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Thread: How girly is your SO

  1. #26
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    My wife use to be very "girly." That was forty years ago. She had a great figure and was totally height to weight proportional. She dressed in very attractive clothes-mostly dresses for that time period. When not wearing a dress, she wore shorts and a tee shirt for comfort. Really cute. She was really aware of her sexuality. Fast forward forty years and she has packed on the pounds. Her BMI is over thirty. It has caused loss of self esteem, which may be the reason for packing on the pounds. She use to wear sexy lingerie. Now she wears old granny nightgowns. She does not own any nylon panties. Makeup for work only and then it is just lipstick.

    I like watching the make overs on the Friday edition of the Today Show. I think the makeovers are fabulous. Most of the before women look like something the dog dragged in from the backyard. After the transformation they really end up being attractive. Yes, the viewer can still see their aging or faults, but, it is obvious they can look great. I always think being girly is a negative term- kind of like being called a ditzy blond. A manner of acting out.

    My wife could look attractive and/or sexy, if she wanted to. Sometimes I think she wants to be unattractive. Actually, I think my desire to look as best as I can en femme makes me want to look the best I can be en homme. And, I do not mean the manly equivalent of girly.

  2. #27
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    Sue has it completely correct. This "girly" issue, I think, is a facade that doesn't speak about the hearts and souls of our SOs. My wife taught Tina about being "girly" from makeup to fashion sense to how to giggle! Does she wear makeup every day? She did when she worked, but not now. Does she look fantastic when we head out to some occasion (wedding, etc)...you bet she does!

    What Nigella said is a lot of what acceptance is all about. Women grow up being taught how to be a "girl", just as men grow up being taught how to be "boys". Acceptance is a very complex issue, likely connected with not only our specific relationship but also with the life history of our SO or potential SO. A really "girly" SO who was brought up to think that crossdressing is perverted is going to be a harder "sell" because there is just so much more to overcome, a "sell" that's harder if interpersonal trust issues are involved.

    I think it's going to be hard to correlate acceptance with an SO who choses, or choses not to act in what we might call "girly".

    tina

  3. #28
    Claire Claire Cook's Avatar
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    A couple of thoughts. First, down here in this part of Florida women usually don't wear dresses or skirts, particularly if not in an office or fancy restaurant - yet they are obviously feminine / female (unless presenting butch??). Second, we may be interpreting what "girly" is from our perspective -- which is probably not their perspective. As others have said, my wife hasn't worn a dress in years -- and she is certainly more female than I can ever hope to be.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Proud member of the Lacey Leigh Fan Club

  4. #29
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    Joanna Marie, I wonder if Girly would be better defined in this thread as someone that is very happy to be a woman. I know that is odd but it seems like supporting SOs described here really seem to be very happy and confident as a woman with or without girly clothes and the such.

    Kitty

  5. #30
    Farrah Rose Farrah Rose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachel Morley View Post
    My wife is fairly girly, but she will tell you that she wasn't always as girly as she is now. She says that being married to me and helping me develop my feminine side has influenced her to do and enjoy more girly things than she ever used to do.
    Yes this discribes my wife. She was a SUPER TOMBOY when she was younger and still kinda is. When i first met her she played like every sport in Highschool and wasnt nessesarily girly. But being with her since then, ive seen she has gotten extrememly girly from what she was. In HS she probably had 2 pairs of sneakers period, and now she almost has as many pair of heels as i have shoes. (and im sneaker head) lol. I think ive influenced her alot. Before i came to terms with my crossdressing and her knowing of it we would hit the malls up and shop and i would willingly help her and give my opinions etc. I loved doing it and she loved trying on stuff and so as the years went on she became accostumed to shopping and doing more "girly things".
    [SIZE="3"]"The Girl with no name now has a name,... Farrah Rose " [/SIZE]

  6. #31
    Aspiring Member Laura Evans's Avatar
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    Whether ones SO or spouse accepts or not accept us has nothing to do with their "girlyness" but is more a matter of their attitude and beliefs about life in general and about the people that inhabit this world, especially those different than themselves. My SO, who is very accepting, has an open attitude about people who see the world differently and never batted an eye when she was told about my CD'ing early in our relationship. She is not "girly" but is slowly changing that as she sees me out and about. I was married to a "girly" women who totally rejected me although that was not the cause of our divorce. My two cents worth of opinion.

