Lady maybe

[Frédérique]

"I'm a lady! That's what I am, a lady!" (David Walliams as Emily)

[SIZE="2"]Hello ladies! Well, let’s not be too hasty – hello, girls? Hello Mtf crossdressers? What exactly is a lady, anyway? Is the term still relevant these days? “Lady” is a polite way for a male to address a female, even though the female in question may not actually be a lady, but let’s not split hairs. Saying “Hello, ladies” is a nice way to address a group of females. This implies that there may be a modicum of refinement in the general vicinity, real or perceived...

Of course, if a man is addressing three other men sitting on a couch, he will inevitably say “Hello, LADIES!” I guess he’s pointing out the fact that HE is more masculine than the rest, and I’m sure he will be able to prove it. In this regard, saying “ladies” is a derogatory term, a terrible blight upon a beautiful word, don’t you think? I don’t think it would be possible for a gentleman to use the word “lady” in such an inappropriate manner, since proper manners dictate otherwise. For a MtF crossdresser who wishes to affect ladylike airs, he (subsequently she) must be a gentleman to begin with...

That’s my own personal opinion, but how can you turn off coarse behavior and suddenly become a genteel, polite, and refined approximation of a female? Let’s start with “refined.” You can’t become a refined lady unless you have rid yourself of extraneous “material,” in this case those masculine characteristics that are at odds with your longed-for presentation. You need to separate your inherent “self” from your other “self,” or use one to modify the other in a positive fashion. A lady is a woman loved by a man, i.e. a sweetheart, and it follows that the lady you create (or hope to create) is the part of yourself you love the most. "Lady" is the correlative of gentleman, and, in either case, your personality projects assurance and self-love...

Ladies are fashionable and elegant, free from vulgarity or coarseness. If you see yourself as a “bitch,” you are definitely not a lady. I know many men who visualize all women as bitches, or worse. Whatever makes you happy, but I’m here to extol the virtues of ladylike behavior. I’ve met a few ladies among the MtF crossdressers on this site – maybe you’ve seen them, or you’ve been moved by their eloquence and restraint. I admire the “ladies” who refrain from posting angry responses, yet try to slip in a meaningful, reassuring, and intelligent comment for everyone’s benefit. I pattern myself after these individuals, and I always have an eye on how I wish to be perceived, or how I’m coming across. Becoming a lady is not easy, although you can dress like one and redecorate your interior to match...

My crossdressed appearance is very ladylike, and it is based on women I’ve seen over the years. I dress modestly, mainly to not draw attention to myself, whether I’m staying indoors or going out into the real world. By necessity I am tactful, strategic, and careful – I do not wish to upset anyone out “there,” nor do I wish to upset myself by pushing too hard. I am neither ascetic nor selfish, and I walk a fine line for the sake of my own happiness. Since I, along with other MtF “ladies” are works-in-progress, with differing ideas about personal comfort and our relationship to society, I am still in the process of learning how to become a lady. Beauty comes from within, so I concentrate my efforts there and dress (and write) to reflect what is going on inside. BTW, since I dress like a young girl most of the time, you can refer to me as ladykins...

That reminds me - when I was a young boy I used to play with other boys in the woods on our property. On a bend along a path was a clump of lady slippers, one of the most beautiful and delicate wildflowers imaginable. My father, a rather coarse and gruff individual, taught me to respect these rare precious pink flowers. The other boys would run past, and not even notice them, while I would stare at them like works of art. You couldn’t (or shouldn’t) pick them, so they flourished in their relatively hidden setting. I also flourished, gradually isolating myself from other boys and masculine behavior in general. The lady-killers never got to me, and I became the leading lady in my own biographical epic. I’m striving towards my objective (to somehow be a female while I am a male) in a highly effeminate, and ladylike, manner...

Do you crossdress to be a like a lady, or do you wish to become one some day? Is it possible to dress purely for sexual stimulation and still envision yourself as a lady? Just wondering...

PS – How am I doing? Like I said, it’s a constant struggle for a male to be ladylike. I wish to thank the many MtF ladies who "steer" me behind the scenes...[/SIZE]

[Stephenie S]

I call myself a lady.

It mostly concerns things I will or will not do, words I will not use, clothes I will or will not wear, and behaviors I engage or do not engage in, because a LADY does not act or talk like that.

After a lifetime of definitely NOT being a lady (I was a hippy for most of my early adult life), I find I have difficulty at times. But I ALWAYS aim for the goal of being a proper lady.

