Within this Forum, who ARE you?

[Anne2345]

Although my core values remain the same regardless of where I "am," I believe I am the person I prefer to be within the safety and sanctuary of this forum's walls. In the outside world, there is much controversy, complication, posturing, fighting, dishonesty, and misunderstanding. By the very nature of what I do for a living, I am enmeshed in a patently adversarial, combative process. I believe in what I do, and what I do is quite necessary and serves a noble purpose, but there is much that is meretricious about those within my profession. And seemingly every year, the process becomes more personal, aggressive, and vindictive. Taking the time to stop and smell the roses is looked upon as weakness, and weakness, in my world, is exploited.

In this, it has become quite difficult not to become callous, indifferent, and apathetic towards the goings-on of my world. The world in which I exist has degenerated. I did not sign up for this, but this is where I am at. However, I play the game as necessity requires, and I play it well. I cannot escape the feeling, though, that in so doing I am at risk of losing a part of myself that I hold dear and true to my heart. Compassion, love, and understanding are not well received in what I do, and yet these are the very principals that I require to maintain my own sanity and sense of self worth.

In here, in this forum, I am who I would otherwise be in an ideal, non-judgmental, honest, caring, and understanding world. I am compassionate, I express and feel love, I greatly appreciate and admire beauty, I shed tears in the face of both sad and happy stories alike, I value others for who they are, and I am not afraid that someone will seek to take advantage of me if I let my guard down for even one moment (although the latter has been tested, lately). I am a MtF crossdresser, and therefore a creature of great beauty, magic, innocence, and enchantment. I seek out and revel in femininity, and all that it signifies and represents to me. I do not strive to become someone I am not, rather, I aim to become the entire, total person that I am.

When I am here, I have no interest in pretense. I have no interest in putting on a show. I have no interest in being someone I am not, and certainly no interest in competing against others. Instead, when I am here, I flourish on leaving it all behind, and simply being.

Anne, your skin is still not thick enough yet.

Let me first say that the member that authored this quote is a very dear friend of mine, whom I respect and admire greatly! She is a fantastic girl, and I know that she means well, is looking out for me, and does not want to see me get hurt. My friend offered this advice with the purest and noblest of intentions. Indeed, she is truly a wonderful, kind, and caring friend of mine! That said, I know she is not alone in this sentiment. This sentiment, however, somewhat troubles me. In fact, it is this sentiment, and the quote in particular, that provided the inspiration for this post.

Regardless, the person that I am, the essence of my being that I seek to regain and recaputure in this forum, is strikingly at odds with growing a thicker skin. My skin is extremely thick in the outside world. Too thick. Depressingly thick. In here, I desire to shed my armor, shields, and thick skin, and rejoice in the purest essence of who I am. I desire to be feminine, to be human, to be total, and to be a member of a like-minded, kindred collective and group of fellow travellers and pilgrims. I could enter this forum with my armor, shields, and thick skin in place, but for me, that defeats the entire purpose of coming here in the first place.

In this forum, I know that I am a better person. I am a better person simply by virtue of checking all pretense and the act required by the outside world at the door. In this I believe there is much beauty and enlightenment to be discovered in the truth of one’s bare, naked being and self, leaving behind the injuries sustained to, and disfigurement of, the soul caused by repeated exposure to a harsh society. And if we have the courage to do this, to simply be ourselves here, within this forum, are we not all better off for the experience?

In the comfort, solace and safety of this haven offered by the forum, who are you? Are you the same person that you are in the outside world? Are you the person you would prefer to be in the outside world? Do you seek to embrace the truth and wonder of your inner self, and discover the beauty that lies within? Life is finite, and opportunities diminish daily. Are you willing to seize the opportunity, and make the most of it? Life can be complicated and trying, but it can also be satisfying, fulfilling, and quite magical. There is much beauty in the world, if we only but look within ourselves, and take the time to appreciate all that is within and around us.

