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Thread: Wow! That was fast.

  1. #1
    Member Marissa333's Avatar
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    Wow! That was fast.

    Hello my name is Marissa. I have been a member for about a week now, and before I could post in the introduction thread my wife found pictures of me all dressed. I am 33 and I have been crossdressing since I was about 6 or 7, so this isn't new for me. We have been married for 7 years now and Marissa had been hidden for so long it was only a matter of time before she came back. So last night she is on the computer updating her resume, and she stubbles on my pics. Which by the way were hidden within 4 billion sub folders, so I still have no idea how she found them, but anyway... She abruptly comes in the room to tell me (not really angry more like she was expecting this to happen all along) that she found pictures of me dressed up and she knows they are me because of the fact I took them in our house. These pictures weren't dirty but they weren't exactly innocent either, so I am sure she is under the impression I took them specifically for someone else. This was last night at 9pm or so and she hasn't talked to me since. I have a really bad feeling that this is the end for us. I am really sad over this, it has put me in a total funk all day (pretty much been crying all day) and the worst thing is knowing my wife she prolly isn't sad at all, she is mad at me without really giving me a chance to explain myself. The worst part is over the past years I have tried several times to tell her but she always says something that makes me realize what a bad idea it would be to confess now. Anyway I don't really know why I am writing all this, I guess i just needed to get it out. I will he home on about an hour, so after we talk, if we talk, I will be sure to post the results. Wish me luck girls.

    Hugs,

    Marissa

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marissa333 View Post
    ...I am sure she is under the impression I took them specifically for someone else. This was last night at 9pm or so and she hasn't talked to me since. I have a really bad feeling that this is the end for us.
    It might be unless you can get the communication thing happening and counter some of those "worst case" thoughts that your wife is undoubtedly having with the plain (and much less exciting) facts.

    Good luck with the conversation. Let us know how it goes.
    Eryn
    "These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
    "She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
    "Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]

  3. #3
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    Marissa, I do hope that all goes well for you and that this is not the end for you and your wife as you believe. I am praying for you.

  4. #4
    Senior Age Member sissystephanie's Avatar
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    You have already received some very good advice!! All I can add is, Best of Luck to You!!
    Stephanie

    Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

  5. #5
    Silver Member Inna's Avatar
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    Everything has a reason and it is profound and good in the long run however dark and gloom it may seem right now. Have faith in the truth, she is your only true companion

    Love, Inna

  6. #6
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    If she is willing to talk just let her know how much you love her. Tell her it's not a choice but it is a part of you that you can not change. Assure her you are not gay and do not want to be a women but you enjoy wearing feminine clothing. Just be honest and upfront with her. If she can't accept you for who you are then ending the relationship may be better for all concerned

  7. #7
    Junior Member Jessica Ames's Avatar
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    My best advice is to be confident and don't be ashamed of Marissa. If you are ashamed, then she will have a much harder time seeing how this can be part of her life. She has to know that this has been a part of you for a long time, but hasn't changed your relationship or the love you have for her.

  8. #8
    Gold Member Cynthia Anne's Avatar
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    By now all is said and done! I hope you took the advice and all goes well! I will add! Welcome to the forum! Hugs!
    If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:

  9. #9
    Member danielletorresani's Avatar
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    Wow. That is scary as hell to me, as I am in a marriage in which the wife doesn't know. I've never had the urge to confess, nor will I ever. I stopped dressing around a year and a half ago, and I'm just now kinda getting the urge to start up again, but doing that again with hiding my stash and all that other stuff....sometimes I ask if it's worth the risk of getting caught. If my wife found out, it would almost definitely be over between us.

  10. #10
    Breathes under water prettytoes's Avatar
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    When my wife found my clothes, we ddidn't speak for 3 or 4 days. Finally we had a long talk and I explained everything as honestly as I could. I told her how it has been a part of me ever since I could remember...how I had tried to tell her many times, but couldn't for fear of losing her...how it just feels right when I wear women's clothes. She asked all the expected questions, are you gay?, do you want to become a woman?, etc.
    That was back in spring...now I have my toenails painted most of the time, wear toerings, wear very feminine panties 24/7, sleep in nighties (I sleep much better now), and I wear sport bras when I work out. She has asked me to not wear a skirt or dress in front of her, which is fine. She does all the wash with no problems. She is still a little bit uncomfortable, but it is getting better. I have had my whole life to come to terms with this, she has only had a few months. I got her 2 books to read, the better of the 2 was "My Husband Wears My Clothes". It helped her a lot.
    If your relationship is strong, it will survive. I wish you the best of luck!
    Life's too short to not be enjoyed! Live each day to the fullest!

