Male Privilege

[Bree-asaurus]

So I've started to notice male privilege, or lack-there-of in my case.

I've been diagnosing an electrical problem on my truck. Three times my boyfriend and I went to Autozone. Every time, I was doing the talking, saying how "MY truck has this issue and I'M trying to fix it and what do you think?"

Instead of explaining it to me, when he's done nodding and listening, and then turns to my boyfriend to tell him what he thinks the issue might be. HE'S NOT THE ONE TALKING TO YOU!

They were all wrong with their diagnosis anyway... MEN! Ugghh.....

[Eileen]

What a surprise! Men just naturally think a woman could never know anything about a vehicle. Just another example of men assuming they know it all.

[Gina X]

I think this is endemic in the general male population when my wife was alive she had been disabled from birth despite this she was a very able and capable woman and knew her own medical history inside out as you would. I used to go with her to see various medical specialists mainly for moral support but everytime she told the doctor what her problem was they would then turn to me to give their answer/diagnosis which I used to find embarassing as most of the time I didn't know what they were talking about. The worst offenders were some of the asian doctors who were brought up in a patriarchal society......................

[Bree-asaurus]

It's going to be an interesting change. I'm so used to being able to talk to the guys with no problems when we're talking about cars. I restored a 68 Camaro and did a ton of work on a 78 f150. But now that I have boobs that doesn't matter. It's just assumed that I don't know what I'm talking about or I couldn't understand the super complexities of what these fearless men have to say!

[Melody Moore]

It happens all the time Bree, I had it a few months ago when I went
to get an Tail Light/Brake Light globe or lamp as you might call them.
And yet with something so simple, the woman at the service desk got
on the phone and called a guy to come down and 'Help a lady'. While it
was nice to be addressed appropriately, I felt they thought I was stupid
and had no idea what was wrong with my tail lights. And yet I had the
blown lamp in my hand to make sure I got the correct wattage lamp.

More recently I had some work done on my car and the mechanic gave
me a long list of other things that needed to be fixed, but he insisted
that before he fixes these other problems he wants to give my car a
full service. So now I don't trust him and feel that he is trying to rip
me off, especially with the amount that he quoted me to do the service.

Now I am convinced that if I went in their as a male he wouldn't have given
me such a long list of repairs. So as a result of that I have decided to get a
second opinion next week from a mechanic who will fix the things I asked him
to and not give me so much BS. I was quoted over $500 just to buy a new
set of engine mounts & that is without installation. So that is just way over
the top as far as I am concerned.

It's just one of the negative aspects of being a female, so now
I feel sorry for all other women that get ripped off by these sharks.

[ReineD]

Yeah, isn't it annoying? Just wait until they become condescending when they do talk to you directly, or when they don't answer your questions fully because they think you won't understand, or when they try to hose you with prices because they think you don't know better.

Or when you get paid less for doing the same job as a guy.


... or on a more personal level, when they think they own you and they get all angry and scary when you don't do what they think you should and you're afraid they might use physical force.

[Jorja]

So I've started to notice male privilege, or lack-there-of in my case.

I've been diagnosing an electrical problem on my truck. Three times my boyfriend and I went to Autozone. Every time, I was doing the talking, saying how "MY truck has this issue and I'M trying to fix it and what do you think?"

Instead of explaining it to me, when he's done nodding and listening, and then turns to my boyfriend to tell him what he thinks the issue might be. HE'S NOT THE ONE TALKING TO YOU!

They were all wrong with their diagnosis anyway... MEN! Ugghh.....

Well look at where you were trying to get information from. Most of The employees at AutoZone and the like work at these places because they can't get a job as a real mechanic.

[Stephanie Michelle]

The first to problem is that you went Autozone for repair advise. They are a parts store. Your lucky to get the right parts let alone correct repair advise. Try an auto repair shop or go to the library and look at a repair manual or on-line if they have access.

[Melody Moore]

Yeah, isn't it annoying? Just wait until they become condescending when they do talk to you directly, or when they don't answer your questions fully because they think you won't understand, or when they try to hose you with prices because they think you don't know better.

Or when you get paid less for doing the same job as a guy.


... or on a more personal level, when they think they own you and they get all angry and scary when you don't do what they think you should and you're afraid they might use physical force.

Reine, that was something else I noticed,

When I started to question this guy about why he was insisting
to do a full service he got agitated & started talking down to me.

I know for a fact that the valley covers inside my motor have to be replaced
because there is oil getting in my cooling system & coolant is leaking inside
the motor. It is a common problem for my type of car & for it's age. So to me
the logical thing to me here is to fix these issues before you would give it a
full service give it an oil change. So why put new oil in the motor just so it
can become contaminated with coolant all over again?

When he wouldn't address this issue, I left because he has clearly
put the cart before the horse here and thinks that I can't see that.

