One step forward two steps back.

[Katie83]

My wife has known about me dressing for several months now. She wasn't too happy at first, and we had lots in depth discussions about it. But eventually she said that she'd accept it. I was really happy about that decision. However she also said that she didn't want to see Katie and that I could only dress when she is out. Less happy about that but still ok.
A couple of days ago we were talking about pictures and Katie etc so I mentioned I had a photo of Katie on my phone, she said she'd like to see it. I thought this had to be a good thing and maybe even a move towards seeing Katie?
I showed her the photo and she looked at it for a while and didn't say anything. So i asked her what she thought. Her reply was: "Its weird" so I asked what was weird about it and she said: "All of it"
I was so hoping for progress but not getting anywhere.
I just wanted to share this little story, has anyone else had similar issues and what have been the outcomes in the end?

Katie x

[Kathy4ever]

I understand completely. It could take a long time for her to get use to it or she might not ever get use to it. I would just becarefull and just keep introducing her to Katie. Don't push to hard but maybe she will get use to it. Some of the things I wear now would of been disposed of a few years back. I still can't wear dresses in front of her. Just last night she was foldind cloths and she says to me are theses yours. They were a capri with anklet bottoms. It was ashame they were not. They were my sister in laws. My wife says I really hate this I really have to check the tags now.

[thechic]

Dont push it let her accept at her own pace, if she can accept it all good and well.Some woman will never accept it some will accept it with reservations,some will accepting for a time only to find they cant take in any more,some will pretend to accepting only not to hirt your fellings but in secret dispise it.my wife has taken 10 years before she relised that she will never change, who I am . she does still not like it though.

[Ameli]

I understand how you feel and the situation isn't easy for either of you. Acceptance is important and I think you're going about it the right way. Like thechic says, let your wife take it at her pace. It will quickly become three or four steps back if things move too quickly for her. It's great that she has agreed to this being part of your lives and I suspect that things will continue to grow. Don't force things and communicate often - be completely open with her and encourage the same from her. Is your partner a member here? This site has really helped my wife's acceptance level. Knowing that there are so many others out there with the same concerns as she has and discussing those thoughts openly have helped her. "My Husband Wears My Clothes" by Peggy Rudd deals with the shifting dynamics within the marriage that crossdressing causes and I think it's a good read for both partners. All the best and feel free to ask if you have any questions.

Ameli

[Kate T]

Katie

Maybe I'm just trying to be optomistic but to me I don't see that as any steps back. Lets have a look at the pro's and con's:
PRO's
1. She actually asked to see a photo of Katie.
2. She didn't completely freak or from your description wasn't repulsed or disgusted.
3. You were and by the sounds of things still are talking about TG and CD'ing.
CON's
1. She didn't give you a glowing comment on your appearence / style of dress / whatever.

Now this is going to sound harsh but exactly what were you expecting her to say? Sure, all of us want our SO's to say "gee, you look pretty good as a woman" but the sheer rarity of the picture is going to mean that it is not likely to happen certainly initially.

My wife and I were watching a documentary the other day about body modifications, you know sub dermal implants, various body piercings etc. I can tell you BOTH of our reactions initially when you see the pictures are "thats wierd". We instinctively do it because it is not in our mind as being "normal". BUT both of us also were then able to go, "hang on, whose calling who wierd here" and try to understand it from those peoples point of view. BUT again it is still a little bit "weird" for want of a better term.

I think your wifes reaction is completely and perfectly normal and I can recall my wife saying very similar things initially (and still does occasionally). I mean let's face it, every so often when I think about it I think "yep, that is a bit wierd". I told my wife around 8 months ago and yes we are still happy, yes we have lots of talkies, and yes we have been out once together with me dressed femme.

Chin up, I don't think it is quite as bad as you might think!

Adina

[Karren H]

Imho. You were awfully lucky she accepted your hobby in the first place and moving past that so soon was pushing ot. Maybe damagingly so.. I'd have let well enough alone till she brought it up. Don't be surprised if she does the 180 degree whiplash if she already hasn't. Its not uncommon.

[Kate T]

Imho. You were awfully lucky she accepted your hobby in the first place and moving past that so soon was pushing ot. Maybe damagingly so.. I'd have let well enough alone till she brought it up. Don't be surprised if she does the 180 degree whiplash if she already hasn't. Its not uncommon.

Ouch! A little harsh Karen? The way I read Katies post her SO had asked to see the photo.

[kimdl93]

Katie, I would take "Its weird - all of it" in the best possible light. Of couse, a male dressing up and attempting to emulate a female, is "weird". Weird can be troubling, but it can be fun, maybe even exciting. I don't know what proportions of each were included in your wife's response, but at least she was willing to look. That in itself is progress.

