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Thread: Need Clarification

  1. #1
    Silver Member AKAMichelle's Avatar
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    Need Clarification

    Not to long ago I read a post about how cd'ers wanted to be with a man when dressed. This got me wondering why?

    I have heard for years that gender and sex are different but here is an example where they are the same. Why is it that you want to be with a man when dressed but never do when dressed as a male?
    Michelle

  2. #2
    Silver Member RenneB's Avatar
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    Not me, I have no desire to be with a man. In fact, I would love to be in the company of other CDrs or GGs. Now if I can only find that key that'll get me out of this closet so I can get out..... shhh I hear the guards coming.... LOL. I'll be breaking out in the near future, but don't tell anyone.... just yet.

    Renne.....

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    I can't really answer from me as I am one of the gay minority of CDs, but a friend told me a while ago that she yearned to be as fem as possible when dressed, and saw being with a guy as a sort of holy grail of CDing. Perhaps someone has the answer, I always assumed that those who fancied men when dressed, had to be at least a little bi, but maybe unable to admit it to themselves when not dressed.

    Please don't hurt me, it's just the way I saw things as someone who used to think they were bi!

  4. #4
    new girl in town cassandra54's Avatar
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    this is a little complicated at least for me. i am bi, live with an SO in a semi-platonic relationship. she is okay with everything i do. when i say i am bi, i mean in the last 34 years of my life i've only had three experiences with men. one of them was with him and his wife. for some reason i am not attracted to gay men and finding men who say they are bi and dominant is extremely hard, so in a sense i have given up hope of finding a man who is a man when he is with me. case in point if you look at personal ads on CL, it will literally scare you straight. the same goes with some adult sites i have visitied.
    as far as crossdressing goes, it doesn't matter anymore if i am dressed either with a man or a woman. yes it would be nice, but it's not a deal breaker. it's more about my quality of life. in the past few months, i've really gotten into crossdressing and while i have desires, this is the first time in my life when having an intimate partner was not a must. cassandra has become almost celibate and it would take someone special for her.
    i know it may sound weird, but having a nice life as a man and sometimes as a woman has transcended the urge for intimacy, not the deisre or want, but just the urge.
    man, i feel like a woman

  5. #5
    The best of both worlds Kathi Lake's Avatar
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    I think Beth hit the nail on the head. It's all about admitting it. After all, if you're dressed as a woman and really, really feel like a woman, then it's OK to feel that way, right?



    Kathi

  6. #6
    Full-Time Duality NathalieX66's Avatar
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    It's a very unique situation to be objectified. I've had guys buy me drinks ,and and ask me if they want me to dance with them.
    Only problem is my mind is pretty focused on women.

    Now if I can only find a way to spend nothing on drinks without appearing like a con artist.

  7. #7
    Member tiffanyjo89's Avatar
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    While I've had the fantasies about being with a man...I feel like I am 100% straight (although maybe not, if you look at CDing as presenting as woman, even though what's hanging between your legs and your desire to keep it functional and also live life as a normal male indicate that you don't feel want to be a woman...at least not full time, then I am bi...gendered.)

    To clarify that last statement, as a man, I have no desires to be with a man in any capacity. Dressed as a woman (partial or otherwise), I may fantasize about having a man take me, but I don't want to act on those desires...I would, however, act on desires to be a woman in a scenario involving another woman me, perhaps, being a little bit submissive to her.

    I feel like fantasy and reality are separate and just because you may get off on the idea of being with a member of the same genetic birth group you are, you are not gay unless you decide to actively seek out said relations. Dressing as a woman and being with a man still qualifies you as gay, unless you feel that you must live life as a woman, or at least a very womanly man.

    How I look at it, if I enter into your apartment and see nothing but women's clothing and nothing that would outright indicate a guy lived there, but I know that a man regularly "visits" said apartment, I'd believe whoever lived that was a normal sexually active woman. To counter that, if I saw stuff to indicate a man lived there, and knew a man (who didn't live there) regularly "visited," I'd say who ever lived there was a gay man. If there were equal amounts of men's and women's clothing, and two people lived there, straight couple, one person living there, crossdresser...

    I hope this makes sense...
    I'm a guy who likes girls, I just like a little more about them than the average guy.