[drag n fly]

Yes Ann, you are all those attributes you list . And caring, and very smart...You also have choices...smooches Jackie

[bridget thronton]

I like to think I am following the ehtical premise "above all else do no harm'

[sissystephanie]

Anne, I don't know how old you are or how long you have been a CD, but you are definitely NOT thickskinned!! Your OP very clearly shows that. I have no idea what type of work you do, but it sounds as though you don't like it very much!! I am sorry that you feel the way you do, but there is a very easy way to change those feelings.

I am 79 years old and have been a CD since age 6!! Yes, there were some breaks during my life, but for the most part I have been CD'ing! I have been over a good part of the world, and have seen how people react under many different conditions!! The major thing that comes to my mind is the way different people accept things. Those who worry about things as you do generally live their lives in constant turmoil!! That is normal, because they are always worrying. On the other hand, those of us who learn to ignore that which is not worth worrying about have much nicer lives. Yes, I also see a lot of discontent and the other things you mentioned!! But most of it I ignore!! Because neither I nor you can do anything about it!! Not if we want to have a decent life ourselves!! Yes, if I see another CD being taunted or threatened by some "crazies," I will take a hand! I may be old, but with the training that I have received I am still deadly!! But those instances are few and far between. I live my life and let others live theres for the most part!

Concentrate on being the best person YOU can be, and let the rest of the world live their own lives!! You will be much happier!!

May the Good Lord Bless you!!

[TGMarla]

I am a MtF crossdresser, and therefore a creature of great beauty, magic, innocence, and enchantment. I seek out and revel in femininity, and all that it signifies and represents to me. I do not strive to become someone I not, rather, I aim to become the entire, total person that I am.

That's really beautiful. I can very much relate to that sentiment. In the outside world, I have to be a bit thick-skinned as well. But when I have my femme time, I feel like I can shed myself of all of that male-dominated pretense, and be soft, vulnerable, and submissive for a while. I'm not saying that women are by their natures all of those things, but that they are, by virtue of being women, at liberty to be those things without penalty. Crossdressing allows me to slow down and appreciate things that men are otherwise required to ignore, lest they be seen as weak and effeminate.

On this forum, I hope to be respected and appreciated like anyone else. I'm quite sure there are some who view me with distaste, but I know that there are many here who like me just as well. Here, I'm the woman with the huge wardrobe of dresses, and I get quite a few very nice comments on them on a regular basis. This place allows me to be the woman I cannot be in my everyday life, so it is a place of sanctuary where I can let my guard down to a degree and talk girl talk. Men who ignore and dismiss the feminine in their lives are missing out on half of what life has to offer. So big ups to us for exploring and appreciating the other side of life.

[Kathi Lake]

Anne, I agree to all. In a place like this, we should be able to drop our armor a bit. However, it seems that we bring a little bit of that world with us into this place - a place that is supposed to be about support. Instead of helping, we hurt. Instead of crying with a person, we laugh at them. This isn't the rule, of course, but it does happen.

So, what do we do? We persevere. We post. We laugh. We love. We forgive. We relate. If we really want out there to be like it is in here, we strive to make it that way. In a world where dogs eat dogs (or something like that), can't we try harder to get along?



Kathi

[Suzy Parker]

I will go with some words from a very wise man:

"I yam what I yam and tha"s all what I yam"

I will say though that with some sense of anonymity in here it is easier to let down my gaurd so that my femme persona can openly discuss things that I could not normally talk about, even with my counselour. To think, all the money I spent talking to her instead of everyone here, geez I could have bought some really nice clothes with that money.

Shopping is the best therapy money can buy!

[suzy1]

I completely agree with all you say Anne.
In here I too can be the real me. And I think I understand how being here should mean not needing a thick skin. You have made a very good point.
But as I see it the members here reflect the world in general. Full of nice and not so nice people.
The big difference as I see it is that the vast majority of members here are the nicest people you could meet.

