Is It OK to crave being with a man only when I'm dressed as a girl?

[mymysterycd]

Thank you for such straight and honest answer docrobbysherry!

Hi Joannie, thank you for the very detailed reply. I was looking for just about any type of answer, and yours is one of the best I've read. I understand about cds who have a relationship with a girl and hide away elsewhere with a man...I'm not into that personally, and even though I'm single, I still won't do such a thing with a married man or one that has a girlfriend. I posted an ad looking for a man and boy did I get many offers from guys who had a relationship and wanted me on the side..."everything paid for" I know, what the heck were they thinking. So, now I'm single, and happy especially now that I found this community. I'm even having more fun with my blog, which I started as a means for guys to read about what I was looking for...now it has turned into my little activity when I have time...check it out if you like... ww.mymysterylisa.com it's only a blog with pics, vids, and some...detailed..fantasy stories..erotic. anyway, will love to hear from you again. Thanks again. take good care. kisses....Lisa

Hi Stephie, thanks for the wonderful reply. I'm not in any commited relationship, and I have rejected men who are in one and want to be with me. It's very nice to hear your side of my questions. Thank you. Kisses...Lisa

ah mmm....yup....me VERY TOO! and it feels awesome. But I then ground myself and make sure I'm meeting the right guy.lol. THanks for the honest remark janet! kisses...Lisa

I hear you Christina....as I definite have to be the girl in the bedroom...no questions asked! and believe me, no guys has ever confronted me for it! lol. Kisses....Lisa

Thank you for your honest comment Misses, but I wouldn't say that...if you're an older woman, you posses what most of us youger ones don't posses, to be wise, and that along can carry to very nice fulfilling conversations with the right man!...kisses...Lisa

Awesome straightforward answer Tina! I'm not married, nor have a girlfriend. I'm being more cautious about finding the right guy now because most have lied about being single. But I'm not looking for one right now, my job, daily chores, and my blog keep me very busy for now...actually that's how I started my blog...by creating it and posting what I wanted in a guy, until of course it turned into a fun activity...you can see it if you like at ww.mymysterylisa.com. Thanks again Tina. Kisses...Lisa

[ReineD]

I understand that the ultimate "accessory" to being a T-girl when dressed (better than any purse) is to have a man on your arm.

Consider that you may not be turned on by the guy as much as by being affirmed in a feminine role.
(That is to say you don't crave sex with a man as much as you want to experience a relationshipp as a female.)

Exactly! If you were gay, Mystery, you'd be into men all the time. I'm sure you've heard before that the biggest sex organ is the brain. If, when you are in girl mode you are feeling a sexual "rush" or a "high", it makes sense this would be the kicker for you more than an attraction to the guy you're with.

I could say that what you're doing isn't conscionable since you are using him just to feel feminine, but, he's doing the same thing by treating you like a girl, when what he really wants is your guy parts. So, you're both on an equal playing field and it's OK to enjoy!

A bisexual person accepts sex with another man but is incapable of falling in love with a man.

That's not accurate. Bisexuals have physical and romantic attractions to either gender.

[mymysterycd]

Thank you for the nice reply...I can really relate! Kisses...Lisa

Hi Barbara, thanks for the honest reply! You're looking very pretty!. Kisses....Lisa

[Badtranny]

Lisa,

I'm going to stick my neck out again and say something that many here will disagree with.

This idea that you're only attracted to men while dressed is fallacious. You are attracted to men all of the time, but you just don't feel sexy unless you're dressed.

A straight guy would not be attracted to men no matter what he was wearing, or what you were wearing for that matter. Hetero men like women by definition. You are gay my dear and it's only a matter of time before you admit it to yourself.

Unless, you're TS, and in that case you'll only be gay until your transition, then you'll be straight. It's all very simple isn't it? ;-)

[xcdmargo]

I am definitley attracted to guys when I'm dressed (and girls) but have absolutely no interest in them if I'm not. I know some people talk about it as if it's homesxuality but is it really. if we are in girl mode in every way and have sex with a guy, does that make us gay? I wonder? I tend to feel more gay when I have sex with a female when I'm dressed then a guy.
I don't really care but I wonder.

margo

[ReineD]

This idea that you're only attracted to men while dressed is fallacious. You are attracted to men all of the time, but you just don't feel sexy unless you're dressed.

