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Thread: Self-medication

  1. #1
    Call me "J"? Ziko's Avatar
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    Question Self-medication

    Hello everyone. I want to say that to the people who remember me, I really appreciate all your help and I am sorry I am not around much. I feel guilty about not being able to give back. I am sure once I am out of the military though, I will be very active here.

    To those who don't know me, I'm an FtM, pre-everything, in the US Navy and forward deployed, meaning I'm out to see all the time. However. I pass to civilians, so whenever I'm off-work or out in town, I'm referred to as a guy, use male restrooms, etc.

    Now to my deal.
    The US military doesn't keep transsexuals, point blanc. After I couldn't take dysphoria anymore, I told my chaplain everything but he couldn't really do anything. After that I went on zoloft for 'general depression' and it worked for me. But then I decided to **** zoloft and go get testosterone.

    After months of researching what I could use, I eventually just ended up with some gel stuff made for old men who needed a boost. I bought this and it hasn't really done anything exceptional but it makes me feel better. I weened off the zoloft to take this. Even if it's just a placebo effect, I'm glad I'm taking this type of T. It feels like I'm "doing something".

    Recently bad things have started creeping up again so I have been debating taking the zoloft again. My problem with this is that everything I read and get told basically says that taking antidepressants while also taking hormones will mess you up even worse than what you were before.

    So I figured, okay, maybe I'll just dump the testosterone booster and get actual T. I found another product that's basically a stronger version of androgel. The bottle says prescription only but I definitely got it online from, what I'm pretty sure were less than legal means.

    I haven't taken any yet (I was going to wait until I had finished my T booster, which is going to take a few months) but I just wanted to know if anyone else had any experience with self-medicating.

    I know I can get thrown out of the military for this if they find out. But, honestly, I kinda don't think they will since it's still gel and I can play it off as it being lotion. And it won't show up in urinalysis. And even if it did, they still think I'm taking zoloft so I'm sure I could just blame whatever irregularity there may be on that.

    So.... Yeah?

    I really would like to go to therapy and all that stuff legitimately, but I don't have the option since I want to stay in the military.
    "Don't hold out on me, J! I thought we could have a conversation about boobies!"
    US Navy. Forward deployed. Hardly here. Homeport: Sasebo, Nagasaki, Japan.

  2. #2
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    Is getting assigned to (or seconded to) the Canadian military a realistic possibility? They do not get rid of transsexuals.

    Anti-depressants are not necessarily a problem with HRT. The one I'm taking happens to be hard on the liver, same as estrogen, so there is some caution requires that way, but it is not noticeably interacting... at least in me.

    In general, anti-depressants, especially the first few weeks of them, can be dangerous because they may take someone who is pretty much unfunctional and unable to hold coherent thought chains, and boost them up to the point of functioning where the person is able to put together thoughts well enough to form an intent and plan an action of suicide -- not having yet gotten risen past the stage of feeling hopelessness and helplessness, but past the stage of just living minute to minute. If you are functional at work, then you are unlikely to fall in to this problem.

    Likewise, if you were in the stage of "just living a few minutes at a time", then hormones together with antidepressant could plausibly tip you over to the point of feeling that your gender issues were hopeless and that you might as well kill yourself.

    There could certainly other interactions with hormones that I have not happened to hear about.

  3. #3
    Call me "J"? Ziko's Avatar
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    I've been on brand Zoloft before. I've had depression (supposedly) since I was a kid. I was on it and Trazodone for a year and a half or so. They ****ed with my emotions and made me feel hopeless, but they made me function better in society regardless. I weened off them on my own and got better on my own for several years. While I did have some 'episodes' they were overall not as bad as before or even during the meds.

    After being off the meds for 7-8 years, and then all this stuff cropping up, Military put me on generic Zoloft. I was feeling awesome in 2 days. I had none of the bad affects of the brand zoloft. I'm not sure what the difference is/was, but yes, the generic absolutely worked and I loved it (until I got T).
    I would've liked to keep taking the generic zoloft as well as the T, but everyone saying that taking both would **** with my emotions (roid rage, essentially) I decided to play it safe and just go off the generic zoloft to start the T.

    So I was wondering if anyone knew... Or had even come close... to my situation? Maybe?

