The other day, I had some time to visit with one of my co-workers and his wife.
His wife asked “may I ask you a personal question?”, I told her, “never be afraid to ask a question, just don’t ask a question, unless you are willing to hear an answer you may not like”.
Her question was, am I gay, I told her no, and that I am about as close to a homophobe as you can get, I told her I have Had gay friends before, but they understood I don’t swing that way. There was one exception I told her, where one of my gay friends one day, that continually kept making advances, long story short, that was the end of that friendship.
Her husband then said “people I have talked to say, of course Marsha is gay, he wears a skirt and carries a purse, but I have told them I don’t think so”. I told him it is a common assumption, even my wife had to ask when I came out to her, are you gay?
She then asked “why do you do it?”, I told her that I like and appreciate things that are normally considered feminine; Pretty, Soft, Gentle, Delicate. I told her I do not try to look like a woman when I dress, I usually dress half masculine and half feminine, which matches how I feel about myself inside, my gender identity. I said to her “I feel that I am in here” holding my palm over my heart “as much a woman as I am a man, I am most definitely both”.
She then said that she has seen a photo of me with make-up and a wig, I pointed out to her, that was either a Halloween costumes or doctored photos where I was just playing. She said “Really?” I told her yes, in fact, the only make-up I own is lipstick, and the eye-liner I use when I dress up gothic and that I don’t even own a wig. I did tell her, that one year I went to a costume ball as Marie Antoinette, corset, gown, beehive hairdo, the hole 9 yards, and was the only time in my life, that I was able to pass as a female, but that it took a several of my friends help, a professional costume shop, a professional make-up artist, and a lot of money to achieve that.
She then asked “what has Work had to say about your dressing up?” I told her that my supervisor has asked that I not drive the school bus while wearing women’s clothing, and I told her I agreed with her reasons, our kids have enough troubles without seeing someone they look up to (I am well loved bus driver) blending gender lines and identities. I added that, it states in our district board policies, no one is to be discriminated against on the basis of “Actual or Perceived Gender, or Gender Identity & Expression”.
I told her many students have seen me dressed, (our district covers 200 sq miles with 50,000 children in it), it would be difficult to go out like I do and not run across children that know me. I told her what is VERY interesting, with all of my encounters with children that have seen me, only ONCE has a child asked “Marshall, why are you wearing that?”. The only part that has ever been uncomfortable is when the same children see me later on the school bus, and ask “no skirt today?”, I just leave it at “no, not today”.
I told her, I don’t want to confuse our children, an example was, one day I was going out grocery shopping, when I arrived at the market that I normal shop at, there was a Boy Scout troop out front either selling or asking for something, I did not go in, I decided to go to a different market, it was not because I was afraid of any negative reactions, I just didn’t want to cause the Boy Scouts any, “confusion”, was the only word I could think of.
She then asked what my wife and daughter think about it, I told her, they are “tolerant”, they don’t mind me dressing up at home, or when I go out, but, they do not want to be out in public with me when I am dressed. I told her that one of the reasons is, my wife is Very protective of me, and has a nasty temper when it comes to that. The only thing my daughter has asked is that I not go into her work dressed, she is concerned about what her co-workers might say to her. On a side note, her co-workers do know that I dress.
I told her, up until about 9 months ago, I had only come out to my closest friends and family. I then asked her “you did hear about last year’s employee of the year ceremony?” she said no (I was shocked, being that she is also a district employee), I told her I got up on stage in front of about 400 district employees, to accept my nomination and shake hands with the school district superintendant wearing a men’s white dress shirt, black tie, pencil skirt, argyle tights and 5 inch high heels. The look on her face was a mixture of shock and amazement. I told her what was interesting, was after the ceremony, at the reception, I had more people flocking around me (mostly women) than the people that had won the employee of the year. She asked “and nothing has been said about that?” I told her, so far not one negative thing has been said to me, and the only difference I have noticed, is I hear the name Marsha more often.
It was about that point we had to go our separate ways, we said goodnight and “see you next week”.
If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:
