Found Out Yesterday, Please Help Me Understand.

[Kaitlyn26]

Yes, exactly my point. You must go on living your life until you know that your relationship is no longer in purgatory. Just do something with a friend for the weekend, if your plans are actually canceled. I'd recommend a girl friend, otherwise he may think that you're trying to move on already. Be supportive, but don't be too "googly eyed" either. If you try to support him too much, you may smother him. It sounds like he's choosing to take this on by himself. I would completely drop the issue until he mentions it again.

Paula, GGs also spend time with friends in times of need. It's not exclusive to guys.

[ReineD]

Inshock, you are clearly upset and I understand this. But, from one GG to another, I can tell you this: most guys are not well equipped to handle so much emotion all at one time, especially if they are younger (they do improve with age. lol). Guys handle things differently than we do. Here's a great article you should read:

http://compassionpower.com/MarriageP...doesnthelp.php

Read down a bit to where they say that men respond better to "doing things" together than talking when things are emotionally intense.

So it you can, just breathe and put the situation aside for now. I know that it feels uncomfortable living with the immediate uncertainly, but do try to just process your feelings by yourself. Cry if you need to. Take a warm bath. Call a girlfriend and go see a movie. Eat a pint of ice cream. In other words, it's OK to not feel great for a little while. Let things settle. And most importantly, trust that your bf's feelings for you are strong enough to not walk away just because the two of you had a disagreement.

You mention that he should be there for you right now. Well, he thinks that you have rejected a very deep part of him. He feels abandoned too. He has no clue how hard it is for us to understand this, since he's never lived in any other skin than his own. In a situation such as this one, there is no one person who is right and one who is wrong. There are just two people who come at it from completely different angles. You both feel hurt, and you both feel abandoned. So, now is a good time to see what type of relationship skills you both have, and a part of this is to try to calmly reach a middle ground with one another, without any more blaming.

So the best you can do, really, is to keep things as simple as you can for now without overloading him with all this emotion (see the article). Reestablish your relationship if you can, try to reach a level of normalcy again, and then revisit the CDing (and your disagreement) later.

Tomorrow or the next day, just say that you reacted strongly because the whole thing was a complete surprise and tell him that you love him and that you feel you can both work it out later when things have calmed down, so how about seeing a movie or something.

[HayleyGG]

Ya, that's what I've been doing. I went out Wednesday and last night, had a friend stay over...had plans tonight but had an exponentially horrible day apart from this whole mess, and I'm a DJ and have a gig Saturday night. I know better than to be alone, so I'm trying to keep myself occupied. I don't have many friends, but I'm doing my best. I try not to let our bad times take over my life, but he doesn't usually act this way..so I'm nervous. But hey, if it's over because of this, then he's an idiot and he'll just have to repeat this cycle all over again with the next one. The longer he's being a dick, the less I'll care. I deserve better.

[Kaitlyn26]

Inshock, I'm slightly inclined to think that he may be acting like a "dick" as you put it. I wouldn't dismiss what Reine is saying though. He may simply be overloaded right now and not even thinking straight. I can speak from experience, when I tell you that sometimes emotions that a man is not experienced with can overwhelm him and make him act in ways that he doesn't even agree with on fundamental levels. If both of you adopt the attitude of, "If he/she dumps me then she/he doesn't deserve me!" then not much is going to straighten out in your relationship. I know it can be frustrating because you are trying so hard, and he's not really doing much. If you want the relationship to work out you've got to be patient, as well as prudent.

I always make it a rule in life and relationships, to acknowledge and be aware of the fact that I could be entirely wrong. When approaching this problem you should keep in mind that every poster here could be entirely wrong. I do not think that giving him space is a bad idea (it's not one that you can wrong with, kind of like a doctor saying get some rest ), but keep in mind that when you do talk about this issue, you may find that he tells you we were all wrong.

[Holly]

...I deserve better.

Then cut bait right now and move on. Hayley up until this last post of yours, I was really pulling for you. You're acting more male than he is. You are both locked in a game of, "quien es mas macho" (who is more manly). It's a game with no winners, only losers. But hey, you only have 3 1/2 months invested so no big deal, right? You've been given a lot of advice that has been dead on. I guess that should all be chucked and you move on. Oh, good luck with the gig tomorrow night.