  7. #32
    Member joanna marie's Avatar
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    Joanna Marie, I wonder if Girly would be better defined in this thread as someone that is very happy to be a woman. I know that is odd but it seems like supporting SOs described here really seem to be very happy and confident as a woman with or without girly clothes and the such.

    Kitty

    Thank you Kitty ,
    that is a another way of looking at it

  8. #33
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    I've always been all over the place with my girliness.

    During teenage years I wasn't overly girly, and neither were my friends. We were immediately post-hippy era and we just liked to wear "cool" stuff. But, I did dress up when going out, just not all the time. As a young career woman I opted for the sleek, polished, professional look but this was during the 80s when women wore business suits with wide shoulder pads. Not particularly girly either, but decidedly feminine. During the child rearing years I wore whatever I could wash 'n wear easily along with my kids' clothes. Jeans and Tshirts. But, I did still dress up nicely when my ex and I went out.

    When I met my SO I was taking a lot of classes and dressed like the other college girls with jeans and cute tops. No sneakers though. I've always refused to wear sneakers outside of a gym, but still not particularly girly. But, when we started to go to alt clubs for drag shows and my SO was dressed, I went over the top girly (well, more like vampy), since I felt I was in competition with the young women who were there that I felt he admired. And I also ramped up the wardrobe, because I knew how much he admired nicely dressed women and I wanted him to admire me. I didn't do it because I felt threatened by his own presentation.

    Lately though, I've been going through a lot of difficult stuff and I'm back to taking a minimum effort with my presentation. I still wear summer skirts and tops, but with easy flip flops and minimal jewelry and makeup.

    I've always supported my SO no matter where I was along the girly spectrum.
    Reine

  9. #34
    Member charlytuna's Avatar
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    my wife isn't very "girly",neither am I. we both have the same taste in clothes but not each others, Our sizes are far apart size 46 & 40. She very surportive of my dressing and when I some time alone she give it. Of course I never went out dressed, not fully dressed .

  10. #35
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    my wife is supportive and quite feminine. Of course, there are lots of times when she (and I) prefer a t-shirt and shorts for just hanging out

  11. #36
    happy to be her Sarah Doepner's Avatar
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    Sue cut to the chase on this one. No, my wife isn't girly, as defined by clothing and makeup, but she is a woman from the skin through to her soul. All the affectations are unnecessary and possibly a distraction from getting what needs to be accomplished done. My crossdressing is mostly superficial, attempting to get the girly look that she doesn't need. If I do it properly some of the barriers can fall and some of that ellusive girly, feminine attitude and mindset becomes visible and with luck and effort accessible. It will be the difference between saying "That's such a cute pair of shoes." because I'd like some and saying it because I feel happy for the person who has them on her feet. I'm still working on it. Wish me luck.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  12. #37
    Seasoned Member Rhonda Darling's Avatar
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    My GF can be a girly girl when she wants to turn it on, but on the average day, she dresses well for work, but can't wait to get out of her bra, shoes, and anything tight. At home she's as casual as can be. When I'm in femme mode, I'm the opposite. Can't dress at work, but love to get home and get DRESSED. I'll do the whole shootin match just to cook dinner and take out the trash. Actually changed to undress mode at the end of the work day and drove home with small breasts clearly showing to any other driver who chose to look. Completed the outfit as soon as I came through the door to the house. We compliment each other rather nicely.

    Rhonda

  13. #38
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    Tx Kimbery oh you are thee toughest competition!!!

