Confused, Is it just a phase or mid life crisis?

[notquiteagirl]

Well after getting my own place for 1st time in my mid 30's the last week has been interesting. Ordered online some stockings and tights got them wore some tights when I went to the supermarket (under jeans) while there I picked a pack of knickers, tried them on that night and liked them so figured on Saturday I would get some better quality knickers and a nightdress. But on Friday night the thought got to me that this wasnt me but on Saturday morning I woke and put on tights and knickers and went out and bought a nightdress and as well as a small beach skirt for around the house. Again while I was out I was having the same feelings that again it wasnt me but went I got home the skirt went on, followed by the night dress before I went to bed. At night unable to sleep like most night this week the same doubts hit me so I took the nightdress off. At 9 this morning I put all the things in a small box into the cupboard out of the way to see how long before they were out. At 7.30 the box came out and am now wearing briefs and the skirt. Not only that but all day I keep coming back to this forum.

Should point out that as a kid I enjoyed trying on my mums underwear and tights. And when going on holidays on my own in the run up I have fantasised about buying some tights but never actually doing it. The idea of buying in a store put me off even though I managed it on Saturday.
Also should point out that I am extremly quiet and lack real sexual experiences, so was wondering if anyone thinks its just a case of the freedom I now have allowing me to experiment and that soon I will, I guess grow out of it for lack of a better way of putting it. I must admit the thought of putting it on excites me, but after the clothes are on for a few minutes its like just the same experience as wearing mens clothes.

Hope that all makes sense as its tough putting into words what is going through my mind, thanks.

[NathalieX66]

Hey, if's any consolation to you, we've all been there.
It becomes a midlife crisis when you can't be fully honest with yourself,then comes the shame and guilt, and you don't exactly know how to channel this energy. It can also turn your life upside down with it if it begins to affect your job, your personal relationships, and life overall if you can't manage it in an effective way.

In my case, I was began dressing at age 8, because I was genuinely intrigued by women's fashion, and the way women embraced fashion made me jealous. The sexual aspect has left me long ago, as this now about my own self expression. But for a long time I felt that was doing was wrong, and so I purged all my clothes, stopped dressing for 10 years, and never accepted that fact that this is a part of me. I came back into it at the height of the financial crisis in the fall of '08, when my life was pretty stressed . And l could not believe how relieved I felt. The feeling was like a heavy immovable object was lifted from me.
Nathalie is a very important partof me, and she is me. I have found my peace.

Enough about me.

The reality is that once your urge to dress up is let out of the box, it is very difficult to put it back in.
So, my approach to life is "when you have lemons, make lemonade" We crossdressers are more honest with ourselves, and are a lot better than some of the miserable people out there in the world ....plus we have good fashion sense.

[Eryn]

Nathalie pretty much said what I would have. We all have remarkably similar stories with the only variable being when we finally decided to become honest with ourselves and explore our feminine sides. I consider you very lucky that you get to do this in your 30s, as I kept Eryn stuffed deep in the closet until I was in my 50s.

Enjoy both sides of yourself as you become a more complete person!

Hugs, Eryn

[Dawn cd]

I think we all have voices in our head that take turns speaking to us. In Freudian language, one of them in the superego that keeps warning us about going too far. Perhaps your superego voice is saying, "now don't get carried away with this dressing." All of these voices are part of us, and while they can be upsetting in the short run, we sort them out in the long run by paying attention to what makes us happy and authentic. It gets easier with age and experience. I suspect the new freedom you've found by living independently has given these voices a new playground and new opportunities to whisper in your ear. You and all of us must examine our feelings and do what makes us happy and brings us peace, not what makes us fearful.

[SweetIonis]

You and all of us must examine our feelings and do what makes us happy and brings us peace, not what makes us fearful.

There are people, whose mentality is like that of Osama bin Laden, who take pride in placing themselves on an artificial platform and breathing down fire and brimstone on those that they feel are abominable infidels. The problem that they have is that is difficult to really do that type of thing when you have the same faults as those you are trying to destroy. Anyone who has ever thought the matter out recognizes that our subconscious mind works at a level that is generally not perceived except by certain outward symptoms. A person who has understood this is not fooled by such artificial pedestals, because they can see clearly what is the deep background behind certain behavior, although the artificial pontiff might not. They want people who do not fit in with how they want the world to be in their mind to be fearful because deep down they feel that in such a fearful state such people will pose them no threat. First of all one should understand such persons for what they are, and next they should be avoided.