[Kaitlyn26]

Then cut bait right now and move on. Hayley up until this last post of yours, I was really pulling for you. You're acting more male than he is. You are both locked in a game of, "quien es mas macho" (who is more manly). It's a game with no winners, only losers. But hey, you only have 3 1/2 months invested so no big deal, right? You've been given a lot of advice that has been dead on. I guess that should all be chucked and you move on. Oh, good luck with the gig tomorrow night.

The "fight or flight" instinct is not exclusive to gender and she's developing that instinct in response to the situation. It's perfectly normal, but it's important to not let it get the best of you.

[Steph.TS]

I'm not sure how much I can add to this, only that I'm sure others have mentioned that generally this kind of thing tends to stay with the person CD'ing they can suppress it but eventually the urge will come back. the other thing I feel I should mention is in your OP you mention that you didn't want him to feel ashamed of this side of him, it's great you want him to feel better more at ease with this side of himself, but I think that shame feeling is also part of the person that you fell in love with. look at me, I'm on a different path, I want to become a woman, I too feel a great shame, hide it from my family, friends, and coworkers. I try to cope with this with therapy and trying to move closer to my goal as safely as I can.

If I didn't feel this shame, I'd go out dress as a woman, I'd feel freer to speak to everyone about this part of me, my attitude and actions would to totally different. my shame, and fear regarding my feelings help define who I am. by removing the fear, guilty, and shame it will be a growing experience for him, and you'll see him more able to embrace this side of himself, I'm just concerned that if the sight of him in a mini skirt makes you ill if him embracing this side of himself is really what you want. Whatever happens I hope it works out for both of you.

[Roxann]

My wife and I had the same problem some what, we had go back and be honest with each other first and no hiding anything and trust each other first and get our love for each other back, and then go slowing. it will not go way, this site is very good, lot of good people with good information

good luck
Roxann

[Maria 60]

Ill make this as short as i can, for me reading this tells me he really cares about you not to take the chance of losing you. If he didn't care about you he could have taking a chance at any time and not cared about the outcome. I was forced to live a secret for 24yrs. and then told my wife about a month after we were married, only because i figured that one day i was going to slip and i didn't want her to find out that way. In my opinion you jumped the gun and could have waited a little longer in the relationship, i don't think i would spill the beans to someone i just meet a few months ago. Good luck to both of you and you came to right place if you want to be with him and understand him. LIVE,LOVE and LAUGH.

[Tina B.]

Point, it took me five years after marriage before I was secure enough to tell my wife, she did not feel like vomiting, because of love, and years invested in knowing each other, we felt very secure, and the news hardly made a ripple. She has never in thirty five years told me she thought she deserved better. Think about how you're acting about all of this, no wonder he didn't say anything, after all you two have not dated long enough to know just where it will wind up, and most of us will not tell until we know the answer to that. And as far as getting him to open up now, that he is running scared, I just don't see that happening. depending on how that initial conversation went, will have a lot to do with the possibility of getting things back on track latter. But I do have to agree with Karren, and others, if the thought of your boyfriend in a skirt makes you physically sick, run, run as fast as you can and get away from him, don't make you and him miserable trying to save him, you can't, and maybe he can't. I love my wife, as much as anyone loves there partner, but I know, I can not, and will not stop being who I am, and I would never want to live with someone, that looked down on me, for being what I have always been. Just be glad the way you feel, you didn't learn about it, 22 years into a marriage, it happens all the time.
Tina B.


scariestrest thing to a man, is a women saying "we have to have a talk"

[marlaNYC]

wow, the more i read this thread, the more my thought that'd it'd be more acceptable to be gay than to be a crossdresser gets reinforced.

i find it really tragic that he won't discuss this with you. this is an an amazing opportunity for him to wipe the slate and let his feelings out, explain to you (and by way himself) what it is about the dressing/the relationship/the prior trust issues that affects him, to have a clean sheet to begin again with you on if you're willing to accept that what 'we' corssdressers do is not harmful, dangerous, dark, dirty or seedy. to shut down and shut you out, well, just doesn't seem right.

but then again, maybe that's just because i'm old and can't really be bothered keeping that crap inside anymore!