Someone should set up an online database of these jerks to blacklist their business.

The auto shop I went to to buy the lamp where I was also made to feel
like a fool sounds like your AutoZone, but here it is called the Auto Barn.

[Schatten Lupus]

After my parents split, my mom would bring me with her almost everywhere she went that was related to cars so they wouldn't be as likely to give her the run around. Hasn't been as bad for her lately, but there are also a couple women who now work at one of the Auto Zones in town.
As for the loosing male privilege, I'm guessing that will probably be the most frustrating part of ceasing a male existence and living as a female. People respect me, come to me for help and advice, hardly question me, and in school my work gets praised by both teachers and students. It sucks knowing my hard work will most likely not put me on the same level anymore, knowing that I could easily make so much more money if I don't transition, and knowing the I'll be bumped down even lower on the list when looking for a job even if I keep my grades up. Sometimes I actually do wish the proverbial pill to make it all go away really existed.

The first to problem is that you went Autozone for repair advise. They are a parts store. Your lucky to get the right parts let alone correct repair advise. Try an auto repair shop or go to the library and look at a repair manual or on-line if they have access.

I've not really had any problems at Auto Zone, except for the size of oil-plug their system has for my car does not actually fit my car, but for whatever reason it's the same at Nappa, Advanced Auto, and O'Reillys. I usually get the stuff for an oil change at Auto Zone, and add a coke and air-freshener or whatever to get the total just over 25 bucks, and after a few times I get the 25 dollars free thing with their rewards program. As for parts, I check the internet first, then all the shops in town ending with Advanced Auto because they will beat any competitor prices.

[Wendy_Marie]

Guess they assume that all that breast tissue was relocated from the cranium.....I hate egotist's like this...

[AllieSF]

Well, one way is to complain about it, and another way is to celebrate it. Isn't that what a lot of us are looking for, being treated as a real woman when out in the public? Is the glass half full or half empty? (Sorry, based on a recent thread, I couldn't help myself, LOL).

[Stephenie S]

This just happened to me. Stopped by the auto parts store to get three new wiper blades. Two front and one rear. I knew exactly what I wanted. The same as I got last time. Instead of telling me that the blades I was getting were JUST like what I had, he kept telling me how cheap they were. I don't CARE what they cost, I just want the same blades I got last year!! He NEVER addressed my concerns at all. Even after the nice gentleman had put the blades on my car for me and I was paying, he kept telling me how cheap they were. I don't WANT cheap. I want quality. These are windshield wipers. I need to be able to SEE. If I wanted cheap I would go to WallyWorld.

S

[kellycan27]

LOL nobody ever said that being a girl was going to be easy. You just need to learn how to "play the game", being a girl can not only work against you.... it can work for you. Playing dumb has it's perks also. My g/f (friend) and I came out of the mall and noticed that her brake lights were on, and when we got in the car.. ( honda) she couldn't take it out of park ( the brake pedal has to be depressed before you can shift out of park) We used the a second key to bypass the this feature and shifted out of park. I figured it was the brake light switch so we stopped at pep boys. I told the guy behind the counter what we needed. when he brought the part back I looked at it and asked if it was hard to change? He said no all you have to do.............. I asked ( knowing full well) where it was located. He came out to the car and pointed.. I said it looks easy.. again he said it was..easy. I said I wish I was as smart as you when it came to cars. He then offered to fix it right there. He installed the new switch, but it didn't fix the problem. He went inside and got another guy... they both tried to figure it out, but couldn't. Then they got the brake guy from the service dept to come have a look. He figured it out in like 5 minutes. There was a rubber stop on the back of the brake pedal that the switch sat against that had broken off.. They replaced the rubber stopper and that fixed the problem... My hero! They didn't charge us for labor or the rubber stopper.. and I didn't have to do the work. All i had to do was play dumb and stroke his ego a little. I don't care if he thinks i am a dumb broad.. what's his claim to fame?.. he works at Pep Boys. In the end.. i was happy to have had the problem fixed and he was happy that he was able to impress me
As far as repair issues.. If i am told I need this and that.. I ask them to write it all down and put their name on it so that my husband knows who to talk to when he brings the car back. if they were trying to "up sell" me they will usually back pedal and say.. well this and this doesn't need to be addressed now, but have them checked next time you have the car serviced. Usually the legit stuff will be the only thing remaining on the "do it now list".
Another cute little trick I have learned is that.. All auto repair shops ( in Ca anyway) must post a sign regarding estimates ( by the Bureau of Automotive Repair) At the bottom of the sign there is an 800 number. If I think the guy is BS'in me. I'll take out a pen and jot down the number while he's explaining what my car needs.. I'll kind of say it out loud while I am writing it down.. I'll put the paper in my purse and say.. Ya never know.. You were saying?

