"Trying" HRT

[Shayna2008]

Hi everyone! It's been a while since I've posted here last, but I still love this place.

I have been wrestling with this issue for years: sometimes wanting HRT and at other times deciding that HRT is not right for me. I have seen therapists over the years (3) about this and I have actually decided to start seeing one of them again (made an appointment for this week actually). My family also knows of my interest in HRT.

I have doubts that I am transsexual. I don't have any problems with my male self, or my male body. I do not feel that I can no longer go on as a male. However femininity is a part of my personality, and I have no issues with this. I do like cross-dressing. I want to be able to fill out bras, panties, lingerie and dress up my body with outfits and not need false breasts, padded panties, etc.

After thinking about this for some time, I've found that the transformation aspect appeals to me. Knowing that I'm changing appeals to me. I'd still like to function as a male but also have the option to live as a woman as well. Gender fluid is the term that can be used I suppose. Having to slip on padded panties, breast-forms, etc makes dressing as Shayna feel more like a costume to me. I'm know I'd like having the actual curves and secondary sex characteristics to show off if I so desire. I also think about the psychological effects of this as well. I know that having more estrogen won't necessarily change what I feel or like, but that I'd likely be more emotionally expressive. I'm also aware that HRT is no "magic bullet" that changes everything just like that. There are different results for each individual.

For me there are many sides to this, and one of them is sexual as well. I don't know if "transformation fetish" would be a proper name for this. I want more sensitive skin and other features a partner would find arousing (whether it be a male or female one) such as breast growth, curves, etc. I do find a certain eroticism in looking in the mirror, and liking/enjoying the changes that would occur over time.

I have read about HRT a lot over the years and know this is a major thing to do to one's self. I'm aware that there are risks. However I don't want to struggle with this my whole life, wondering if I should or shouldn't pursue this. I've been dressing since I've been elementary school aged, and as of the writing of this post I'm now 25 years old. Going on both sides of the gender fence is a central part of who I am. I'm still young yes, but time is ticking on by, and you don't get time back.

Is anybody else dealing with an issue like this? What are your thoughts of "trying HRT" (under a doctor's supervision of course)? By trying I mean starting on it and stopping it if I find that I have an issue (health, etc..) I know there's a process of getting a note from a psychiatrist and the doctor needing that note, etc. I have no intentions of "self-medicating". I'd like to do this the legal, right way, under supervision. I'm pretty healthy. Not much of a drinker, I don't smoke at all, don't do any drugs, and I'm physically active. I've lost much weight and now it's just a matter of trying to keep it in the 155lb area.

What are your thoughts on this? Thank you for your time.
-Shayna

[Michelle.M]

The answer is very simple. If you think you're not ready, then you're not. When you are ready it'll be just about all you can think of, you'll pursue the issue with your therapist and then begin.

[Melody Moore]

Hormone therapy is going to impact on a lot more things than you think it will. The way you think
will change, along with how you will react to different situations with different emotions. Your ability
to function sexually as a male will also be affected as well as all the health risks you have to deal with.
You have to do whatever you need to do, but personally, I wouldn't advise playing around with HRT.

[Kristy_K]

Hi Shayna,
I did the hrt like you talk about on and off without the Dr. Not a good I dear but did work for me. When you stop you slide back on size. There are also many ways to do it and some are not good for some people so get a Dr on you side. Now I want a Dr. to keep a eye on me and know what I am doing. Not only that when you do need to go to the Dr you won't blow them away with your breast.
Two weeks ago I seen I therapist for the first time. I kept putting it off because I figure that it was mostly sexual with me. I had major back surgery and realize that the desire to CD was there but not the sexual thoughts. To many drugs in me to even think about sex. Then I thought that because I don't like men that transitioning wasn't for me. Then a friend on mine so yeah so what. You have never heard of Lesbians? My second visit
9-7-11 I went as Kristy which was the first time ever out of the house as Kristy. I was so scare. But I love it. I felt so free. I have been many places sense then and have been treated very nice. Like a Queen most of the time. My voice is male. My hands are big. I am very tall. I can turn people heads from the my height alone. People my look at me at first but I haven't caught them staring at me or us when I am with anyone. People seem to like me more now especially the lady's. My whole point about this for me is. That it didn't seem to matter how good I was acting as a woman. I feel that people seen me so happy to be me that they wanted to be with me. Because I have accepted myself for who I am. Even all of my friends that I have came out to has said I am so much happier now. I am myself have decided to start transitioning. I was so scare almost 3 weeks ago to let someone see me. Now I want people to see me free and happy because I am being me. I can now say that I really love the person I see in the looking glass now. People may not think I am beautiful. I think I have a beauty in me because I like what I see now. Some I could never say before. It seems happiness is like money. People love to be around it
I for myself feel that I release myself from my prison. For me now transitioning seems to be the only answer that will work. I have never enjoy life, in my whole life as I have these last few weeks. I walk talk and keep them girls out in front and I am loving ever minute of it. Accepting me was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. It took me over fifty years to do it. The rewards I have received have been fantastic for me mentally. I love life and me now.
I learn now if you don't like who you are. Then why shall anyone else like who you are.