    Also, no, there is no way I'd get sent to Canada. Tried already.
    I was debating just... Getting out of the US Military and migrating to Canada and going in as an illegal there and become a citizen through their military after the fact. But I'm not even sure that would work. I have 3 years to think about it before my contract for the US is up anyway (I have a 5 year).
    "Don't hold out on me, J! I thought we could have a conversation about boobies!"
    US Navy. Forward deployed. Hardly here. Homeport: Sasebo, Nagasaki, Japan.

  4. #4
    Fire what fire. mistunderstood's Avatar
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    Not every one who is on T gets roid rage. Some guys actually calm down.

    You might want to make sure you do not have more than depression. Some times bi-polar disorder can be what you really have. I will say I am not a Doc. be careful about advise from people on forums. I fear only way to be sure is find a Doc. off base you can see.

    I do want to say be careful and stay safe.

  5. #5
    Quartermaster DanielMacBride's Avatar
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    I second what mistunderstood said, the whole thing of FtMs getting "roid rage" is pretty much a myth. Most guys calm down considerably on T - the only time it can be an issue is if you have pre-existing anger problems or aggressive tendencies (and even then, that can calm down on T - my case being an example, I was a very angry and aggressive person before T but have calmed down a LOT since I have been on it). I have also been on meds while on T and have not noticed any significant difference in how they work, but YMMV because everyone is different.

    I also agree that you should NOT self-medicate - hormones are dangerous things to play with and if you get it wrong, it can have very serious consequences for your health. You NEED to see a doctor about this somewhere, as mistunderstood said maybe you could go off-base? If you are using a T gel that is stronger than androgel, I hate to tell you, it WILL show up in blood or urine tests, because it will increase your T levels sufficiently to do so (and to have some pretty major visible changes that everyone is likely to notice anyway, so you might want to rethink that course if you don't want to get caught, because you're messing with something that is going to drastically alter your body so that others will see the changes).

    Also, in order to get a correct hormone dose, you MUST have bloodwork done so you know where you are starting from in terms of what your natural hormone levels and everything are, and where you need to be for levels (and only a medical professional knows exactly what dose you will need to get the correct levels). You also need to monitor other things like cholesterol, liver function and a bunch of other stuff that are affected by T (this is not a "maybe" - testosterone DOES change these things and you need to keep a close eye on it).

    I can not condone self-medicating with hormones under any circumstances, especially if you are on other meds that you are not taking consistently (and a slap on the wrist for that one too, especially with antidepressants - if you don't take those consistently, you are losing a lot of the effectiveness). A lot of people make the mistake of stopping antidepressants when they feel better, because they think they don't need it - it's actually the medication that elevates your mood, so if you stop you are going to feel worse, and you shouldn't be looking for another drug to substitute (because hormones ARE a drug). Don't get me started on pharmaceutical companies milking them for profits though because that's a whole 'nother issue, antidepressants are only supposed to be taken for short-term use anyway but they get people stuck on them for life. The only way you are going to be able to transition safely and without setting yourself up to fail is to do it properly through medical channels - if you are trying to do this while in the Navy and think you can hide it, think again, it also says to me that maybe you need to do some more research and some more hardcore thinking about where you are at and what you REALLY want before you start taking something that will permanently change your body. Maybe you need to think some more about the potential consequences of what you are doing before you screw yourself over royally.

    (No, I'm not going to sugarcoat it - what you are doing is bloody dangerous and frankly, stupid).
    Last edited by DanielMacBride; 08-28-2011 at 02:59 AM. Reason: Added more thoughts/info
    [SIZE="3"]Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are. ~ Unknown[/SIZE]

  6. #6
    Call me "J"? Ziko's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DanielMacBride View Post
    I also agree that you should NOT self-medicate - hormones are dangerous things to play with and if you get it wrong, it can have very serious consequences for your health. You NEED to see a doctor about this somewhere, as mistunderstood said maybe you could go off-base?
    Even if there were someone I could see about this (which there isn't) the answer will always be "To do anything about it, you need to get out of the navy." And I am not ready for that yet.
    If you are using a T gel that is stronger than androgel, I hate to tell you, it WILL show up in blood or urine tests, because it will increase your T levels sufficiently to do so (and to have some pretty major visible changes that everyone is likely to notice anyway, so you might want to rethink that course if you don't want to get caught, because you're messing with something that is going to drastically alter your body so that others will see the changes).
    I highly doubt people would notice too much. Or if they did, I doubt they'd say anything. As it stands, I already have a mustache, beard, and gorilla legs. Of which I have no fear sporting. Literally, my entire command knows I'm a hairy mofo. If they suspected I was on T then they would've started suspecting this even before I got on it. [Edit: This is me. I am not that feminine. Changes would not be obvious to most people.
    Add to that, I've already been taking the T for 2 months. ... And gone through a urinalysis with it. ]

    As to the showing up in urine... [Our] Urinalysis does not test testosterone. That's dumb, sorry.