Which leads me to another related point. Being a C.D.girl seems to bring out the best in us. Just a personal observation but I do believe this.
In this world we all have to be tough at times and put on an act of being strong and not taking any c**p form anybody. Otherwise we will be walked over.
But like you Anne I don’t wont to be this way and coming here I too can be the person I wan’t to be. The person I am.

So to some up, I think you do need a thick skin here occasionally perhaps. [One member got me really mad! That thick skin came in useful then]
But don’t you agree that the vast majority of members here are just lovely. So we can be ourselves on this forum Anne.
Are you a better person on this forum Anne. Or just being the real you? The real you I think.

Hugs, SUZY

[kimdl93]

I like to think that I'm the same person here as elsewhere, but the reality is that sometimes I have to portray something different from the person here. When I'm obliged to work outside the home, I have to put on a bit of an act...representing a male professional. But I do try to remain true to myself in being a good listener and exercizing empathy and employing a higher degree of emotional intelligence than many of my male associates. With my extended family, I'm also acting the role of the traditional male - not belching and whatever - but in dress and "interests" very conventionally male.

So, I really see that part of my life as an act. This part, the part some of you know, is the inner and real me.

[kendra_gurl]

Anne: based on this thread and from reading your other threads I will try to respond without enticing those who have attacked you in the past to do so again with the same BS.

We have a lot in common. I have been a business owner for 39 years and deal everyday with all types of people, customers, employees and general daily stress. So I know exactly what you mean by thick skin when its needed. I am totally aware of the need to escape for short periods of time and allow myself the comfort solace and safety of not only this forum but also of my sanctuary (I won't use the c word).

A lot of high stress professionals find their escape with Alcohol, some in gambling, others in promiscuity. While these escapes may not be as sociably taboo as crossdressing and expressing a more feminine nature they are none the less not an activity that most want known publicly. As long as you have this forum and the time and place to dress for your own comfort and enjoyment that is probably all you will ever need or desire. I totally understand this. It's kinda like the time your cell phone needs to spend sitting on the charger recharging its battery before moving on to the next days work of keeping in touchouch with the rest of the world.

My wife made a comment to me just last night. We had spent a long weekendtogethereather with en-femme then I returned to the office yesterday. By 10 am yesterday she called me and knew just from my tone my day was not going so well but was pretty normal. When I got home she says "you know you were a totally different person all weekend than you were this morning. Its like when we get away work and business is never on your mind at all and you seem so much happier.

My point is you (like me) would not be happy trying to change and blend or mix your escape time with your work ethic because some things just can't be mixed successfully. Yes there are some successful women in business and there may be some successful trans women in business too but both are rare. Reguardless of those, that is not what you seek or want so like myself I recommend you just continue the path you are on and make the best of the time you have.

I live by the old say If it ain't broke don't fix it. You are the only one you need to keep happy and sane

[GingerLeigh]

Who am I? You know, that is probably the real reason many of us come here. To find who or what we really are and what our place in the world is. To do this we must be able to discuss everything, warts and all. How can we do it if we're attacked by our newly adopted peer group for our voicing our choices/problems?

Phhhlbh, thick skin. Yeah outwardly I've got thick skin (in the REAL and drab world). Insult me bad enough and you've got a problem, a fast 6'2" one. However, inwardly I'm a frightened, paranoid, innocent little kid that doesn't shed the criticism too easily. When I come here, I tell ALL and often I've been pounded for it. It didn't make me stronger or make me develop thick skin. It just plain hurt. Now, like my drab life I don't talk about my problems to anyone but a select few that really try to help.

Unfortunately, I've found some people here to be cliquish, mean spirited and anything but helpful. I have no idea what motivates these people, and I don't care. They simply make me not want to post. Thick skin or no. Anne, like you I come here to peel off my outer shell, talk about who we really are. I look for advice or information about an issue we all share, and how it affects our lives. The only way to do that is to openly discuss it. Instead of feeling good about posting my thoughts, I dread putting them out there fearing I'll get blindsided by an attack when I'm most vulnerable. Many of my tales are so close to heart that I actually shake when I type them. That was BEFORE I was deterred from discussing my problems and attacks were only part of the problem.