  14. #39
    Senior Member Jenny Doolittle's Avatar
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    Hi Joanna,

    Your question has really got me thinking as well, my wife is much like your own in regards to her own and feminine side and that of her mother also being very much a lady.

    She also would have preferred I not have a fem-side, but understands it is a part of who I am.

    I think the comparison of others situations may help us understand better your question.

  15. #40
    Senior Member Jennifer in CO's Avatar
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    If there is satin and lace worn in this house, its by me. Wife wears plain cotton panties and bras, plain t shirt for sleeping, and 99% of the time is wearing t shirts and jeans. Course, most of her time is out in the barn so a dress/heels wont work there but you get the idea. I have worn a dress since she has, and that was almost 2 years ago.

    Jenn

  16. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by SarahLynn View Post
    Strange but the more I move into the fem side my SO moves away from hers. I wear skirts and blouses because i don't (and never have) worn dresses. Wiffy has gotten rid of all her skirts and now only wears pants. She no longer wears nylon underwear (except for bras), has no pantyhose (tights), and seldom wears jewelry.

    SarahLynn
    hi sarahlynn, it sounds to me like your wife is experiencing roll reversal. maybe the more you feminize brings out a deeper repressed masculine side of your wife.try casually to sugest she use a strap on with you see how she reacts.you just might open up what could be a very awsome exciting change in your married relationship.

    truly you are a awsome woman. your husband is so blessed to have you
    Last edited by Sandra; 08-30-2011 at 01:23 PM. Reason: merged consecutive posts, please use edit/multiuote function

  17. #42
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    My wife is very girly or very, very feminine. She has small hands and feet. She cannot throw straight, like a Frisbee or darts, she can’t even hit the dart board. She works on her looks everyday all day long. Will not go out anywhere unless she is freshly showered and hair and make up all done. She has such a pretty face, and when I met her on our first date downtown, her eyes mesmerized me, her smile was so perfect to me and when I hugged her and held her hand as we walked, I looked back at her and instantly fell deeply in love. She’s not tomboyish at all. She was raised with 2 sisters and no brothers. She hates all sports. She has never even peed in the woods and never will. She is constantly filing and doing her nails as we watch television. To me she is beautiful.
    In her panty drawer all of her panties have to be strategically laid in place one atop the other and about 2 inches down from the one below it. It’s like a store display at Macy’s. She says Tara is very pretty and she dances with me on date nights in our party room. She rarely wears jeans at all. So feminine is she. One day, I’d love to put work boots on her and some work pants and a flannel shirt and a ball hat on her just for fun.
    Love & respect...........Tara

  18. #43
    Fabulous! hunterloveshose's Avatar
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    Maybe it's a matter of how much one is into new clothes and new styles generally...

    My partner of 12 years is m to f transgendered, and I've been with her through every step of her transition. We met in the late 90s, both en drag at a fun cabaret Trannie night club which used to be held every Tuesday night in San Francisco (Trannyshack)... an urban, cosmopolitan experience. Fierce, but fun and "queer" meant in the political sense. Accepting of all stripes.

    I am more of a crossdresser than she is, but I would say that means truly for me a fixation on the "vestite" side of things. Meaning, in boy mode which I do enjoy being a dashing handsome guy too, I like newer clothes and lots of new shoes too. She on the other hand is more practical in her tastes, but day to day is less concerned perhaps with the whimsy than I am. This mostly manifests itself with me underdressing in exquisite lingerie, professional pedi/mani, where as she is perfectly fine in cotton panties and the same colored, long lasting pedicure, etc. She's never had any trouble passing and is a natural super tall and always thin, long hair type. She naturally just is femme apearing, even before hormones or electrolysis, etc.