[Stephenie S]

Dear Shayna,

The truth is that there are no absolutes. You can always change your mind right up to the moment the surgeon picks up his scalpel. That is, after all, the whole idea behind the RLE. To see if you really want to function as a female in society.

Want to try hormone therapy? Go ahead. You can ALWAYS change your mind. You can always say, "Whoops, I thought that was for me, but I tried it and it wasn't. I gave it my best shot though." This is SO much better than wishing and wanting all your life and never getting up the gumption to actually try it.

Find a therapist, get your hormone letter, give it a try. If you don't like it, stop. Simple.

Stephie

[Aprilrain]

Give it a whirl. Be warned that if "functioning as a male" is important to you and your taking transition level doses you will likly be disappointed as the drugs will eventually make it difficult to impossible to maintain erections and or have orgasms. At least that is my experience.

[stacie]

Going back and talking to a therapist will help you answer many of your questions and will also help you work through them. Good Luck

[ReineD]

I have doubts that I am transsexual. I don't have any problems with my male self, or my male body.

... For me there are many sides to this, and one of them is sexual as well.

You might want to read this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hormone...ale-to-female). Here are some highlights:

Changes that won't occur:

• HRT does not usually cause facial hair growth to be impeded or the voice to change.

Irreversible changes:

• Breast development
• Enlarged nipples and areolae
• Stretch marks (for some)

Note the breast development is individual. There's no telling how long it will take to get modest growth and there are no guarantees you won't need breast implants to finish the job.

Reversible changes:

• Decreased libido
• Reduced gonadal size
• Redistribution of body fat
• Reduced muscle development
• Various skin changes
• Significantly reduced body hair
• Change in body odor and sweat production
• Less prominence of veins
• Ocular changes

Risks:

• Deep venous thrombosis
• Pulmonary embolism
• Per HB Standards p. 14 (see below): development of benign pituitary prolactinomas, infertility, weight gain, emotional lability, liver disease, gallstone formation, somnolence, hypertension, and diabetes mellitus.

And since sexuality is important to you, here's a thread from this section about shrinkage: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...Much-Shrinkage

And the best resource of all: Harry Benjamin Standards of Care - 6th Version

[DebbieL]

Seeing the therapist s a good first step. There are a number of possibilities you may uncover:

• You really WOULD like to be a girl full time and have accepted you male self because you didn't feel like you had an option.
  You really want to remain as a man, and want to be able to dress more easily.
  You really want to be more androgynous - making minor changes that will give you other options.
  You would like to go as far as you safely can before making the final decision.

Being conflicted isn't that uncommon.

For some of us, there is no question that we want to become women, but resources are an issue.

For others, we want to become women, but worry about logistics during the transition period (I can't go to work with B-Cups as a guy).

Sometimes, as we get closer to making the transition, we begin to realize what we would lose by giving up the male persona.

For some, the consequences are unacceptable. If turning yourself into a girl meant you could never see your children again, never see your parents again, never see your old friends again, and you would have to pay half your after-tax income for 15-20 years to support the children you'd never see again-- could you do it?

If, in order to participate in your favorite activities, such as church and charity fund-raisers and politics, you had to burn or hide every picture of you as a male, and live like you were in the witness protection plan, -- could you do it?

A licensed professional with experience in gender identity issues will help you sort all of this out. They can help you identify the issues and concerns, weigh the costs and benefits, and help you make informed choices that include both the benefits and the consequences.