Its been several months. that's not a lot of time for a person to digest this behavior. Keep up the conversations and as often as you can, try to reassure her that in the end, you are the same person that she married . Baby steps...

[Stephanie47]

Ouch! A little harsh Karen? The way I read Katies post her SO had asked to see the photo.

I agree with Karen. How many postings have there been concerning a complete turnaround of CDing by SO's and wives? And, that includes SO's who knew of her spouses' CDing before tying the knot. Karen is only saying not to be surprised if there is a complete turnaround.

I'm in a DADT situation with my wife. There is no longer any discussion concerning anything remotely concerning CDing. Sometimes I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am one dedicated to observing boundaries. I also wish all partners of CDers would research crossdressing on legitimate websites, so they realize what CDing is all about.

[Kittyagain]

Katie keep in mind your wife is seeing on the negative side of Katie as she sees your girl side. Start showing her the good side even though you will be dressed as your male self.. Help with the cooking, cleaning, laundry. Show her how much you love to shop.

Love her more than ever.

Kitty T

[Kerigirl2009]

My wife has about the same additude She knows abpit it but does not want to see it at all.
Although she thinks its wierd that I dont get dressed in front of her (I do this because she "does not want to see it")
So I am uncomfortable, but when I o decide to dress like a pair of shorts or socks or maybe paint my toe nails
She tells me "well you just have to push and push the issue"
This has been 2 years and 2 months since I told her

ZERO PROGRESS since about after a month (been the same since) till today

I was dropping her off at the airport and she made a comment about the TSA body scanners and I said well you know someone is going to see all, She asked what I know about them and I said I have read some stories about them on this site and her comment was
"Oh you mean the men that dress as women and they can see there junk, God thats perverted"

PISSED ME OFF!!!
Good luck to you though, for me it just keeps getting worse

[Debra Russell]

Well I have gotten different responses , one being "creepy" from my sister and you look good from my daughter and you "totally rock, no worries" from my g-daughter - but the most accepting my wife can get is "you look ok" I really think it is the the relationship of the person that is looking at you and there perception of you that makes them see the person they know as someone that is different and doesn't belong. Once they realize that that person is not a threat to the relationship ( which may never happen ) a level of acceptance may prevail. It takes time................Debra

[Joanna41]

Katie...

While I can't relate to your situation because my S/O is totaly accepting and encourages me every day. However my advice is that you research what ever she like in the way of clothes....shoes or make-up. Become familiar with brand names, where to shop for them. Being armed with this knowledge may be enough for you to raise her acceptance level. She may want to take you shoe shopping or for clothes. Learn what's hot and what's not! Pick something out that's "in" and show her katies fashion side. Every bit helps...good luck

Joanna

[Jenniferathome]

Katie, the thing is that is IS weird. I don't think you can take that word as anything other than what it is. weird= strange (to the viewer), different, unexpected. That is what cross dressing is to those who have not had the years we have had to assimilate the activity. Imagine if your wife showed you a picture of her in a business suit, with a fake mustache and wig and maybe even stuffing the shoulders to lookmore masculine. Wouldn't that be "weird"? That was a big step for her. My wife went through a similar step a few months back by watching a transformation video I made for her. Now you can ask her to help by offering a critique of your clothes, makeup, wig, etc. Everything is on her pace, no matter what.

[rhonda]

When a woman marries a man then finds out he's a woman want a be , should be mad as well, God bless them that try to put up with it

[DonnaT]

It was also considered weird when women started wanting to wear trousers, but it's not weird now.

[Katie83]

I am very keen not to push things too quickly with my wife and meeting Katie, i suppose i have to accept it may never happen. I feel our relationship has improved since i initially told her about dressing. This may just be me feeling better for telling her about a big part of my life that was previously a secret?
We have been shopping together and she knew i wanted to get some more clothes for Katie, but she didn't show much interest in what i wanted to buy.
I am pleased she has accepted as much as she has so far. Maybe its best to let her make the next move towards meeting Katie?
It is nice to know that so many others are in similar situations.

Katie

[CandyDarling]

2 cents. Because it is so important to us and coming out to an SO is so freeing - it just may not be that important to them. My wife is the same - she doesn't want to see Candy and its OK. I actually think it helps me keep a balance - we all know that if you give this horse its head it will run away wild. I'd try jusy not talking about it for a while - she knows all she needs or wants to know - remember she fell in love with a guy - be sure that guy is around most of the time if you can. That beeing said - I know and do not disparage those who MUST transition. I feel lucky to still love my guy self too. I'm always lookng for the balance - its a day to day thing.

[Cheryl T]

It takes time...it's not an easy thing to accept and I'm sure it does seem "weird" to her now. Don't push, give her time and see what happens.