    Also, in order to get a correct hormone dose, you MUST have bloodwork done so you know where you are starting from in terms of what your natural hormone levels and everything are, and where you need to be for levels (and only a medical professional knows exactly what dose you will need to get the correct levels). You also need to monitor other things like cholesterol, liver function and a bunch of other stuff that are affected by T (this is not a "maybe" - testosterone DOES change these things and you need to keep a close eye on it).
    While this is true, there is literally NO WAY I can do any of this without getting out of the military. And I'm not getting out. And I'm really tired of putting this off. I've been in for 2 years now. If I leave after my first term, I won't start changing anything until I'm 27. I'd like to, at the VERY LEAST change my voice. Everything else I don't really care about until I get out of the service.
    I already bind, have a prosthesis, etc.

    I can not condone self-medicating with hormones under any circumstances, especially if you are on other meds that you are not taking consistently
    Okay while I understand where you're coming from here, I already got this speech the first time I went off zoloft. I'm not stupid. I weened off it, and I don't take it incosistently. This particular time I took it for 1 - 2 months before I weened off to take the T. I don't take it whenever I feel like it. I know how zoloft works. Like I said in previous posts, I would've liked to take the zoloft and the T together but I did not want to risk roid rage or blwoing up or whatever. This was advice I got from bodybuilders who take T Boosters on the ship. Best advice I could get at the time.
    The only way you are going to be able to transition safely and without setting yourself up to fail is to do it properly through medical channels - if you are trying to do this while in the Navy and think you can hide it, think again, it also says to me that maybe you need to do some more research and some more hardcore thinking about where you are at and what you REALLY want before you start taking something that will permanently change your body. Maybe you need to think some more about the potential consequences of what you are doing before you screw yourself over royally.
    How does self medication say "I'm not really trans"? Is that what you're trying to say here, because that's what it seems like.
    I came out when I was 11. I felt like an androgyne so I didn't do anything about ti (I also didn't know about SRS and all that jazz). When I went into the military, I figured it'd suck being female and in there but that I could deal with it. 2 years later, I figured out I couldn't, and I solidified that I wanted to be male. The military is what drove me to my decision.

    Can I get thrown out for this? Of course. I already stated that. But I can always pull the "the navy made me so depressed I had to do XYZ" card too. And while that won't stop me from getting thrown out, it will change it to either an admin sep or a medical one. Because the chaplain knows all about everything, he could pull strings.

    I'm 23, and I am not an idiot.
    I appreciate you not sugarcoating this, but I am offended you're treating me like a child.
    That aside, the only negatives I see here are getting kicked out and/or feminization due to overdose (and the T converting to estrogen). Everything else if I **** up could be taken care of.
    Last edited by Ziko; 08-28-2011 at 03:51 AM.
    "Don't hold out on me, J! I thought we could have a conversation about boobies!"
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  7. #7
    Logan brylram's Avatar
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    Even if there were someone I could see about this (which there isn't) the answer will always be "To do anything about it, you need to get out of the navy." And I am not ready for that yet.
    Then don't transition yet. You joined an institution with strict rules, and I'm guessing you probably signed some kinds of contract/s in doing so. Don't break the law, put yourself at risk, and plan to lie/manipulate if you get caught. Have some honour, grow some balls, and be a man. Either serve your country and deal with the fact that you will be restricted in some ways (as EVERY person who joins the military is required to accept), or admit that you made a mistake and that you need to leave.

    Also, you ARE being a child. You are saying 'give me everything I want, even if it could hurt me, and if someone doesn't like it along the way I'll blame the military AND ask a religious man to lie for me'. You are being disrespectful of the military, the clergy, your safety, and what little hard-won respect the trans community has won for itself. You could be 52, and it would not make you unworthy of being treated like a child... your actions, what responsibility you take, and how willing you are to deal with hardships in life (as opposed to planning ways to get out of trouble if you're caught breaking the rules) are what earn you the right to be treated as an adult.