    Perhaps too, she has an advanced degree in software engineering, where as I'm more right brained with a fine arts degree in music... She often yields to my visual and even cullinary tastes too.... Its easier for me to come up with those kinds of ideas. Who knows really, but we balance each other out greatly. She's a tomboy and always has been, where I was kind of the pretty boy, who wants to remain that boy, as long as I'm allowed to be pretty (ie clear, shellacked manicure, fit body, take care of my skin). However, she can spend hours say at a fabric store and want to make a new dress or coat by hand, etc. Where I hate that kinda thing...I'd rather go to a car museum, or go look at say model airplanes or something like that, or obsess about military history. Weird too is that she likes hockey and baseball mor than I do...again perhaps because she was a star athlete in high school, and I was a band and choir geek.

    When I'm in a good mood, and am fit and into looking good in clothes, whether male or femme, it can influence her to dress up some, but the obsession part of it remains with me really. I think we're very well matched and of course extremely accepting of either of our gender variance and encouragingly so, but I trend to fetish/obsess over femme clothing than she does. You wouldn't think so with who we are, but it's a neat mix.

    - h

  19. #44
    Senior Member StephanieC's Avatar
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    My SO is not supportive, assuming this is just a phase. She is not girly-girly, and said that a number of times tonight. (Short story..I bought two gift certificates at a spa. We had this week off and she was planning on user the certificates but as of today, had not make an appointment. When I finally volunteered to make the appointment, we find no openings the rest of the week. Since my daughter is only in town this week, she complained about my wife delaying so long. My SO remarked that she was surprised and is not a girly-girly so could not be held responsible.) So, definitely not girly-girly.

  20. #45
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    My wife is not very girly. I can only recall her wearing a skirt once since our wedding almost 25 years ago. We go out to a nice restaurant, she wears jeans and a t-shirt. I'll be more dressed up. I also figure I have a better clothing sense then she does. She like most of the clothes I bought her better then her own choices. I say she is look warm on supporting my cross dressing.
    I reject your reality and substitute my own!!

  21. #46
    Silver Member AmandaM's Avatar
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    My wife is a former college cheerleader. She works at a bank and wears skirts and heels daily. She uses makeup, etc. everyday and loves jewelry.

  22. #47
    Cougar in hiding kymmieLorain's Avatar
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    funny thing is my SO is a tomboy. Has been since I've known her, since I was 5. That girls is over 40 years.

    Kymmie
    Just your average harley riding crossdressing biker

    Why be normal??????

  23. #48
    Silver Member Babeba's Avatar
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    Seriously? SERIOUSLY?? I can't be taken as girly unless I wear lots of makeup and nylon panties???

    Ugh. FTS.

    This thread is making me feel upset with how superficially some of you are judging your partners. There are many of you (Sarah Charles, Tina, Claire, Kitty, Laura Joanna, et cetera!! Also, Nigella, I think I love you more with every post I read) who I think really are hitting the nail on the head, here - that what's inside your spouse/SO is the innate and important part of her. But many of the other posts on here are not ones which make me happy.

    Wearing shorts, pants, trousers, button-down shirts or flat shoes does NOT make a woman any less female (or by extension, any more or less accepting than what she is on the inside.) These things CAN be sexy and feminine. If a woman spends about five minutes brushing her hair, her teeth, and checking to make sure she doesn't have any ridiculous black marks on her teeth before she goes out, she's not any less a woman than someone who spends three hours on her hair - and it DOES NOT MEAN THAT SHE SECRETLY WANTS TO BE A MAN. Or that she would appreciate the suggestion that she strap one on so you can take it for the team.

    Seriously, we're not all in a big competition for a 'feminine' trophy. That is not what is on our minds when we dress every day. Maybe some of you need that time to get into your female zone, but newsflash? We don't. Please don't judge your wife's motivations by the same yardstick you need for yourself.