EVen then, the choice isn't necessarily final and forever. Circumstances change, people change, even the culture changes. For me,
When my grandfather died, I didn't have to keep it a secret.
Getting to the end of child support made it easier to be "out" as a girl.
When my dad died, he wanted me to "be myself", even if that was Debbie.

But each person is different, and each has their own needs and consequences. They may have lots of support and resources, or they may be very limited and have to decide whether being a woman is worth having to sell yourself to raise the funds for the medical procedures.

Good luck which ever way you choose to go.

[joanne2b]

Hi Shayna
If you do decide to 'try' HRT this is what will happen.
After the initial taking and the feeling of changes taking place you will have a feeling of euphoria, you will be a little alarmed at the degree of pain and sensitivity in your breasts, this is normal you will be excited as you see breasts developing and the difference when wearing a bra, small changes but changes there will be then you will perhaps think again and stop, it's gone far enough..
When the sensitivity eases and there is no feeling of change taking place you will start again, this will happen time and again and each time your breast will have grown (you are at a good age to start) and the more you see filling out your bra the more you will want, 'oh, just a little more' untill the time will come when you can no longer take your top off at the beach or in company without revealing your BUST.
Having been there just as you write about this was my experience, the only difference being that I now intend going all the way with SRS i enjoy being female that much my only regret is that i did not do it when your age but we did not have access to information as is available today at the touch of a button.
There is no better feeling than seeing your changes happen, if you decide to, enjoy but remember you will always want more, and if you decide that it's not for you then the only way out is surgery, they will not just go away .. joanne.

[Shayna2008]

First I'd like to thank everyone for their replies. I still have plenty to think about. This is why I'm returning to therapy. I am also considering the permanence of some of these changes, as a few here had mentioned. At this point in my life I have no children, I have no wife. I just moved into my own place and live on my own. I believe that this is the best situation I could be in to try something major like this. These of course are not the only reasons I have for seriously considering this. There are other things I'm weighing as well. I feel that it's impossible to consider all of the implications involved in something as major as HRT, since there are so many aspects of life this affects. It seems that for me the only way is to try, and experience for myself what issues (if any) surface as I go through the changes. If things reach a critical point, then I inform my doctor and begin the process of stopping HRT. If things remain stable and safe, then I continue on with HRT. To me this seems like the responsible way to go about this. I wish I could develop a concrete plan to stick to regarding HRT and being Shayna in general, but I find that I must feel-around for the answers and discover them. When I lived with family I had very little opportunity to dress and do things as Shayna, now I have much more freedom and space to be her. I just really want to explore this finally so I can develop a concrete idea as to how far I'm willing to go to be Shayna.

[CharleneT]

Shayna, you should know that in many cases the libido change is to lose it completely. I'm not trying to panic you with that. For me, I never lost it completely. I could still get an erection, and orgasm, right up to when the did the SRS (11 days ago). But there are conflicting results in the few studies of whether after a significant period of HRT, the libido changes will reverse or not. In other words, if you lose it completely and later go off HRT. It may not come back. Chances are it will, but it is a bet. I do not know of any concrete info on the shrinkage issues (penis and testicles will shrink, to differing degrees). They are listed as reversible, but I think most qualified endo's will tell you that they do not know for sure after approximately 6 months of HRT.

If I were you, I would make sure that you felt transition was the only option before going on HRT. RLE is not all a bed of rose scented sheets, I know that for me, one of the more unpleasant aspects of being in RLE is the feeling of being in limbo. To be in that state for a long time or life, just seems like it may not work. While waiting on said decision, start electrolysis - that is one thing that will drive you nuts: still clearing your face during RLE (should you end up there). In most cases this clearing takes years, hence my advice.

Either way, it is great to hear someone who has thought thru things so clearly.

[Hope]

You know hormones aren't toys.

You are still serious.

That is an indication right there...

It doesn't sound to me like you are interested in hormones for realistic reasons, but it is not for me to decide. It is up to YOU to decide. There are lots of doctors who view an initial course of HRT as a means of confirming a diagnosis. A short term on HRT will give you an idea of the emotional response (for me it was almost immediate even on an very low dose) and will confirm or rule out if being on HRT longer term is right for you. A short term HRT experiment poses little health risk and has very little risk of any permanent effect. If you don't like it - stop it.

