Hello everyone. I want to say that to the people who remember me, I really appreciate all your help and I am sorry I am not around much. I feel guilty about not being able to give back. I am sure once I am out of the military though, I will be very active here.
To those who don't know me, I'm an FtM, pre-everything, in the US Navy and forward deployed, meaning I'm out to see all the time. However. I pass to civilians, so whenever I'm off-work or out in town, I'm referred to as a guy, use male restrooms, etc.
Now to my deal.
The US military doesn't keep transsexuals, point blanc. After I couldn't take dysphoria anymore, I told my chaplain everything but he couldn't really do anything. After that I went on zoloft for 'general depression' and it worked for me. But then I decided to **** zoloft and go get testosterone.
After months of researching what I could use, I eventually just ended up with some gel stuff made for old men who needed a boost. I bought this and it hasn't really done anything exceptional but it makes me feel better. I weened off the zoloft to take this. Even if it's just a placebo effect, I'm glad I'm taking this type of T. It feels like I'm "doing something".
Recently bad things have started creeping up again so I have been debating taking the zoloft again. My problem with this is that everything I read and get told basically says that taking antidepressants while also taking hormones will mess you up even worse than what you were before.
So I figured, okay, maybe I'll just dump the testosterone booster and get actual T. I found another product that's basically a stronger version of androgel. The bottle says prescription only but I definitely got it online from, what I'm pretty sure were less than legal means.
I haven't taken any yet (I was going to wait until I had finished my T booster, which is going to take a few months) but I just wanted to know if anyone else had any experience with self-medicating.
I know I can get thrown out of the military for this if they find out. But, honestly, I kinda don't think they will since it's still gel and I can play it off as it being lotion. And it won't show up in urinalysis. And even if it did, they still think I'm taking zoloft so I'm sure I could just blame whatever irregularity there may be on that.
So.... Yeah?
I really would like to go to therapy and all that stuff legitimately, but I don't have the option since I want to stay in the military.