    Do you want to know a secret? I wear dresses quite often. It's not because I want to be a girly girl fashion plate, it's because I own a lot of damn comfortable dresses and I don't have to dig through for a shirt that will go nice with my shorts, or be long enough to cover that bit of my jeans I need to sew up but keep forgetting to. I wear tights or leggings and slips because it gets pretty damn cold here sometimes, and I can layer them for extra warmth. It's like having a blanket around my legs and waaay easier to remove when I need fewer layers than having to take off pants, then tights, then put the pants back on. (Did I mention I was too cheap to buy thermals?) Frankly, I'd rather not spend the extra time or effort when I'm in the middle of doing something, and DEFINITELY don't want to roast or shiver when I don't have to.

    That's right. I wear dresses because I'm LAZY. Why would I go to the effort of pulling on two pieces of clothing (that I would have to THINK about putting together) when I could just put on one?

    Oh yeah, and a kneelength dress and leggings means I'm neither flashing my panties (Cotton, thank you very much) or getting my bike chain caught in my jeans (causing them to rip and me to fall) when I want to go ride my bike for errands.

    So all of you who figure that your wife can't deal with you dressing because you're more feminine than her, or that because she doesn't wear dresses or skirts (Shock! Horror! The world will END!!) she isn't accepting - Grow. Up. We are more than our clothes. So are you. So is your relationship.
    Last edited by Babeba; 09-04-2011 at 01:45 AM.

  24. #49
    Member Phylis Nicole Schuyler's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Babeba View Post
    Seriously? SERIOUSLY?? I can't be taken as girly unless I wear lots of makeup and nylon panties???

    Ugh. FTS.

    This thread is making me feel upset with how superficially some of you are judging your partners. There are many of you (Sarah Charles, Tina, Claire, Kitty, Laura Joanna, et cetera!! Also, Nigella, I think I love you more with every post I read) who I think really are hitting the nail on the head, here - that what's inside your spouse/SO is the innate and important part of her. But many of the other posts on here are not ones which make me happy.

    Wearing shorts, pants, trousers, button-down shirts or flat shoes does NOT make a woman any less female (or by extension, any more or less accepting than what she is on the inside.) These things CAN be sexy and feminine. If a woman spends about five minutes brushing her hair, her teeth, and checking to make sure she doesn't have any ridiculous black marks on her teeth before she goes out, she's not any less a woman than someone who spends three hours on her hair - and it DOES NOT MEAN THAT SHE SECRETLY WANTS TO BE A MAN. Or that she would appreciate the suggestion that she strap one on so you can take it for the team.

    Seriously, we're not all in a big competition for a 'feminine' trophy. That is not what is on our minds when we dress every day. Maybe some of you need that time to get into your female zone, but newsflash? We don't. Please don't judge your wife's motivations by the same yardstick you need for yourself.

    Do you want to know a secret? I wear dresses quite often. It's not because I want to be a girly girl fashion plate, it's because I own a lot of damn comfortable dresses and I don't have to dig through for a shirt that will go nice with my shorts, or be long enough to cover that bit of my jeans I need to sew up but keep forgetting to. I wear tights or leggings and slips because it gets pretty damn cold here sometimes, and I can layer them for extra warmth. It's like having a blanket around my legs and waaay easier to remove when I need fewer layers than having to take off pants, then tights, then put the pants back on. (Did I mention I was too cheap to buy thermals?) Frankly, I'd rather not spend the extra time or effort when I'm in the middle of doing something, and DEFINITELY don't want to roast or shiver when I don't have to.

    That's right. I wear dresses because I'm LAZY. Why would I go to the effort of pulling on two pieces of clothing (that I would have to THINK about putting together) when I could just put on one?

    Oh yeah, and a kneelength dress and leggings means I'm neither flashing my panties (Cotton, thank you very much) or getting my bike chain caught in my jeans (causing them to rip and me to fall) when I want to go ride my bike for errands.

    So all of you who figure that your wife can't deal with you dressing because you're more feminine than her, or that because she doesn't wear dresses or skirts (Shock! Horror! The world will END!!) she isn't accepting - Grow. Up. We are more than our clothes. So are you. So is your relationship.
    Well said. Women and men are more than the packaging; its whats inside that counts, at least for me.

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