For one thing - if this is just a fetish for you, you will HATE HRT. Your interest in sex will go from 100% to almost 0 - almost overnight. For lots of us, it is a relief... but will it be for you? One way to find out for sure.

[shapeshifter]

There is such a huge diversity of trans women - something that took me a lot of time on the Internet and some trans conferences to realize. On the "transformation fetish", you can relax. Plenty of trans women like transformation fiction. And a significant fraction of trans women were once aroused by women's clothing. Hell, a significant portion of cis women are aroused by women's clothing, by feeling attractive. Wanting to feel attractive - soft skin, curves, etc - is a pretty generic female trait anyway. When it comes to gender expression, some trans women are butch, some dress pretty but act like tomboys, and some are total girly girls. Some trans women are gentle, some are rough and tumble. There's really room for every personality type. And I'll just throw it in here, there are plenty of gay, straight, and bi trans women (it's actually approximately a 1:1:1 ratio between the three, interestingly enough). So honestly, forget gender stereotypes. No cis woman satisfies all of them, so why should every trans woman? The thing that truly matters is how you feel about your body.

I have a few things to say about sex. First off, you'll probably lose the ability to get erections. Are you cool with that? (That is unless you take viagra, like trans porn stars do.) Second, your orgasm and arousal will begin to resemble female sexual responses. Do you like that better than male sexual responses? Note that some trans women are happily non-op (i.e. they keep - and love to use - the peen). Is using a strap-on enough to satisfy your male sexual urges? Because plenty of women, cis and trans, use them.

I don't think HRT is that big a deal. Sterilization and breast/nipple growth and are permanent changes from HRT, yes. However, sterilization can be countered by sperm banking. Breasts shrink after going off HRT and in the worst case can be removed. And you can always stop before they start growing. Note that these two permanent changes most likely won't occur for several months, which is probably enough time to see if you like the mental and sexual changes. Also the facial fat redistribution from HRT tends to make you more attractive as a man - and as a crossdresser. As for health risks, that's why you get checked up by a doctor in the first place. With a doctor watching your blood tests, it's really quite safe. Suicide is orders of magnitude more dangerous than HRT. Afaik, most of the studies revealing HRT hazards are done on post-menopausal cis women - i.e. old ladies. You are not an old lady. In conclusion, HRT is a lot less scary than people make it out to be, and there is much to gain from trying it.

I have had my own doubts about transitioning, but considering how much I like HRT, they are quickly diminishing. I was NOT fully sure when I started, and I started specifically as a test. I'm far from the only person to do so. One of my trans friends gives the advice, "If you like being on hormones, don't stop."

[StaceyJane]

Shayna, I've been seeing a Doctor in the Austin area for HRT.
PM me if you have any questions about my doctor or finding a doctor in Austin.

[Annaliese2010]

This may sound dumb but I'm serious...like...how come in porn video clips you see these amazingly beautiful T-girls with fab natural breasts pretty faces great fem bods AND fully functional male genetalia? Seems to contradict the expected effect of HRT on THEM. I mean doesnt it?

[Jay Cee]

A question for you, Shayna: Do you have much in the way of facial hair? Because electrolysis and/or laser hair removal is part and parcel for most MTF transexuals. If you are serious about transitioning, maybe go for a few sessions to get an idea of what it feels like. Not trying to scare you, but it can hurt like hell, and you need to know what you may be in for.

On the plus side, you eventually get used to it. Kind of, sort of.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

dont worry about transformation fetish... i assumed that was my issue for many years..

There are 3 risks of the top of my head....health, libido changing forever/painful erections, and total failure to do ANYTHING to your body.... my thinking has evolved over the years.. i support trying HRT...if you know the facts, and you still are compelled to try, then that says you are serious...but pls understand....your skin doesnt always soften like you'd like, your hair might fall out, the HRT really only works if you supress testosterone, you may get very little breast growth...hips take forever, and lots of girls think it only really happens after having testes removed or srs...all these risks are real... my hair fell out as my body changed over the first year...the E part wasnt working, my blood work had issues, i almost had to stop....

btw my interest in sex didnt stop for YEARS...its much less today, but for the first 2 years, i felt almost no reduction in libido ..and i had very painful erections, with orgasms that felt like they hurt more...i know someone else this happened to..
more proof that HRT is wildly different in how it can effect you..because most girls had a different outcome there...

the true benefit of HRT is that you get to slowly start to feel emotionally like you are female.. even if your physical changes are small, this feeling almost always occurs...slowly but surely... the only way you can know is if you do it...
and do it right... you have to supress the testosterone...or you are wasting your time..

