[SIZE="2"]“You’re too hard for me.” (Shakespeare)
“Softer than a ripe fig.” (Cervantes)
Yes, it’s hard to be soft these days. It’s difficult to be a girly-boy in a man’s world. When all the males around me hold fast, never retreat, and have their “game faces” on, I am in the process of withdrawing away from masculinity, seeking a calm space for my blessed effeminacy via MtF crossdressing. I enjoy being a shrinking violet. Why? Well, violets are pretty...
The other day my sister and I went out to do some shopping, and, since the car needed gas, we stopped at the local convenience store to fill up. While I was doing so, I spotted a MENacing sign atop the adjacent gas pump – a large, painted gas pump nozzle was pointing at me, imploring me to “FILL IT UP!” The image was amazingly phallic on many levels, in fact there was a big drip hanging from the tip of the nozzle. I showed it to my sister. “Does that look slightly phallic to you?” I asked, and she replied, “More than slightly!” After seeing this image, the act of sticking the nozzle into the orifice of the car’s gas tank seemed vaguely sexual. Yep, it’s a man’s world...
You can blame the origin of this post on that sign I saw, or blame me personally – I don’t mind. I’m going to discuss hard vs. soft, hard being masculine and soft being less masculine. I do not wish to imply that femininity is the equivalent of weakness, nor am I stating that femininity is soft – I’ve met many feminine ladies who were hard as nails, in fact I would willingly let them drain the masculinity out of me and take the lead. As far as I’m concerned, being feminine and being effeminate are two different things – I am the latter, but femininity (according to one's own definition) is certainly folded into the mix, and the clothes we wear express this fact...
HARD means firm, solid, and unyielding to the touch. If you are a male, and you embrace the concept of virility, you may be vigorous and robust, “showing” great force or strength. You may be practical and shrewd, also harsh, severe, and stern – you don’t do things the easy way, and you never will. A hard male is not easily moved by pity; in fact he may be stubborn, inflexible, and unbreakable in his attitudes. Of course, he may also be industrious, persistent and earnest, but this may mean becoming stiff, conventional and constrained in the process. If he detects any softness in his persona, a male may strive to make himself rigid once again. Our hero must maintain this façade until the day he dies, and, it follows, he may wish to Die Hard as well...
Hardness has its price. You may become obdurate, putting up an active resistance against the pleadings of compassion and humanity. You may then become callous, with your sensibilities summarily deadened by relentless hardening. Over time, you’re not susceptible of kindness, mercy, or other tender affections. I’ve met many males like this, and the peripheral effect of their hardness was pain and discomfort for anyone around them, including yours truly. Males like to play hard ball with their hard heads and make life into a series of hardships. I know, there are exceptions, and I exclude all gentlemen from this discourse, but how many times have you heard phrases like “Too bad – I WIN!” “No pussyfooting,” “Kill or be killed,” “Boys don’t cry,” and the like? Why must everything be so HARD?
SOFT means giving way under pressure, or NOT hard. If you are mild, gentle, temperate, delicate, not strong or vigorous, you are perceived as being soft. You may prefer to do things the easy way; you are kind, not severe, but lenient and compassionate. You may be easily impressed or influenced, but, in the great scheme of things, what does it matter? You may be yielding or submissive, going about your business quietly and efficiently. You’re not loud, not harsh, and definitely not attracting attention to yourself by extolling your virtues to anyone within earshot. Being soft does not imply being cowardly, but others may assume that to be true. I think it’s safe to say that gentle courage is needed to crossdress these days, but few outsiders would take time to understand the concept – if your sensibilities have been tempered by life’s lessons, it follows that you certainly won’t be sympathetic to the idea of a boy wanting to be a girl. But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and...is that a male?
Ok, what does this have to do with MtF crossdressing? In my case, I want to be openly less hard and less male because my inherent personality requires it. In many ways I dress to soften the male I am. I wish to be calm and placid, and dressing gets me there. I wish to be smooth, less harsh and less severe, and dressing certainly helps. I wish to be tender, loving, emotional and compassionate – I already AM, but dressing enhances these qualities and brings them to the forefront where they belong. It takes a lot to overcome the hardness of masculinity, but I wish to be effeminate and present myself as less important, less enormous, and less a problem to those around me. In other words I want to melt, and then blend in with my surroundings – I do NOT wish to “stick out,” so I dress accordingly...
I can honestly say that crossdressing has mollified me to such a degree that I can no longer be a true representation of masculinity, at least in terms of hardness. I’m softhearted, but not a softy – I am most assuredly not weak in body, character, or mind. I think the latter is propaganda designed to make us boys tow the line, but I really don’t know what we’re pulling, or where we’re going, or what we’re going to do when we get there. Along the way, if you stop to smell the posies, you’re soft, and you’re exhibiting inappropriate behavior for your gender. Needless to say, if I wear women’s clothing for pleasure, I am setting myself up in direct opposition to all things HARD, which is exactly where I want to be. I think effeminacy is highly underappreciated, and, if the signs atop gas pumps are any indication, HARDness continues to rule the day...
Anyway, are you HARD or soft, or something in-between? I know, I’m dealing with extremes, but crossdressing allows me to cross over to the “soft” side and get comfortable with myself...
HARD, dude! Thanks for reading... [/SIZE]