The words you have said here are certainly true. However, the challenge is determining accurately what will actually bring us peace. But believe me, it is not to be found with the chest beating bin Ladens of the world. There's a reason why they need to beat their chest, and it has nothing to do with being a manifestation of their TRUE superiority over others, rather it's the lack thereof.

[suchacutie]

The mind is such a complicated organ! I first dressed when I was 55 and if my wife hadn't seen beyond the single outfit I had on by saying, "we HAVE to buy you a dress", followed by 2 days of intense discussion, I might not have understood that I really do have a feminine self bottled up inside of me. Luckily I had help from my loving and completely trusted wife to talk all this out and realize that I needed to see 1) if we were right about this feminine side of me (we were) and 2) if we couldn't find out who she is!

For me, that last point was what has driven the intensity for me. Tina is a part of me and probably always has been. So, what has she meant to my life, what does she mean to it now, and how might she affect it now that we know about her are very powerful drives to try to "make a life for Tina" (my byline).

If you try it, and find that you lose interest, then you've discovered that it was a passing fancy. If you try it and it starts to become ever-more important, then you know she's here to stay

Whichever it is, there is no reason to do anything but enjoy the ride!

tina

[Inna]

Notquiteagirl, hm, I hate to brake such news to you, the confusion is there because you have been conditioned and brainwashed by society's upper hand of what is and isn't proper. For most of our lifes we do and obey by those standards and suffer unfulfilled life which is packed with filaments of virtual reality we learn to call success. TV, house, flat, car, shiny things, more for the sake of more............but noone tells us: "hey wait a second, all that is bulls..t (or if you prefer bollo..s), stop at once!!!!!!!!!!"

What you are experiencing is awaking from the nightmare of living a lie. Tell me, what is wrong about you wearing a skirt, or whatever you feel like you should, could or want? Femininity, a gift from mother nature, and not the curse but it becomes such when we try combine it with daily rigors of what is right and appropriate.

Babe, be who you are even if you don't yet know who that is.

Get some friends who think alike and go for it all the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Eryn]

Oh, and I have one more thought. If it does turn out to be a phase or mid life crisis it won't be a problem at all. You'll just move on and your life will take another direction. Not a problem at all!

I wouldn't bet the farm on it, though!

[notquiteagirl]

Thanks for pretty much confirming what I thought. I guess I am going to see where it takes me. Currently have ladies knickers on and feel more relaxed especially as i am not constantly thinking about the box in the cupboard. I think it may just be the underwear for now and see where I end up as when I have the nightdress on it still feels strange. Who knows where it will end maybe in 6 months I will be sitting here as Becky in full dress wig, breast forms, bra and makeup but I guess I am going to enjoy the ride.

[eluuzion]

hiya n,

Don't worry, it is just a phase. You will grow out of it in about 80 years.

[Georgia Rose]

The main thing is to enjoy the ride. We sometimes try to overanalyse everything in our lives. I took up CDing in my late 50s and found I just feel so at peace when dressed as a woman. If it doesn't work out just drop your stuff into a charity bin so someone else gets some use from it.

[Tina B.]

I think the key to the whole thing is how you feel while your dressed, and how much time to think about it when your not. I've been doing it since I was about 6 years old, and am still hoping to out grow it someday ( I'm 67 now). I have always found the act of dressing reliefs a lot of pressure for me, if I don't do it, I become depressed, sullen and hard to be around, when I dress I'm happy, calm and great company. Some times I don't dress for weeks, some times every day for weeks, just what ever I feel I need to keep me happy and balanced. As for as telling yourself, that's not me, well just maybe it is you, the real you that has been there all along, but the way so many of us hide it, we can find it hard to admit we are not that masculine image we like to think we are, maybe we do have a soft side that needs to come out, and we have been living half a life. There is no reason to hide you from you, let it go now while you have a place of your own and have the chance to find out just who you are, it maybe the best chance you will ever have to do it. If you are a true cross dresser you will know soon enough, if not you will tier of it soon enough and get back to your regular life, and you will know just where you fit in to all of this.
Tina B.