[Bree-asaurus]

The first to problem is that you went Autozone for repair advise. They are a parts store. Your lucky to get the right parts let alone correct repair advise. Try an auto repair shop or go to the library and look at a repair manual or on-line if they have access.

I was basically asking for advice in the way that maybe something they say sparks an idea. I'm figuring it out on my own and with the help of people on a forum that own my specific truck. I've been working on cars for years, I know what Autozone is good for :P

There is one guy at my Autozone that is pretty damn smart though.

[Persephone]

Funny, pretty much the same thing happens to guys who wander into "girl world." That's why boys are talked down to, diagnosed as ADHD, and recommended for ritalin in elementary school, why girls average higher grades than boys when they have female teachers, why women now exceed men in college attendance, etc. Lifelong scars and penalties result.

Like Allie so wisely said, you can see the glass as half full or half empty. I would add that the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side of the fence.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Aprilrain]

I'm as dumb about cars now as I was before so no loss there. I actually do know how to change oil but why!?!?!?! Its really not that expensive to have someone else do it.
At my old job I watch with amused skepticism as my co worker decided to changed the oil on the work truck. Long story short we changed the oil twice in one day in a truck (like 8 quarts or something) because he cranked the oil filter back on too tight and punctured the side of the filter with the oil wrench. He would have cost the company WAY less money had he just taken the stupid thing to an oil change place! I wish they still had full service gas stations!!! I would gladly pay a little extra to watch some young buck clean my windshield and get his hands dirty for me!

[Eryn]

Well, to go along with the problem of males assuming that persons with a little extra tissue on their chests aren't technically adept is the equally tough problem of females assuming that every person with a little extra tissue between the legs automatically enjoys being Mr. Fixit and is on call to fix any problem!

[Debglam]

Hey Bree! This is a fascinating thread to me. Since the “ask the Autozone bozo” theme has been adequately covered, I’ll leave it alone.

I know that this condescending attitude towards women exists because I have seen it but I really don’t get it. It almost seems like a game for the average guy but it never made any sense to me. Probably because I’ve had this feminine side to my own personality, I have always really LIKED women, respected their opinions, and thought that their participation has made almost any situation or circumstances better! That is probably why I married a woman who is one of the most competent and capable PEOPLE I have ever met! The “dudes,” “bros,” or “douche bags” depending on what you call them who disregard or disrespect women are just missing out. Their loss!

I like Allie and the others’ opinions who suggested taking advantage of the situation. These losers that are going to try and take advantage of you deserve to have the situation flipped on them. Take advantage of the situation when you get the chance. Kelly’s story is terrific! Bat your eyelashes at them and let THEM fix the problem. As pretty as you are that shouldn’t be too hard!

Good luck!
Debby

[Jessinthesprings]

i guess you only have two options:

1. be mad
2. take it as a compliment that you are now accepted as a woman...

I would choose option 2. I don't like being mad.

[Pythos]

That is quite blatant sexism. Your boyfriend should have said to this jerk. "uh, dude. This is not my truck, this is my girl friends truck, tell it to her". I know I would have done that in his case. Following that you then repeat all that you said before, as he steps back. I fraggin hate it when men behave like this.

[Cindi Johnson]

Two sides to that coin. When my son was young, his day-care and school always begged for volunteers to chaperone on field trips. I was a single parent, so (in male mode) I felt I should volunteer. Wow! The mothers and the all-female staff acted as if I had the plague, assuming males could surely not care for kids. Thinking I was some kind of pervert, maybe. (The kids, however, loved having me around).

[Bree-asaurus]

i guess you only have two options:

1. be mad
2. take it as a compliment that you are now accepted as a woman...

I would choose option 2. I don't like being mad.

I'll take #1 since #2 only happens sometimes... I don't pass as much as my pictures would lead you to believe.

[Melody Moore]

Well, one way is to complain about it, and another way is to celebrate it. Isn't that what a lot of us are looking for, being treated as a real woman when out in the public? Is the glass half full or half empty? (Sorry, based on a recent thread, I couldn't help myself, LOL).

I am on the fence about this, while I see it as a compliment, I do see it as sexism as well. But I do see
another advantage in this I that is in knowing who I can trust when it comes to getting services like
mechanical repairs. When the mechanic I questioned started to get agitated by my enquiry I didn't
argue with him about it, I simply said OK & told him that I would think about it & left. I have a list of the
things that he thinks I need to have fixed that I will take to another mechanic to get a second opinion.

So maybe this exercise will save me a lot of money, but not because the mechanic was
any sort of a nice guy who flattered me, but because he was such a chauvinistic dick.

[danielleb]

Aren't we missing the headline of the story? How happy your boyfriend was about this same situation?