  8. #8
    Silver Member DebbieL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AKAMichelle View Post
    Not to long ago I read a post about how cd'ers wanted to be with a man when dressed. This got me wondering why?

    I have heard for years that gender and sex are different but here is an example where they are the same. Why is it that you want to be with a man when dressed but never do when dressed as a male?
    Very often, it's not just dressed as a woman, but dressed a certain way. We sometimes refer to it as the Cinderella complex. Those who don't get the chance to dress all the time generally like to make it as special as they can. They wear clothing they consider sexy. This might be a shorter skirt, high heels, stockings or sheer hose, and a blouse we consider sexy and flattering to our figures. And because we are dressing to please ourselves, we can get aroused just looking at ourselves in the mirror.

    Often, underneath, we will have a corset or waist cincher to help our figures, and some breast forms.

    Every single item has been chosen for it's sensual look and feel.

    Before putting on this outfit, we shaved our legs or used lotion. We showered, shaved our faces extra close, and applied make-up very carefully. We styled a wig we chose very carefully because it made us look our best.

    Before that we did diet and exercise to get rid of weight that didn't fit our ideal feminine image.

    And now we get the chance to go to a party where there are other beautiful women, both real and TG, and the women are looking for men. Finding a woman might be very difficult, and might violate agreements we have with our spouses or lovers. As we are dancing, getting some wonderful exercise and having a good time with other women and TGs. With a couple of drinks, we are starting to feel a bit frisky. We begin to see a handsome man who has joined us, and he begins looking at us. He obviously likes what he sees. He's fit, well dressed, polite, and well groomed.

    He starts to dance with us, and at first keeps his distance, trying to determine whether the interest is mutual. We begin to flirt, and he begins to flirt back. He moves closer. You like his attention. It affirms you as a woman. You hoped you are beautiful, but you like having someone else think your beautiful. He's also wearing something that captures your fantasies too. Perhaps the jacket reminds you of James Bond, or the leather jacket and chaps stirs visions of being teased and pleased while bound. Your mind begins to think of the wonderful things he could do for you.

    Then, feeling a bit more aroused, you start to flirt with him more aggresively. Perhaps you move closer, putting your leg between his. He puts his hand around your waist, and holds your other hand. You begin to disco dance, moving with each other, touching each other. You feel his hands caressing your waist, your thighs, and your skirt. You begin to enjoy this touch, especially as each sensation is dispersed by the stockings and tight fabrics. Each touch becomes electric. You are tucked so he can't see that you are becoming aroused, but your mind is beginning to think of wonderful things he could do to you. If he can get you this excited dancing, what could he do when you're alone?

    You press yourself against him, and see that he is having some wonderful thoughts about you! What would he like to do with you? What would he want you to do for him?

    Suddenly, the music slows down and gets softer. You find yourself in his arms, being held like a woman, very aware that he is aroused. He begins to whisper into your ear. He tells you how beautiful you are, how much he enjoys your outfit, and begins to suggest some really delightful activities that sound delightful. He lets you know that he wants you to wear your lingerie, to be his woman. He wants to caress you, kiss you, hug you, and seduce you. He also lets you know what he wants from you, and at this point, the fantasies and atmosphere and sensations are making it sound wonderful. Even better, you didn't have to do that much to get everything started and to move things forward. All you have to do is let him know you want it, and he is yours.

    Yes, you would much rather that a beautiful sexy woman was making these offers, but that never seems to happen. On the other hand, here is a handsome man, ready to let you live out your wildest sexual fantasies, and what he wants in return seems so trivial in comparison.

    Can you see why, under these circumstances, you might be ready to go to his place, or yours, or at least find a hallway or private area where you can see if he can really deliver.

    Keep in mind, he knows you're a T-girl or TG, and he knows a number of ways to please you that are very specific to the wardrobe and the gender identity. He knows how to touch you that are specially practiced to excite a CD or TS. He can make you feel like a beautiful sexy woman while turning you on as a man, and keeping you on the edge for as long as he wants. By the time you get down to taking care of HIM, you've had such a good time that you would be more than willing to do things that you would never have wanted to do with a man as a man, without that incredible foreplay.

