We are us no matter our gender presentation. Every person in this world is a lovely mix of masculine and feminine. We suppress some of those traits and we emphasize others. I have noticed that many times they come upon me in waves. These waves roll in completely unconsciously and in rare moments of reflection I manage to notice them.
Today was the perfect example. I spend many evenings here sitting on a bench chatting with the other Soldiers while we watch the sun disappear behind the mountains as the evening brings relief from the heat of the day. Tonight I was leaning against the wall as the others sat on the rough wood bench chatting about cars, beer and home repair. I noticed my forearm was resting on my pistol slung low in my holster on my hip. It could have been a scene straight out of a Remington picture. The only things missing were the cowboy hats, a few horses and a hitching post. I felt totally at ease and awash in my masculinity.
Flash back a couple of hours to a meeting with some civilian personnel. As we intently chatted about the business of the day I noticed that I was looking at my guests out of the corner of my eyes, my chin was balance on the top of my hand, elbow gracefully resting on the table and legs crossed knee over knee. I felt completely femme and comfortable right there in the middle of a meeting with absolutely no feminine trappings.
At first blush these feelings are at odds with one another. I have always been perplexed with how one moment I can revel in my masculinity and the next moment find grace in my femininity. The reality is it takes the ebb and tides of both to compose the real me. So go ahead and paint me in that Remington, but don't be surprised if I ride side saddle into the sunset.
I am so happy that you are comfortable with yourself no matter how you are dressed or in what company 