  11. #11
    Junior Member JillyNylonz's Avatar
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    You really have to just start communicating. She needs to hear Marissa's life story. From the moment you first dressed as a child, your feelings when dressed, the reasons you were drawn to dressing, and also your attempts to purge and not dress. She needs to understand who and what you are. If there is love there, and she realizes that your crossdressing is not something to fear or be jealous of, the two of you will become even closer than was ever possible before this happened. She may prefer to not see you enfemme, or participate. That will have to be her choice. But you stand a way better chance of being happy if you open up and let her know how important a piece of your life dressing is, and even more: that you see your marriage to her as the best thing in your life, and hope she can accept this.
    I experienced way worse with my marriage of almost 40 yrs a few years ago. She knew I liked to wear nylons and heels from time to time. SHe did not know there was a Jilly. And Jilly had friends she did not know of. We spent more than one night talking all night, hugging, crying, sharing. We lost sleep doing this for months. We became closer. And sometimes Jilly and his lovely wife make love together, both dressed like lipstick lezzs. WOW ! Breathtaking. Just be sure to be that man she married for her as well. I wish you both well.

  12. #12
    Member Marissa333's Avatar
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    First i would like to say I seriously thank you all! All of your comments are valid, and make great advice, I can't thank you enough.

    When I got home last night the door was partially opened and obviously unlocked. I thought to myself "omg this is a good sign" because that is how it is every normal night. But when I walked in, she was in the bathroom brushing her teeth. I walk into the hallway to see her next to the sink, and she immediately opens a cupboard door which blocks her face so she wouldn't have to look at me. Ok so I say to myself "ok this is a very bad sign". I then go into the bedroom to change out of my work clothes and the whole time she keeps the door covering her face. I then realize I shouldn't push her, so I went into the den on the other side of the house to wait. I sat there for about an hour without her coming in or anything. I end up falling asleep. I am awaken by her asking me if I have everything I need for work out of my car. I was a bit surprised she asked me in such a normal tone and that she was talking to me at all. I answer "no, I still need my seat cushion for the train" (California Metrolink seats are terrible). It is after her response when I realize why she is talking to me at all... She has too, she needed to take my car to work the next day because I was taking our dogs to the vet. Once she reminds me of this, she walks out and about 20 feet away she says "night". Ok in my head I am thinking "she said night, maybe good sign again?". Cut to this morning, I am at the vet with the dogs and I get a text from her, and before I read it I am thinking "good sign again". It reads "train running late when you bring the car (we work at the same company) leave it in front of my building so I don't have to come get it from you" now again I am thinking "bad sign again", I respond by saying ok then she responds with "never mind I will come get it from you and I will just come home with you tonight instead of taking the train" now I am thinking "good sign, she wants to be in the car with me for an hour so now we have to talk". Later today I have clients in my office and I get a knock on my office door, not expecting it to be her I say come in and she walks in. Now because I have clients, she smiles, but I can tell it's fake, she says "I need your keys, I forgot mine" I then hand them to her and then she leaves without saying anything. Then about an hour ago I walk into my office and see a note written really crappy on my desk "here are your keys taking 6pm train home" now I know for sure without a doubt it's bad, she never in million years would rather sit on the train for 2 hours to go home, then ride silent in a car with someone she hates for an hour. I will arrive home before her even though I am leaving later than her which means she would rather not be with me, then have more time at home and be off our awful commuter train.

    I am going to take all of your advice, tell her the absolute truth, tell her how much she means to me, and if that is not good enough, then I think it's time I be true with myself, move out and be who I am for the first time in my life. Yesterday I felt sad and defeated, today I still feel sad but empowered to be who I know I should have been my whole life. It's sad that our marriage might be over, but my real life might be ready to begin, and that is actually exciting. Now the only obstical, is convincing her not to out me to all our friends, family and coworkers. If she does, I am actually mentally prepared to handle it I think.

    Thank you all so much! I loved reading everyone of your replies, and appreciate them more than you know. I love you all and I hope one day I can do for all of you, what you have done for me (in a more positive situation hopefully).

    Hugs,

    Marissa

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member Alberta_Pat's Avatar
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    Marissa;

    I cannot know your feelings. I have an accepting wife.

    However, your pain is coming through in your posts. Please accept a hug from me and all the other members here. You are a valuable person. You need to know this.

    Your wife is totally confused right now. I would bet the farm that she is getting input from friends and coworkers at this time. You do not have a "secret" life anymore.

    For now, I can only ask you to think of your future WITH your WIFE. Thinking or obsessing beyond this can only bring you pain. Forget about what "might" happen. Deal with NOW.

    WE do not know if there are children involved. If there are, their welfare must take precedence.

    Your Wife may take some time to understand what is happening. Her source of strength is an "illusion" at this moment. Continue to be the person you have always been with her. DO NOT CHANGE. That will enforce her confusion. She needs her strong man right now. Be that man.

    You have been a crossdresser for many years. You enjoy it. Do you know why? If not, then perhaps She may help you to understand as you help her to understand.

    Most important, you need to continue to be the person she knows. A compromise can be reached if you both work at it.

    WE all wish you the best in this tragic situation.

    Pat
    Inside every good man, there is a good woman.

  14. #14
    Junior Member Angela2me's Avatar
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    I pray you get your freedom and your marriage.
    Both are very important.

