Social Suicide?

[Intertwined]

I hope I am not about to commit social suicide, my wife is REAL angry, she went through my facebook Family members (not friends) and told most of them I am a cross dresser, then un-friended them.

About half of my Family knew this, and Most of my friends do. I am thinking the best thing for me to do is just Explain myself in an OPEN post…

Since Facebook posts are short, I am going to need to keep it short, I was think of something like this - - " I am Genderqueer, what you would call a cross dresser, this is my problem, and if you have a problem with it, I understand. Please do not take it out on my family. "

[Pythos]

Wait...your wife did not know you were a CD, or gender queer? How could she not know, especially since your place of employment does?

Or was she going after members of your family and friends that have been rude to you or something.

[Sara Jessica]

Why define it as a problem???

This is my...

"issue"
"thing"
"essence"
"enlightenment that you could never hope to understand"

Regardless, best of luck...that was a pretty mean thing she did.

[Lorileah]

the marital issue is just wrong that she went through YOUR Facebook, but that aside I would post like you said and I am sure the ones who care will understand

[Eryn]

Definitely change your facebook password!

Be careful of the words you use. We understand "genderqueer" but the mainstream population will view it as pejorative. As Sara Jessica said, why define your orientation as a problem? You are who you are and getting defensive only inspires hateful acts.

[VioletJourney]

Don't make a big deal out of it. Why not just add Crossdressing your interests, and if anyone questions you, just ask what the big deal is?

[Intertwined]

Wait...your wife did not know you were a CD, or gender queer? How could she not know, especially since your place of employment does?

Or was she going after members of your family and friends that have been rude to you or something.

She has known for years, just recently, it seams to be a thorn in her side, today, more like a sword. She knew NOT everyone knows, she made sure all know by messaging them from HER account and unfriending them from her account. I can't get a reason why from her right now.

Why define it as a problem???

Good Idea..

Definitely change your facebook password!

Be careful of the words you use. We understand "genderqueer" but the mainstream population will view it as pejorative. As Sara Jessica said, why define your orientation as a problem? You are who you are and getting defensive only inspires hateful acts.

As I said, she did this from HER account, leaving me at a crossroads of, next step?

Don't make a big deal out of it. Why not just add Crossdressing your interests, and if anyone questions you, just ask what the big deal is?

Thank you Violet, that might be the better way to go...

I need to add.. I have 2 Facebook accounts, Marshall & Marsha, I had done this for the people that were uncomfortable with me being, well, me... the ones that are uncomfortable with it only friend Marshall, the others freind BOTH.

[Ashley Allison]

It's funny how the ones we love can hurt us so bad.

[Intertwined]

This is how Marsha's profile has Always read:

My internal gender identity is essentially androgynous, both male and female at the same time or genderqueer.

For me, being genderqueer means, embracing both, the masculine and feminine. Although masculine and feminine are opposites, they are also complementary, opposing forces that are always seeking a balance with each other, they are two aspects of one, single reality.

I do not try to look like a female, I try to mix the masculine and feminine looks to come up with my own unique look. This unique look matches how I feel inside.

Each person's self-defined gender identity is integral to their personality and is one of the most basic aspects of self-expression, dignity and freedom.

To achieve a solid self worth, there comes a time when it becomes necessary to be open about that self.

In order to feel good about myself, I need to claim the same freedom that most humans take for granted, "The Freedom to simply EXIST, as Myself, OPENLY".

This above all; to thine own self be true.

-----------------------------------------------

This is the emotional rollercoaster I have been on for months... My wife just asked to borrow my nail polish remover and nail polish to re-do her own nails... I don't know whether I am coming or going anymore..?

[Jeannie]

I feel bad for you. I don't understand why someone has to resort to public display of ones personal life to try to get back at someone. It seems childish to me. I think the advice you have been given here is good advice. See things like this are the main reason Jeannie doesn't have a Facebook page. Instead I have this forum and since I consider everyone here to be my friends I don't think I need a Facebook page. If anyone needs to talk to me they can send me a message here or go to my profile and look through my messages and you will find my email address. So far it has worked really well because no one but my friends here know that Jeannie even has an email account. I wish you good luck in solving your problem.

[Cherry Lynn]

This is the emotional rollercoaster I have been on for months... My wife just asked to borrow my nail polish remover and nail polish to re-do her own nails... I don't know whether I am coming or going anymore..?

Would your wife be going through menopause by any chance? My ex acted the same way when she went through it.

[Intertwined]

Would your wife be going through menopause by any chance? My ex acted the same way when she went through it.

That started 9 months ago.. Yep.. just about the same time, and now she just insisted I have a couple of bites of her sushi, but I couldn't do it myself, she fed me with chop sticks... This is going to drive me sane...? insane..? ah.. which ever one I am not now...!

[Shelly67]

IF it were me in the same position , I'd firstly sit back , relax and wait for the fireworks - if they start that is .
Give it time , then perhaps ask your partner why she truely felt compelled to behave in such a spiteful manner . Can't the lady communicate properly ??
Either way , try to go about everything concerned on this matter in a calm dignified way if possible . The last thing you need is to put fuel on the fire.........

[Joanna41]

Wow...what a situation to be in. All I can say is that was a hell of a mood swing. Good luck and keep your head down...lol

Joanna

[Kaitlyn26]

My mother did the same thing to me long ago. It was an attempt to shame me from doing it. Makes me sick that my own mother completely stepped over the line at the very beginning and we do not have a relationship anymore. I think you need to reevaluate your marriage. She crossed a pretty big line by doing that and it's not right.

[sissystephanie]

Several others have already said this, but I will say it again!! Do NOT use the term genderqueer anywhere in your facebook page!! That term is very negative and does not describe you at all!! You are a harmonized blend of both male and female, and there is nothing queer about that!! There are an awful lot of us in this world just like that!!

I am sorry your wife is on a rampage, but it may be due to menopause!! Really strange things happen during that time!! Just remember what I said about the wording in your facebook!! Password or not, a lot of people can and will read what you write!! Which is why I don't use facebook at all!

[Kerrie Sifton]

Oh Facebook! The dilemma of a mass social network, and the wreckage it can cause in so few minutes.

I agree about posting the term genderqueer.. how about gender balanced? And with luck your spouse will turn around and ease off trying to embarass you in such a public way.

All the best.

[Sara Jessica]

Several others have already said this, but I will say it again!! Do NOT use the term genderqueer anywhere in your facebook page!! That term is very negative and does not describe you at all!! You are a harmonized blend of both male and female, and there is nothing queer about that!! There are an awful lot of us in this world just like that!!

Genderqueer is a valid term of description within our community. Any perceived negativity is in the eye of the beholder but as far as I know, it is not a term that is patently negative, especially if one using it to describe themselves.

Besides, it sounds a heck of a lot better than genderf*#k!

[Karren H]

I am just amazed how many relationships I've seen unravel on Facebook where I was friends of both sides... I am really glad my wife isn't out there watching me!!

[Barbra P]

I agree with the others on here that have stated that you should avoid “genderqueer” as it is a term that is likely to raise a red-flag. Even though it has five-letters “queer” is a four letter with a derogatory meaning.

Your Wife committed this act, you didn’t and you might want to consider apologizing for your Wife’s behavior. Maybe something like this, “I wish to apologize for my Wife’s behavior regarding the recent fc message. My Wife is going through a particularly difficult time in her life, and I ask that you be both understanding and forgiving.”

This method removes the focus from you and redirects it to your Wife. You do not come off as be vindictive about your Wife’s behavior, quite the opposite you are asking for forgiveness for your Wife. She can hardly complain too much because rather than showing anger you are asking for compassion. I also think that most people getting such a message will think that you come across as one heck of a person, who supports his Wife even in the face of adversity, a mature person obviously in control of their own emotions – somebody I’d like to know and call a friend.

[Annaliese]

I would not put I am a crossdressing, this is my problem. I do not see crossdressing as a problem, some of your family may thing crossdressing is a problem. Genderqueer my not be the best way to describe your self.

What I would put if I was you, I am a crossdresser if you want more of explanation please come and we will talk.

[Marcyme]

This is how Marsha's profile has Always read:

My internal gender identity is essentially androgynous, both male and female at the same time or genderqueer.

For me, being genderqueer means, embracing both, the masculine and feminine. Although masculine and feminine are opposites, they are also complementary, opposing forces that are always seeking a balance with each other, they are two aspects of one, single reality.

I do not try to look like a female, I try to mix the masculine and feminine looks to come up with my own unique look. This unique look matches how I feel inside.

Each person's self-defined gender identity is integral to their personality and is one of the most basic aspects of self-expression, dignity and freedom.

To achieve a solid self worth, there comes a time when it becomes necessary to be open about that self.

In order to feel good about myself, I need to claim the same freedom that most humans take for granted, "The Freedom to simply EXIST, as Myself, OPENLY".

This above all; to thine own self be true.

-----------------------------------------------

This is the emotional rollercoaster I have been on for months... My wife just asked to borrow my nail polish remover and nail polish to re-do her own nails... I don't know whether I am coming or going anymore..?

That is one of the best descriptions I have read! Mind if I barrow it?
Maybe you should just post it as a note in your Marshall profile.
My only advice would be to give your wife time cool down and then talk about it.

[UNDERDRESSER]

That started 9 months ago.. Yep.. just about the same time, and now she just insisted I have a couple of bites of her sushi, but I couldn't do it myself, she fed me with chop sticks... This is going to drive me sane...? insane..? ah.. which ever one I am not now...!

Ouch! Menopause can be very difficult. I'm sure some GGs will chime in here with personal notes, but my experience is the mood swings can be crippling. The most level headed woman i know suddenly blew up in spectacular fashion when she started going through this, afterward she said it was like she was no longer in control and couldn't stop it.

The thing to remember is that she can be suffering as much, if not more than you are from this. If she is not seeing the Doctor about this, it might be a good idea. Of course just making the suggestion is fraught too....

[Badtranny]

Hi Marsha,

I don't really have any advice for you because you are already strong and proud. I admire you for being unashamed.

I would just like to add that queer is NOT a pejorative term anymore. It has been successfully reclaimed and is now something to be proud of.

"straight acting" homosexuals are now safe in society, but the feminine gay man is the truth and they can't hide who they are anymore than we can. I call myself a queer in solidarity with them and while my transition slowly makes me invisible, I will enjoy every minute of my short time as a gender queer.

Please stay strong and don't be swayed by the opinions of the straight world. I know you're not gay, but you and I both know that doesn't matter. Being queer isn't about being gay, it's about being brave.

[ChanDelle]

Lots of different ideas about the connotations of gender queer/queer. It may not offend some here, and some feel proud to label themselves so, but I personally wouldn't use it for a public label as it's got way too much negative baggage for most folks. Could be a generational thing but I say when in doubt, leave it out.

ChanDelle