[cassandra54]

i've been in similar situations before with women i just met. from my own experience, trusting them and giving them enough rope to hang themselves with was a waste of time. i knew things would not end well but thought if i loved them that it would work out. reality was i was just need and wanted to believe someone could love me. i am somewhat socially challenged, so fitting in is not easy for me.

i don't know if you're like i was, but at one time in my life i believed that having a GF or wife came before anything else. right now, i am pretty happy with who i am and my SO and all that stuff. even though we do have an open relationship, i am not desperate or needy to find intimate partners, so being alone is not a problem and i actually quite enjoy it.

one thing i notice in your story is that he's had a lot of activity on sending messages on this website in the last month. if he's sending and receiving messages telling women things, there's a whole lot more going on than he's telling you. and the fact that he already withheld something from you when you said you trust him about 90% of the time after that, and then this happened.

there are two questions,
1. will he be faithful and remain so? who knows, even without this happening, remember lots of relationships go up in smoke when secrets are revealed.
2. is can you accept EVERYTHING he might reveal to you. trust me i think there's going to be a lot more.

i think you see where i'm going with this. 3.5 months, if it were me i would cut and run. and trust me once again, he will say or confess even more just in the hopes you will stay with him.

one thing i've learned from experience is this: is anyone i meet for friendship or intimacy in the future will know EVERYTHING going in.

[suchacutie]

I'm sitting here with my jaw dropped, and I'm physically moved for sorrow at this situation. Sadly, I'm also nodding my head because I'm not really very surprised in any thing that's been said. Let me explain:

When my wife and I found Tina we started educating her. No, that's the wrong word. We started "socializing" her. We quickly realized what many authors have been trying to explain for years (also see Reine's reference), that is, "men and woman are not socialized in any way that is similar or overlapping". It's as if we work hard at "training" little boys and little girls to NOT understand each other! So, as we reach the age of consent, we are about as far apart emotionally as is possible!!! Any relationship between members of the opposite sex effectively starts in trouble! We've all heard men say, "I'll never understand women!", and women look at the absurd way men handle some issues and just steam! One thing Tina has done for me and my wife is to bridge that gap. As we spoke about our upbringings, our views on everything, and what Tina needed to understand, we constantly looked at each other in amazement.

Now, add to that disaster waiting to happen the fact that your bf has a part of himself that society has probably told him over and over is wrong, wrong, wrong!!! Suddenly, the woman he dearly loves has found it and initially was not at all happy (just like the rest of society). This is completely not your fault. Both of your initial responses was programmed in for your entire lives, and a couple of months of being together is not nearly enough to build up a continuity that could weather this initial cataclysm.

Being a young woman, you did what you have been programmed to do: you got over your initial emotional reaction and started to look for solutions. You reached out and started to find people who could help you talk this out. You collected background information and began to understand. You tried to build bridges with your bf based upon your new knowledge, but, of course, he did not have this new knowledge, so the impact was zero, and you became dispondant. In all honesty, you could start writing a book and I bet you it would be a best seller.

Being a young man, he is overloaded. His defense mechanism is to go hide...make it go away...be ashamed...don't let anyone know! There is no way he can "win" from his current perspective, and winning is an important part of the young male ego. It's not that he doesn't want to believe you are in his corner, it's that he has no mechanism for believing that. It's hard to believe, I was that age once and he really has no positive emotional mechanisms to handle this. Virtually no young male does. As Reine said, many of us do eventually "grow up" (not all, sadly), it takes men a serious amount of time to resocialize.

The problem is, you aren't going to wait until he is 40 to get back together with him smoothly. I am not optimistic that he will break out of this shell by himself. His guy friends (if any) are probably telling him to "cut bait" and move on, which is not helpful at all, but that's the "guy" way of handling it at that age (terrible, isn't it?).

So, I stand my ground from before: If you sit back and wait for him to figure it out, it could take him a decade and both of you will feel the loss. If he hasn't responded in a couple of days, what have you got to lose? Barge into his life, sit him down, and tell him (don't ask) to tell you all about his feminine self. Tell him you are so very interested (it will be fascinating, I'm sure). When he starts, tell him how proud of him you are that he is sharing this with you, that he trusts you enough to tell you all about it. Tell him you understand how hard it is and how impressed you are (you will be, I'm sure). As he begins to understand that you really are interested, he will begin to calm down and you two can move forward.

If he rejects your advances.....then you will have the knowledge that you tried but that it was not to be. He does need to trust you, and if he can't at this stage then it will take time that you are probably not in a position to grant.

I so wish you the best with this, no matter which direction it takes. If he does come to trust you with this, it can be an amazing start!

tina

[suchacutie]

Scarlet, I appreciate your view, but if he has gone into his shell is does not come out he has already flown and it's over. One can either accept that or make a last-ditch effort.