    I should strongly emphasize the danger to yourself involved, because you seem to be glossing over that to comfort yourself about taking testosterone illegally and without supervision. You DO NOT know what you are getting. I don't care how legit your source seems, or how accurate the packaging is, you don't really have any guarantee that the product you're using is safe. And where you downplay the dangers involved by saying "the only negatives I see here are getting kicked out and/or feminization due to overdose (and the T converting to estrogen)" you are deliberately burying your head in the sand. Feminization due to overdosing is something you should be terrified of if you're really a man. On top of that you run the risk of damage to your body which could make you unable to take testosterone for the rest of your life, not to mention heart conditions, liver conditions, and other health concerns.

    Being monitored by a physician is not only to keep track of your hormone levels, but to watch for DANGEROUS changes in other parts of how your body is functioning. At one point I was taking a high dose of injections, because my body was utilizing all of the T effectively, not converting to estrogen, and giving me great results... but my doctor pointed out several elevations that if left unchecked could develop into health risks. Because he was able to tell me, I was able to make informed decisions about my own health, and choose that the increased benefits were not worth the potential risks to me, so I reduced my dose. I am 22 years old, I don't need a heart condition or any other bullshit like that, you shouldn't be willing to risk that either (which is again childish).

    BTW, the dose I was taking was high, but not as high compared to the 'average' dose as you might think (I won't mention any numbers here because it is not allowed on this site). Also, it was significantly lower than the dose someone else I knew was taking, and they were getting limited results even on a ridiculously high dose (needless to say they needed frequent checking to remain safe). Then there are cases of people who need very small doses because once they get anywhere near the average range they are running serious risks. You have no idea which category you fall into, and you will have no way of knowing where your risk level is without supervision. And my final thought on that matter is that because you already have significant masculinization - such as body hair growth - even without testosterone, you are at a HIGHER risk for complications with dosing, not lower.

    Read that again.
    Because you already have significant masculinization - such as body hair growth - even without testosterone you are at a HIGHER risk for complications with dosing, not lower.

    Although I will say, that most of us think that we have ridiculous hair growth, and often we do not really... I can't see you up close in person, so I have no idea if you're right, but keep in mind that we all think we are way more masculine pre-T than we really are.

    Which leads to the last thing I have to say, which is about this: "I am not that feminine. Changes would not be obvious to most people." I looked at your photo and frankly, yes you are, and yes they will. You look like a lesbian, like most transmen do before transitioning, and like most of us you think you are the one dude alive who doesn't. I got sir'd before T, I looked very masculine, I was called 'trans-natural', but I still looked like a lesbian not a man. Your face will significantly change, as will your voice... and even though you'll look and sound like a fully male version of yourself, you still need to be aware that the emphasis is on 'fully male' not on 'yourself.' People WILL notice, and it WILL be a problem.

    EDIT: The fact that you haven't mentioned which brand of testosterone gel you're taking is also sketchy... there is only one brand other than androgel that I've ever heard of a doctor giving someone, and the fact that you're using something 'like androgel' that you admit you don't know anything about other than 'the bottle says prescription only' is incredibly stupid.
    Last edited by brylram; 08-28-2011 at 08:04 AM.

  8. #8
    Junior Member Jskylar's Avatar
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    On a completely different note instead of messing around with hardcore med's un-supervised (which I personally don't really care about it's your decision) You could go the natural way? There is always Tribulus and DHEA, (take as directed do NOT take more) take milk thistle too, to help with the liver, don't drink caffeine or alcohol to not stress the liver either. Add in some fish oils to pick up your mood. There are a lot of people that um and ar about natural transitioning but fact is body-builders have been taking these for years and it's better than taking actual T without a doctors supervision. Maybe it will help you before you leave and go onto actual T. My personal opinion is to google natural transitioning.Tristan & Skye.
    I really think everyone else's advice is great. I just wanted to add an alternative.

  9. #9
    Fire what fire. mistunderstood's Avatar
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    Ziko Just be care full. T can wreck your body. There are reason men die before woman. T can increase your chances of cancer in the female bits. Diabetes and cholesterol increases in the blood liver damage strain on the heart blood pressure can go up. It could mess with your moods but at same time it can get better. Daniel and Brylram our forums senior members here and the have been on T longer than any one I know of. You need to honestly look at what you are doing. I understand you want to stay in the Navy I respect that but you can not lie to them or your-self. If you are trans then you need to be pre-paired to lose every thing in order to be happy. I have lost quite a bit when I came out. You can not have your cake and eat it to.
    All I am asking is you think about what you are doing and make sure this is what you want.

