAPPY and finally, for the first time in my entire life.. I am at peace with my self and accepting of who I am..... The only regret I have is not coming out 25+ years ago...when I should have

[Lorileah]

Never regret anything that makes you smile. No I don't, I just wish it wasn't supposedly such a big deal and everyone could do it

I do regret 20 plus years when I could have been having fun and when I was better looking

[Samantha B L]

I'm out of the closet nowadays. My sister figured me out when she noticed I had a bunch of gay,lesbian,drag queen and burlesque queen freinds on facebook and she cornered me about it so I gave in and fessed up. Now a whole lot of my family members and even a whole lot of my relatives know all about it! So do many of my freinds including people who I thought of as hectoring rednecks when I was growing up. Most of them don't care! But they do wonder why would a guy put on ladie's things or smear away their body hair with a depilatory or wear a wig(?)Oh well,it's insignifigant. Those who know me know I am a published rock critic and I have a book on the web in which I put an enfemme picture of myself in the profile section which hundreds of people who don't even know me have seen this picture. Thousands of people maybe. Sorry folks,I did forget to add that I don't regret coming out and in a way it is less scary to be out than it is to be always worried that people who don't know are gonna find out. My life is a little easier this way. Much easier actually.

[Nigella]

Thanks for the responses so far, Some posts have been edited and you will find the there has been no responses allowed to each post. There is a specific reason for this and all will be revealled in the not too distant future.

Please do put in your reasons for not regretting coming out, they are important to the overall picture that this thread is aimed at. Also please refrain from adding any other comments about coming out, this particular thread is about YOUR reasons for not regretting it.

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

Aside from my comment in the other thread about regretting that I didn't come out a lot sooner, I have no regrets about coming out.

A small number of actively church-going in-laws have marginally less to do with me than they used to, and a couple of other people didn't speak to me for a few weeks or months after finding out. I don't regret that, and I think that they needed that time to sort out their problems, which I'm entirely comfortable knowing aren't my problems.

I have gained so much from being out. Not only have I met many other TG people and their families and friends, I've also met many other people who accept me as the woman I present myself as.

Some of the most fulfilling things that I've ever done have been as the only trans person in a larger group of women, in mainstream places doing normal things such as attending a fashion show or doing the rounds of some factory outlet stores.

Being out has improved my whole outlook on life. I'm more calm and together than I've been in years. I'm even enjoying doing girly things in boy mode to see if I can provoke responses from people.

Why would I regret it? It's fun!

[kimdl93]

Why - simply because I'm able to enjoy expressing my feminine side a good deal of the time, at home, and lately, out in the public. I suppose it would be fair to ask why that matters. I'm not sure I have a complete answer to that - except that by presenting as best I can, I'm being true to myself and accepting myself more completely. I could go into an endless loop trying to delve into the reasons that dressing as a woman would do this for me - since nothing magical happens - I'm still the same person inside.

[Nigella]

In my case the positive or negatives happen on a case by case basis depending who I told.
I guess there are a few that I regret telling
But on the whole it has been positive.

Came out recently to my wife. She is very supportive. No regrets but still have a lot to learn. Lola

Never regret anything that makes you smile. No I don't, I just wish it wasn't supposedly such a big deal and everyone could do it

I do regret 20 plus years when I could have been having fun and when I was better looking

Would you ladies care to explain why you do not regret it?

[thechic]

well i dont regreat comming out , no more lies I can now be myself.
About 2 years ago i just could not take the lieing and hideing any more,started seeing a theropist then one eving i told my wife,she didnt take it well,over time the kids the whole family now knows,work knows, well there is no hiding it.most clients actuly think i am a woman,and in some cases this has been a disadvange.
Even though this has coused some other issues,i happier ii am fem 24/7 and its strange though because everybody treats me like a woman,which i am happy with.

[Nigella]

Would those who have responded to this thread now go and post in this thread, thank you

[ReineD]

Well, I have both feelings, regretting and not regretting. It is not simply black and white for my SO and I, since we are only partially out.

Anyway, since I posted my regrets in Sandra's regret thread, I hope it is OK for me to be thorough and post my non-regrets in this thread as well.

The thing that I don't regret is going out in public, even though we don't go out in our town. It makes our dressing experience all the more varied and interesting, although it can get dicey when we run into people that we don't want to know. I also don't regret telling a friend of mine, who's husband is also a CD. She was a valuable source of support for me in the beginning when I was learning about all of this.

[Nigella]

Reine, Of course you can post here, there will be some members who do have a foot in both camps.

[Gillian Gigs]

In my relationship with my wife, it has been all good after coming out about my CD side. Once we came to our little compromises that had to be worked out, it has been very good. We have incorporated some of my dressing desires into our intimate times, and she has responded with a few desires of her own. I can now live 24/7 underdressed, and I do not have to hide anything from her. She knows what I do with my "me" time, and she adjusts some of her schedules to accommodate it. It has been 15 years now, if I could only have done it sooner, I would have spared myself a lot of hassles. It has also broken down other barriers in our relationship, which has made us closer than before.

[drag n fly]

Nope...It's been a tremendous load off my back...No more lying...and my wife seems pretty good with it..Amazing...This morning she saw me, for the first time with a night gown on, in the kitchen..She didn't say anything..but she has been very pleasant all day...So , I guess she's okay with it...What can I do? It's me...Jackie

[Amanda22]

I don't regret coming out of the closet at all. It's been a liberating experience. The feeling of "living a lie" by having a secret from my wife is gone. Luckily, my wife loves me and completely encourages my dressing. I wish I had come out much earlier in life, though, because it's been such a great experience. I truly feel I've started living a much happier and healthy life.