A straight guy would not be attracted to men no matter what he was wearing, or what you were wearing for that matter. Hetero men like women by definition. You are gay my dear and it's only a matter of time before you admit it to yourself.

This is true. Either Mystery is gay, or she is bi but only gives herself permission to be bi if she is dressed. A straight CD might well fantasize about using a man as an accessory to enhance her femininity, but would not enjoy the actual sex act.

[Kaitlyn26]

I've heard this a lot lately. Seems to be less rare than one might think. Not sure if I'd say common though.

[mymysterycd]

Debbie,
Thank you so much for such a wonderful in-depth reply to my post. I don't even know where to start, you have covered all the points I was wondering about. Now that I'm in my 30s, did I start dressing and exploring my feminine side. I've made attempts at meeting the right guy and have ran into situations as you have described. It feels great to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way, and that it is ok. I have learned a lot from your reply and for certain will keep it in mind as I explore my Mystery Lisa side with the next man. It's funny how I went from trying to meet the right man that will take me dressed up, to getting involved in this forum and working on my blog which now is a great activity during my time off...similar to what has happened to you when you ended up as the director of the gay community at your high school Congratulations! By the way if you will like to see my blog you can go to ww.mymysterylisa.com or just google " mymysterycd blog"...there's so much I want to share on my blog now as I began to learn more each day in this wonderful forum. Once again, thank you for such a great reply, you have made many things clear for me. Take care. Kisses....Lisa

[linda allen]

I guess it's safe to admit this here. This is one of my biggest fantasies to be the girl in the bedroom .

That's a fantasy of mine also. I'm sure it will stay a fantasy. To start with, I'm married and I love my wife. Sex with anyone else would be cheating. Also, I don't know a man who I would be comfortable asking him to "do" me.

Now if my wife would dress like a man and add the necessary equipment, I would do it in a heartbeat.

[Jennaie]

Wish it were all that simple tranny but, not being attracted to men when not en-femme is very prevalent among dressers who find themselves attracted when dressed. That said, it's not as easy to say "Oh you're gay, you just don't know it yet." It has to find a middle ground somewhere because when he's not dressed he's attracted to women. Way to complicated to analyze in a couple short sentences. Perhaps the desire to experience being a woman comes into play as well. Maybe it's not a true attraction to men but the desire to feel like a woman that creates this quite common trait with many dressers. I don't know but I do know that I'm not going to tell someone "hey, you're gay", thats not my place.

By the way, I personally never met a gay man who loved dressing as female. The only men I have met who love dressing as a female are crossdressers and transsexuals. All the gay men I have met have no desire to be female or dress female. Yes, many like to dress with color but not like a transsexual or a crossdresser who is wearing panties and bras. So my answer to the original posters question is yes, it's ok to explore your desires, whatever they might be.

Lisa,

I'm going to stick my neck out again and say something that many here will disagree with.

This idea that you're only attracted to men while dressed is fallacious. You are attracted to men all of the time, but you just don't feel sexy unless you're dressed.

A straight guy would not be attracted to men no matter what he was wearing, or what you were wearing for that matter. Hetero men like women by definition. You are gay my dear and it's only a matter of time before you admit it to yourself.

Unless, you're TS, and in that case you'll only be gay until your transition, then you'll be straight. It's all very simple isn't it? ;-)

[Jill Devine]

I become lesbian when I am dressed. LOL

Ditto for me too. Very common mindset for CDs.

[Badtranny]

Jennaie,

Well my opinion about his sexuality is hardly a life sentence to gaydom.
I just don't believe this voodoo about wigs and makeup changing somebody's sexual orientation. I love men and it wasn't easy for me to accept that, but the heart wants what it wants.

I think we should encourage each other to be honest with ourselves.

[ReineD]

That said, it's not as easy to say "Oh you're gay, you just don't know it yet."

What about being bi and not gay since there is also an attraction to women in male mode, and the clothes give the wearer permission to switch? It's not uncommon for CDs to separate their gender personas in order for the guy self to give his girl self permission to come to the surface. Hopefully, eventually there will be integration and then the person in question can be flexible with sexual attraction no matter how dressed?