    I was wondering if it would be ok to move your thread to the Club House section of the forum. When people post in threads here we are not allowed to post any type of names of drugs or dosages in the post. In the Club House we can talk about these things in private. All you have to do if you want to join the Club has is ask and I will approve you and then I will move your post. This rule is to protect you and the other members as well as the forum it self from being suede. At least is how I look at it. There is so much wrong info out there we do not want any one hurt.
    Let me know what you decide.
    Last edited by mistunderstood; 08-28-2011 at 04:18 PM. Reason: spelling error and added more comment.

  10. #10
    Call me "J"? Ziko's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brylram View Post
    EDIT: The fact that you haven't mentioned which brand of testosterone gel you're taking is also sketchy... there is only one brand other than androgel that I've ever heard of a doctor giving someone, and the fact that you're using something 'like androgel' that you admit you don't know anything about other than 'the bottle says prescription only' is incredibly stupid.
    I didn't mention it because I wasn't sure if I was allowed to.
    It's called AndroForte.
    But I haven't started that yet. What I am taking right now is a natural T booster, which doesn't really have a name. This.

    I own both already. I haven't started AndroForte yet because I wanted opinions (and as much as I dislike yours it's still an opinion). I've been taking the booster for almost 2 months already.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jskylar View Post
    On a completely different note instead of messing around with hardcore med's un-supervised (which I personally don't really care about it's your decision) You could go the natural way? There is always Tribulus and DHEA, (take as directed do NOT take more) take milk thistle too, to help with the liver, don't drink caffeine or alcohol to not stress the liver either. Add in some fish oils to pick up your mood. There are a lot of people that um and ar about natural transitioning but fact is body-builders have been taking these for years and it's better than taking actual T without a doctors supervision. Maybe it will help you before you leave and go onto actual T. My personal opinion is to google natural transitioning.Tristan & Skye.
    I really think everyone else's advice is great. I just wanted to add an alternative.
    I didn't know this existed. I'll look into it. Thanks. =)
    I tried herbals once before but I gave it up because I'm no good with large pills. And it seems like all herbals are really huge pills.
    But, as an aside, I haven't drank anything with caffeine in it since I was a kid, and I kicked alcohol ~5 months a go due to the zoloft.
    I was wondering if it would be ok to move your thread to the Club House section of the forum....
    Yes. Sure. Go ahead.
    Last edited by Ziko; 08-29-2011 at 03:37 AM.
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  11. #11
    Logan brylram's Avatar
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    (and as much as I dislike yours it's still an opinion).
    No, it is fact.

    It is dangerous to transition without medical supervision = fact.
    Any hormone replacement product can cause serious health problems if used incorrectly = fact.
    Using illegally obtained hormone replacement products is risky and by nature illegal = fact.
    Using products you do not understand is risky = fact.

    The only part that comes down to opinion is whether or not taking necessary precautions - as indicated by FACTS which are presented to you - is important to you or not.

    I am a strong believer in transition being a drawn out process, with firm guidelines and hoops to jump through. It is obnoxious and insulting at times (often), but the benefits are priceless. From the moment I realized that I was male I didn't hesitate for a moment in beginning my transition, but the therapist I saw to complete my assessment drew it out for a year because I was a minor. Even though I was frustrated at the time I still had the sense, even then, to be grateful for that.

    I am grateful that my assessment took longer because even though 'proving myself' to her was bullshit going through that process was extremely helpful and enlightening to me. I am grateful that my doctor convinced me to start on androgel rather than shots because I reacted better to the gel than most people do, and it was easier both on my body and my mind. A lot of guys think before they start T that they already look masculine, but the fact is you will look at your old pictures at 6 months even and think 'I looked like THAT?!" and "I seriously thought I looked like a guy here? lol" Even at just over 4 years on T I STILL catch myself thinking 'maybe one day I'll look like a man" and being surprised at how I actually look. And this is coming from someone completely convinced they were the manliest shit ever before even LOOKING at androgel or a testosterone injection.

