it gets better and then what?

[cassandra54]

i am kind of new to this site. it's amazing to see the diversity here. everyone is on different levels, but yet well reach out and offer our support and advice. i feel pretty good about my accomplishments and can tell all of you that it gets better.

buying shoes, glasses wigs and makeup. just do it. you might buy the wrong kind, you might feel embarrassed but it will get better. if you have the money, can meet your obligations then go for it this is only one step along the way and there's a lot more good things waiting ahead.

dealing with your SO, family and friends. you may not be able to or feel comfortable telling them, you might have to conceal it, but work through it. maybe you being en femme is more important than anything you might have in terms of relationships. things will get better.

my case in point. turns out my SO may not be so supportive after all, but i've drawn a line in the sand. this week she said she feels alone when i'm cassandra. i told her to develop a relationship with her. she does not want to go out in public with her, but i am dealing with it in a positive way. there's always talk of a friend or two coming to live with us. i told her they would have to meet and approve of cassandra. i told her, nicely and emphatically that i am not going to stop spending time as cassandra and that she's going to be a part of our lives. i will be a bigger person, help her grow and guide her through this because things will get better and yes there's more.

and here's the more. so i've got the clothes, the wig, the glasses, makeup and shoes. i can dress for two weeks without having to do laundry, as cassandra and her male half have so many clothes. i've been out in public, cassandra has her own e-mail and yahoo messenger. i can be as female as i want to be without pills or surgery pretty much anytime i want when i am not working. this is glorious, fulfilling and give me a sense of peace and calm, but wait there's more.

so here's the part we don't talk too much about. the life part. and what a life it is. whether or not i am cassandra or my male half, i have a life. there are things unique to each of us, like the job my male half has. but there are so many things, like the day to day occurrences, such as doing laundry, cooking dinner, driving a car, going to the bank, paying bills, spending time with family and friends. yes that's all part of life too. no matter who much of a woman we get to be, or life still remains, but the prize is getting to integrate that life with our femme self. i think it's a win-win situation. two people, two different points of view, two different sets of goals , one life together. awesome

[cassandra54]

It sounds like from the start of your post to the end of your post you talked yourself into it. Whatever it is. But have you talked your wife into it?

i'm working on it lol, and yes talking myself into it was not always easy, but i am glad for it.

[kimdl93]

I was thinking about the end of my first marriage today as I was driving....its been years, but it came to mind like thoughts do. It occurred to me that the things that ended that marriage were relatively minor, but became magnified in importance as the two of us drifted apart. I only mention that because, CDing wasn't even among the minor things that ended our marriage. What killed it in the end was the gradual erosion of affection and the accompanying magnification and exaggeration of each others minor flaws (if indeed these flaws existed at all). Looking back, we stopped being present, affectionate and loving.

And I dare say that whether as Cassandra or not, you need to clearly be in your wife's presence. She should not have to feel alone when Cassandra is there. The relationship may be different from when your in male mode, but you need to cultivate a continuing relationship with her as Cassandra or she may no longer find what she needs in the relationship.