    Of course, you also know that this is probably a one-night stand, and that he probably won't call you again, and might not even try to pick you up again if you're both at the same club the following week. But at the same time, you begin to realize that there are dozens of nice looking men, many of whom are showing through dress, mannerisms, and behavior, that they also know how to make you crazy with lust, if you're willing to play.

    Perhaps the day will come, when you meet that woman who is willing to be equally seductive with you. She is willing to seduce you and take control. She knows how to get you excited and lets you know how much seeing you in your sexy outfit turns her on. She will kiss you, hold you, and put her leg between yours. Then she will tell you she's going to take you home, tie you up, and tease you all night long. At that point, you won't care that she's wearing slacks and flats, that she could lose 40-50 lbs, that she is a bit older, and that she isn't wearing make-up. When she gets you home she might put on her sexy teddy and thigh highs, or her corset and stockings. And she will seduce you as aggressively as any man would. And when she wants you satisfy her, you enjoy it even more than you would with a man.
    Last edited by Sandra; 09-20-2011 at 10:08 AM. Reason: Edited out unsuitable references

  9. #9
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    Damn, Debbie.
    That was HOT !!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. #10
    Feelin' Girly KrystalA's Avatar
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    An alternative to Debbie's post - suppose the one you encounter is another CDer, attractive and sensual, and you, of course, were aware that she was really a man, and she seemed to be attracted to you also, knowing you were male. You talk a while and then decide to go somewhere private. It begins as a 'lesbian' encounter, with hand-holding, flirting and girl talk. She kisses you and you respond willingly because you are each attracted to the other's female persona. Both of you, being basically 'straight' males, know what the other would like. Would the encounter lead to manual pleasure or perhaps oral pleasure? Can one really answer that question, having never had such an experience? I don't think so. Personally, it sounds like an exciting fantasy scenario, but I can't honestly say what the outcome would be.
    [SIZE="3"][/SIZE]Life is what happens while you're making other plans

  11. #11
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    Dressing in women's clothes has a strong effect on the libido as if we were taking a magic pill. If you could take a pill that kept the libido flat when dressed, then I would suggest the number of man fantasies and I dare say, the number that try on woman's clothes would drop. I think it is that much of a stimulate especially when young of age.

    As you get older, the effect of dressing on the libido becomes less intense but the desire for that level of sex drive is still there. Adding men to the equation makes that happen at least temporarily. It is the new, the forbidden. Like a lot of us, that appeals to me as well sometimes but I know why so it never concerns me.

    As a male in drab, can I see myself kissing another man? No, not ever. That is a good test for the mind.

    When I am dressed for a routine day, do I think about men? No. I dress now because I am slowly evolving.

    It is all about libido on the sex side of things. At least that is my take on this.

    Kitty

  12. #12
    Member Joanna41's Avatar
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    Lol...I saw how long it was and was about to not read all of it...glad I didn't skim through it...great fantasy story Debbie.

    Joanna
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Be who you are...not who you think I want you to be

  13. #13
    Silver Member Inna's Avatar
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    [SIZE="3"]I will tell you a story:[/SIZE]

    As many of you know I am a transsexual but for the longest I was just a CDer doing regular, Fabulous stuff CDers do. I was and am into woman like no tomorrow, and now openly discuss this stuff with my female friends (somehow now being open about my TS puts me into a trust circle of anything goes).

    On day I was supremely down, depressed and on my knees and talking to my sis who repeatedly tried to get me out of the predicament but failed miserably. Then few minutes after she hangup, another phone call, I look at the dial and it is her number ringing back!
    "Hello" I answered, to my surprise her lovely husband is now on the other end. First I was surprised and slowly as conversation unfolded I begun to be swept into the realm of warmth and serenity I have never felt before in my entire life. He addressed me as the girl I was struggling to be but loosing my grip on reality. His strong yet caressing poise made me feel sheltered and held in his arms embrace, I could finally let go, and melt within cuddly feeling of being loved. Non of this was sexual, quite contrary, but wasn't it???????
    I felt how woman feels love and perhaps sexuality as well, I was within this moment, entirely, woman being held by mans love, embraced and caressed, it felt mine, and for the first time in my life I understood that this feeling, this love, I had spent my entire life looking for but unable to find because of whom I pretended I was.......A guy!!!!