    It's all 'rush rush rush' at the beginning of transition, but then you hit a certain point and it's like 'how long HAVE I been on T' and it doesn't really matter what the answer is anymore. What will matter is how safe you were, what condition your body is currently in, and what kind of person you've been in your life. I personally regret the times I was a dishonourable or dishonest person more than I EVER regret the time I spent waiting to transition safely.

    Set your priorities as this: first, be a good person; second, transition safely; third, build the rest of your life into exactly how you want it to be. That's the order it honestly goes in... you're not going to have the life you want until you've been transitioning for a while and haven't ****ed yourself up along the way, and you're not going to have the strength to deal with the frustrations of transitioning safely until you've settled it in your mind that being dishonest, breaking the law, and using dangerous methods are not options.

    Also keep in mind that even though I'm technically younger than you are, I'm looking back at all this, and one of the only post-transition men currently active on this forum. I think right now the only member who's experienced more parts of transition than I have is Felix, because my bottom surgery is still only scheduled.

    Dan, Felix, and I are EXACTLY who you should be listening to. At this point you honestly can't help but not know shit. It's inherent in the process.
    Last edited by brylram; 08-29-2011 at 07:07 AM.

  12. #12
    Call me "J"? Ziko's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brylram View Post
    stuff
    Look, I'm not saying I'm the manliest shit ever. I honestly still very much dislike the way I look. But I am not deluding myself by saying I will get better witht he very meager amount of T/TBooster I am taking. All I want to do is change my voice at this point. I have been trying to do voice change for maybe 5 years now. I gave up cigarettes, and I gave up the vocal training. It's all up to this point now.

    The reason I mention that the changes would be minimal/not noticeable is because of what OTHERS have told me (without knowledge of me being trans). It's more than likely cultural differences (Japanese can't wrap their mind around me being female at all) but nontheless it's still there.

    This is not the 'beginning' of my transition. I've been putting it off for a long while. I would LIKE to get therapy, yes, but that's simply not possible at this point. I've already discussed it with my chaplain. It pretty much goes like this:
    - wait and deal with it later
    - deal with it now and get a medical discharge

    Frankly, the economy sucks asshole so I'd rather not get kicked out just because I want a GID diagnosis. Plenty of weight lifters take T, all I want is to change my voice, that does not take a huge dosage of T (In theory I could do it with the T booster alone). I can wait for everything else. But I am tired of waiting for the voice. I've been ashamed of that my entire life, I cannot cover it up, I'm done.

    I wish it were as simple as "get out of the military, get SRS" but it's not. Once I go through everything, the military would not let me back in. I love the military, but I am not giving up my life just to be in it. I at least want to finish ONE full term (originally I was to make this my career, but dysphoria ruined that). At the time this all started, I said I would save up $10k for surgery and if I still really wanted it I'd go to the chaplain then. I am now sitting on $14k for the surgery and I've decided that I'm going to wait until I have $20k.

    I am very afraid of leaving the military and not getting a job in the terrible economy again, especially considering all the money it would take to transition and go through therapy and all that jazz. And frankly I think that most of it is a waste since I've been living part time male with no problems since 2009 (and the ONLY reason it's only part time was because of my job).
    Not to mention that the fear isn't even the reason I don't want to leave the military. I genuinely like it here.
    But since my options are basically "wait until you get out" I may as well do whatever the hell I want until I get out.

    Now, if you had some legitimate suggestions that I have somehow not seen for voice change/deepening/whatever, then I will be all for that but until then you can not really change my mind on my decision.
    I know it is dangerous to self medicate. I am trying to do it as safely as I can.

    You preaching to me about how dangerous it is is pretty much preaching to the choir. With my job I have a high risk of dying anyway, so those risks (for the T) don't really phase me. And too, I work out enough that the feminizing would be very unlikely (aside from the fact I am taking what seems too small a dose anyway).

    The only reason I started this thread was for advice on antidepressants + Hormones. If I should start the zoloft again and just risk it with the hormones, or to stick to one or the other. I appreciate your vigor on the issue (I know that means you care) but my mind was already made on the T.
    Last edited by Ziko; 08-29-2011 at 07:25 AM.
    "Don't hold out on me, J! I thought we could have a conversation about boobies!"
    US Navy. Forward deployed. Hardly here. Homeport: Sasebo, Nagasaki, Japan.

  13. #13
    Logan brylram's Avatar
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    Basically you are saying two things: 1. I am not willing to sacrifice anything, and want to make a half-ass attempt at getting everything, even though it could hurt me. 2. I can pick the results I will get from T (specifically just voice). Newsflash for you on the second: you will never get to choose what changes you have, or in what order. On top of that, regardless of whether you're getting changes or not you can be developing health issues without having a clue.

