who eles is a self destructive CD

[DeniseNJ]

I am not sure if the title describes how I feel. Let me explain, As a crossdresser there are various levels of dressing that will satisfy one's need and desire. Sure, I love to take it the whole 9 yards and try to look as womanly as possible at times. Well last night I was in a crazy mood. I don't know if I want to spark a reaction from people or just feel good with the limited dressing I did. First off I polished my toes a cinimom color with a clear top coat, they really popped, slipped on some cute panties, and put on some straight leg jeans. I slipped into my toe wrap sandle flats, No I wasn't done. I applied some Sephora mascrea. Still not enough I applied some light beige shadow with a sparkle to it. I was totally in guy mode except for what I mentioned. Now I do wear glasses so the shadow wasn't as apparant until I closed my eyes. I said I am taking a ride to Ac to gamble. Now A Saturday night @ Harrah's is a very busy time. I get out of my car and look down at my feet and say to myself what will prople think. What I didn't want is a bunch of JOCK guys messing with me. I had prepared what I was going to say if asked if I was wearing womens sandles. I was all over the casino playing slots, and doing what ever, The girls seemed to look down at my feet as I walked towards them but I really didn't see strange reactions. I was a bit nervous around the guys when I stood by the craps table. Did I wanted to be called a queer, faggot or a sissy , I don't know. Actually I was more nervous walking into WaWa to hit the Mac machine for some $$$ on the way home Yes I lost. Oh I forgot , I have some sweet smelling womans perfume that I sprayed on before I left the house and it stayed with me all night It was very noticable. So my question is, do I enjoy the thrill of possibly being confrounted, Or is it that I am proud of who I am and want to scream it to the world. I enjoy expressing my softer side But I am not ready to come out all the way. It's like I like to tease people with Denise. No I am not small or pettie , not all girls are.. I have been taning by the pool and my legs are trimmed down to just a few. At first I was going to wear shorts but from the waist down I looked too feminine with my shinny legs polished toes and cute sandles. And where did I go to today, the Payless website looking and womans sandles with gem stones and a little heel , what is wrong with me??? a confused Denise

PS:: I would have loved to have wore a bright red polish applied right after a SPA pedicure, now that would have sparked some contraversy

[ReineD]

I don't know if I want to spark a reaction from people or just feel good with the limited dressing I did.

PS:: I would have loved to have wore a bright red polish applied right after a SPA pedicure, now that would have sparked some contraversy

Your thread title, asking if you are a self-destructive CD: I don't think so. It does sound as if you just want to be accepted for who you are.

Nobody wants to be harassed when they are dressed in a way that makes them feel good about themselves, and for the most part I think if individuals look moderately presentable, people won't say anything. By "presentable", I mean for example no blatant fetish wear in places like grocery stores, or outfits that show a degree of nudity or that leave nothing to the imagination in other places than the beach.

There is such a wide variety of genres and styles out there nowadays that I think our society is pretty much tolerant of them all, even though some of the styles cross the gender lines. And by "tolerant", I mean that people will subconsciously scan others they encounter and immediately make a subconscious determination as to whether they look safe, or if they present an immediate danger. We all do this when we encounter people in public.

So a man wearing girls jeans and sandals, eye makeup and toe polish (it doesn't matter whether it is cinnamon or red), doesn't send up the "danger" signals for most people even if it is a departure from the norm. That said, everyone's gut reaction will be different. People who are also unconventional or otherwise open-minded, or who have friends in the GLBT community will tend to look at you and approve. Others might immediately judge you for being gay. Still others will make an immediate determination that you are weird, or odd, but then they'll just move on. It all depends on their own belief systems.

First impressions do change once people enter in a conversation together, so if you interacted with anyone who might have initially thought you odd or quirky and if the two of you had found some common ground in the conversation, then their opinion of you likely would shift to something more positive.

In my opinion, although I'm sure that many people here will disagree with me, I don't think the average Jo public (who understands nothing about gender variance) will in his mind differentiate between a male who is dressed partially feminine like you were and a male who presents as a full-on, well dressed woman, with forms and makeup. I think that both styles are a far enough departure from his own concept of how men should dress that he likely will lump them in the same basic category, which is a guy who doesn't dress like other guys.

It's just that the CD presenting fully as a woman is more likely to be at the periphery of most people's notice at least until he is examined more closely and read, so he will likely garner fewer stares than the CD who is only partially dressed. And of course this all depends on the venue too. IMO, people can get away with dressing more in night time venues than in regular day-to-day places.



Anyway I'm glad you had a good time, and I hope you will continue to do more!

[Vickie_CDTV]

I wouldn't say self-destructive, outside of the fact you went into a city infamous for being dangerous and you are at possible increased risk because of your appearance.

[DeniseNJ]

Reine, now that was a response from a person with intellect and knowledge. Excellant points that I didn't think of. I did have a few conversations with both male and female and interacted normal while sitting down playing the slots. I had me a couple Corona's Even tho it was night, the Casinos are well lit up but the night time gave me a sence of security. It isn't like I was scared in that enviorment. A couple years ago I went to a lesbian bar fully dressed as Denise and had to walk down some streets in Phila late at night, I was more scared then hoping I wouldn't get beat up and raped. now that was one exciting night..

[ReineD]

Denise, I think my advantage is in not being right in the thick of it like you are. I can sit back on the sidelines and be the casual observer. My SO and I go out a lot together so I am in a position to know how she feels, and how other members here feel through their posts in the forum. And, it is also easier for me to observe how people react to us when we go out. I guess I stare more at strangers when we go out than she does. lol

I've also been paying particularly close attention to what the people in my life have been saying about the CDing these last few years and I know just how little most people understand about it.

[Duana]

I don't see it as self destructive but perhaps because I do it all time and I'm in Texas. All these fears you have are very unlikely to occur, in my experience. I was at a neighborhood bar last night with tight female jeans and T-shirt, eye liner, long acrylic nails and sandals with blue toenails. No wig or anything else femme. No problems. I wear the sandals everywhere without a problem. I even swim in tiny pink bikini bottoms at my apartment pool. Sure people stare but never a remark.

Do What makes you feel good and don't worry about it.