However, I'm hooked to coming here. The stories of kindred spirits in their personal triumphs (no matter how small) and struggles are helping me along my own path. I still give advice if I think I have something to offer. This place is a temporary alternative to dressing for me, so there must be something more to this place than a place to vent. Making oneself look better by belittling others kind of ruins it.

Ginger

[Karren H]

I am the same here as I am in the outside world. I'm outspoken. Often too much for my own good! And I know it but I don't care!!! I tell CEO's what they don't want to hear... The truth as I see it... I tell everyone "if you don't want to hear what I say.... Don't ask me or invite me to your stupid meetings" or don't listen when I talk.... And I talk a lot. I also try..... Try to use humor which many times fails miserably... Again I don't care... writing technical reports and making them funny is a challenge! Lol. I'm intelligent.... Proud.... I'm faithful to my family... Loyal.. Friendly... Thrifty... Brave.. Clean... Reverent? Irreverent....

[Diana Bain]

Hi Anne...having been here (this forum) only a short time...I've learned a lot from the people who are here...some have brought me insight, some laughter and some tears. I have a wonderful SO...so my life as a cd is good. Sharing some of my thoughts and questions I found most of the responses to be kind, thoughtful and humorous. Am I the same person?...in many ways I am...I've always had a deep caring for people...I speak my mind (sometimes to a fault). I enjoy my time as Diana...and I wish to explore more. As with all groups of people...there are thoose who enjoy conflict...a good arguement gets them going...there here and probally aren't going anywhere. Ultimately Anne, I am at peace with me David/Diana

[Frédérique]

I know she is not alone in this sentiment. This sentiment, however, somewhat troubles me.

[SIZE="2"]Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think I expressed the sentiment you are referring to when we first met. I KNOW I’ve told many new members to get a thick skin in the past two years – it’s good advice, because it has been shown that we sensitive, caring, compassionate types are appreciated by few, and targeted by many for “downsizing.” It takes courage to recognize threats to your own view of your “self,” and deflect all injurious nonsense back at the offender (in a civil manner, of course). You can grow a thicker skin according to your own dictates, but don’t go overboard, because the very thing that makes you unique is attractive in the extreme…[/SIZE]

Regardless, the person that I am, the essence of my being that I seek to regain and recapture in this forum, is strikingly at odds with growing a thicker skin.

[SIZE="2"]I have a theory about you, and this thread is evidence to support that theory. Since you recently “dressed me down” about my comments about male behavior (in sports), I believe that you crossdress to obtain some sort of balance in your life – not only male vs. female, but dark vs. light, drab vs. colorful, quiet vs. loud, aggressive vs. passive, tough vs. sweet, and so forth…

In this context, growing a “thicker skin” is abhorrent to your femme nature, yet it is required to maintain a presence on a discussion forum such as this one, especially when the topics are not easy to explain, understand OR discuss. The emotions run high at times, but, as another member recently stated, you can safely sift out the negative comments and bask in the glow of the positive ones. The fact that you keep hammering on the “I’m gentle – please be kind” theme lets me know you are still affecting a confrontational stance, a male characteristic, something your femme persona may be at odds with. You should try coming at things from a different angle, and let others know the many sides of Anne – write shorter posts*, stroll about (while others troll), and just enjoy the place. This is your friend Freddy talking (writing), and I’m just trying to help…

*In other words, don’t do what I do… [/SIZE]

In the comfort, solace and safety of this haven offered by the forum, who are you? Are you the same person that you are in the outside world?