[Melody Moore]

This may sound dumb but I'm serious...like...how come in porn video clips you see these amazingly beautiful T-girls with fab natural breasts pretty faces great fem bods AND fully functional male genetalia? Seems to contradict the expected effect of HRT on THEM. I mean doesnt it?

Annaliese, I believe that '******** or Ladyboys' don't have any secret or do anything different from being
on hormone therapy to develop as females and retain male function. What these t-girls do is they stop taking
hormones a couple of months before they have to appear in a video shoot and also use Viagra on the day.
This will allow the transsexual to get an erection & maintain it and in some rare cases to even ejaculate. If
you look more closely at porn videos with transsexuals you will notice that most don't have much ejaculate
if any at all.

I am afraid to say that the adult entertainment video industry portrays transsexuals in a way that does not reflect
who we really are and how we function sexually. Even the term 'she-male' was invented solely for the porn industry
to make transsexuals exotic creatures of desire and a sexual fantasy. In Thailand they called them 'ladyboys' to also
give them the same appeal in the sex industry - but these are both terms that as a transsexual I personally find highly
offensive and extremely unrepresentative of the transsexual community.

I think if anyone has a fantasy to be a '******* or ladyboy' then they certainly appear to be very delusional about
everything. Because for most transsexuals the level of development the actresses in porn videos have attained
has only been made possible by fact that most of these people started transitioning when they were young. And
for many of them being in the adult video industry is only a means to earn the money to complete their transitions,
& often because they lack other skills to earn an income. And the truth is most don't like this line of work at all.

I don't know a single transsexual who takes hormones to become a 'She-male or Lady-boy' - we don't take
hormones under any delusion that the medications will turn us into these exotic creatures of sexual desire,
we take hormones because it calms us in our struggle with GID (Gender Identity Disorder). The feminising
affects & what it does to our bodies are secondary to why we actually take cross-sex hormones.

[Annaliese2010]

Annaliese...What these t-girls do is they stop taking
hormones a couple of months before they have to appear in a video shoot and also use Viagra on the day....

AH! Ok.......that makes sense! OMG...a couple months to get hard? God...forget it then!!! Guess that answers My question. Nah-uh... HRT is Not for me. Thnx

But I mean...ok. Then How can anyone Want to have HRT? It's like...OMG...your'e willing to give up the awesome feeling you get from your you-know-what down there? Why???

[Melody Moore]

But I mean...ok. Then How can anyone Want to have HRT? It's like...OMG...your'e willing to give up the awesome feeling you get from your you-know-what down there? Why???

I think you will find most M-F transsexuals are very uncomfortable with their male anatomy, at least I know I am anyway.

So most of us don't miss the 'male function'. Also just because you lose the ability to actually ejaculate,
it still doesn't mean that you can get an erection, you can, but it is harder to get it up and to maintain it.
Most transsexuals can still have an orgasm, but without any ejaculate. Pardon my frankness here... so
there is no sticky mess to have to deal with later.

And you have to realise that gender transition isn't for those that have a 'sexual fantasy' about becoming
a ladyboy or *******. Gender transition is for those that have a conflicting gender identity & physiology
and suffer Gender Identity Disorder (GID), also known as Gender Dysphoria or Harry Benjamin Syndrome
or transsexualism. Please take no offence to this, but my belief is that your lack of understanding about
why we go on HRT just highlights that you are not as 'transsexual' as you might believed. So my advice is
to talk to a therapist to find out what is best for you if you are still having thoughts about gender transition.

[Shayna2008]

Jay Cee, I have had laser hair removal back in 2009-2010, but I've been quite disappointed with the results. I have been looking up electrolysis providers in my area, as I've heard it's a tried and true method that's been around for quite some time. I wish I'd tried this first now that I look back on it. Regarding what you mentioned about the pain: I personally HATE my facial hair with a passion, and after years of shaving, tweezing, and lasers, I'm at the point where I'd gladly take the pain if it meant I'd eventually have substantially less facial hair/if any. My main concern is affordability and finding someone who is qualified and does quality work.