There are many ways to do this. One is continued texting, or intervention of a mutual friend, or a cute card in the mail. There have been those who went to the extreme of renting a billboard with I Love You on it! Only InShock can know which might be best. I know that if I were in her shoes and I really loved him, I'd fight for him until the last stitch. Only she can know how to do that. Else, she can only stand back and let it wither, as I see it.

But that's why we are all here: to give varied opinions. It's all we can do, sadly.

tina

[HayleyGG]

Ok, let me explain a couple things because I'm feeling slightly attacked here.

1: The vomit thing. I think most of you are misunderstanding that. I'm not physically I'll when I solely think of my boyfriend in a skirt. Please, I'm a little more open minded than that. It's just clothing. When I originally said that when I saw his picture I wanted to vomit, it was one of those physical reactions because of trauma. Have you ever found out someone cheated on you? Have you ever found out someone betrayed you? Have you ever found out someone told an embarrassing secret about you? It's like that. As I said, I was shaking, couldn't breathe, and was nauseous. Trauma, shock-not the sight of him.

2: I said I "deserve better." Taken out of context, that would be a pretty rude thing to say. However, that's not all I said, and it hurts that some of you are telling me to just end it, that it's already over, or that you're no longer on my side. What I had said was that if he's going to treat me poorly from now on, or go as far as leaving me based only on what happened this week, then that's not fair, not my fault, and I would deserve better. However, that has not happened. I never meant that I deserve better than him in general, because he does take very good care of me and I also take very good care of him. I was in a very dark place yesterday, and my last post last night was written in tears, anger, confusion, frustration, and depression. None of you have gone through what I went through this week (not at all to discount what you HAVE gone through on the other side of this), but try to imagine what I went through in which you had to find out a shocking secret about your SO in the manner I did (which most of you have been very empathetic about, thank you) and then imagine that afterward, they don't want anything to do with you, don't want to speak to you, and you have no one else in your life to help you through it because you can't talk about it. Makes you a little confused and sad, eh? Is he too embarrassed to face me? Does he want to end the relationship? I didn't know, because he wouldn't tell me. It's an incredibly scary thing to be alone, have no answers, and think the worst. That's what I was going through yesterday, so my last post might have been a little dark because I'm grasping at straws right now wondering if I still have the man that I love, but getting no answers.

You all have been SO helpful, thoughtful, beautiful, understanding, and sweet...but lately I feel like I have to defend myself a lot. You are all I have right now, and it hurts that some of you are forming this negative opinion of me and no longer supporting me because I feel like I've lost everything. Tina is absolutely right. I need to fight for him, and dammit, I will. I love him.

[Kaitlyn26]

Ok, let me explain a couple things because I'm feeling slightly attacked here.

1: The vomit thing. I think most of you are misunderstanding that. I'm not physically I'll when I solely think of my boyfriend in a skirt. Please, I'm a little more open minded than that. It's just clothing. When I originally said that when I saw his picture I wanted to vomit, it was one of those physical reactions because of trauma. Have you ever found out someone cheated on you? Have you ever found out someone betrayed you? Have you ever found out someone told am embarrassing secret about you? It's like that. As I said, I was shaking, couldn't breathe, and was nauseous. Trauma, shock-not the sight of him.

2: I said I "deserve better." Taken out of context, that would be a pretty rude thing to say. However, that's not all I said, and it hurts that some of you are telling me to just end it, that it's already over, or that you're no longer on my side. What I had said was that if he's going to treat me poorly from now on, or go as far as leaving me based only on what happened this week, then that's not fair, not my fault, and I would deserve better. However, that has not happened. I never meant thy I deserve better than him in general, because he does take very good care of me and I also take very good care of him. I was in a very dark place yesterday, and my last post last night was written in years, anger, confusion, frustration, and depression. None of you have gone through what I went through this week (not at all to discount what you HAVE gone through on the other side of this), but try to imagine what I went through in which you had to find out a shocking secret about your SO in the manner I did (which most of you have been very empathetic about, thank you) and then imagine that afterward, they don't want anything to do with you, don't want to speak to you, and you have no one else in your life to help you through it because you can't talk about it. Makes you a little confused and sad, eh? That's what I was going through yesterday, so my last post might have been a little dark because I'm grasping at straws right now wondering if I still have the man that I love, but getting no answers.