    I had an experience as well of getting kissed by a stranger at the club, a man, and however it felt foreign and spontaneous it didn't feel right because there was no feeling involved, I truly believe that for women, such feeling is a necessary ingredient of stepping into a sexual realm and without it sex becomes meaningless and not pretty.

    On the other hand my admiration of woman's body and every curvature turns my senses into desire, but discussing this subject with other GGs, they them selves do acknowledge the beauty of female form. Nearly all of them could not fancy being in a sexual context with another woman yet their appreciation of female beauty is apparent. I think that my love of female body lies in-between such admiration and sexual tendencies. And when I think of what might be, should I find the GUY person who fulfills my sensual desires then it is almost inevitable that I would fall for him in the sexual realm wanting not only his soul and heart but also his strong body against, soft skin and now curvacious landscape of whom I have become.
    Last edited by Inna; 09-20-2011 at 07:47 AM.

  14. #14
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AKAMichelle View Post
    Not to long ago I read a post about how cd'ers wanted to be with a man when dressed. This got me wondering why?

    I have heard for years that gender and sex are different but here is an example where they are the same. Why is it that you want to be with a man when dressed but never do when dressed as a male?
    like you do, i find it fascinating as a behavior how sexuality can seem to be impacted by changes in gender presentation..

    but i think gender and sex are still different...its not an example of how they are the same... they are just two different things..

    many cd's are ts's in denial... and many ts realize as they move on that their sexual interest is fluid.. the details of why are kind of unknowable, but we can speculate its more about admitting it as others have mentioned..

    other cd's are bisexual/gay and love the outlet of feeling sexual as a woman..

    other cd's are fetishists and the part about being with a guy is part of the fetish..whether this is gay behaviour or not is debated often and i sure as heck don't know (or reallycare) if it is...but its common, and its not just when dressed, its when fantasizing about being dressed as well..

    and then lots of other cd's are straight guys that like to indulge their femme side..

    on this topic, i like the KISS rule

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    when Idress up I dont mind sex with either male or female, as matterof fact when I am not dressing Ipefer both sexs

  16. #16
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    I have been thinking about this post over the last two days and have got to the point where I think I am ready to offer my 1 cent worth of opinion. I agree with Kaitlyn that Gender and sex are different and do not magically join when we cross over the gender barrier when we dress. We mix the two in different ways.

    Now, we always mention here about Bi and Bi-Curious. I have accepted those terms without really thinking about them. What do they really mean? I think I have my definition "defined" now. The Bi-Curious one is the easiest as it means someone wants to test the waters so to speak, experience something new and different, which in this case no matter how we are dressed (CD's only) means sex with someone of the same gender (i.e. male and male or female and female). But what is just "Bi"? To me, as my tolerance and acceptance of different lifestyles, people and personalities seems to be reaching new highs (more all inclusive), it takes on a nice simple straight forward definition that also takes into play these tolerance and acceptance aspects. A true Bi person is one who can be intimate with anyone, has no strong leanings one way or the other when it comes to the gender of the other person. The only choice for this Bi person is whether they are physically attracted enough to the other person to be able to have sexual relations with him or her. If a Bi person tends to lean toward (prefer) members of the opposite gender, then I would label them heterosexual Bi's. If they leaned toward members of the same gender, then they would be Homosexual Bi's.

    So, with my personal definition stated and to get back to the original topic, I believe that there are a lot of Bi people (all of the meanings above) out there who think about and want to experience having sex with the same gender. The crossdressing may just be the justification to themselves and maybe to others for someone to think, dream or fantasize about it. It may also be the awakening stimulus to maybe push that person to try something that may have been hidden in the deeps of their persona. I can relate to this, since I only started to crossdress a little over 4 years ago from zero. So, something stimulated me to crossdress, which obviously I do a lot now! I can now look back and see some potential direct links to my early childhood that could be considered telltales as to where one day I may go (which I did). They could also be interpreted as almost normal childhood experiences too. Now, whether the CD who thinks about a Bi experience is Bi curious, Bi hetero or homosexual or a true Bi by my definition, can only be determined if first they try it ("curious") (actually they can still be curious if they haven't yet tried it) , and then later which Bi classification they may fall under, as the person learns and grows from this and maybe future experiences.

    I am not sure if this post adequately explains my thinking. I hope it does and it makes some sense to others.