If, after the actual experience with a guy, a CD thinks it is wonderful and wants more, then he is most definitely bi, assuming of course he is still sexually attracted to girls. If not, then he is gay. A hetero CD might fantasize about it as a vehicle to enhance his femininity, but IMO would not enjoy the experience once all the clothes are off.

Sorry, Mystery, for talking about you in the third person like this, but once you start a thread around here it often becomes a topic for debate!

[laura.lapinski]

OP, of course its OK to crave being with a man when you are dressed. As long as you are not hurting anyone, nor they hurting you, its OK to do whatever two consenting adults want to do.

As far as this common trait among CD's whole are only attracted to men when dressed, don't you think if they have come all the way to the point of dressing up, going out, and coming out to maybe some around them, that it would be a pretty small step to say "hey, you know what? Throw gay into the mix too. I think I'm gay." Why would they want to "lie" to themselves about being gay or not at that point? Many would say "oh, its because subconciously, then are gay." Well, I don't think so. Maybe in some cases, but I would say the majority are pretty well grounded in who they are and what they like and want. I've seen too many of them who are saavy about psychology and have studied themselves indepth, so I have to believe them at face value.

Like others have said, most gay men like a macho looking gay guy, not a femenine one. Most CD's (I said MOST not all) who might like guys, seem to like more femenine ones. The old saying goes "we emulate that which we admire". So a lot of the Cd's are just emulating the beautiful female form that they adore. Maybe they want to feel the alluring power a woman has over men, to make those men dote about them. That is a pretty powerful attribute the ladies have. We men can do some stupid things to try to get a woman to like us. That's just the way we are put together I suppose. I suppose women to their own stupid things to try to get certain men to like them too. Stupid is even the wrong word to use (sorry). If we are concious of our thinking, we can difuse some of the powerful spell's we can fall "victim" to. Isn't life amazing?

[seanmuscle]

Jennaie,

Well my opinion about his sexuality is hardly a life sentence to gaydom.
I just don't believe this voodoo about wigs and makeup changing somebody's sexual orientation. I love men and it wasn't easy for me to accept that, but the heart wants what it wants.

I think we should encourage each other to be honest with ourselves.

Most CDs are closet gays or are bisexual. It is just their male side that cannot accept their attraction to masculine men. They try to hide and supress their feelings and put down pretty CDs like yourself who live openly and freely.

[BRANDYJ]

Most CDs are closet gays or are bisexual. It is just their male side that cannot accept their attraction to masculine men. They try to hide and supress their feelings and put down pretty CDs like yourself who live openly and freely.

And you get your facts where? From other posts you have made, I assume you are a male admirer. So I can see where you would like to believe that most crossdressers are closet gays or bisexual. It's self serving for you to think that and say that. However, most polls, studies and statistics say we are not gay, closet or otherwise. Sure some are in fact gay or bisexual, but clearly it is not most as you would like us to believe.

[Kaz]

Jennaie,

Well my opinion about his sexuality is hardly a life sentence to gaydom.
I just don't believe this voodoo about wigs and makeup changing somebody's sexual orientation. I love men and it wasn't easy for me to accept that, but the heart wants what it wants.

I think we should encourage each other to be honest with ourselves.

To be truly honest with ourselves requires the ability to accept others' points of view and not to be judgemental... otherwise you are not being honest. I am reading a lot of dogma on this thread with very little evidence based reasoning.

It isn't about changing your sexual orientation by wearing a dress, it is about understanding who you are as a person. And thanks Sean for summing me up so succenctly - I am a closet gay or bisexual. Nice one. Evidence? What do you know about my context and situation?

It is so easy to have little boxes to put people in, whether they really fit or not, as long as they do for you. Now who is being the more honest? The person seeking to understand? or the person seeking to 'box' everyone into their own belief system?

[Barbara Dugan]

Most CDs are closet gays or are bisexual. It is just their male side that cannot accept their attraction to masculine men. They try to hide and supress their feelings and put down pretty CDs like yourself who live openly and freely.

I think a great number are more bisexual than gay..the same goes with admirers but then again nothing about human sexuality is set on stone

[ReineD]

Most CDs are closet gays or are bisexual. It is just their male side that cannot accept their attraction to masculine men. They try to hide and supress their feelings and put down pretty CDs like yourself who live openly and freely.

Sean, with all due respect, here we go again!