You all have been SO helpful, thoughtful, beautiful, understanding, and sweet...but lately I feel like I have to defend myself a lot. You are all I have right now, and it hurts that some of you are forming this negative opinion of me because I feel like I've lost everything. Tina is absolutely right. I need to fight for him, and dammit, I will. I love him.

Inshock, that anger, frustration and all of those dark emotions are your survival instinct kicking in. You're just a little scared, that's all.

I've been through a very similar situation to yours. If you want to hear the story, pm me. I'm not going to get into it here. I know exactly how you're feeling. Absolutely helpless, and frustrated that he is not talking to you. This frustration, and your feeling that you do want to barge into his life and force him to talk to you, could cause problems.

[docrobbysherry]

Hayley, I'm old. I've had lot's of experiences and many relationships with women. Including being married and divorced. It sounds like your BF is simply "being a guy". Because he's doing what I've, and many of my male friends have done, in similar circumstance. Just crawl deep into our man caves and hibernate until our "winter" is over!

And, my advice to u is, be the woman u really r! If u feel like calling him, CALL HIM! You'll feel better and he'll get your message, "I'm here. I care!" Similar messages from women, have roused me out of my self imposed "hibernation" on more than one occasion! It MAY work on him too, eventually. Freezing men out of their caves is NOT a good tactic for normally more emotional females, in MY experience!

And, altho it SOUNDS to u like u r being "attacked" here, I think it's more a case of the girls trying to prep u for what seems inevitable; the end of your relationship!

[TGMarla]

Hang in there, Hayley. All this will be behind you soon, and no matter the outcome, you'll be better for it. Ignore the nay-sayers who don't know your situation, and concentrate on all the positive advice you've received. This is not an easy thing, as you well know. Be strong, and be true to yourself. I know you'll get through this, and with a little luck and perseverance, you'll come out of it with everything intact.

[Trish1]

Haley,
My name is Trish and I am a girlfriend also. First I really need you to take a deep breath for me and get your heart rate down. I am here for you to help you understand and to help you and your boyfriend as well. I do understand the emotions you are feeling, but once you start breathing deeply and can calmly think, I hope things will start to make more sense. I will tell you my story and maybe this will help you. None of us are here to hurt or critisize you, but to help you. My story starts a few months back. I met this really wonderful man, and after being a single parent for so long, I thought I needed to pinch myself because he is so wonderful that I thought it could not be true. During the first week we dated he told me about his military career and briefly about some of the situations he was exposed to while he was in Iraq. And let me tell you, they were very dangerous life threatening ones. As the week went on he started to confide in me these feelings he was having. At first we thought it might be a sexual fetish and yes at first I was concerned, but as the weeks went on and the more I became closer to my guy I realised this was deeper. For most of the girls on the site, dressing up as a woman is a way to feel secure in times when their world feels out of control. It is a way for them to be "someone" else for a time, to help them ground themselves so they can face what life is throwing at them. Sometimes, it is because they love the attention of how they look, but most of the time, it is an issue of feeling secure. It is a way for them to be someone different, for a time where they can relax and let their guard down. Please dont think badly of any of them, This can be something you can learn and share together and become a very close couple. I do understand about feeling lied to. But please look at it from his perspective, most people react badly and for these girls, they have to hide it, because to many of them have lost their significant others when they tried to be honest and include them. Sometimes it takes time for a person to feel it is the "right" time to tell the significant other. And just like you, your boyfriend was afraid of being rejected and hurt if you found out, so he probably chose to keep quiet. Please, Please give him another chance to be open and honest with you. I pray that he will feel a connection with you and will include you. It does take time to work through your feelings and no it is not wrong to have them. I think a lot of us felt just as confused when we found out. fortunately, my guy is my soul mate and we connected in every way fairly early on. We have a wonderful relationship and she is my best friend and one day we are wanting to get married. Hayley, please stay strong for your boyfriend, he has moments where he will feel just as confused and overwhelemed as you do. The key is to have open communication with him. Calmly talk to him about feeling like you were lied to, but dont accuse him or you will push him away. Give him a chance to show you what his CD is about. Be involved with him and allow him to be by your side. I promise that the feelings you are having will start to change as you and your boyfriend become closer. A lot of times this is about something much deeper than a fetish, maybe you can be there for him to help him through this. We on this site are here to help you as well. I hope that I was able to help you and anytime you need, any one of us on this site are there for you. We all have moments where we fall apart. But we all have to be here for each other to pick the other up. Hayley, you are not alone. Please have faith and let God guide you. Talk to your boyfriend and be calm and if he truely is for you, he will be there for you too. Be strong Hayley, we are here for you.
Trish

