"please be more masculine"

[pinto]

... that's what my wife told me yesterday.

Since one year i am wearing ladies jeans. After i was having problems to find the right size for me (men's always were much too long) i tried ladies jeans and oh wonder they fit really good. My wife agreed and so i was having a great excuse to wear women's jeans.
Later i started to wear ladies panties (just plain ones). My excuse: "because they look so good and i like the fit". Ok, she accepted.
Some days ago she found also the panties with the ruffles. My excuse: "i didn't see it when i bought them but they fit really good" That was truth. She accepted.
I lost some weight and so my breasts start hanging (a good b-cup). I said that it disturbes when we are running. I would like to have something to support them. I bought a sportsbra (80 B). She found it and i wore it. I told her that it really supports and i like the feeling besides it's nice to be a woman. She seemed to accept.

My wife is quite dominant and actually the man in the house. Yesterday i snuggled on her shoulder and she said: "please stop that. please be more masculine. all those bras and panties. be a man!"

So what now? I was totally down. Any suggestions? Thanks in advance.

[kimdl93]

I think you need to be more honest with your wife and with yourself. If you want her to accept your CDing, you need to have a real conversation about it. She's probably and quite understandably confused by your incremental changes, but has no way to process what she's seeing.

[Intertwined]

Of course, I don't see the big picture, but my GUESS ! Sounds like she is comfortable enough with what you are wearing, BUT, when it comes to being intimate, she dosn't want ANYTHING to do with you being feminine.

My wife was fairly open and comfortable with my CD, one of the rules she laid down, Never wear feminine while trying to be intimate, one night, after she had gone to Sleep, I wore a bra to bed, figuring she would never know, she woke wanting to be intimate, reached over to me, found I was wearing the bra, WWII, we have not slept in the same bed since, 2 years now...

[JenniferR771]

Let me guess. Domineering, (like my wife), she is wearing low heeled sneakers, short hair, no makeup and pants. You could try not shaving, drink some beer, watch football, and fart. Scratch what itches.

Seriously Kimdl is right. You are pushing her limits--more and more femmy clothes--she cannot help but wonder, "Where will this end?" Do not let the pink cloud obscure your vision. Appreciate her tolerance and do not push to far too fast. This is a relationship. Give and take. Listen to her and appreciate her wants and needs. At least TRY to understand where she is coming from.

[suchacutie]

It really is not possible to comment since there are so many details in a relationship. You've only mentioned a single thread out of a tangled ball which is a life and marriage. Thus, I can only talk from my own perspective.

I feel that there is a time and a place for everything one wants to accomplish. For me, that means there are times that I'm needed as a father, at times the person who supports the household and family, times to be a husband, and also times to let Tina be herself. My wife appreciates that I understand the differences between and among these and all the other aspects of our life together. I appreciate that she understands the various aspects of my internal life. Mutual respect, understanding, and compassion go a long way toward making a relationship in which both parties cannot only be happy, but can thrive in the joy that marriage can bring.

Just my 2 cents.

tina

[Sara Jessica]

Very simple, as has been pointed out already, you have been less than honest in conveying your motivations for doing what you are doing. You are making up little fibs that probably seem plausible on your end but she is likely seeing right through them. And chances are good that when she married, she married who she thought was a "man".

Try seeing things from her POV for once, maybe you won't feel so down any longer.

[Wendy_Marie]

Pinto,
you have arrived at those crossroads we all find ourselves facing at some point..now which way you go depends entirely up to you....look your options and feelings over carefully because the next decision is going to be one of those that could very well affect not just you, but your SO for the rest of your life...not trying to put any pressure on you it's just that sometimes an impartial observor who is in the back ground can see things that we don't see which are staring us right in the face.

[danielle.cd]

sounds to me like u need to talk and set some guid lines so that u can have your dressing time and she can have her man

[anonymousinmaryland]

Sorry to hear this. I like Danielle's response. Go slow. The caution flag is out. Don't blow it.

[Joanna41]

I have to concur with the advice already given so far. You need to be honest with her and tell her your intentions. Like others have said, she seems open about it but probably is worried she is losing the man she married and doesn't know why. Talk to her!

Joanna

[Pythos]

Well I can see, hiding in plain site has also failed.

However, how would she react if she was ordered to be more "feminine".

