This is what I do, not who I am.

[VioletJourney]

I realized today, that all my life I've been following the wrong perspective on, well, everything. People like to describe themselves and others by using labels which define a person by what they do, but that is entirely false; we are not defined by what we do, rather, we define what we do. I am not a crossdresser. I am Bob. I crossdress, I play guitar, and I study psychology, among many other things. Those are things I do, not what or who I am.

That's how the world should think. If you think you ARE something, rather than that you DO something, you define yourself and limit your options. If you fit yourself into a label, you'll let the expectations associated with that label change you. Remember, all you ARE is you, and you can DO whatever you want because "you" doesn't carry any limits or expectations.

That's my random thought for today, sorry I can't express it as eloquently or thoroughly as Anne or Freddy

[SweetIonis]

Interesting. My question to you is just what do you think that "you" is.

[VioletJourney]

Interesting. My question to you is just what do you think that "you" is.

"Me" is the person doing what I want to do. Nothing more.

[juno]

It is a matter of using descriptions as adjectives rather than labels. If you crossdress, you are a crossdresser, simply meaning one who crossdresses. The problem is using "crossdresser" to classify a person as a whole. That is why so many people dislike labels.

[SweetIonis]

"Me" is the person doing what I want to do. Nothing more.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you are saying that "you" is simply the cognizant being.

[sissystephanie]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you are saying that "you" is simply the cognizant being.

I believe that is exactly what is being said! It really is pretty plain english! For most of us, crossdressing is something we DO, not who or what we are! And I don't think this forum was designed to be a fountain of English language lessons!

[Maria 60]

I went through life thinking that something was wrong with me and holding this deep secret on my shoulder. If i had your theory i believe i would have had more confidence and believed that i was normal. Things would have probably been different. THANKS

[tabithavalentine]

I couldn't agree more. Grammar arguments aside, this is exactly how I feel. This is just a guess, but I'm betting more part-time/casual dressers feel this way, where as for others crossdressing is a way of life. There's nothing wrong with either lifestyle.

[Tina B.]

Violet, you said it just as well as anyone, without a lot a lot of extra words, but your point is very clear, and correct. When I think of all the different labels I go by, how could I be all those things, I can't.
I can only be me, and I do all the things that get me called those names, some of which I like to me called, like dad, husband, grandpa, son, some I get by history like,truck driver, mover,bookkeeper, friend, some I don't like so much, like longhair,weirdo, hippy freak, pervert, and some are just descriptive like, lefty, red, and cross dresser. The real thing is all those labels don't tell anything about what goes on inside my head, what I feel, or what I think, these are the things that make me who I am, and not just what others think, or what I do. That's what I like about this place, it's all about who I am, how I feel, and what I think about things, it teaches me as much about myself, as I put down my thoughs here, as I learn from the rest of you.
Tina B.

[Alice B]

I think the title of your post is great and something we can tell anyone that questions us. "This is what I do-Not who I am" A great saying.

[Mikaela]

Remember that this applies to your career, too. You aren't just "whatever" your job is.

[AllieSF]

Sounds like another "Label" thread. Labels are used to help identify for understanding. A label is not always accurate, but most of the time it is. People who dislike labels seem to me to dislike being associated with what that label means. Bringing grammatics back into the picture, a person who plays a guitar is a guitarist, a person who drives race cars is a race car driver. These labels are there whether anyone likes them or not. They exist. Usually, any harm from them is created internally by the person disliking the label. So, in crossdressing, when I dress as a woman completely I "am" a crossdresser. If I do it partially, I am still one, by definition. I also studied engineering but should not be called an engineer. That is because I never took my professional engineering exam to be properly registered, which is required here in the USA to be able to officially use that title to be able to sign and approve engineering documents. Labels, so what. I also like to golf, so I am a golfer, not a very good one either nor Tiger Woods with all his greatness and not so greatness, except for yesterday when I shot a 77 (my best ever!) from the Women's Red tees dressed appropriately, of course, for those tees. So, whether we like it or not, each one of us has a lot of different fun and not so fun labels, and they are here to stay, some correct and others not so correct. It is a lot better to learn to live with them, rather than fight them. I worry about the things that I can do something about and learn to ignore and live with that which I can do nothing about. Labels to me are a far to small in my view of life to even worry about. Try it, it really works well and I enjoy those good things so much more now than before when I let those thing upset me.

[Cassidy]

Violet,

That is very Tao. '...to name things is to limit things... No names, no limits.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Violet,

I agree.....I am Em. I wish I had a dollar for everytime I almosted answered the work phone "This is Em..." but caught myself in time.

Em

[Jeanna]

Very deep and emotional post. I'm still not TS,I'm CD but not so sure I'm not TG, so confused!. Please find me a new label quick!

[Mikaela]

Sounds like another "Label" thread.

Yeah, I've brought this up before at least once:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...t=#post2506728

I think Violet's point is that she's ok with the label with regards to the singular trait (or in your example, golfer) but doesn't want it to be the over-arching container that holds the rest of the labels.

[SweetIonis]

I believe that is exactly what is being said! It really is pretty plain english! For most of us, crossdressing is something we DO, not who or what we are! And I don't think this forum was designed to be a fountain of English language lessons!

Hey calm down, I just wanted to make sure I had it right.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Well said. Just as it is true that everyone who goes to the golf course and wacks the little ball around is not a proffessional golfer so to is it equally true that just because a guy wants to put on a dress once in a while doesn't make him a crossdresser.
No. You are not a crossdresser. You simply choose to crossdress. That is your choice.

[TGMarla]

I concur with this. There was a time when I felt that by crossdressing, I was giving physical manifestation to WHO I really am, but as time has gone on, and I have turned away from a path leading towards transition, I am now giving physical manifestation to only a part of who I am. So now it's only something that I do, not the embodiment of my entire being.

[linda allen]

I realized today, that all my life I've been following the wrong perspective on, well, everything. People like to describe themselves and others by using labels which define a person by what they do, but that is entirely false; we are not defined by what we do, rather, we define what we do. I am not a crossdresser. I am Bob. I crossdress, I play guitar, and I study psychology, among many other things. Those are things I do, not what or who I am.

That's how the world should think. If you think you ARE something, rather than that you DO something, you define yourself and limit your options. If you fit yourself into a label, you'll let the expectations associated with that label change you. Remember, all you ARE is you, and you can DO whatever you want because "you" doesn't carry any limits or expectations.

That's my random thought for today, sorry I can't express it as eloquently or thoroughly as Anne or Freddy

I agree. I have thought about posting that but never got around to it. There are some things that we "are" that define us: Man, father, grandfather, husband, brother, uncle, etc. Some things that we do affect us enough that they also define us: Doctor, lawyer, policeman, entertainer, etc.

Then there are things that we do that do not define us unless we allow them to: Golfing, fishing, boating, jogging, etc., and crossdressing. Of course some of us let these things define us, some don't. If you get up every morning, shave your body, put on forms, pads, and a wig, make your face up and put on a dress and heels, you would probably be defined as a "crossdresser". If you just do it once in a while or just partially, that doesn't define you.