S

[JenniLyn]

I strive to be lady like but sometimes the BITCH in me comes out. Ops

[BritneyLynn]

I realize you think the different font is pretty, but do you need to use the reduced point size? In addition to being hard too see, the small font puts so many characters in a line it's harder to land on the correct line when the text wraps to the next line. I'm getting really tired of straining my eyes to read your posts. I'm going to stop reading them.

There's another member that likes pink text that's making her posts hard to read. I think I'll also start skipping hers.

[Sophie86]

It's odd. I've seen other people complain about Frédérique's font, but on my computer it actually looks larger than normal text.

Anyway.... I do try to be ladylike most times, and that's how I usually dress. I think a bit of naughtiness is more fun when it's the exception rather than the rule.

[VioletJourney]

I've never been one for formality or manners. I've always gone for an appearance that's stylish yet relaxed, both for my male and female styles.

[TGMarla]

My dear Freddy....

You, if not a lady, certainly write like one, and seemingly carry yourself as one. And, as they say, if it looks like a duck (or a lady), and walks like one, a duck (lady!) it must be. I, too, try to reserve my feminine moments for the more refined manners in my life. I refrain from coarse language, belching, scratching, and other such masculine traits while en femme. I sip my wine rather than guzzle my beer, and frown upon picking my nose and flatulating. I don't bother with cigars and golf while enjoying my high heels, pretty dresses, and fine jewelry. In essence, I try to be a lady.

I really liked that passage you wrote:

[SIZE=2]A lady is a woman loved by a man, i.e. a sweetheart, and it follows that the lady you create (or hope to create) is the part of yourself you love the most.[/SIZE]

I admit, however, that the lady in me sometimes fails in her quest at refinement when responding to some of the coarser, foul elements encountered in these halls. I will endeavor to persevere, however, and renew my goals of attaining a ladylike demeanor.

It's been lovely discussing such things with you. Miss Manners must now retire to the kitchen for another swig of vino!



[SIZE=1](Anyone buying any of this? Look....I'm trying!!!)[/SIZE]

[Anne2345]

You can’t become a refined lady unless you have rid yourself of extraneous “material,” in this case those masculine characteristics that are at odds with your longed-for presentation. You need to separate your inherent “self” from your other “self,” or use one to modify the other in a positive fashion.

I could not agree more. As such, while en femme, I attempt to strip away the foul taint of masculinity. I seek to remove the trappings and limitations of masculinity. It is always my intent and hope that after scouring away those horrid and distasteful masculine traits, that all that remains of my being shall be comprised exclusively from sweet, blessed femininity.

Since I, along with other MtF “ladies” are works-in-progress, with differing ideas about personal comfort and our relationship to society, I am still in the process of learning how to become a lady.

I, too, view myself as a work in progress. I have yet to figure out my relationship to society, or to definie my personal comort zone. My zone seems to be slowly increasing, which has a likewise effect upon my relationship to society. So how does it all fit together, and what is my role within? Do I even have a role? Given all of the current unkowns, this girl is definitely a work-in-progress. Unfortunately, there is much progress to necessarily be made before certain answers become self-evident.

Do you crossdress to be a like a lady, or do you wish to become one some day?

I quite enjoy being like a lady! And I look forward to evolving further into the role. In fact, I find the concept of the role becoming a reality quite intriguing and appealing, but that is a different story for a different thread at a different time.

How am I doing? Like I said, it’s a constant struggle for a male to be ladylike.

You are performing well! The air about you is quite dignified, resplendent within the beauty of your presentation, and magnificently perfumed for the enjoyment of all. I think you have offered your self and your piece with dignity and grace. May I pour you a nice cup of tea for your troubles?

[JainaCarpaccio]

Well for my two bits on this subject. I split females into four different grousp which can and do frequently overlap. Women, girls, bitches, and ladies. Women is my broad catch all term for every female, or one with the appearence as such. All such person fit into this category regardless of what other category they match. THe girls are the women who i'm more familiar with and generally consder my freinds.

The last two are dependent on two factors. Attitude and dress. Bitches are the ones who have insufferable attitude, and usually don't bother with their appearence as much. I've seen alot of women, even the girls fall into this position every once in a while, abut i tend to reserve it for the women that are constantly like this.

Every woman has the capability of becoming a lday. THe ladie are those who conduct them selves with propriety and have a neat and groomed appearence. Not necessarily dressed for a black tie (not sure what women use for a refence here) event, but you can see they've put some effort into their appearence.