[SIZE="2"]I am virtually the same person HERE as I am in the outside world, except that you can’t see how I’m dressed! Being firmly “grounded” with my crossdressing gives me a different view of this place – it is an oasis of solace, to be sure, but I often get the feeling I’m in a crowded room, away from the hostile world, and others within this enclosed space are sizing me up for one reason or another - maybe you feel the same way. I’ve gotten used to it, and the modus operandi now is to hang on to my cherished love of all things beautiful. If that pins a target on me, so be it, but I can defend myself, avoid any male trappings, and be true to the “self” I wish to present to everyone. Just who do you think YOU are, Anne?
[/SIZE]

Crossdressing allows me to slow down and appreciate things that men are otherwise required to ignore, lest they be seen as weak and effeminate.

[SIZE="2"]That’s a very beautiful thing to say, Marla, and I agree wholeheartedly. As always, thanks for your support… [/SIZE]

[StephanieC]

I'm pretty much here as I am outside, except maybe with a different skin. I'd like to think I can remade myself into someone else, but I'm afraid I don't know how.
-stephani

[Cynthia Anne]

I am me the same person out there as in here! There are no exceptions to this! Loving and caring and just don't give a rats a$$! All tied up in the same package! People say I'm no good and crazy as a loon! I say, if you don't like the way I'm livin' you just leave this long haired country girl alone!

[Gocaps14]

Lately, I have been trying to just be me at all times. For me, this is difficult. I am a very caring, emotional person, not much swagger. I am not afraid of who I am, but I was always the whom was taken advantage of, cheated on, etc. I have never met anyone whom just loved me unconditionaly; except my Mom, so this is a big deal for me. I am hjoping that by tearing away my walls, I will become a more open person, more comfortable in my own skin, happier.

[drushin703]

anne:

We are male you know, at least I am.Mabe my core values SHOULD change as I switch from male to female.I just finished painting my toenails and
like majic, my voice got softer.I can close my maleness away like a crocus at night, shying away but ready to open again when the sun appears.
My delima is that I have to be both a male and a female often just minutes apart, and not be bothered by the contradiction. Holding onto a value
system is fine, but what about these physical forms we occupy?...........what about this flesh..........dana.

[Loni]

on this forum, any other forum. name not with standing. i am still me and have only my thoughts.
there are a number of sites i am know as loni, some by my given name, others be a slang of a old cb handle.

but no mater i am still...just ....me.

[PretzelGirl]

I would like to think that I am the same person all the time. I definitely don't perceive a difference in general. But reality is not always what we think. I'll bet I do have a variance in my behaviour because I tend to get a little antsy about how the written word can not get emotions or thoughts across. I probably apologize more here then in real life just because I sometimes belief I didn't get my thoughts across right.

But do I have thicker or thinner skin. No, it is always a little thin. But it is only for a short bit as I have learned to get over things faster.

[Coreyincs]

I s Have The Same Mannerisms, Beliefs, And Shortcomings. I just wear different clothes.

[Pythos]

I am much the same here as I am outside the forum.

In the forum I am a cheerleader, or at least someone that tries to encourage people to get out and be them. I also am a seeker of knowledge, and always searching for those new questions that answers lead to.

Sometimes, I am just a pain in the butt. LOL

[erickka]

I like to think I am following the ehtical premise "above all else do no harm'

I feel this way too. I try my best to live by it, since I don't need any rotten kharma coming my way.

[SuzanneBender]

My wife used to say that my writings here came across as someone totally different. I disagree. Kathi said it well (as usual) we bring ourselves to this place, but we are allowed to let down our guard which adds a whole never and delightful wrinkle. I enjoy your posts. They are always very thoughtful, and caring.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I'm slowly taking on all of the habbits, and mannerisms of my male side, which in some ways is good and other ways is not so good. Strangley my male side is starting to take a lot of my mannerisms which in the outside world is good and also not so good as well. In either mode I realize that this is the person I have grown to become, for all of my pluses and minuses this is who I am. I cannot be changed nor will I be changed for anyone, and if I could start all over again I would still choose to be who I am.