  15. #15
    1st & 4th makeover pics Misti's Avatar
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    Lke Pat (#13) says, "WE all [genuinely, seriously and honestly] wish you the best in this tragic situation."

  16. #16
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    Marissa, first I agree wholeheartedly with Pat's reply. Very well said.

    I would like to add another observation. It sounds like you are analyzing every little interaction. Be careful about doing this too much as it will sit on your thoughts and make it hard to think through things clearly. Her thoughts are probably bouncing in many directions. It will take time. Continue to show her you love her and give her the opportunity to talk. Remember that listening is the best way to support someone. If you dominate a conversation, it won't help her much. So give her the opportunity to talk, listen, and don't swing to any extremes based on what she says. Be loving and supportive and that will help her the most.

    Our thoughts are with you.

  17. #17
    Emerging Diva Nikki A.'s Avatar
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    Seriously, sit down and talk. It will be hard but you need to.

  18. #18
    Member Marissa333's Avatar
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    I truly thank you all! We talked! Last night she ignored me completely, but she started talking to me this morning like everything was normal. I was very relieved and after we talked about our vacation next weekend I just said "do you want to talk about the other night?". She came in to sit and said "do you?". I told her that I know it would be best to tell her everything. So I did, everything. She told me that she knew all along and that she was just waiting for me to finally admit it. She admitted she is very mad that i had kept it from her and lied about it for so long. She said she had given me many opportunities to fess up and that is what made her the most angry was that i never thought to trust her to understand. She told me she wants me to just be who I am and do what I need to feel comfortable. She admits she does not know how it's going to feel for her, but that if she asks me to not do it around her, we would go back to square 1 where I am hiding it, and she will only accept it if we are completely honest. I vowed to from now on to be completely honest and she is happy for that. After the long talk, about 2 hours, we hugged for a long time and I thanked her and apologized many times. She told me to stop apologizing and that what just happend was for me, and not for her, which made me feel so good. The one thing she was adamant about, was that she couldn't promise it would be something she could live with forever, that even though she is happy for me to be happy, she can't know how she would feel in 10 years. I told her that I understand and hope it's something that only makes us better. I will keep you all posted, and again I thank you all more than you could possibly know.

    Hugs,

    Marissa

  19. #19
    The Girl will Out! Kaz's Avatar
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    Hi Marissa,

    I was following the thread later on today (it is 22.36 in the UK) and realise any post would be out of date, and to be honest, I would just have been repeating what some others had said. I just want to say that this is such a great 'result'! She clearly loves you and wants to stand by you. I think what you need to demonstrate to her is that it doesn't affect your male side and you can still be her 'man', the guy she wants. Her fear in the long term will be that she doesn't know how it will pan out for you as well as her.. she is in uncharted waters! But then so are we...

    In her head she didn't sign up for this... so will continue to have lots of questions... stay open and honest, and do not push anything on her, let it evolve..!
    Kaz xx

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    This Woman Within is Flying without Wings

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member Alberta_Pat's Avatar
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    Thank you for letting us know how things are working Marissa.

    Hopefully, this will be the start of a new adventure in your relationship. Please take your time. Many do go overboard at this point and destroy the gains made.

    Feel free to show this forum to your Bride. Perhaps she will wish to join and become involved in the "Ladies Only" section.

    There is a lot of information to be gleaned here. Both for you, and for her.

    Life begins anew every day we wake up. Enjoy it to the fullest, and always share it with your "Best Friend".

    We look forward to seeing you around here with many of your new insights as time passes.

    Pat
    Inside every good man, there is a good woman.

  21. #21
    Senior Citizen Mary Morgan's Avatar
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    Wow, two adults having a rational conversation about yesterday, today and tomorrow. Sounds like you cleared the air and with some effort, will keep it clear well into the future. Good job.

  22. #22
    Member Susan_Xdress's Avatar
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    Hi Marissa:

    Sounds like you are working your way through the initial shock; . . you have explained . . now avoid forcing the issue. Don’t keep trying to make your case . . you have done so . . now give her time to take it in and think on it. When she wants more insight and details, she will ask, and you can answer honestly. In some measure – we all have faced or will face this situation, and why we all are wishing you the very best.

    Susan

  23. #23
    A Lucky Girl Kim_Bitzflick's Avatar
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    WOW! What a ride you had. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but I'm glad it turned out ok. I think now that it is out in the open, take it slow. Let her adjust to it and let her control the speed at which you progress.
    Kim

    "I just gotta be me"

  24. #24
    Junior Member Angela2me's Avatar
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    Marissa,

    Great outcome so far. Keep it going and keep it open.
    If I were to suggest anything, it would be to offer some time share.
    Plan some time when you want to be in femme mode and offer some special time to spoil your wife. Give and take.

    Good luck.
    Angela

  25. #25
    Silver Member Tina B.'s Avatar
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    As the Bard once said, "All's well, that ends well.)
    Tina B.
    Magic is the art of changing consciousness at will.

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