[SIZE="2"]For most people, i.e. outsiders, the problem with MtF crossdressing is its implied effect on procreation – you’re supposed to be fruitful and multiply, which involves being attractive to, and attracted by, the opposite sex, and it is expected that you will replicate yourself and your spouse with several jointly created replacements. When a male dresses as a female, he effectively tosses a monkey wrench into the delicately balanced societal machinery that is based upon instinct and routine. In short, you’re up against IT when you crossdress...
Let’s say you’re a heterosexual male, and you like to wear women’s clothing – can I hear an AMEN? The need to procreate may lie at the heart of your desire to keep your secrets secret – I mean, if you wish to attract females, how many potential girlfriends will welcome a MtF crossdresser into their lives? Not only are there issues of confusion (WTF?), but perhaps jealousy enters the equation when you wish to be (or are) more feminine looking than your date. But, what if the female is on the make for a MALE, and you don’t fit the bill in any way, shape, or form? She may be looking for a potential father for her hypothetical children, and these girly ideas you have clash with HER idea of a man. Your procreativeness (or lack of) is on display, or voiced as whispers, and she will no doubt keep looking for someone much more suitable...
Let’s say you crossdressed in the past, and then tucked it away long enough to get the girl, get married, and generate a few offspring. You’ve done the deed, lived up to the expectations of society, and created a few copies of yourself (or your spouse). Well done, but something is missing – the girl you suppressed longs to get “out” again, and her impending appearance will certainly cause friction with your wife and children. Maybe you have disclosed your secret to your bride, and she is either OK with it, indifferent to it, or downright uncomfortable with the idea of having another woman, a male no less, in the immediate vicinity. How to tell the kids? Who did I marry, anyway, and how will this affect my children, all of whom must fulfill their own procreative destiny? It gets very complicated, because nearly everything is turned on its head as you pursue this form of happiness that only makes sense to you...
OK, let’s say you’re young, unmarried, and rather androgynous looking. Your mother is worried about you – how are you going to live up to everyone’s expectations if you don’t “straighten out” and find yourself a nice girl? To society, your androgynous look bespeaks homosexuality, and you are targeted as a queer – well, you don’t dress like everyone else, so you are marginalized and abused, even though, to you, you are merely expressing yourself. The problem is, out there in the real world, expression is suppressed for the good of procreation. There are better things to do with your time, namely bring some progeny into existence. Everyone will breathe a sigh of relief as soon as you change your “look,” invite conformity into your life, and ditch these selfish, counter-productive ideas you have. You need to grow up and make the best use of your brief time on Earth, and that means to do what everyone else is doing, or has done, over and over...
Let’s say you harbor latent homosexual tendencies, and you dress to express yourself THAT way. In certain circumstances, gay males may dress up as females – by gaining a desire to crossdress (for whatever reason), you may come to believe that you are homosexual. Again, the idea of procreation enters the picture, because same-sex relationships are inherently childless. Oh, you can adopt, if you’re living in a state with open-minded individuals at the controls, or you can blithely entertain the opposite sex and suppress your true urges. Surely the crossdressing you love means something, right? I think this perceived threat to “family values,” in the form of same-sex relationships, is a fear of losing the normal procreative lifestyle we have been taught to perpetuate – the instant we step outside the bubble to breathe fresh air, the clouds of contempt appear as if on cue. You CAN pursue happiness, as long as its sanctioned happiness...
Let’s say you’re a shy person, always have been, and you really don’t wish to grow up and do all those things that adults do. This is either a really beautiful idea, or extremely selfish, depending on what side of the fence (or the closet) you happen to be. What if you embrace the concept of an INNER child, and you will not let go? Why have children, if you are, in all respects, a child? Are you simply not fulfilling your promise to society, or are you fulfilling a promise to yourself, one borne on the wings of free thinking? In my way of looking at it, there are plenty of individuals (and I use the term loosely) who will carry on perpetuating the human race, and there is plenty of room for the non-participant, the dreamer, or the truly incorporated individual. I take issue with those WHO issue by rote, but I do understand the role of love in this human panorama...
BTW, I like children very much, more so every year that I’m on this spinning ball, so please don’t feel that I dislike children in any way. I’m merely trying to point out that crossdressing might not be accepted, or understood, by the general public because of its threat to disrupt procreation. Out here in Kansas, a very conservative place with generational attitudes, the genders are separated without question – boys are boys, girls are girls, and there will be no discussion, please. When a new baby arrives on the scene, there is a notice in the paper – inevitably, the newborn will have living great-grandparents, and sometimes a great-great-grandmother will be mentioned. This amazes me, and it also tells me that boy-meets-girl is the blueprint for life around here. By my reasoning, everyone marries the first member of the opposite sex that they fancy, they get married young, and children are produced almost immediately (perhaps they HAD to get married!). In this heady atmosphere of heterosexuality, you can imagine how unwelcome a declaration of alternative intent might be. What? No children? No grandchildren???
I’m not putting down the Midwesterners – I am simply making an observation. My sister and I like to compare where we live now with where we used to live (Massachusetts), since the difference is startling. Neither of us ever had children – I suppose I still could, but that’s beside the point. As such, we tend to think freely, unencumbered by what society expects of us, or what our family thinks we should be doing. Of course, it helps to have a dwindling family, fractious, idly wondering why it ever came into being in the first place. I was definitely a mistake, and maybe my two sisters were mistakes as well – we weren’t planned, in other words, nor were we expected to do anything to carry on the family name. Being the only male on a branch of the family tree that was being sawed off while I was being born, I may have been expected to have children – I am the 12th generation since “the boat,” as they say, but nobody ever told me to get busy and create descendents. Maybe my mother sheltered me from expectation, but she did expect me to find “a nice girl” and have a normal life, meaning do exactly what my father did, with some adjustments...
Instincts die hard, I suppose, which is why our beloved MtF crossdressing just doesn’t jibe with anything resembling normalcy. It makes perfect sense to US, of course. I bring my femme “self” into existence, and this is all the procreation I wish to think about. On a parallel course, the artist who creates something will refer to his artworks as his “children,” since ART is the process of bringing something into existence. How ironic, but I see crossdressing the same way – I bring my inner child, a girl, into existence, and she develops her own personal reality as she sees fit. Of course, I am in denial about never having (or helping to create) any children – I once had a very feminine fiancée, and there was once a possibility for offspring. However, that didn’t work out, and my brief flirtation with normalcy didn’t pan out. Sitting here, I can say I’m glad it didn’t, but I shed a tear as I say so. Lately I’ve been revisiting my childhood memories, and it hurts to know I will never be part of my child’s memory. My sons and daughters, or the transgendered variations in-between, are all imaginary...
Do you agree with this idea that the need to procreate fuels this lack of understanding about our crossdressing? I think it has a lot to do with it, since the words queer, alternative, and perverse, all coined by the status quo, have to do with apart-ness and, subsequently, no returns on human investment. You’re supposed to make something OUT of yourself, not BE who you want to be...
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Originally Posted by SweetIonis
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