    But since my options are basically "wait until you get out" I may as well do whatever the hell I want until I get out.
    That is not waiting, that is doing whatever you want because you are too impatient to wait. Your options are stay in the military and deal with the fact that you are female there and cannot transition until you leave, leave and transition and deal with finding a different career/way of living (which EVERYONE deals with), or be a pansy and sneak around while disregarding health concerns (because it's dangerous there anyway). My best friend is living in the same economy (as are MANY other American men who are transitioning). He works shitty part-time jobs, pays for everything himself, and never complains. He doesn't bitch about 'oh I can't because the economy'. Even here in Canada, with a technically better economy, I don't personally know a single person in their early twenties, trans or not, who isn't just doing what they can/have to in order to have something remotely resembling the kind of life they want. That's what it means to be an adult, especially a young one.

    And too, I work out enough that the feminizing would be very unlikely (aside from the fact I am taking what seems too small a dose anyway).
    Working out BOOSTS natural testosterone development (which all people have), as well as the effectiveness with which your body uses it. Working out actually contributes, along with the natural masculinity you claim, to the risk of having too much testosterone in your body, and being feminized as a result (not to mention other health risks).

    This is not the 'beginning' of my transition.
    Yes, it is. I don't care how many years someone knows they are male (or female for the ladies), EVERYTHING changes when you transition physically. Nothing really starts until then. You can psyche yourself up, find the perfect hairstyle, find the perfect way of dressing/talking/walking, everything that people can do before actually medically transitioning... doesn't matter. Until you start taking hormones you are just guessing, and playing at what your fully male self 'might' be (which is never anywhere near the real thing it seems), and what it means/is like to transition. Everything people do before medical transition is basically play-acting... like 'what will I be like when I grow up' for a little kid. Until you have experienced long-term hormone use, and any relevant surgeries, you are perpetually at the beginning. For some people that's the right place to stay, but anyone who is still there really has no comprehension of what it's like to transition.

    The only reason I started this thread was for advice on antidepressants + Hormones.
    Don't care what you were asking about, you mentioned unmonitored transition, and I'm sick of biting my tongue about it. I won't be happy until the community as a whole takes the stance that it is unacceptable, and since that will probably never happen you'll be hearing a lot from me on it. I'd give advice on antidepressants and hormones if I had any, but I made the personal decision not to take things like antidepressants years ago, so my knowledge in that area is lacking.

    I am operating under the assumption that being called a pansy won't hurt your feelings, but I'm happy to err on the side of crushing them so long as you're choosing to use the methods that you are, and furthermore bringing discussion which could be viewed as condoning those actions into a forum that people in need of guidance to safe practices may read. This is the forum I came to when I was early in my transition, I'll be damned if I accept someone talking about taking the coward's way out in what was once the only place I could go to for discussion of safely transitioning. The information is out there, but there's often no face to it, or at least not one you can reach out and make contact with. Seeing one discussion from someone you feel you have access to can be more significant and leading than reading countless articles or personal accounts; regardless of whether the individual follows through with contact/participation or not.

    EDIT:
    I appreciate your vigor on the issue (I know that means you care) but my mind was already made on the T.
    I will say that I respect and appreciate you stating this. Regardless (and as a result of the fact that you're right), I won't let up on this topic. I have a profound disrespect for the choices that you're making, but don't make the mistake of thinking I have disrespect for you in general. I don't know you outside this issue, and I choose not to assume.
    Last edited by brylram; 08-29-2011 at 09:49 AM.

  14. #14
    Fire what fire. mistunderstood's Avatar
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    I reject your reality and substitute my own.
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    I like you am in a hurry to transition but do to lack of funding I can not. I have been fully living as a man for 6 years and I do not use "T" or even discuss transition right now. i have no money. I have learned a lot by having to wait. Like there are steps I need to do before I am to transition. First I need to work on my weight to make sure top surgery looks right. I need to get the counselling I need to get my letter to even get "T" third I have to save money for the surgery Fourth I need to see if I want bottom surgery. Five years is not that long to wait.
    Brylram Is right we as a community need to speak out about self-medicating with Hormones or other drugs. It is just as important as safe sex or keeping your-self safe when we go out in the world.

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