Who here hates hiding

[Pythos]

Thought I am open with my friends, I find myself hiding from family and work. Reason being I absolutely hate my mother's reactions to what I wear (if I wear anything unusual, even a loose belt around the waist, while wearing jeans she acts like I have broken some kind of rule and asks accusingly why I am doing it) and just don't want to deal with it.

I hide it from aviation and those in it, due to once again the irrational reaction some of that community would have. Many would not care really, I mean many certainly have skeletons to hide. How many have I see fly with different "lady friends" when I know damned well they are married? lol.

But if I ever could have a guarantee my life would not be ruined, I would so not hide anymore. It would be so nice.

[Karren H]

Actually..... i don't mind. It adds a layer of danger to my otherwise boring existence!! Lol but then again I've been doing it so long maybe I'm used to it?

[desa ray]

I totally agree. I get so frustrated that I just can't be me all the time. A lot of my friends know about Desa but I prefer to keep it from my children and certain friends because I fear losing them too much. The truth is that so many people have way more destructive secrets than wearing different cloths.

[Anne2345]

As I have written before, I am in the closet, and I quite enjoy my closet. Although technically I may be "hiding," I prefer to think that I simply choose not to share this part of myself with others, instead. My wife is wonderfully supportive of me, and I am very much content with her support. That said, there are certain things that I do hate "hiding" or not doing because of my circumstances. For instance, I hate not being able to shave my legs and body during the summer, or showing off my polished toes in public.

But if I ever could have a guarantee my life would not be ruined, I would so not hide anymore. It would be so nice.

Ah, what an incredible guarentee this would be! Oh but could we be assured of such a thing! Although I truly love and enjoy my closet, even with such a guarentee, I am not sure I would necessarily dress fully en femme in the outside world. Maybe I would, but it is impossible to say unless presented with the opportunity. I would absolutely keep my body smooth year round, my nails painted for all to see, get my ears pierced, let my hair grow out and have it styled, have my eyebrows arched, and wear heels, though. Hmmmm, the more I type about what I would do if I had such a guarentee, the more it seems like I would be willing to go full out! Considering the things I would do, I may as well continue on, huh? LOL!!! Ok, I retract my previous statement about being unsure as to whether I would go out fully dressed if I had such a guarentee . . . .

[Billie Jean]

I would like to be able to be me all the time and dress as I feel. Billie Jean

[Nigella]

You hide because you fear, your choice, plain and simple.

[Sweet Sabrina]

I would agree with I am not necessarily hiding as much as I choosing not to share certain aspects of myself. I choose not to share due to what would be potentially damaging to my children. Whether society as a whole accepts those who CD or who are gay or just different doesn't really matter. There will always be a certain percent that will be intolerant. That is who I choose to protect myself and my family from. If i was single, it might be a different story. Maybe I would be more open and choose to champion the cause of CD's everywhere That however is not my reality. I love dressing and being as feminine as possible as often as I can but I do it where it will not jeapordize myself or my family. In life we are constantly forced to make decisions that we might not like but that is part of life. What makes life interesting and fun is how we choose to deal with those choices. I would love to be more out and in the open but I am still just as happy in my own little world. Everybody knows me there. Thanks for the opportunity to share

[Amanda22]

I find myself hiding from family and work. Reason being I absolutely hate my mother's reactions to what I wear (if I wear anything unusual, even a loose belt around the waist, while wearing jeans she acts like I have broken some kind of rule and asks accusingly why I am doing it) and just don't want to deal with it.

I don't mean to sound glib, and I'm sure you've thought about it, but moving out and getting your own place would take care of the "family" half of the hiding. If your family came to your place you can wear anything you damned well please. Like the line from a song I'm listening to, "It's my house, and if you don't like it you can get the **** out!"

Not sure how to address the dressing at work thing, though. I think we all deal with that.

[VioletJourney]

I hate hiding. I'm trying to come all the way out before I have all kinds of obligations like work or romance that would force me to hide. I'd rather not dig myself into an inescapable hole.

[Nikki A.]

I don't like hiding, but as others have said I need to respect the repurcussions of my actions. I have come out to certain people, I do dress in public and risk being seen and have been mixing in more fem clothes in my drab attire.
I'm in a need to know mode and if asked directly I will probably tell them that I am a CD. Once my kids are on their own and probably will move away. If so then I'll be even more open since I will be close to retirement and I really won't give a damn what others think.

[5150 Girl]

While I'm 75% (or better) out, it does suck what tiny bit I do have to hide

[Duana]

You hide because you fear, your choice, plain and simple.

Nail, meet hammer.

There's only one reason why anyone can't keep their body smooth and toes painted... guts.

[sissystephanie]

You hide because you fear, your choice, plain and simple.

Nigella says it very plainly!! It is your fear and that is your choice!! Each one of us creates his/her own fears, and we have to live with that fact! Anyone of you can change a lot of your life if you will learn to disregard your fears, or else eliminate them!! Those fears are only there because you allow them to be!!

[kimdl93]

While I agree with the general concept that "hiding sucks", I guess I'm OK with compartmentalizing my life somewhat. I'm as open and accepted as can be by my wife...but part way out to my youngest stepdaughter(don't ask me to explain 1/2 out of the closet - I can't). But I keep this part of myself from my sons and eldest step daughter. To my sons from my first marriage, I present a fairly traditional male persona, and I think that's the way it has to be with them. They are adults and have dealt well with a lot of issues, including their dad being outed by their mother - but over the years, I've tried to be consistently the same person. I don't think they could really deal with the image of their dad having boobs, wearing heels, make up and a skirt.

I've also hidden this part of myself from business associates (mostly) One female associate gave me the nickname Marta a few years ago, because she thought I was like one of the girls. I took it as a compliment, and also as an indication that I wasn't as good at hiding as I thought! Overall, I guess I don't feel repressed by making choices the work with my life.