What you should have done when she said that rather disgusting statement, (this day and age), is "Well, what do you mean by more masculine?" and then let her explain what she actually means. Then if he explanation fits the popular media description of masculine, inform her of that. This possibly was a grand opportunity. In future do exercise a "manly" trait, and that is, be assertive.

You are making excuses however, and should just be honest.

[Deana ♥ Danni]

I agree with Kimdl93 and AllieGG. I think honesty is the best policy. Take some time and sit down and talk with her, let her know what you are thinking and feeling. I think it tells your SO a lot when you can really open up and be completely honest with them

Pax et bonum,
Deana

[prettytoes]

My wife found my stash of clothes while I was away for a weekend. I had pretty much been wearing panties for a number of years; I told her they were more comfortable and they were cheaper than men's. When she found my clothes, she had no idea. I had sent many hints over the years, trying to "test the waters" and see what her reaction was.
Her main concerns were to be expected:
#1-Are you gay? Absolutely not, I have no romantic interest in men; I love looking at beautiful women
#2-Do you want to become a woman? No, I am happy with all my parts where they are!
I explained to her that I just feel more comfortable and at ease in women's clothing. It just feels more natural to wear satin panties and a bra, a denim mini skirt, clingy yoga pants; I sleep much better in a nightie, and I love having painted toe nails and toe rings. I have been much happier and less stressed since I am able to satisfy my feminine urges. She has requested some boundries, which I have no problem respecting. She does not want to see me in a skirt or dress. But she does wash all my clothes (skirts, bras, panties, etc) with no problems. I also try to avoid advertising the fact that I am wearing a bra to her. I usually wear a sport bra when I am working out, or going for my early morning bikeride. I tell her constantly that I love being her man and that I appreciate everything she does for me. I also bought her the book "My Husband Wears My Clothes". We both read it and it was very helpful and did a great job explaining things.
I think you should sit down with your wife and explain how you feel and talk about it. She knows that you wear the clothes, but it seems that she has no idea why. If she has the same questions in her head that my wife asked me it could be tearing her up inside. Good luck!

[ReineD]

My wife is quite dominant and actually the man in the house. Yesterday i snuggled on her shoulder and she said: "please stop that. please be more masculine. all those bras and panties. be a man!"

It might actually come as a surprise to her that you think of her like this.

I don't know what's worse ... non-disclosure, or outright lies about the motivation for wearing women's clothes. This is manipulation to the extreme.

If I were your wife, I'd feel angry over having been duped like this. I'd hate all this passive/aggressive behavior. I'd have a hard time trusting you again. It is not the CDing that is at fault here, it is your inability to be forthright.

Sorry if this is harsh, but as they sometimes say here, you do need to grow a pair. I'd say the same thing to a woman if the shoes were reversed.

Honesty, courage, and self-responsibility have nothing to do with gender.

[docrobbysherry]

Pinto, who r u trying to fool? Us, or yourself? Because you're NOT fooling your SO!

Start figuring out WHAT U WANT! And, start communicating with your wife. Or, if u prefer, u may have to start communicating with a divorce lawyer!

[*Vanessa*]

... that's what my wife told me yesterday.

Since one year i am wearing ladies jeans. After i was having problems to find the right size for me (men's always were much too long) i tried ladies jeans and oh wonder they fit really good. My wife agreed and so i was having a great excuse to wear women's jeans.
Later i started to wear ladies panties (just plain ones). My excuse: "because they look so good and i like the fit". Ok, she accepted.
Some days ago she found also the panties with the ruffles. My excuse: "i didn't see it when i bought them but they fit really good" That was truth. She accepted.
I lost some weight and so my breasts start hanging (a good b-cup). I said that it disturbes when we are running. I would like to have something to support them. I bought a sportsbra (80 B). She found it and i wore it. I told her that it really supports and i like the feeling besides it's nice to be a woman. She seemed to accept.

My wife is quite dominant and actually the man in the house. Yesterday i snuggled on her shoulder and she said: "please stop that. please be more masculine. all those bras and panties. be a man!"

So what now? I was totally down. Any suggestions? Thanks in advance.

I danno, snuggle bunny, finish your thought first. What does all this mean to you? I agree with Doc. You aren't fooling anyone, including your SO
You'll be fine. I think woman's bluejeans fit better then boy also. Actually I know they do, it's just how I'm built, outside.

