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Thread: Is It OK to crave being with a man only when I'm dressed as a girl?

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  1. #1
    Member mymysterycd's Avatar
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    Is It OK to crave being with a man only when I'm dressed as a girl?

    Am I strange or is this common?: Everytime I'm dressed, I desire being with a man. I remember going out on a date one night, and since I don't dress in public he picked me up in guy-mode. As I was in guys cloth I just chatted with the guy as we were heading to his place...I had the least of attraction to him..it was just two guys riding around. Then, when we got to his place I dressed up and became Lisa, and from then on I was just the total girl. When we went out to our date I was such a lady and felt so good being admired by him. I was all over him and it was such a romantic date. Does anyone else feel this way? If you will like to know more about me just visit my blog at mymysterylisa.com. Thank you.kisses...Lisa

  2. #2
    fearless transowman juno's Avatar
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    It is very common for people to have a female personality that differs from their male personality. Having multiple personalities is very common, such as people that become jerks when driving. That is why "multiple personality disorder" was renamed to "dissociative identity disorder", which is where the identities don't know each other.

    For many people, that personality difference can be enough to include a different gender preference. My female self definitely has more interest in men. If I was not married, I am not sure how far it would go.
    Juno Michelle Krahn

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    Crystal VioletJourney's Avatar
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    You wouldn't believe how common it is. My theory? CDing gives you a different perspective on gender that breaks your inner "taboo" against homosexuality and makes you heteroflexible at best.

  4. #4
    One Perky Goth Gurl Pythos's Avatar
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    I become lesbian when I am dressed. LOL
    "I am not altogether on anyone's side as no one is all together on my side"
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    Silver Member Marissa's Avatar
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    Lisa, with that pose, anything I said before just went out the door you look like a very well toned woman.. and its okay to have those feelings.. many do.. its a persona we take on..and with it comes everything else... some are drawn to only women or other cd/ts..some to men.. so if that is what you feel..its okay..be who you want to be..when you want to be.. that is called 'freedom of expression'..

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    Junior Member Aeron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pythos View Post
    I become lesbian when I am dressed. LOL

    I see it that way, myself. I've never been attracted to men, whather I'm dressed femme or not. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pythos View Post
    I become lesbian when I am dressed. LOL
    Ditto for me too. Very common mindset for CDs.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pythos View Post
    I become lesbian when I am dressed. LOL
    This ^ -----

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    A California Girl Rachel Morley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mymysterycd View Post
    Is It OK to crave being with a man only when I'm dressed as a girl?
    I think this is known as "bi when dressed" .. personally it's never interested me, but I think I understand that the ultimate "accessory" to being a T-girl when dressed (better than any purse) is to have a man on your arm.
    Last edited by Rachel Morley; 08-28-2011 at 12:11 AM.
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  10. #10
    Silver Member DebbieL's Avatar
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    The short answer is that this is not unusual at all. There are a number of dynamics involved.

    Personally, I didn't really enjoy sex with ANYONE unless I was dressed. Having sex as Rex was a betrayal of my "True Self". When I did have sex as a man, with a woman, I could get an erection but I didn't climax. Sometimes, I would go deeply into fantasy world and imagine myself dressed up with the girl I was with while she was dressed up. That would be enough to get me over the top, but not terribly satisfying.

    Getting dressed up and being seduced as a woman, whether by a woman or a man, was validation of my "True Self". In reality, I had split my personality into the male identity I was forced to be, even though most of the time I didn't want to be a boy. Because of this I had to lie, to pretend to be something I didn't want to be, I had to try to play with other boys, even though I knew that most of the time I would end up getting physically abused by the other boys. Eventually, I even started taking theater courses and literally learned how to "Act" like a man by creating and enacting male characters. From about 12 to 17, I wasn't very good at acting like a man, and most men, and women, assumed that I was gay. Men would try to come on to me, and I let them know that I was not interested, but I might be able to introduce them to someone who would be. Soon I was the social director for the gay community at my high school.

    The onnly tme my feminine personality would come out was when I was very inntoxicated. At that point, I went from the bashful boy to the ****ty girl, who liked girls. All of the girls figured out that if a girl wore a skirt, and waited until I looked them in the eye through the corner, and gave them the "****ty smile", all she had to do was ask me to help her find her coat and she could have my head up her skirt until she had multiple orgasms and wanted me to stop.

    When I finally told Leslie that I was transgendered, and she seemed to accept it, I could be honest with her, and I wanted to marry her. When she decided she didn't like my feminine side, I had to go back to lying and acting.