[vikki2020]

I do know that I like to be treated like a lady, and I do strive to be lady like! When I'm out, it does seem to be working. I am trying to have that same attitude, everyday!

[LeaP]

For me the concept of a lady is as much about granting the assumption as it is about the reality. That is, one may assume the lady, even if she is, well, a tramp. It's a construct of social grace. A woman is treated as a lady, even when the behavior and demeanor don't seem apt, because it promotes ladylike behavior among women and makes gentlemen of men.

Do I crossdress to be a lady? It never occurred to me, odd as that might seem. I crossdress to be me.

Lea

[Tina B.]

I like the definition of Lady from the movie, Blast from the Past, A lady, or gentleman are is defined as a person that always is gracious and tries to make others feel comfortable. A beggar women in a tattered dress, can still be a lady, it comes from within.
Tina B.

[Frédérique]

I realize you think the different font is pretty, but do you need to use the reduced point size?

[SIZE="2"]Are you trying to test my ladylike reserve? :

Tell me – do you NEED to complain about trifles like font size? Rather than discuss what’s bothering you, may I suggest reading How to Have a Life-Style by Quentin Crisp? If you follow my advice, you will find out that the idea of “style” extends to all facets of life, even including issues of font style and size on a CD/TV/TG discussion forum. Of course, my copy of the book has a pretty small typeface, so you may have problems reading it. Come to think of it, you probably can’t read this post, either…
[/SIZE]

It's odd. I've seen other people complain about Frédérique's font, but on my computer it actually looks larger than normal text.

[SIZE="2"]I appreciate the support! I can see things just fine on my laptop… [/SIZE]

I admit, however, that the lady in me sometimes fails in her quest at refinement when responding to some of the coarser, foul elements encountered in these halls. I will endeavor to persevere, however, and renew my goals of attaining a ladylike demeanor. It's been lovely discussing such things with you. Miss Manners must now retire to the kitchen for another swig of vino!

[SIZE="2"]I think it’s all a test, Marla, and becoming a lady takes effort. While I’m in drab I endeavor to be a gentleman as much as possible – since I come from modest means, and I haven’t gone very far from that position, the whole “package” is a bundle of affectations at odds with my true nature. However, trying to be a lady feels real, or valid, rather than artificial. You can choose who you wish to be, just like some people act from a position of self-importance, something they have created in their minds. In a similar vein, I wish to be a lady, and I gather together all of the many influences and observations that have touched me over the years. The clothes I wear have a lot to do with it; in fact my “role” dictates the wardrobe I choose…

PS – Don’t spill any vino on that beautiful dress… [/SIZE]

[Kathi Lake]

Do you crossdress to be a like a lady, or do you wish to become one some day?

I crossdress to be me. While I may never be a lady, I do endeavor to be as ladylike as I can manage. The clothes are simply a vehicle to move me a little more 'left of center' in this task. Like you, my inside may not match my outside, and although I cannot change my outside more than a trivial amount with clothes, makeup, and the like, I can sure change my insides.

Freddy, worry not, my friend. You are a lady through and through.



Kathi

[lexicd89]

As I read your thought provoking post Frédérique, it helps me to confirm the conclusion that I have come too with probably too much free time to think, that is that I'm not sure to what extent of my dressing goes to be lady like or to a lady.

I do feel that we all have the inner persona to be the polite ladylike person we imagine. And tho I'm new here, from reading your posts you are a marvelous lady.
Society has forced the change of how people think about treating each other and I'm not sure the golden rule is as golden as it once was. Maybe in the way we act we can make a change.
Just my two cents

Lexi

[Donna June]

I try to be as ladylike as possible. Just something about the word "lady" intrigues me. Growing up, all the little boys wanted to be policemen, astronauts, ballplayers. I wanted to grow up into a lady....As a male I don't act effeminate, but I am a quiet person, not coarse or vulgar at all and I think part of that is my desire to be ladylike...I try to dress as a lady, but some of my clothing can be quite sexy. I hope I never cross the line. A real lady should not look ****ty, but sexy is different.

[Torrey]

Frederique,

This post, like most of your others, truly makes me think. In doing so, I can confidently say that I have never thought of you as anything other than a lady. I aspire to that myself. I have adopted the "girl" monicker, as it were, on this forum, but I can see how that simply holds me back.

Hugs,
Torrey