[Sam-antha]

I think that we should perhaps get clear on the groundwork in this thread. We are involved primarily in a Culture Thing. People are all human with similarly based likes and dislikes. Broadly speaking the male is looked up to as the "provider" the macho part of humanity. The female is the subserviant ; children, kitchen or as the Germans have it Kirche, Kinder, Kuche.
Our likes and dislikes revolve around our conditioning. Remember that bad lot, the Nazis ? Or not so long ago the inequality and hatred of all people black.
We are not 100% male/female but even if we were there would still be covetous desires. Clothing in this case, men have a restricted choice compared with the women. Scents are restricted in potency, likewise hairstyles.
Sexual issues likewise and that should be extended to include borderline curiosity into those "deviations" which are probably normality, hidden by our conditioning. There are words too "Arse" which is now acceptable but the word "bottom" was originally the only acceptable word to our parents. Never mind "Gay" or "BDSM" or whatever you may have discovered and probably investigated when you first found it. It is so easy given the internet to involve onesdelf in things that were unknown to you grandparents let alone your parents, or in this case, yourself.
As life continues more hidden aspects of civil\ation will confront you and you will either reject or accept them. This current bf of around one hundred days may be the tip of the iceberg. I feel for him.

Either accept him and his ideas or pick up and run.

Just please tell us which it is to be.

~Samm

[Eryn]

I'm feeling slightly attacked here.

I don't blame you. I don't think that it's so much attacked as "over-advised" by a lot of folks with disparate experiences. Most of us are CDers who *really* want to see your CD-GG relationship work. Others have had bad experiences and therefore equate your situation with theirs.

We might give you some insight into how we tick or examples of how other CD-GG couples get along, but ultimately you need to do what is right for you.

I see you have nine posts at this point. Make another one and then PM Reine about joining the FAB Forum. The GGs there might be able to provide insight and advice that better address your situation.

[Trish1]

Hayley,
I truly hope that there has been some helpful advice for you. I am saddend at some of the responses that have caused negative feelings, because these girls are all wonderful in their own right. Some have been severly rejected by their GG's and for that I am beside myself for the way they have been treated. I am also sorry for the feeling of being attacked on this forum. I think some of the girls have been hurt badly in their lives and are not sure how to help you. Everyone on this forum is loved and welcomed. Whether you are a CD or a GG(significant other). Hayley, if you love you BF then let him know. If he is the right one for you, then he will calm down and talk to you. He might be feeling embarassed that you caught him. Let him know you are there for him. But dont push, insult, or badger him. He will talk when he see's you are serious in being there for him. Be prepared if he choses to not get back in contact with you though, if that happens we are all here for you also. And the blessing is that you are making some wonderful new friends from all around the nation. I am a significant other GG (Girlie Girl) who is very proud of her Donna. And God could not have blessed me with anyone better. Love You Donna. I hope all of us on this forum will have compassion and help each other and not attack anyone. We have all had moments in our lives where we felt alone and I am praying that we can make Hayley feel welcomed not alienated for having feelings right now that she is trying to understand. As Hayley learns more she will become more understanding. Everyone of us GG/significant others went through this and everyone of us has grown in our knowledge and understanding and now proudly support our CDer. Hayley, Hang in there and know you are loved.
God Bless
Trish

[juno]

Dear InShock,
No matter what happens, you should be proud of yourself for trying to understand.

Dishonesty is a big issue with crossdressers, because they fear discovery and often have difficulty understanding why they even do it. A normally honest male will still hide crossdressing, and may even feel bad about having to lie.

[Kaitlyn26]

Others have had bad experiences and therefore equate your situation with theirs.

You sound very naive right now.

[ReineD]

^ Kaitlin, it's true that many people read their own experiences in other people's circumstances. It's just plain human nature.

At this point, since the OP said she's feeling somewhat attacked (I agree with Eryn that it may be more a question of overload ... this thread got huge real fast), I'd like to request those of you who have responded several times to just step away for a while and allow others to have their say. Sometimes the back & forth posts can seem argumentative even when the motive is pure and there is only a wish to help. You've said what you need to say, and now please let it rest.