Approaching some sort of Neus-Point, I think

[Aeron]

(that should be "nexus-point" in the title)

I am rapidly approaching my 50th birthday. I am a somewhat homely looking guy with too much body hair, not enough hair on my head that (except for the stuff growing out of my ears), and body fat in all the wrong places.

I've been married twice, and my gender/dressing issues led pretty-much direclty to the downfall of both. So I've kept myself closted for a long time now.

However, I am beginning to feel a lot of internal pressure to do something about this. And soon. I do not mean to imply that I intend or am going to do harm to myself or others. However, i think I might just go quite insane very soon now.

I need to be feminine, and be seen as feminine, but am very afraid of just looking like a middle-aged guy in a dress and being ridiculed (or worse) in public. I look at almost every woman i see with envy and a longing to be able to wear the things they are wearing and act the way they act, and get of of the rison of maleness that is beginning to suffocate my soul more than it ever has (although, in retropect, always has).

Sorry to dump this alll here, but i really needed to vent.

[Debb]

Aeron, you are me in many respects.

I am not really homely, I am downright ugly. I still have my hair, though.

I'm nearly 50, in a little over a month .. I feel the same way, I hate feeling like every eye in the room is on me .. but I do it anyway. It gets easier when I'm with other transgendered folks, but otherwise, when I'm out alone, it's only a shade easier than my first time.

So I'm not saying this to be discouraging, although it must seem that way. I'm not gonna say "just do it" because it's a lot harder than that, but you sound like you're at that cusp of feelings where you feel ready to explode .. and I hear ya. I'm there often, ironically especially after I've spent a few hours out 'n about.

Keep your stick on the ice; we're all pullin' for ya.

[Aeron]

Thanks, appreciate your words.

And the Red Green reference.

[sissystephanie]

Aeron and Deb,

I have 2 children that are older than either of you!! And I have been crossdressing longer than either of you have been alive!! I lost my dear wife to cancer 6 years ago, and she had been totally supportive of my CD'ing during the almost 50 years we had together. She always did my makeup and fixed my wig so Stephanie could go out!! When she died, I not only was heartbroken but also aware that no longer could I pass out in public!! I am terrible with both the wig and the makeup!!

So I did what needed to be done!! I just dressed enfemme without the wig or makeup, and went out as a guy in a skirt!! You know what, nobody cared!! Unless you really dress to attract attention, no one pays any attention to you!! The idea that people are going to look at you and make comments is YOUR IDEA!! Not everybody elses!! In the 6 year I have been going out this way the only comments that I have heard are women asking me where I bought the skirt or top that I am wearing!! And I do get that often, as well as compliments on my outfits from both men and women!! And believe me, without the help my late wife gave I really do look like a man!!

Be the girl/guy in a dress, and be happy!! It is your life, to manage the way you want it managed!!