    When I finally started going out in public, and started going to dances and clubs, it was much more exciting. By then I was seeing a therapist who was taking me through the Benjemin process. He gave me assignments. He had me go to 12 step dances, gay bars, straight bars, and lesbian bars. There were only two bars in Colorado that had lipstick lesbians, but they weren't interested in me.

    What was great about the gay bars that had cross-dressers, was that there were men who were more than eager and wanted me. I loved their attention, the validation, the affirmation of my femininity, and knowing that I was desired and could have sex if I wanted it. There were a few times when I a really attractive man would make a nice offer, like a ride on his bike, and I knew that if I had been drinking or drugging, I would have gone with him in a heartbeat.

    Eventually, I discovered that bisexual women really enjoyed Debbie, and that they also enjoyed being seduced as women but having the security and stability of men. I could offer both. Ironically, many of the bisexual women I dated were "tom-boys" and were more aggressive, more sexually aggressive, had lower voices, and had a bit of extra weight. Ironically, they enjoyed getting "dressed up" for sex. Wearing a bit of lingerie was a great way for them to draw attention away from their stretch marks, the extra weight, or breasts they considered to be either too small or too large, and other "imperfections". They felt sexy, and they made me feel sexy.

    The nice thing about dating men as a woman is that you can have easy sex, the men are eager to please, and they want you to keep your lingerie on. On the other hand, it's harder to find men who are looking for long-term commitments. They might want Debbie in the bedroom, but they didn't want to have to take her to dinner and a show. Or most other public places for that matter.

  11. #11
    Silver Member Barbara Dugan's Avatar
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    I crave being with a guy all the time but is way lot more fun dressed or undressed as a girl

  12. #12
    Member mymysterycd's Avatar
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    Thank you for the nice reply...I can really relate! Kisses...Lisa

    Hi Barbara, thanks for the honest reply! You're looking very pretty!. Kisses....Lisa
    Last edited by ReineD; 08-28-2011 at 03:41 PM. Reason: Merging consecutive posts. Please see my previous note.

  13. #13
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    Lisa,

    I'm going to stick my neck out again and say something that many here will disagree with.

    This idea that you're only attracted to men while dressed is fallacious. You are attracted to men all of the time, but you just don't feel sexy unless you're dressed.

    A straight guy would not be attracted to men no matter what he was wearing, or what you were wearing for that matter. Hetero men like women by definition. You are gay my dear and it's only a matter of time before you admit it to yourself.

    Unless, you're TS, and in that case you'll only be gay until your transition, then you'll be straight. It's all very simple isn't it? ;-)
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  14. #14
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post
    This idea that you're only attracted to men while dressed is fallacious. You are attracted to men all of the time, but you just don't feel sexy unless you're dressed.

    A straight guy would not be attracted to men no matter what he was wearing, or what you were wearing for that matter. Hetero men like women by definition. You are gay my dear and it's only a matter of time before you admit it to yourself.
    This is true. Either Mystery is gay, or she is bi but only gives herself permission to be bi if she is dressed. A straight CD might well fantasize about using a man as an accessory to enhance her femininity, but would not enjoy the actual sex act.
    Reine

  15. #15
    Senior Member Jennaie's Avatar
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    Wish it were all that simple tranny but, not being attracted to men when not en-femme is very prevalent among dressers who find themselves attracted when dressed. That said, it's not as easy to say "Oh you're gay, you just don't know it yet." It has to find a middle ground somewhere because when he's not dressed he's attracted to women. Way to complicated to analyze in a couple short sentences. Perhaps the desire to experience being a woman comes into play as well. Maybe it's not a true attraction to men but the desire to feel like a woman that creates this quite common trait with many dressers. I don't know but I do know that I'm not going to tell someone "hey, you're gay", thats not my place.

    By the way, I personally never met a gay man who loved dressing as female. The only men I have met who love dressing as a female are crossdressers and transsexuals. All the gay men I have met have no desire to be female or dress female. Yes, many like to dress with color but not like a transsexual or a crossdresser who is wearing panties and bras. So my answer to the original posters question is yes, it's ok to explore your desires, whatever they might be.
    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post
    Lisa,

    I'm going to stick my neck out again and say something that many here will disagree with.

    This idea that you're only attracted to men while dressed is fallacious. You are attracted to men all of the time, but you just don't feel sexy unless you're dressed.

    A straight guy would not be attracted to men no matter what he was wearing, or what you were wearing for that matter. Hetero men like women by definition. You are gay my dear and it's only a matter of time before you admit it to yourself.

