Wow! That was fast.

[Marissa333]

Hello my name is Marissa. I have been a member for about a week now, and before I could post in the introduction thread my wife found pictures of me all dressed. I am 33 and I have been crossdressing since I was about 6 or 7, so this isn't new for me. We have been married for 7 years now and Marissa had been hidden for so long it was only a matter of time before she came back. So last night she is on the computer updating her resume, and she stubbles on my pics. Which by the way were hidden within 4 billion sub folders, so I still have no idea how she found them, but anyway... She abruptly comes in the room to tell me (not really angry more like she was expecting this to happen all along) that she found pictures of me dressed up and she knows they are me because of the fact I took them in our house. These pictures weren't dirty but they weren't exactly innocent either, so I am sure she is under the impression I took them specifically for someone else. This was last night at 9pm or so and she hasn't talked to me since. I have a really bad feeling that this is the end for us. I am really sad over this, it has put me in a total funk all day (pretty much been crying all day) and the worst thing is knowing my wife she prolly isn't sad at all, she is mad at me without really giving me a chance to explain myself. The worst part is over the past years I have tried several times to tell her but she always says something that makes me realize what a bad idea it would be to confess now. Anyway I don't really know why I am writing all this, I guess i just needed to get it out. I will he home on about an hour, so after we talk, if we talk, I will be sure to post the results. Wish me luck girls.

Hugs,

Marissa

[Eryn]

...I am sure she is under the impression I took them specifically for someone else. This was last night at 9pm or so and she hasn't talked to me since. I have a really bad feeling that this is the end for us.

It might be unless you can get the communication thing happening and counter some of those "worst case" thoughts that your wife is undoubtedly having with the plain (and much less exciting) facts.

Good luck with the conversation. Let us know how it goes.

[hiddenpanties]

Marissa, I do hope that all goes well for you and that this is not the end for you and your wife as you believe. I am praying for you.

[sissystephanie]

You have already received some very good advice!! All I can add is, Best of Luck to You!!

[Inna]

Everything has a reason and it is profound and good in the long run however dark and gloom it may seem right now. Have faith in the truth, she is your only true companion

Love, Inna

[cdterri]

If she is willing to talk just let her know how much you love her. Tell her it's not a choice but it is a part of you that you can not change. Assure her you are not gay and do not want to be a women but you enjoy wearing feminine clothing. Just be honest and upfront with her. If she can't accept you for who you are then ending the relationship may be better for all concerned

[Cynthia Anne]

By now all is said and done! I hope you took the advice and all goes well! I will add! Welcome to the forum! Hugs!

[danielletorresani]

Wow. That is scary as hell to me, as I am in a marriage in which the wife doesn't know. I've never had the urge to confess, nor will I ever. I stopped dressing around a year and a half ago, and I'm just now kinda getting the urge to start up again, but doing that again with hiding my stash and all that other stuff....sometimes I ask if it's worth the risk of getting caught. If my wife found out, it would almost definitely be over between us.

[Deana ♥ Danni]

I am happy things are better now I am glad you two were able to sit down and talk, I think open and honest communication can really overcome so much. Maybe you could tell her about the forum here, and she could come and talk with other GGs who are accepting.....

Pax et bonum,
Deana

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Marissa, I'm glad for you that the conversation went better than you expected

You have been given some very good advice here and I won't repeat it.

A lot of people don't understand that in hiding your cross-dressing (possibly for all the best reasons) you have been displaying a lack of confidence in your wife and as she said that hurt her more than anything; but the good thing is that she isn't asking you to stop.

May I suggest that over the next few weeks you show her in the little things all of the reasons why she has always loved you?

[Inna]

I admire your resolve and courage in looking straight into your heart and going for the truth regardless of consequences. I takes balls guts to follow into unknown but be assured, in the long run there will be no regrets no matter what happens. And so far it is looking beautiful

[Barbra P]

Hi Marissa

You might want to consider getting a copy of “My Husband Wears My Clothes” by Dr. Peggy Rudd. I would suggest that you read the book first and then pass it along to your Wife. I think your Wife will find that Dr. Rudd answers many of the questions she is currently having. What’s more Peggy Rudd writes that her husband’s cross dressing has actually strengthened their marriage. The book retails for around $15 ($12.46 on Amazon).

[Babeba]

Marissa,

I'm glad that you and your wife were able to talk. It sounds like she has really struggled over the past few days. It also really sounds like the thing which hurt her the most, was feeling that you didn't trust her - that is quite common among those of us who are partners. Probably if you DID say that you would leave rather than make her deal with a crossdresser, that made her feel like she was losing you twice - both emotionally and physically. There IS something in you that your wife fell in love with, even if with talking about crossdressing she has to re-evaluate her idea of who you are. Remember, you're in this together; you have your lives built together. Your careers are even together. If you split before you try to communicate, it is just going to rack up the things both of you will lose in your lives. If she hadn't figured this out before you married her, you at the very least owe it to her to allow her to be the one to make decisions like that rather than adding dissolving your marriage into this already confusing mix right away!