How many times have you said this in these forums, and have been shot down by CDers who are not attracted to men at all! Please, do try to remove your tunnel vision. Although it is true there are CDers who are attracted to men (and to the OP, there is nothing wrong with that as long as you're not going behind a wife's back), there are many more who are not. Why can't you see this?

[BRANDYJ]

Well said Kaz. No doubt this kind of thinking comes from a gay or bi male's viewpoint since it's the cover they need since they can't admit to themselves that they are bi or gay, so praying on crossdressers somehow makes it OK to be bi or gay.

Thank you Reine! As usual, you have a great way to express what many of us feel.

[ashes]

This is a deep and controversial subject. In my opinion there are several ways to look at it and several questions to be asked. In addition there are nlimited sets of circumstances affecting the situation.

The questions first. 1 Is it a need for a romantic relationship, flowers, dinners, long chats on the back porch, ETC., or is it a strictly physical need. or as a third possibilty, is it a desire for the full experience of a physical and romantic relationship

2. In most cases, the male is sexually dominant. Is it a need for a "man" or is it a need to be in a submissive position as women often are.

3. When en femme what emotions is the individual trying to achieve? For example, if someone crossdresses because feminine clothes feel nice, then it is a different scenario then dressing as a woman with a desire to be a woman, at least temporarily.

Now for possible perspectives.
1. Some view a mtf crossdresser with a man as strictly gay. If the individual has no desire to feel feminine, just to wear clothing that is more comfortable, etc. that is a logical conclusion. However, if someone is taking on a female personna, full blown homosexuality is less logical.

2. If the individual has no sexual preference not related to the gender role at the time, then they are bisexual. This is a fact.

3. It is very difficult to place a label on someone whose sexual preference changes with gender. Here are some subscenarios.
1. The person changes preference with gender. This could be labeled as bisexuality. However the argument can be made that if they percieve themselves as a woman, then being with a man is a hederosexual relationship.
2. The person prefers one gender regardless of their gender role at the time. How is this labeled? are the bisexual in an inverted way? or are they straight becase of the genetalia they posses. This should not apply to transsexuals as they are a decided gender, regardless of their bodies at birth.

These are perspectives and concepts i have drawn from reading this thread. To anyone i may offend, i apologize.

My personal opinion is that every situation is different. I enjoy a sexual and romantic relationship with a woman. When i crossdress, i do so to feel as though i am a woman. I do not have the desire to be full time, but enjoy spending limted time in a female role. When in that role my sexual preference would be submissive in a female to female relationship.

[NathalieX66]

Sean, with all due respect, here we go again!

How many times have you said this in these forums, and have been shot down by CDers who are not attracted to men at all! Please, do try to remove your tunnel vision. Although it is true there are CDers who are attracted to men (and to the OP, there is nothing wrong with that as long as you're not going behind a wife's back), there are many more who are not. Why can't you see this?

Reine, thank you.

As much as I have been admired by men, and it's an interesting feeling being admired (call me a narcissist if you like), I have no interest in men. trust me, I ave been to gay & lgbt bars as well as TG events where there is quite a mixed crowd. I've had guys chase me all night. I've had sh*tloads of drinks offered, i've been asked to stay at hotel rooms, I've been touched, groped, you name it. I'm even someone who has many gay friends, I just don't feel like them.

This is not a latent lack of self acceptance, I'm just not into guys, never was. Call me a lipstick lesbian if you want. Trying to pin down sexuality is too complex .

[Badtranny]

This is not a latent lack of self acceptance, I'm just not into guys, never was. Call me a lipstick lesbian if you want. Trying to pin down sexuality is too complex .

Yes, but that's not what the thread is about. The OP clearly stated that she likes men when she's dressed up.

It's the age old question; Does this make me gay?

[Adriennegrl]

Ahh, this topic is one I'm currently exploring. There's a thread in the TS forum, but the 'answers' are a bit different than for a CD. Either way it's tricky and full of grey lines. I don't think there's a general answer, although I'd say it makes a CD at least bi if they prefer the same sex in female mode. Reine and others have chimed in w/ much deeper thoughts so I'll leave them to that. I'm catching up on the forum after three days gone and am overwhelmed catching up!

[Anne Teak]

I'm bi, both dressed and not dressed. I could never be in a real relationship with a guy but love the sex part. I find I enjoy it more dressed than not dressed though.