[christinek]

Yes hiding sucks. Like said above it is better to come out prior to getting into life to deep. Due to my awesome job I cannot come out. I am out to most of the people I know. My neighbors and such know. Society will change but it takes time.

[rachaelsloane]

Pythos,
In a perfect world I believe we would all go out and enjoy, but we do not, therefore, we are choose to hide for many reasons. At least we have this forum where we are not hiding and are accepted.
Rachael

[Anne2345]

There's only one reason why anyone can't keep their body smooth and toes painted... guts.

Hi Duana! Given the content of your response, it is quite apparent that you are responding to my post. Even if you are not, your response is oversimplified and naive, if this truly is what you believe. I do not know about you, but I have worked extremely hard to obtain the education, career, and wonderful family that I have. Should I risk throwing this all away in some misguided attempt to acquire "guts," simply so I can dress en femme in public? That would be an amazingly selfish and irresponsible act on my behalf, to so place my family in such a potentially harmful situation. "Guts" has nothing to do with it. Reality has everything to do with it. If you have the "guts" to be yourself wherever and whenever you want, more power to you! I am happy for you! But not all of us are so fortunate. Decisions have consequences. I am unwilling to risk the consequences, given how much I have on the line. Regardless, I am quite happy in my closet, thank you very much! So instead of claiming those such as I lack "guts," perhaps you would serve us all better if you took the time to think through your responses before posting such unwarranted, naive, blanket assertions.

[BeckyAnderson]

Hi Pythos,

I hide only from family and friends and I hate it. However, I'm past the age of caring who knows or cares about "anything" I do. Personally, I really don't need their approval and don't give a rats $$$. That being said, there is only with one exception to the aforementioned....my wife. She knows all about my feminine side, occasionally helps me shop and I dress freely around her but it is HER wishes that no one finds out. She is deathly afraid that she will be shunned or disowned by her friends or our family. We've been married for over 41 years and it's because of her wishes and needs that I remain anonymous to those closest to us. However, I am known virtually everywhere else. And outside of our microcosm I go everywhere and do everything en femme. I sometimes wish she could be a fly on my shoulder to see the way 99% of the people react.....she may change her mind.

Hugs,
Becky

[Badtranny]

I'm gonna swing in here in defense of my cross-dressing sisters. I don't think Pythos really falls into this category, but there is no reason why a part time cross dresser needs to "come out" to anyone outside of their inner circle. What would be the point?

I identify a lot more with Pythos because I think she is probably TS and at least a gender queer. During my transition, I dress pretty much like the average woman (cute jeans, cute tops) but without makeup, so I literally get ma'am'd and sir'd at different times throughout the day. I feel comfortable like this because I don't feel like a cross-dresser but it's still very obvious that I'm not Joe Dude. I don't really have a choice, I have to come out because I've chosen to transition and will eventually abandon my male identity completely. Pythos should probably consider "coming out" because she likes to dress cute everyday. Believe me Pythos, it's not as bad as you might think. In fact we live close and I would love to meet you sometime.

I can't hide because my lifestyle doesn't really allow it. Sure I pull the reigns back for work right now because I need to keep my job for one more year, but even today in a labor committee meeting I was wearing beige slacks with an olive colored T-shirt, under a blue & pink button down with the cutest little pink flower studs in my ears and a pink band holding my ponytail. Everybody knows I'm a fag and I will tell anyone who is not my boss (or his boss) that I am in the middle of transitioning. I love talking about it, and I'm really proud that I've spent the last year coming out and knowing what it feels like to be free for the first time in my life.

On the other hand, cross-dressing is NOT a lifestyle for most people. One of my good friends is a FtoM cross dresser and he only does it for parties and drag king shows etc. Why in the world would he come out professionally when there is absolutely no reason to? He's definitely a dude to me, but to everyone outside of the inner circle she's a beautiful (but stern) woman. That's how he likes it and that's how it is.

[Sweet Sabrina]

Nail, meet hammer.

There's only one reason why anyone can't keep their body smooth and toes painted... guts.

And what planet are you from? Or what color is the sky in your world? If tha was the only reason a lot more of us would be "out". I would have no problem getting fully dressed and going out as Sabrina. The problem I have is why should my son or daughter have to deal with the possible repercussions? When you get married or have children your choices cease to only impact you They impact your entire family. For you to say that it is only a matter of bravery is a complete and utter insult. Until you walk a mile in my shoes keep your foolish and idiotic opinion in your mouth.

[Gillian Gigs]

So, who here hates to hide? Will coming out into the open, cost you something that you are not prepared to pay? I came to the of realization that it was better to come out to my SO rather than stay hidden. In my case the benefits far out weighed the cost, but what about others. I keep my habits to my SO and myself, why, there is nothing to be gained otherwise, and maybe something to lose. Some will pay the price for staying hidden, some will pay for coming into the open, we each for ourselves have to make our own choices. Fear may be a factor, but is the fear justified?

[Anna Bee]

I dont like the hiding part, at all. It was fun at first, but once you hit the point where you become emotionally ready to share it with the world and you realize that the world isn't ready for it... the hiding part is no longer part of the fun.

I was really bummed this morning that I had to put on my boy clothes to go to work today

[Debra Russell]

T'ant nobody's business but my own-----and I think if you think it's your business you best keep it to your self --- we all are sisters, hiding or not, here for support -- and yes hiding sucks !!!!! but so does taxes............Debra

[kristinacd55]

We have nothing to fear....but fear itself. Hmm...heard that somewhere b4. That fear is all between our ears and nowhere else!

[Sam1985]

I really wish everyone knew who i was and really wanted to be. My life would be so much easier.