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Thread: Do Gays Hate Crossdressers?

  1. #26
    Full-Time Duality NathalieX66's Avatar
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    I have a couple of gay friends, and I told them about this side of me and they don't get me.
    They don't seem to be too interested.
    I've also been out at TG events where there is a mix of straight/gay/bi, and there are plenty of TG/CD that do enjoy other TG/CD....can this be what is defined as pansexual?

    I'm attracted to all things femnine.

  2. #27
    (formally Becca1125) Maddie22's Avatar
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    I think as a whole that crossdressers are the least understood/known segment within the LGBTQ community. For the most part we are a pretty closeted group. There are few advocacy groups specifically for crossdressers rather than the whole transgender spectrum. I think this has to do with why many people even within the LGBTQ community do not understand crossdressers.

    I know when I go out, most people just assume one of two things, that I'm a gay guy in drag, or that I'm transsexual. When I tell them my sexual preference is for women they are blown away. When they asked if I want to transition and I tell them that I have no idea but for now I just like going out dressed they are often times pretty shocked. However I've never had a bad reaction. I don't say to people "I'm a crossdresser" because of my personal feeling that we do have that stigma that we are perverts.

  3. #28
    eluuzion eluuzion's Avatar
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    I've found most people to be very open to new ideas, as long as they do not change anything.

    Your question is too generalized for me to respond without hesitation but...

    I’m confident there are some gays who do and some who do not. I had a business partner and intimate relationship with a woman who was “bi” but predominantly lesbian. Her group of lesbian friends were mine as well. I often went to gay bars with them. (I was “hetero and non-CD”) I never got the impression from anyone anywhere that gays “hated” TG people.

    I did get a few impressions that they are not "attracted" to CDs.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #29
    Banned Read only Vicky_Scot's Avatar
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    Do the gay community hate us........I would have to say in general that is a No.

    I think the word we are looking for is TOLERATE.

    Do the gay community tolerate us..........I would have to say in general that is a YES

    I would say that it would be the same response if asked, 'Does the straight community hate gays'

  5. #30
    Silver Member Loni's Avatar
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    hate is such a harsh word. but it does say it about right.
    most gay's i have know have nothing good to say about a "guy" in a dress. even if said "guy" is really a girl in the wrong body.
    some gay bars allow us to be there...but if you went into the wrong one you would be lucky to make it to the icu ward.

    yes it is about how gays were treated a number of decades back, but now the tables have turned and it is time for the "gay" crowd to lean how to accept others.

    it is a sad but true way of life, it does not matter where or with whom you live, play, work, hang with, there will always be "that" group over there that will be the focus of a mob hate mentality.
    and this does not just deal with the subject at hand but most any one. as they are all good people. but in a group to fit in then the bad can take over easily.
    it has been show and proven the "mob" mentality is a very strong force to be delt with and if one wants to be friends and fit in with others one must conform, it takes a strong will and fortitude to over come the stigma of not always going with the flow.

    were would we be if we gave into the "mob" mentality?

    .

  6. #31
    Duality sometimes hurts.. PetiteDuality's Avatar
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    When I was younger, there were a lot of comedy TV shows that would portray gay men as exaggeratedly effeminate, wanting to be women or cross-dressing.

    Maybe the cross-dressing o effeminate somehow triggers the bad feelings that they had in their youth, while being mocked in this stereotypical way.

    Gays with this attitude are stupid and bigots, or have traumas because of what I just theorized. But again, it's just a theory.

  7. #32
    GG WifeofWrenchette's Avatar
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    That's a pretty broad brush to be painting with there.

    Personally, the most accepting people of my SO and I have been gays. In fact, to my knowledge, we've not had any problems with gay people. Now the heterosexual ones are a different story...

  8. #33
    Leilani68 Leilani68's Avatar
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    I have a long time Gay friend, he is fully aware of my Bi-sexuality and has seen my photo's of me dressed. First words to me when he saw the photo's is "OMG, Your Hot!!". So I think that each Gay person has there own individual thoughts/feelings on the subject...
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  9. #34
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    I suspect some gays, quite reasonably, are offended by the generally held, but spurious association between cross dressing and sexual preference. NONE of the gay men I know are into cross dressing, and frankly none of them are attracted to me en femme.