  17. #17
    New Member missmillie's Avatar
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    NO NO NO I would rather be with other girls or CD's than be with a man I am a generic male and not really attracted to the same sex.
    I do not have any issues with some of you wanting to be with a man your sexual preference is none of my business.
    What you really think of me is none of my business, your opinions don't matter as long as I am happy with who or what I am.

  18. #18
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    You're right. Gender identity has nothing to do with sexual preference. So, CDs are either hetero, bi, gay, or asexual just like non-CDs.

    For the CDs who do want to be with men, I can come up with three different scenarios:

    • They're gay.
    • They're bi or bi-curious.

      OR

    • They're hetero and the fantasy serves to affirm the feminine role more than a real attraction to a man. If the real-life situation presented itself, it wouldn't fly. In other words, it's just a fantasy.
    Reine

  19. #19
    Carole carhill2mn's Avatar
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    You are correct! Gender expression and sexual preference are not the same. One needs to remember that there are a wide variety of people who post here. Some are completely heterosexual regardless of how they are dressed, some are bi, some feel attracted to men when dressed en femme, some are in a state where they are unsure of who/what they are, some will eventually transition and some already have.
    Hugs, Carole

  20. #20
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    In another thread last week I posted three articles about sexual fantasies. They are a good read, but this one in particular is about the psychology of having fantasies that are different than real life desires:

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...xual-fantasies
    Quote Originally Posted by Psychology Today
    In fact, there are many people who report that when they have attempted to fulfill a fantasy, they end up disappointed by the mundane reality of real-world sex with real-world people. In the real world, one cannot manipulate reality to create large, ever-responsive penises and cannot provide an endless wardrobe of costumes. In the real world, one must deal with the pesky realities of other peoples' needs and feelings, must deal with the issues of our bodies and their biological and physical capacities. Kahr quotes a patient, saying "Sometimes, a mindf**k is better than the other kind.
    Reine

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member kendra_gurl's Avatar
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    There will always be Bi CD's the same as there are Bi Men. I happen to be in the 100% straight CD category. I have been out several times and seem to have little problem finding attractive females who also have a Bi curious interest and feel a CD can help satisfy that curiosity without them actually having to be with another female.

    About 5 years ago I was in a club on Halloween dressed in my Hooters uniform (I won 2nd place in the costume contest) standing by myself watching everyone. I noticed 3 very attractive women talking and laughing with a guy all having a really good time. One of these women walked right up to me, wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me the most sensual kiss I'd had in years. She then said her friend (meaning the guy) liked me and sent her to ask if I would like to join them. I asked if he was bi and she said oh yes definitely he loves girls like you and so do I.

    Wow what a delema I was in. Married and faithful to my wife who was not there at the time, with opportunity to be with 3 beautiful women, one of which was really hot for me, along with one guy. Even with all the drinks I'd already consumed it only took me a second to tell her I was very flattered and how much I really appreciated the offer but that I was str8 and I am just not into guys at all. She smiled then kissed me again and said thats cool, he wanted me to ask and then left.

    While it is very erotic to dress in femme and know that men are admiring me or even hitting on me or buying me drinks, I always let them know upfront that I'm st8 and just there just to strut my stuff without ever wanting to hook up with anyone.

  22. #22
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    I can attest to a similar experience with women. Recently, I was at a gay bar and I was approached by several women who were gay/bi. I spent the evening drinking and chatting with their group, and was invited home. I'd made it clear right off that I was married, thanked them for the invite and made my way home alone. they always say it doesn't matter where you get your appetite, so long as you eat at home

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member kendra_gurl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    they always say it doesn't matter where you get your appetite, so long as you eat at home
    I like that one Kim and its true

  24. #24
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Isn't everyone bisexual to some degree? Maybe not everyone. I'm more curious about trying sexual things with CDs or men when I dress. Crossdressing is very sexual to me. It makes me feel like a woman sexually. But, I'm much more attracted to women than men.

    So the answer is: It's different for everybody. We're all different. I wonder what a completely straight man would feel if he woke up one day completely dressed as a woman. Could he still possibly feel manly?

  25. #25
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    Hi Machelle That's not on my dance card I'm on the other program "Women Only"

    Orchid

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