I am a crossdresser through and through. I love the act of crossdressing, and the fact that I am a crossdresser. I drink deep from the well of femininity, and bask in the glory of its afterglow. And in this, I am quite confident, self-assured, proud, and I would have it no other way.
Lately, however, regardless of my closet-dwelling status, I have performed certain acts that have “taken it to the next level,” if you will, that have left me somewhat concerned about the future. For example, I now shop for my own makeup in person at MAC. I do not hide the fact that the makeup is for me. I show pictures of myself en femme to staff so that the associates may provide better advice. And I have gone there wearing shorts with shaved (epilated, actually) legs, and open toed sandals showing off my painted toe nails.
Although doing this has truly been a wonderful and validating experience, this is something I would not have even considered doing just a few months ago. Moreover, prior to joining this forum in March, doing something like this wasn’t even on my radar screen. And yet, not only have I now performed this small act a couple of times, I have done so out of apparent necessity, where such necessity did not previously exist.
Do not get me wrong, I am happy that I have engaged in acts such as this lately. It certainly was not easy overcoming the fear and nervousness I felt in so doing, which serves to further emphasize the feeling of necessity I felt. But, if I have just recently developed a need to expand my so-called horizons in this manner, what will be next? I already now I want more. In fact, I believe I need more. And this has me worried . . . .
I am sure many of you have undoubtedly gone through similar experiences and feelings, or are going through such experiences now. How have you handled it? Were you afraid of yourself? Were you perhaps worried as to what the future would bring? Or did you just roll with the flow, while hopefully remaining mindful and cautious of any potential consequences and undue risk?