  10. #35
    mini kilted chick t-girlxsophie's Avatar
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    I have encountered resistance and hate from Gay and even TS people I have met,understandable that not everyones going to be ok with us.
    But If anyone has a problem with Crossdressers in my circle of friends and have no interest in their preconceptions being challenged ,then they are not my friends anymore,I dont need negativity in my life

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  11. #36
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    This question should only be answered by CDs that have frequent contact with the gay community.
    I kinda fell under the gay crossdresser label for a few months before I figured it out and there were indeed a few guys who expressed their disdain for dressing like a girl. I wouldn't say that all "gays hate us" but I can definitely say that generally, that community is ambivalent ...at best. Your average gay man is quite happy being a man, and cannot relate to a man who wants to dress like a woman. In my experience the femmy guys are the worst offenders.

    Before someone who knows a gay guy online or watches Logo pipes in to disagree with me, let me remind you that I frequent the Castro and hang out with many gay people of all stripes and while I don't claim to be an authority, I have seen enough rolled eyes and heard enough bitchy comments to be qualified to put forth an opinion. ;-)
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  12. #37
    Member mymysterycd's Avatar
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    Hi Suzy, I do agree with you and at times I just take a long break from being around him. Thank you. Kisses. Lisa

  13. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post
    This question should only be answered by CDs that have frequent contact with the gay community.
    Melissa,

    So what is wrong with any feedback from a transsexual who is heavily involved with the LGBT community like me?
    Don't you know that there are many gays assume that transsexuals are just crossdressers or drag queens too?
    One of my main agendas is to educate my local LGB community about transgendered people to reduce this crap.

  14. #39
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    I don't like painting everyone in any lifestyle with a broad brush. I am sure there are SOME gays that hate us, just as SOME of us CD's hate gays. Tolerance is not a given simply because we share in a generally misunderstood alternate lifestyles. Or as wrong to say all lesbians hate men or worse yet, hate all cross dressers. In the few gay bars I've been in, dressed fem, I have been at least tolerated and treated with respect by both gay males and lesbians. It's like saying all transsexuals hate crossdressers. Not true. Yest there are "some" that do look down upon us.
    Like someone said, hate is a strong word. I may dislike some things about some or even most gay men... or even some things about some crossdressers. But I would not say I hate any of them. We are all different. And some of those differences would keep us apart as friends, but again, I can't say I hate anyone for those differences. But I respect your right to be you even when and if I dpon't get it.

  15. #40
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melody Moore View Post
    Melissa,

    So what is wrong with any feedback from a transsexual who is heavily involved with the LGBT community like me?
    Don't you know that there are many gays assume that transsexuals are just crossdressers or drag queens too?
    One of my main agendas is to educate my local LGB community about transgendered people to reduce this crap.
    I agree Melody. In fact I'd love to hear from GG's as well as other CD's. I'd also like to see how lesbians would respond to the same question. Everyone has a right to an opinion on the topic. What if someone said only straight CDs should answer and no gay crossdressers? That would be just as wrong.
    Last edited by BRANDYJ; 08-22-2011 at 02:28 PM. Reason: spelling

  16. #41
    Carole carhill2mn's Avatar
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    I recently discussed this situation with a very good GW friend who knows many gays as she has been a great supporter of GLBT people. She strongly disagrees that many gays are anti CD. I have also met several of her gay friends. They could not have been nicer to me! Like many other people, they may not understand why we CD (even many CDs do not).

    Your "friend's" attitude does not represent more than his own prejudices. Just like the opinions of any one person do not represent the opinions of an entire group or class of people in which he or she would be included.
    Hugs, Carole

  17. #42
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    The conclusion I'm drawing from this thread, and also the "how are my gay CDs doing" thread, is that cis people in general, whether gay or straight, understand very little about gender variance.

    Even people who experience gender variance have a hard time understanding those who experience a different type of gender variance. LOL.

    There's a wide range of acceptance/tolerance among cis people, from those who embrace this in a SO or loved one like I do, to the liberal and politically correct type of acceptance that also has a "not in my backyard" caveat, to mere tolerance whether or not it is polite, to downright disdain.