[Schatten Lupus]

Put yourself in her shoes. One thing that undoubtedly sticks out to her like a sore thumb is the willingness of a man to wear female clothing. Most men would not be caught dead wearing women's clothing, especially underwear, and you have shown a willingness to wear them. You would have to be a fool to not think your wife is very suspicious and wondering why. You owe it to her to be open and honest, rather than continuing what seems to be a charade based on deceit. She probably has figured you are only giving excuses, and have some underlying motive.
She seems to have wanted a man in a relationship, and your relation fails because of it, then it can be asked if it was even meant to be in the first place. And it seems you have reached a point in which failure to be open and honest will only cause further strain in your relationship. It may just be she really wants a man to be laying with her at night. And from reading on this forum, it doesn't seem very uncommon for our SO's to be turned off, and even weirded out, by our dressing during intimate moments. And it's understandable; we drop what can be a bombshell on our SO's, so if they need time to adjust it should be understood and honored.

[Veronica Lacey]

Hi Pinto...

In your own words you have used the word "excuse" every time you described what you explained to your wife. The word excuse to many others means it's just something you said to cover your true feelings.

A second thought about what you quoted your wife as saying - "be a man" - maybe she just wants you to be up front and honest about your wants when it comes to dressing. Stop making "excuses" and be straight up. Stating "I bought them because I want to wear them" is more manly than My excuse: "i didn't see it when i bought them but they fit really good" That was truth. She accepted. Perhaps your wife can accept your dressing but wants you to "be a man" and stand up for your principles and true intentions. I agree with Reine D's last line; it speaks volumes.

I am hoping that things will improve for you, Pinto, but perhaps a new way of expressing your "truth" to your wife is required. Not saying that is what she meant but it's a possibility. Nothing but good intentions to you!

[Kathy4ever]

I understand your delima. My wife has the same thoughts as your wife. Maybe once in awhile give her what she wants. I agree there is aution flag being raised by your wife. Maybe that is just one day thing or she is trying to tell you something. When my wife goes off I give her what she wants for a day or two but then revert back to myself.

[Raychel]

Went thru the same thing here, I have been going to bed almost nightly with my sleep forms and a nightie. Yesterday my wife said that she tried to snuggle with me and found that I was extra squishey. She said no boobs in bed. So I guess that is that for a while.

Although, I have been dressing this way for bed for a few months now, and she just now noticed, So not so sure how big of an issue it is.

[BRANDYJ]

Let me make this simple.... Be more masculine as she asked! The more you show her that you are iun fACT "HER" MAN, the more she might accept your part time fem side. That is, assuming you want to keep it part time and that you want to keep your wife happy. It does sound like you have not been open and honest with her, but instead you showeed her a fem side using weak excuses as to why you wanted to wear the clothes you mntioned. Noit a good way to introduce your wife to your fem side. Like Reine said, grow a pair. And isten to your wife...be more masculine....for her, around her and with her.

[Tina B.]

did you ask her to be more feminine? Maybe she would find that as hard as having to act more masculine might be for you.
Tina B.

[pinto]

I am not really upright to her that's true. I mentioned a few times that it is nice to be a woman but never in the way "i want to be a woman with all my heart" or whatever explicite explanation. If some of you are blaming they are right - i am a chicken concerning that subject. I hope to gain the necessary courage.

She really is dominant, she knows it herself and she often acts like a "macho family man". No problem for me but what confused me was the fact that she wants a masculine man while she very often acts like one.
During our marriage i tried a few different ways. In the beginning i was masculine dominant and it always caused troubles because of her dominant character. So i decided to be more humble and obedient and sub. So it started to get much better. Her will was done and i even enjoyed it. But it seems once in a while she wants the "macho man" back. So what now?

[Karren H]

If she were really dominate, she wouldn't ask you so nicely! She'd force you!! Lol. My wife is always saying "you look like a girl". Or "you do that like a girl".... So I stop doing what ever it was I was doing.... Till I forget again...

[Marie-Elise]

If she were really dominate, she wouldn't ask you so nicely! She'd force you!! Lol. My wife is always saying "you look like a girl". Or "you do that like a girl".... So I stop doing what ever it was I was doing.... Till I forget again...

I can't hear her tone of voice but it sounds like your wife is repeatedly demeaning you and that is a little bit disturbing. I like to wear women's clothes but I would never let my wife tell me anything like that. It's akin to a man repeatedly telling his wife that she is stupid or something like that. It would be called psychological abuse if it was a man doing it to a woman.