Please do keep coming to this site; many of the members here have got good heads on their shoulders regardless of what they are wearing for clothing. Also if your wife has questions about crossdressing (inevitable) or would like to talk to other wives and girlfriends, please get her to sign up here, too. Once she has ten posts she can apply to the FAB (Female At Birth) section and talk with the rest of us.

One thing for both you and her to keep in mind, though, is that everyone's experience here is different - so some threads and some posts (heck, including mine!!) you need to take with a grain of salt. Other than that, I really wish for the best for you and your wife!

[Jessica Ames]

My best advice is to be confident and don't be ashamed of Marissa. If you are ashamed, then she will have a much harder time seeing how this can be part of her life. She has to know that this has been a part of you for a long time, but hasn't changed your relationship or the love you have for her.

[Angela2me]

I pray you get your freedom and your marriage.
Both are very important.

[Misti]

Lke Pat (#13) says, "WE all [genuinely, seriously and honestly] wish you the best in this tragic situation."

[PretzelGirl]

Marissa, first I agree wholeheartedly with Pat's reply. Very well said.

I would like to add another observation. It sounds like you are analyzing every little interaction. Be careful about doing this too much as it will sit on your thoughts and make it hard to think through things clearly. Her thoughts are probably bouncing in many directions. It will take time. Continue to show her you love her and give her the opportunity to talk. Remember that listening is the best way to support someone. If you dominate a conversation, it won't help her much. So give her the opportunity to talk, listen, and don't swing to any extremes based on what she says. Be loving and supportive and that will help her the most.

Our thoughts are with you.

[Nikki A.]

Seriously, sit down and talk. It will be hard but you need to.

[Marissa333]

I truly thank you all! We talked! Last night she ignored me completely, but she started talking to me this morning like everything was normal. I was very relieved and after we talked about our vacation next weekend I just said "do you want to talk about the other night?". She came in to sit and said "do you?". I told her that I know it would be best to tell her everything. So I did, everything. She told me that she knew all along and that she was just waiting for me to finally admit it. She admitted she is very mad that i had kept it from her and lied about it for so long. She said she had given me many opportunities to fess up and that is what made her the most angry was that i never thought to trust her to understand. She told me she wants me to just be who I am and do what I need to feel comfortable. She admits she does not know how it's going to feel for her, but that if she asks me to not do it around her, we would go back to square 1 where I am hiding it, and she will only accept it if we are completely honest. I vowed to from now on to be completely honest and she is happy for that. After the long talk, about 2 hours, we hugged for a long time and I thanked her and apologized many times. She told me to stop apologizing and that what just happend was for me, and not for her, which made me feel so good. The one thing she was adamant about, was that she couldn't promise it would be something she could live with forever, that even though she is happy for me to be happy, she can't know how she would feel in 10 years. I told her that I understand and hope it's something that only makes us better. I will keep you all posted, and again I thank you all more than you could possibly know.

Hugs,

Marissa

[Kaz]

Hi Marissa,

I was following the thread later on today (it is 22.36 in the UK) and realise any post would be out of date, and to be honest, I would just have been repeating what some others had said. I just want to say that this is such a great 'result'! She clearly loves you and wants to stand by you. I think what you need to demonstrate to her is that it doesn't affect your male side and you can still be her 'man', the guy she wants. Her fear in the long term will be that she doesn't know how it will pan out for you as well as her.. she is in uncharted waters! But then so are we...

In her head she didn't sign up for this... so will continue to have lots of questions... stay open and honest, and do not push anything on her, let it evolve..!

[Alberta_Pat]

Thank you for letting us know how things are working Marissa.

Hopefully, this will be the start of a new adventure in your relationship. Please take your time. Many do go overboard at this point and destroy the gains made.

Feel free to show this forum to your Bride. Perhaps she will wish to join and become involved in the "Ladies Only" section.

There is a lot of information to be gleaned here. Both for you, and for her.

Life begins anew every day we wake up. Enjoy it to the fullest, and always share it with your "Best Friend".

We look forward to seeing you around here with many of your new insights as time passes.

Pat

[Mary Morgan]

Wow, two adults having a rational conversation about yesterday, today and tomorrow. Sounds like you cleared the air and with some effort, will keep it clear well into the future. Good job.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

WOW! What a ride you had. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but I'm glad it turned out ok. I think now that it is out in the open, take it slow. Let her adjust to it and let her control the speed at which you progress.

[Susan_Xdress]

Hi Marissa:

Sounds like you are working your way through the initial shock; . . you have explained . . now avoid forcing the issue. Don’t keep trying to make your case . . you have done so . . now give her time to take it in and think on it. When she wants more insight and details, she will ask, and you can answer honestly. In some measure – we all have faced or will face this situation, and why we all are wishing you the very best.

Susan

[Angela2me]

Marissa,

Great outcome so far. Keep it going and keep it open.
If I were to suggest anything, it would be to offer some time share.
Plan some time when you want to be in femme mode and offer some special time to spoil your wife. Give and take.

Good luck.
Angela