    It is clear though, that no matter where on the above scale a gay man's views might be, he is attracted sexually to other men and not to men who present as women even if he happens to have friends who CD.
    Last edited by ReineD; 08-22-2011 at 02:43 PM.
    Reine

  18. #43
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    My son is gay and he hates everyone... So I seems. But his friend made a comment the other day while watching Americas Got Tallent. And this guy doing a pole dance....
    "He's pretty good but the high heels are just too creepy"
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  19. #44
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melody Moore View Post
    Melissa,So what is wrong with any feedback from a transsexual who is heavily involved with the LGBT community like me?
    Nothing, in fact that's exactly what I said. I did not say or infer that only gays or queers could respond. I said frequent contact with the gay community. That's verbatim actually, which of course would include you. ;-)

    I was talking about those people that have no or very little contact with real homosexuals yet still make silly declarations as if they were true.
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
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  20. #45
    . Aprilrain's Avatar
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    YES ALL GAY PEOPLE HATE CROSSDRESSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    NO, of course not all gay people hate CDers! your friend is just an opinionated prick! CDers are definitely the least understood and probably the largest group of TG spectrum people, BUT you guys are also the most cagy and closeted and your silence allows all cis people regardless of their sexual orientation to come to their own conclusions. until CDers make their own case this is how its going to be!

  21. #46
    Member Duana's Avatar
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    Having spent the past few months visiting a lot of gay clubs, I've noticed some trends. Most gay men will completely ignore a crossdresser in a club, which is fine with me. A small percentage will compliment your outfit and treat you nicely. Another small percentage will come on to you.

    When I inform a gay man that I'm straight, the most common reaction is shock. In my experience, they are just as ignorant about hetero CDs as the general public.

    My best experiences have been with lesbians. I always got along well with them but en femme, even better. They treat me very well and a few have become regular friends.

    Honestly, I love most gay people because I'm treated well. I think the fact that we share a common bond and a common "enemy", brings most of us closer.
    Last edited by Duana; 08-22-2011 at 04:22 PM. Reason: change adjective to adverb :)

  22. #47
    Fab Karen Fab Karen's Avatar
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    This is like asking "do white people hate black people?" Some do, some don't. Your so-called friend needs exposure to many CD's to begin to see how uninformed he is.
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  23. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duana View Post
    When I inform a gay man that I'm straight, the most common reaction is shock. In my experience, they are just as ignorant about hetero CDs as the general public.
    While I don't identify as a "male straight crossdresser' like you do & identify as 'transsexual lesbian female',
    I get the same type of shocked reaction from people when I tell them I am a lesbian. Many people assume
    that M-F crossdressers & transsexuals want to present as females only to pick up guys. So there is something
    we do have in common as crossdressers & transsexuals. And I get on very well with my lesbian community,
    but even some of them make the wrong assumptions about my true gender identity & sexual orientations.
    But I only believe this is happening through a lack of understand or information being in the community. And
    why I say this is because once I do talk to people, they are really amazed about it, but at the same time I
    do make a lot of sense to them.

    I also wanted to add that the crossdressing community is one of the least understood gender variants under
    the transgender umbrella, but this is only because they are hiding in the closet so much. So my advice for
    dealing with that is to get out of the closet & attend more of your local LGBT events and become part of the
    community to reduce this type of ignorance.

  24. #49
    Member Duana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melody Moore View Post
    I also wanted to add that the crossdressing community is one of the least understood gender variants under
    the transgender umbrella, but this is only because they are hiding in the closet so much. So my advice for
    dealing with that is to get out of the closet & attend more of your local LGBT events and become part of the
    community to reduce this type of ignorance.
    Great advice but don't hold your breath. We've covered this in other threads, as I'm sure you know.

  25. #50
    Be free - overcome fear!
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    Duana,

    I hear ya hun, and while I won't change everyone's attitude, I do know that I have made a big
    difference already - So I won't be giving up anytime soon. Also I am also a writer for an LGBT
    magazine. So education & acceptance of gender & sexual diversity is one of my main agendas.

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