    Unless, you're TS, and in that case you'll only be gay until your transition, then you'll be straight. It's all very simple isn't it? ;-)
    Last edited by Jennaie; 08-29-2011 at 09:59 AM.
    [SIZE="3"]Jennaie`[/SIZE]

  16. #16
    Member mymysterycd's Avatar
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    Debbie,
    Thank you so much for such a wonderful in-depth reply to my post. I don't even know where to start, you have covered all the points I was wondering about. Now that I'm in my 30s, did I start dressing and exploring my feminine side. I've made attempts at meeting the right guy and have ran into situations as you have described. It feels great to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way, and that it is ok. I have learned a lot from your reply and for certain will keep it in mind as I explore my Mystery Lisa side with the next man. It's funny how I went from trying to meet the right man that will take me dressed up, to getting involved in this forum and working on my blog which now is a great activity during my time off...similar to what has happened to you when you ended up as the director of the gay community at your high school Congratulations! By the way if you will like to see my blog you can go to ww.mymysterylisa.com or just google " mymysterycd blog"...there's so much I want to share on my blog now as I began to learn more each day in this wonderful forum. Once again, thank you for such a great reply, you have made many things clear for me. Take care. Kisses....Lisa

  17. #17
    Member SweetIonis's Avatar
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    It's okay as long as you don't pick up the soap if you drop it! LMAO!!!!
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  18. #18
    Member CaitlynRenee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SweetIonis View Post
    It's okay as long as you don't pick up the soap if you drop it! LMAO!!!!
    Chuckle.......

    Old Navy buddy of mine said he NEVER took a shower with a box of Tide. If he dropped his soap, it took him way too long bent over trying to pick it up............

  19. #19
    Always be happy Mistybtm's Avatar
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    Oh yes very common I have been with guys dressed and not dressed, for me it feels more natural when I am dressed up but i like it both ways as well.
    Mistybtm

  20. #20
    Silver Member Tina B.'s Avatar
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    Is It OK to crave being with a man only when I'm dressed as a girl?
    Well lets study this, 1.are you married? 2. do you have a girlfriend? 3. Do you feel shame,or guilt, after having been with a guy?
    If you answered yes to any of these questions, then it's probably wrong, but if you answered no to all three questions, what could be wrong about it, have a ball, oops, no pun intended.
    Last edited by Tina B.; 08-28-2011 at 08:29 AM. Reason: can't spell worth a lick!
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  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Vieja's Avatar
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    We come in all flavors. I am strictly a ladies man but at my age I wouldn't be much use to any of them.


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    Consider that you may not be turned on by the guy as much as by being affirmed in a feminine role.
    (That is to say you don't crave sex with a man as much as you want to experience a relationshipp as a female.)
    Warmly,
    Sheren Kelly

  23. #23
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    I guess it's safe to admit this here. This is one of my biggest fantasies to be the girl in the bedroom .
    Last edited by christina s; 08-28-2011 at 12:23 PM.

  24. #24
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CapHill Kelly View Post
    Consider that you may not be turned on by the guy as much as by being affirmed in a feminine role.
    (That is to say you don't crave sex with a man as much as you want to experience a relationshipp as a female.)
    This post hasn't received much attention, but it should have. For some crossdressers who know they are straight but still experience an attraction to men while dressed, this may be the explanation. The discussion seems to have turned into being bi or gay but not really admitting it. Surely, there are crossdressers with unacknowledged gay tendencies. It is what it is, and it will probably find the truth in time, but it would be inaccurate to call gay any crossdresser who had a thought about being with a man while dressed.

    There are differences in the words we use: fantasized, thought about, considered, desired, contemplated..... Thinking about something is not the same as desiring it.

    I love the female image in over-the-top glamour. Female or crossdresser, I love the look. So I dress in that style, my male eyes connected to my male brain admiring my feminine reflection in the mirror. I have chatted a lot in the past and shared my pics with interested but polite men and other crossdressers who, like me, love the over-the-top dress and makeup. At times I sensed that I was having a sort of psychological attraction to men who liked my crossdressing style, and began thinking about...fantasizing....what a personal encounter would be like: someone (a man) mesmerized by my presentation, wanting to be seen with me, kiss me, touch me. Then I carried it through....contemplated.....if it became sexual, and that's where the fantasy door slammed shut. Male parts do nothing for me, nor does a male touching my parts. It was nice getting attention...feedback....for my transformation, but when sex came in, the fantasy collapsed. It was all a psychological, not sexual, attraction. Easily intertwined and confused in the fantasy, but easily separated in reality.
    While others say that just thinking about being with a man indicates latent homosexuality, it is the contemplation of the sexual encounter with a man that confirms that I am not gay.

  25. #25
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    To me the defining difference is can you fall in love with another man as one gay man would with another gay man. A bisexual person accepts sex with another man but is incapable of falling in love with a man. Just always good to know where you are.

    Kitty

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