I've done research on HRT for years as I've struggled with whether or not it is for me. I'm at the point now where I feel I must at least try it. The way I see it, one of two outcomes will happen; it will be a wonderful thing that will make things "click into place" for me, or it will be something that I will quickly find I'm not willing to do over the long-term. I want to do this all under medical supervision in a safe, legal way. I know that every since I was elementary school aged, and possibly even younger if I think back far enough, that I've been going back and forth over the gender line. It's always been a central part of me.

I've heard different experiences from different people regarding sexual function. Some have said not much has changed libido-wise, and others have said they've lost interest. I've also heard it's a "use it or loose it" thing; the more you stimulate down there the more function you will retain (avoiding atrophy).

My main concern now is the HRT letter and the doctor's approval.
Here is a big question I have: If you go to the endo with a letter and good physical-health, what other criteria does he/she go by? Does it just depend on the individual doctor and their attitudes/beliefs? From the research I've done it sounds like the doctor is like the last "gate-keeper" in a way. Is there a specific code-of-ethics a doctor must take into account when deciding whether or not to give you a prescription?
Also is there usually a cost/charge you must pay for a therapist to create a letter if he/she feels you should get one?

[Melody Moore]

I've heard different experiences from different people regarding sexual function. Some have said not much has changed libido-wise, and others have said they've lost interest. I've also heard it's a "use it or loose it" thing; the more you stimulate down there the more function you will retain (avoiding atrophy).

Hi Shayna,

It is hard to know how you will be affected by HRT going from what other people say, the first thing you
need to realise is that many people have differing regimes for hormone therapy, some use anti-androgens
whereas others don't. Also dosage levels also have an affect as well as an individual's metabolism. But for
the most part you must expect it to impact on your sexuality and your libido. I do not have the same type
of libido as I had previously. So a lot has changed for me personally - I hardly think about sex nowadays.

[CharleneT]

A good doc will simply follow the WPATH guidelines. Look 'em up and give it a read sometime, it is important to know what the care givers are using as their template. Once you show up, assuming that letters says you have GID and you're in good health, and she/he is good, they will probably want to do some blood work first. Base line tests. Often, you'll wait a little after the first visit as the tests usually do not come back that day. In my case, it was a month, depends mostly on how busy your doc is. Once they know your baseline, and that there are not underlying problems, the doc will write out whatever scripts they believe will work for you. Once you start, they are likely to do repeats of those tests fairly often. Once every 3 months is common. After a year or so, if things are ok, they'll slow way down on the blood tests.

[CatAttack]

If you want to try it, then go for it. I don't see why not. You seem to be informed enough to know what you are getting into, and if you decide it's not for you and stop within a few months, things will return to normal, more or less. But if you decide that HRT is for you, are you prepared to transition?

My main concern now is the HRT letter and the doctor's approval.
Here is a big question I have: If you go to the endo with a letter and good physical-health, what other criteria does he/she go by? Does it just depend on the individual doctor and their attitudes/beliefs? From the research I've done it sounds like the doctor is like the last "gate-keeper" in a way. Is there a specific code-of-ethics a doctor must take into account when deciding whether or not to give you a prescription?
Also is there usually a cost/charge you must pay for a therapist to create a letter if he/she feels you should get one?

If you are in good physical health, the endo will probably see if you are a smoker, because nicotine increases the chances of blood clots and other negative side effects. Then they will do blood work to make sure all your levels are normal. My endo asked me a bunch of questions about what I wanted to achieve with HRT and like my brief history [when did you know you were trans, etc].

There's no charge [at least mine didn't charge me] for your therapist to write the letter. Just know that most therapists will require a certain amount of counseling before they will consider writing the letter, like at least a few months. In my experience, the endo is usually pretty busy and your appointment will be even more months after your therapist sends the letter. But that's just how it was for me/the area that I live, so I don't know if anyone else shares this experience. If you start seeing the therapist now with the intention of getting hormones, you might not get the prescription until like spring/summer of next year. So you'll still have plenty of time to think this over.